How to Be Comfortable in Your Own Skin

Co-authored by Guy Reichard

Last Updated: December 7, 2022 References Approved

Do you tend to hang back, stay quiet, and try not to put yourself out there? Don’t worry – plenty of people don’t feel comfortable in their own skin. But that can stop today. You have a lot to offer, and you have to start putting yourself out there if you want to see results. So how can you feel comfortable in your own skin? Just follow along to find out.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Embracing Yourself

1
Embrace your unique qualities. Feeling different from other people is normal. What’s difficult is accepting and embracing your differences and standing by who you are. Start by getting to really know yourself; what you like doing, what makes you feel happy, and what sets you apart from other people. Then work on accepting that other people may not always accept or understand those things, and that is okay.^{[1]
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- Think of your unique qualities as some of your most important features. They are the things that make you who you are, and help you stand out as an individual.
2
Take care of your body. Make sure to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep, to shower daily, and to pay attention to hygiene.^{[2]
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Research source}^{[3]
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Research source} You may not feel comfortable in your own skin because you’re always feeling tired or unhappy with the way you feel. Taking the time to maintain your health can help you fix that. Take long baths. Pamper yourself. Make sure to eat three balanced meals a day. All of this will make you feel happier to be who you are, and happier about sharing that with the world.
- Taking care of your body doesn’t mean putting on makeup and looking like a model when you leave the house. It just means giving your body the time and effort it deserves.
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Spend time with people who make you feel good.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source} A big part of embracing who you are and feeling comfortable in your own skin is being around people who support you and make you feel good about yourself. Dump those toxic friends who are always bringing you down, being negative, and ignoring you in favor of their own narcissism. Work on hanging out with the people who compliment you, care about how you feel, and treat you with care and love.
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Look confident to feel confident. People who aren’t comfortable in their own skin walk in to a room like they don’t belong there and tend to keep a low profile. The next time you walk into a room, keep your head high, smile, and sit in a chair like it’s your favorite comfy chair at home. Though you shouldn’t kick your feet up at a new person’s home, treat the place like your own living room, and be comfortable inhabiting a new space. People will be able to tell that you feel like you belong there, and like you’ve earned your place there.^{[5]
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- If you project confidence in a new situation, you’ll be much more likely to feel it. Some ways to show confidence in your body language include:^{[6]
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  - Holding your head high
  - Standing or sit tall with good posture
  - Keeping your shoulders back and your chest out
  - Avoiding fidgeting or tapping
  - Remaining open by not crossing your arms across your chest
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Learn to love yourself. Truly loving yourself can take a lifetime, so why not start today? Be comfortable with the way you look, smell, sound, act, and react to situations. Work on finding a happiness from within and letting it radiate out. If you don’t love yourself, then it won’t matter how many other people do. It’s just like thinking that you’re beautiful – you have to feel it first before it matters if anyone else does. Give yourself enough “me time” to learn to really love the person you are, to do the things that matter to you, and to quiet your mind so you can focus on what’s right in front of you.
- If you’re feeling really overwhelmed by the world, give yourself a day of silence to avoid television, the Internet, your phone, or any other distractions. Focus on just inhabiting your own mind and body.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Changing Your Perspective

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Think positively. You may think that some people are just naturally more positive than others. That’s not necessarily wrong, but don’t let negative thinking keep you from making a decision to be more positive. If you want to feel comfortable in your own skin, then you have to start thinking about the best thing that can happen to you instead of always expecting the worst. Any time you catch yourself thinking negatively, fight your negative thoughts with at least two or three positive ones. Make an effort to replace your negative thoughts with positive ones^{[7]
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Research source} and to expect good things to happen to you; the more you expect good things to happen, the more they will.
- Let’s say you’re going to a party where you won’t know a lot of people. If you catch yourself thinking, “I’m probably going to spend all of my time hanging out alone by the pita and hummus,” you should alter this negative thought. Instead tell yourself, “Maybe I’ll make a new friend tonight,” or “I’ll have a great time catching up with the few people I know.”
- Positive thinking can help you feel happier and have less stress.^{[8]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Mayo Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  Go to source}
2
Practice acceptance and improvement. Accepting who you are does not mean that you have to give up on improving yourself.^{[9]
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Research source} If there is an aspect of your life that you would like to change, then set goals for yourself to help you get there. You can work for change while still accepting where you are in the moment.
- If, for example, you feel uncomfortable talking to new people, accept that about yourself. Say “I am not always comfortable talking to new people, and that is okay.” Then set a goal for change. Your goal could be, “I will talk to someone I don’t know twice every week.” Next time you’re waiting for an elevator or standing in line at a store, strike up a conversation with someone. These baby steps will help you change your level of comfort over time.
- Another example that people often struggle with is weight loss. Many people who feel that they need to lose weight are unhappy with their bodies as they are. However, accepting and loving your body as it is could actually help you lose weight.^{[10]
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3
Compliment yourself. You may suddenly feel great about yourself when someone tells you that you look amazing, or when a friend compliments an aspect of your personality. But the compliments will come and the compliments will go, and at the end of the day, your self-worth shouldn’t depend on what other people say about you, whether it’s good or bad. You should be able to accept compliments from others graciously—and genuinely believe them, but you should also get used to complimenting yourself.^{[11]
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Recovery.org
Resource run by the American Addiction Centers organization providing people with educational resources about substance abuse
Go to source}
- You can also work on giving other people compliments when it feels right. Feel good about making other people feel good.
4
Develop your confidence. Being confident is the key to feeling comfortable in your own skin, and it’s obviously easier said than done. Confidence comes from within, and developing your confidence means feeling good about who you are, where you are, and what you have to bring to the table.^{[12]
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Research source} If you can’t stand what you see in the mirror and feel like you have nothing to contribute to a conversation, then you can’t move forward. Work on finding at least a few things that you love about yourself, and with being happy with how you look instead of getting lost in self-consciousness.
- Developing confidence takes a lifetime. But you can’t start until you make a commitment to start changing the way you feel about yourself.
- Make a list of your positive attributes. You can add to the list every day, or a few times a week. If you do something that makes you feel good about yourself, add it to the list.
5
Keep a gratitude journal. Keeping track of things and people for which you are grateful can have a profound effect on your life.^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source} The journal, and practicing gratitude generally, can help you feel happier and more confident about who you are.^{[14]
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Research source} It helps your perspective become more positive, as it makes you focus more on the good things in your life.^{[15]
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Expert Source

