How to Get a Girl to Go Home With You

Lead and let it play out. Don't try to control things. The more you try to control or push hard, the more it is going to look gamey and unnatural, and will have less of an impact. For example: planning too much like 'If she says this, I will do or say this' can be too mechanical and gamey. This may not lead you far because you are trying to control the conversation and not enjoying it.

• 'Lead and let it play out' means you lead the conversation by talking about common things and activities that you both find funny, interesting, passionate or enthusiastic about, and then let it take its natural course. For example: You can throw a bunch of topics, that you find interesting, like traveling, favorite things, spirituality, fears, culture, sexuality, interests, history, psychology, comedy, current affairs, cuisines, culture and so on. and see which one sticks. That's why having common interests has great power. Atleast in the beginning. Read section 2 of Get Good at Picking Up Girls for more details on this.
• Bring her into a mutual bubble. Most girls like a guy who can lead. So don't get pulled into her world and supplicate to her or you will, most likely, end up being their gay best friend listening to them complain about other guys or girls or their problems. Plus it is pretty unattractive because it sub-communicates neediness and insufficiency. So instead pull her into a mutual world and talk about things which you 'both' are passionate about, find fun and interesting.
• Don't have this high expectation that whatever you say should be funny or interesting. It's OK to have a normal conversation in between, but if the whole conversation is normal and simple, it may not hook the woman enough. Unless the girl is a 'yes girl'.

Have an interesting, genuine and fun conversation, congruent to your personality. Here are few practices to keep the conversation fun:

• Be polarizing and vulnerable. It means communicating your true personality and intentions with honest communication and not playing roles or games^[6] . This is what helps make genuine connection. In other words, talk about things that you are passionate about and find interesting and fun. Use humor that is in alignment with your personality and not caring if the other person would like it or not. This filters out the people who may not resonate well with you. This applies when interacting with all people and not just women, if you want to make genuine connection with people, as its all interconnected.
  • Note: Although it’s a good idea to not talk right away about sensitive topics like religion, politics, race, etc. until you feel the person. So it helps to polarize subtly to know where the person stands and their state of consciousness. Again, cold approach pickup helps one read people more easily and feel their vibes.
• Also, when you are having fun then the person in your company will, most likely, have fun too because they will feel your vibes. It is highly recommended to read Get Good at Picking Up Girls for more depth
• Listen. Be completely present while interacting someone, that's when creative, intelligent interesting and fun things come spontaneously and naturally. It means don't plan too much in your head what you are going to say or do next. Just be in the moment completely and truly listen to her. Listen with your whole body, as the spiritual expression goes. True listening is a great gift you can give to someone. It also sub-communicates that you don't want anything from the girl and are not treating an interaction as a means to an end or to get her home, but simply allowing "this" moment to be as it is. Which is a powerful practice. Plus, true listening and observing helps you read their body language, pick up a lot of subtle hints and details about women or people in general, which you can use to make inside jokes and recall personal details at the right moments. Thus helping you to make a better connection by making them feel important. That's why sex is usually a by-product of making a good connection with a human being.
• Use 'Us' mentality and roleplay. It can be effective if you do it right. Read section 2 of the article Get Good at Picking Up Girls for more on this.
• Keep it playful and sexual. You need to make it sexual if you want to lead things to the bedroom. For example: talking about what kind of cereal she eats in the morning is not going to get you far unless you can make it interesting or flirtatious. For instance, you can say something like "Maybe I will make breakfast for you someday, or tomorrow morning". If you feel that the girl/woman is cool or would like to know the limits for yourself, you can also be direct and say something like "I just cannot keep my eyes off your nice breasts." or something like "You have a nice butt. God bless America". Subtle and/or explicitly funny/sexual compliments and conversation, with common sense, courage and after realizing the level of reciprocity, can arouse girls/women quickly, as it helps them quickly know your personality and visualize how intimacy with you is going to be like. It also sub-communicates that you are not shy about talking sexually. This can help girls open up more.
• You can also be subtle and slowly polarizing with the girls to know if they are compatible with your sense of humor. This is quite yielding in the long run as quickly you will know which girls will be compatible with you. For example: You can make a light joke which you find funny like "You know Gandhi said 'Love is trash, people need cash?" or "Have you noticed when you lose the remote you lose trust in everyone?", and see if the girl finds it funny.
• You can also slowly physically escalate (more about this later in the article) like touch her elbow or hold her hand and see if she's receptive. If she is, then up your polarization and physical escalation steadily. If she isn't, even after a few tries, then there's a possibility you may not be compatible with her or she's a No girl or not interested.