Dawn Smith-Camacho
Career & Life Coach
Expert Interview. 13 May 2020.}
- Each day, write down at least one thing that you feel grateful for. When you're feeling down, take out your journal and read through it to remind yourself of all the good things in your life.^{[16]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Greater Good Magazine
  Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
  Go to source}
6
Think of yourself as a beautiful person. It’s great if your boyfriend, best friends, and everyone around you thinks you’re beautiful, but that doesn’t matter one bit if you’re convinced that you’re ugly. Even a supermodel can feel completely insecure and inadequate, and what you think on the inside is much more important than how people view you on the outside. Know that the first step to feeling beautiful is really thinking that you are beautiful, just as you are. If other people agree, then great, but in the end, it really makes no difference.
- Look in the mirror and think, “Wow, my hair looks great today!” Or, “My eyes look pretty in this light.” Or, better yet, “I can see kindness in my smile and joy in my eyes.”
- If you start to think you’re beautiful, people will be able to sense that. And guess what? That will make you even more beautiful.
7
Honor your strengths. Everyone has different strengths; the key to honoring yours is identifying them,^{[17]
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Research source} then nurturing them. Keeping a positive focus on your strengths will help you maintain a positive outlook and feel more comfortable with who you are.
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Meditate.^{[18]
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Research source} Meditating can help you feel more comfortable in your own skin because it will help you feel attuned to your body and your breath. Take 10-15 minutes a day to sit down in a comfortable place, and work on relaxing every part of your body one at a time. Focus on the sound and feeling of your breath rising in and out of your body and let all of the noise and worries of the day melt away. This will help you feel calmer and more comfortable with who you are, and will help you get rid of all of those distractions that can crowd your days.
- Make a habit of meditating at least once or twice a day and you’ll quickly be able to see what a big difference it makes.
- If mediation works for you, you can also try yoga. Yoga also lets you focus on your mind and body and adds movement to your thinking.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Making Lifestyle Changes

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Find your passion. Finding something that you’re passionate about and allowing yourself to incorporate that passion into your life can help you feel happier and more confident. Find your passion by reflecting on your interests, identifying what makes you lose track of time, and thinking about the things you loved doing as a child.^{[20]
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- If you're not sure what your passion is, commit to writing down everything that makes you feel lit up or energized for a whole week. Don't leave anything out, no matter how small it is. At the end of the week, read over the list, and see if it gives you any insight into what makes you feel happy as a person.^{[21]
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  Expert Source
  
  Dawn Smith-Camacho
  Career & Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 May 2020.}
- Once you have found a passion, work on it. If you think of passion as a muscle that needs working to strengthen, rather than as an object or a thing you find,^{[22]
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  Research source} you will more effectively develop your passion.
2
Dance. Dancing can help you take possession of your body, let loose, and feel comfortable with who you are. Various kinds of dancing in vastly different groups of people have consistently shown increased happiness and lower stress.^{[23]
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Research source} This can translate into a boost in confidence.
- Not sure where to start? Sign up for a beginner’s dance class. Don’t like classes? Close your curtains, crank up the music, and have a solo dance party in your home. Need guidance at home? Get a dance-based exercise DVD or find a YouTube video of a beginner dance class.
3
Get creative. Being creative can help you improve your self-worth, find feelings you didn’t know you had, and feel great about what you have to offer to the world. While it takes confidence to embrace creativity, creativity also boosts confidence.^{[24]
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Research source} Even if you don’t think you’re the creative type, you may end up surprising yourself. Write a poem. Get some colored pencils and sketch a landscape. Take a ceramics class. Take an interpretive movement class. Try songwriting. Do something completely out of your comfort zone and see what you come up with. Getting creative will help you see the world in a new way and will make you more comfortable with who you are.
- Make time for creativity in your life. If you’re stuck in a cycle of sleep, work, do household chores, repeat, you’re unlikely to feel fulfilled. Setting aside time for play and creativity can make you feel happier, which can help you feel more comfortable in your own skin.
4
Exercise.^{[25]
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Research source} You don’t need to have a six-pack or to be in top shape to put some time into exercise each week. Working out for just half an hour a day or an hour every other day will improve your mood, keep your heart strong, and make you feel better about the way you look and feel. Even taking a 20 minute walk every day can help you feel better about getting out of the house, and improve your mindset just by being in the fresh air.
- Choose activity over inactivity whenever you can. Walk 15 minutes to the grocery store instead of driving. Walk to the fourth floor of your office building instead of taking the elevator. These small changes can make a big difference.
- If you find it hard to motivate yourself to work out on your own, take a yoga or barre class with a friend, or join a team sport. Exercise can be a social thing, too.
5
Make laughter a bigger part of your life. Anyone can stand to laugh more. Whether you’re cracking jokes, hanging out with people who make you laugh, or watching at least one comedy a week, the more you laugh, the more comfortable you’ll feel about being yourself. You can feel happier and have less anxiety, which can lower your stress levels and improve your health.^{[26]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source} Smiling more has also been shown to improve your mood and make you laugh more readily.^{[27]
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- When you’re truly laughing, you won’t be able to stop and doubt yourself. True laughter will make you embrace the moment and feel happy being yourself.

Expert Q&A

Question

Will I ever be comfortable in my own skin?

Dawn Smith-Camacho
Career & Life Coach
Dawn Smith-Camacho is the Owner of Whole Life Solutions, a business in which Dawn provides professional speaking on effective decision-making and navigating major changes for entrepreneurs and employees. She also supports individual coaching clients by identifying their core values, managing time, prioritizing, and honing in on their ideal path. Her clients include Vistage, UNICEF, the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the Wedding Industry Professionals Association (WIPA), NACE, and Oracle.

Dawn Smith-Camacho

Career & Life Coach

Expert Answer

You definitely can be. Sometimes, other people's criticisms or expectations can make you question yourself. Try to remember that other people's opinions don't define you, and you're the person who ultimately knows what's best for yourself. Also, when you're working on something about yourself, keep in mind that it's a process. Be patient with yourself, and don't expect things to change overnight. Instead, just try to work on doing a little better each day.
Question

Why aren't I comfortable in my own skin?

Guy Reichard
Executive Life Coach
Guy Reichard is an Executive Life Coach and the Founder of HeartRich Coaching & Training, a professional life coaching and inner leadership training provider based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He works with people to create more meaning, purpose, well-being, and fulfillment in their lives. Guy has over 10 years of personal growth coaching and resilience training experience, helping clients enhance and transform their inner worlds, so they can be a more positive and powerful influence on those they love and lead. He is an Adler Certified Professional Coach (ACPC), and is accredited by the International Coach Federation. He earned a BA in Psychology from York University in 1997 and a Master of Business Administration (MBA) from York University in 2000.

Guy Reichard

Executive Life Coach

Expert Answer

If one doesn’t feel comfortable in their own skin, it’s possible they hold a distorted view or belief of who they really are and/or put too much stock into what anyone else might think about them. To be truly comfortable in our own skin, we need to realize the truth of who we really are – a being worthy of love and acceptance – and that we are safe and free to be who we are. This is the shift in perspective needed. How to change or shift that perspective? Recognize that whenever you’re uncomfortable in your own skin, you’re probably holding on to a view of yourself that just isn’t true and isn’t serving you and encourage yourself to embrace the perspective that you are safer and better off being who you really are.
Question

How can I be more comfortable with myself?

Dawn Smith-Camacho
Career & Life Coach
Dawn Smith-Camacho is the Owner of Whole Life Solutions, a business in which Dawn provides professional speaking on effective decision-making and navigating major changes for entrepreneurs and employees. She also supports individual coaching clients by identifying their core values, managing time, prioritizing, and honing in on their ideal path. Her clients include Vistage, UNICEF, the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the Wedding Industry Professionals Association (WIPA), NACE, and Oracle.

Dawn Smith-Camacho

Career & Life Coach

Expert Answer

A lot of that comes down to developing an awareness of what is yours to control, and what isn't. Most anxiety comes from trying to control things, so accepting what we can't control can help us be happier.

Warnings

You are going to have to step out of a normal routine that may make you uneasy but trust yourself and know that it is worth it!

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