Keep a gentle but focused eye contact. It's very important to make good eye contact with women, as it not only makes you look confident and sparks attraction but also helps you subconsciously convey your true intentions, which are communicated far more than your words^[7] . For example: Your eye contact with a girl you want to exclusively date would not be the same with the girl with whom you just want to have sex. Plus, it's polarizing because if your gaze conveys your intentions well, it can help you recognize the girls who are attracted to you and/or have the same intention as you.

• Also trustworthy and honest people generally maintain a gentle and/or friendly eye contact. Exception to this is psychopaths, extremely competitive people, people coming from some culture where it’s a sign or disrespect etc^[8] .

Escalate physically with a little dominance and persistence. It is gold if you know how to escalate physically, especially during the night. As it is not only highly polarizing but also can turn a girl on pretty quickly. It’s because when you physically escalate, it sub-communicates to the women that they are wanted or needed, which is a strong turn on for women.^[9] . As, generally speaking, sexual triggers for women are more psychological than visual.

• In the beginning, you can practice progressive escalation with common sense. Like gently touching her elbow or grab her hand or hug her to detect the level of receptivity from the girl/woman. If she's fine with it or doesn't pull away or says a firm No, you can smooth your way to her shoulders and maybe give her a little back and neck massage. Of course, while having a normal, fun and/or sexual conversation. Although, don't think she's not aware of your escalation. Usually, women are aware and allow the physical escalation to happen because they find it attractive, arousing and dominating.
• Then you can wrap your arm around her shoulders and start massaging them. You can also slide your hand down to her waist and then with calm assertiveness pull her body closer to yours. In case she questions or pulls away, you can say something like "your body is so smooth and soft that I can't keep my hands off of you" or "The cloth of your top is so soft and silky." However, if she's receptive, then go for the kiss and kiss her cheek, if she turns her head.
• Being persistent with common sense helps a lot, as females, even though they like it, may deny you reluctantly because they feel that you and/or other people are judging them. So being persistent in a non-reactive way is important, as it can help you maneuver through resistance the woman is offering. Be alert to see how she is resisting. If it is aggressive, firm, clear and quick then it is a sign to not escalate further and the woman could be a 'No' girl.
• Keep a balance: Don't physically escalate too much or too fast(unless you know what are doing), else she will most likely feel repelled and sexual attraction may diminish. This balance usually comes with experience and after some or many failed attempts. Depending upon your personality and learning curve. Meditation also helps.
• You can also be sneaky like "Hey, let me read your palm", when she gives you her hand, you can say something like "I just wanted to hold your hand" or continue to fake read the palm.
• If you want to be bolder, you can just go straight for the kiss, if you feel she is receptive or just want to know the boundaries for yourself. It works best in the nighttime. This is 'high-risk high gain' action and requires courage. Most women, who are not interested, will just deny you. Read Make Out with a Random Girl for more on this.

Shuffle (or walk) her to different locations. When you shuffle or bounce her to different places, you will feel you have been to many places together. Which psychologically would make both of you feel more comfortable with each other in less time. This is classic, as usually during business meetings, businessmen shuffle their clients to different places like restaurants, ice cream parlors, showing them around, dinners etc. This is to make their clients feel more comfortable and build a rapport. So try to shuffle her with you from one place/bar/club/restaurant to another, instead of just sitting or staying at one place. You can also use excuses like "Lets go to that side of the bar as it is quieter", "We can go to the 'XYZ' bar/park as it has a great view of the city", "I am a little hungry. Let’s go eat at someplace" etc. Also, shuffling helps you come up with various conversation topics due to the changing environment around you.

• Also, again, lead during the interaction and/or when you are shuffling, and don't let her lead you (unless its necessary such as walking through a congested place), which is unattractive and sub-communicates neediness and inadequacy. For example: If she says "Let me go get a drink." then you can grab her hand and say something like "Let's go get you a drink", lead her to the bar and then order it for her(You dont necessarily have to pay).
  • Exception to this is Dom females. Which is a minute fraction of women.

Be persistent in showing your interest. It's necessary, not just important, that you are persistent. Even though girls want to have sex with you and/or date you, many have the same collective societal conditioning which may make them feel immoral (unconsciously or subconsciously), if they go home with you or show interest in you. So you may have to wade through the puddle of societal and personal conditioning by being persistent, non-reactive, keeping it fun and subconsciously conveying that you are a non-judgmental person who sees her the same as yourself i.e. a human being.

• This comes naturally when you are in touch with your inner space.
• Use common sense. When she says 'No', listen to her tone and watch her behavior. If she means it, back off. There are plenty of other women. Move on. Learn to handle rejections.
• It helps a lot to sub-communicate, from the beginning itself, that you are a non-judgmental person. Like talking normally after kissing, giving her warm hugs in between, touching her, holding her hand, sliding her hair behind her ear, making fun of the situation, playful banter or teasing, having a genuine and interesting conversation etc. This helps a lot in the long run as it can help prevent things like excuses, flakes, ghosting, last minutes resistance, pushing you away, etc. To be truly non-judgmental, you need to dissolve the ego.

Keep her on her toes. If you sense that the conversation is going dull, do or say something to keep her on her toes. For example: spin her around, find another common interest or conversation topic that you find interesting, skip the small talk and go straight to deeper conversation which you find resonating, lock your hands with her (physical escalation), bring your face closer to her to create sexual tension, shuffle her, play games (rock, paper and scissor, thumb war, trivia, arm wrestling etc.), use sexual humor, take her to dance or some place, etc. Read Get Good at Picking Up Girls

• This is important, especially during evening or nighttime or in high energy environments such as bars, clubs, concerts, events etc., as there is so much going on. So you would have to take the lead and make it interesting and fun or you will most likely to get blown off. At the same time, it doesn't mean to force it. Make sure You find it fun or intriguing first. So polarize.
• That's why it's so important to have fun and talk about things that you find amusing and interesting. How can you expect to keep her engaged when You are not having fun? You should be the first person you need to entertain and if they feel entertained too, that's what builds a connection.
• Also, it's extremely helpful to be funny. Yes, it takes practice to come up with interesting, witty and funny things to say or do. So it helps to watch stand-ups, funny TV shows, have interesting hobbies, travel, view memes or funny videos etc. Read section 2 of Get Good at Picking Up Girls for more on this.

Dance. Guys who can dance are usually more attractive to girls than guys who don't. Search online to learn some moves or simply copy the moves of the people around you. There are many women who are out for the night just to dance, so having the same mindset, to an extent, also helps. Also, dancing with girls provides a great opportunity to escalate physically like grinding, touching, hugging, kissing etc. which can turn girls on pretty quickly without you having to say a lot of words. This is the power of physical escalation. Be honest though - you're not out for the night just to dance if your actual intention is to pull a girl home.

Give her an excuse to come/go home or to the next location with you. Set up the scene; don't make it forced. In most cases, you cannot just say 'Let's go to your/my place and have sex', unless the she is openly comfortable with the idea of having sex. So you may have to give her excuses or go to buffer places to get her home. For example, You can say something like 'Let's go to that diner (or lounge). They offer delicious fried rice (or drinks)', or 'Let's go to your place; I will give you the best oil/lotion massage you have ever had in your entire life', Let's go to my place and I will show you the aquarium (or whatever it is) that we were talking about', 'Let's go to my place for the after party. I will make you a cocktail which tastes like 'elixir(exaggerate) etc. Even if you don't have anything interesting to show or cook, you can still find a good reason to bring her back. In most cases, she won't even ask about it after getting to your place.

• Taking the women to buffer places like some restaurant or lounge can help simmer down the energy and help you get to know them better, especially in the night. Which helps deepen the connection that helps prevent issues like last minute resistance, uncertainty, hesitation etc. However, it can also mess up your chances to have sex, as tipsy women are easier to have sex with. So be discrete.
• If the girl still display resistance like, "What if you turned out to be a killer or a rapist?", then make it fun and don’t react. For example: try to flip the script with something like, "Hold on! what if you killed me and tossed my body in the alley... Now I am scared". Again the mindset "I want you but I don't need you" helps a lot.
• Although you need to make a good connection with a girl to get to this point. Again, keep in mind that pulling a girl home is not straightforward. It's a 'dirty' business and can be quite challenging. However, if you embrace or accept the challenges and roadblocks rather than resisting them, it can be quite amusing and rewarding in the long run. Challenges drive you deeper^[10] .

Take it easy. Many guys get too excited or anxious, become too defensive and start playing it safe during this phase. Remember, it's a journey and not a means to an end. Remain patient and use the momentum you built before during the conversation with her.

• For example: When you are in a car or walking to your or her place, touch her playfully or sexually, talk dirty (if that's your thing), gently bite or kiss her neck, or simply continue to have normal fun and/or sexual conversation, to maintain sexual tension and connection.

Keep a balance 'If we had sex, that's good. If we didn't, that's fine too.'. This attitude helps a lot to keep you non-needy and attract things and people in your life. This is also keeping in alignment with the universal law that says "Abundance comes to those who already have it.". It is because when you are feeling non-needy and/or content and/or having fun, you are sending a message to the Universe that you are abundant already in this moment; which you are in the core of your being. You become like a sea to where all things flow. That's when favorable occurrences, things and people almost certainly come to you.

• “All things flow to the sea because it’s lower than they are. Humility gives it its power.” Tao Te Ching.
• Traditionally speaking, it takes practice and experience to develop this kind of mindset. Here are few practices that can help:
  • Approach, genuinely interact and go on dates with less attractive women from time to time. Along with developing a non-needy mindset, this practice can help with things like gaining reference experience, giving without any expectations, seeing people beyond their looks, lowering your expectations, holding a conversation etc. This doesn't mean forcing yourself to talk and go on dates with less attractive females. If you don't find them attractive, it's possible that you may not have a good conversation with them because your motivation level will not be high and your mind will offer resistance. Considering that most guys are visually stimulated or looks oriented.^[11] . However, just be aware and open towards this idea. As awareness will eventually take you beyond the disproportionate attraction or pull towards physical looks. Which helps you make a deeper connection with a human being.
  • Be grateful for what you have. Acknowledge the good in your life.
  • Go out often to give your mind proof that there are plenty of attractive females out there who are interested in you.
• However, the best way to become truly non-needy is to deeply realize that no experience, sexual pleasure, relationship, thrill or possession can satisfy you, except temporarily. That's when things, experiences, pleasures and the world lose their significance and importance that they don't have. Their transient and ultimately unsatisfactory nature is recognized more clearly. That's when true peace and joy arise from the core of your Being. Of course, it doesn’t mean to not value, honor and appreciate things.
• Also, It helps immensely to inhabit your inner body to be truly non-needy and composed. Through your inner body you are One with the peace and joy of Universe.

Keep the same flirtatious vibe going. Don't play it safe. The moment you played it safe, you are done. She agreed to come home with a guy who was charming, fun and confident when you met, not some impatient and "play-safe" person. Again, be patient and don't make the Now as a means to an end.

• Talk to her the same way when you met her, or at least become aware to detect yourself playing roles, making it as a means to an end and playing safe. As awareness helps to dissolve the role-playing mental patterns and snap you out of it. Read section 5 of Get Good at Picking Up Girls for more.

Keep your place ready. The environment of your place plays a great role in setting the tone. It is essential to prepare your place before a pull. You do not want to show her an untidy, unclean, and smelly place. So clean and tidy up your place thoroughly and regularly. For example: vacuum/broom and mop the floors, clean the sink and toilet, wipe and/or clean dust off furniture, wash your clothes and bedding regularly, no hair scattered around, no miscellaneous stuff or clothes lying around etc. Also, use air freshener.

• Make sure you have alcohol at your place, especially when you are coming home from a club or bar, as you may want to keep the mood going. Fix her a drink, if she wants one.

Keep the playlist ready. Create a playlist with music congruent to your personality but less energy and BPM. It's like you are slowing down a car gradually not abruptly. Play the playlist when you get home. You can also use your phone to play music, if you are at her place. Take advantage of apps like Pandora or Spotify or YouTube. It’s ok if she wants to play some of her favorite songs.

• Dance with her. If that's your thing, then dance with her slowly.

Make her feel comfortable. Keep the same flirtatious vibe going. It helps to keep a few other things at your place to make the women more comfortable, like an extra toothbrush, candles, baby wipes, extra towel and pillows, fluffy bed sheets, chap-stick, water near the bed, etc.

Sit next to her and continue with the physical escalation. At this stage girls usually reciprocate.

• Offer her a massage. This massively reduces the 'last minute resistance' because it turns on females and help them relax and loosen up quickly.
• Take off your clothes first, as you are kissing, but be aware that the she's is comfortable with it. Read Hook Up with a Girl for more on this.
• However "when in doubt whip it out". This is a low-risk high-gain action.

Stop making excuses to avoid approaching women. A lot of guys have these excuses like 'She is not hot enough', 'She is with her friends', 'I don't feel like approaching', 'She's not my type', 'Let me get a drink and then I will do it' and other similar excuses. Most of these excuses are nonsense. For instance: if she can turn you on while she is naked in bed, she is attractive. In fact approaching and talking to less attractive and/or older girls (generally speaking, as looks and age are subjective) not only helps lessen your approach anxiety but also gets you in a social mood a lot faster, as chances of holding a conversation with them are usually higher. In addition, it helps you to lower your expectations, maintain social mood and see the "sameness of bearing before all human beings", as Eckhart Tolle puts it.

• Lower your expectation. Expanding on to the last step. It helps a lot to lower your expectations. Many guys have these high and sometimes irrational expectations that they need to score or go home with 10s or 9s or 8s regularly. Which leads to increase in their anxiety level, mental-emotional inertia (which doesn't let them take action), being lonely for long periods of time, judging less attractive women and themselves, because what you do to others, you do to yourself. These unrealistic expectations are partly due to watching porn, mental and cultural conditioning, glamorized TV shows/movies, bad advice from friends and people close to you, viewing photo-shopped pictures, etc.
  • Here's a practical way to see it: When you start playing a new game, it’s recommended to set difficulty level as easy and then steadily increase the difficulty. Similarly, don't miss out on opportunities to go on dates and/or have sex with less attractive women. This also gives you a lot of reference experience. We spoke about this earlier. This is just a guideline, as some people can quickly pickup the game and others not as quickly. Since everyone's different.

Give yourself value. How can you expect girls to enjoy your company when you can't enjoy your own company? When you give yourself value, you naturally give other people value too and hence become more attractive. Here are a few practices to give yourself value.

• Be comfortable in your own skin. Embrace or accept what you have, good or bad. As when you truly accept, you naturally become less gamey, more real, honest and vulnerable. It is because you are not "protecting" yourself by constructing a psychological shield made of concepts and beliefs, which doesn't work anyway in the long run and adds to the pain. Thus you naturally come across as more attractive and real to most people who have some depth in them. Its because acceptance of 'what-is' gives way for your true power to shine through.
• Take good care of yourself. Meditation, following your passions, physical workout, healthy diet, etc. help a lot. How can you expect to perform well in life, when you are not physically and mentally sound?

Believe in your core that you deserve a partner or get intimacy, if that's what you want.

• Dissolve the mental-emotional patterns of inadequacy and lack of Entitlement. Detect and allow the thoughts or self-limiting beliefs that say 'you are not good enough' or 'she is so out of my league', 'I am not attractive enough', 'She will reject me' etc. Let them be. This 'lack of entitlement', inadequacy and negativity will dissolve naturally if you just allow these mind created thoughts, patterns and emotions to be without resistance, reacting and deeply realizing that you are not your mind.
  • If allowing the self-limiting beliefs is not easy then replace these self-pity and demotivating thoughts with affirmations and/or constructive action. For example: when negative thoughts like "She's so out of my league" or "I am not feeling it" arise then immediately replace them with affirmations or actions like "You deserve it" or "I am worthy", "Lets talk to her", "Let's see if its really true." etc.
  • Another practical pointer is to approach and talk to women often, to collect evidence that women, even a few, are friendly, nice and are actually attracted to you. In fact, men are lucky that a good number of women are not into looks as much as them^[12] . For example: It is a common sight in cities to see less attractive guys going out with hot girls. Be practical though and use this evidence as long as it motivates you and drop it when it starts causing psychological (mental and emotional) pain. Plus, generally speaking, women are nicer than men. Read the last step of article Become Mentally Flexible for more on this.
• It certainly helps to keep a balance between relationship, health and wealth to counter lack of entitlement. Read step 2 of section 6 of the article Get Good at Picking Up Girls for more.
• Although, the best practice to dissolve self-limiting beliefs and to be non-needy is deeply realize that [Know Your True Self|in your essence]] you are already perfect and complete Now. And the best way to know that is to realize that you are not your mind. This helps bring an inner shift and that's what is reflected in the world around you. As the world is just a reflection of your inner state.^[13]
• You will also realize this truth as you practice feeling your inner-body as much as you can.

Be in touch with your inner self as much as you can. There is something within you that never changes regardless of the transient circumstances of your life. That's your true self. It is very effective to keep part of your attention within your inner body or sense perceptions or breath while doing anything. As this will rapidly transform and deepen your life. Read Stay Rooted in Being for more depth.

Embrace the moment. Be open to whatever arises within in the moment, i.e thoughts and emotions of awkwardness, joy, intensity, overwhelm, fear, anxiety, frustration, exhilaration, etc. Embrace or accept it completely without any judgments. In more direct words, accept whatever arises at "this" moment as if you have chosen it.

• Emotions and circumstances are just ripples on the surface, but you are the ocean. Read Stay Rooted in Being for more depth on this.