How to Get Good at Picking Up Girls

Make a genuine connection. Most guys "want" something from girls. It could be sex, social status, physical intimacy, "cure" for their loneliness, affection, showing off, etc. Even if they get it, they don't feel satisfied. Why? It's because the human mind is inherently needy or insatiable. It always wants something, not realizing that no possession, relationship, pleasure, experience or achievement can provide it a long lasting fulfillment.^[10] Read last step of How to Stop Being Needy for more insight. Here's the deeper truth: in essence, she's a human being like you. This means they have been through phases of suffering and happiness, have a life story, have passions, interests, likes and dislikes, fears, desires and most importantly, in essence, you both are the same. Isn't that enough to make you curious and try to make a deep connection with them? The deeper you go into it, the more you will realize that sex or physical intimacy is just a by-product of true communication. Dropping the small talk and jumping to deeper conversations is also polarizing.

• "Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." - Tao Te Ching.
• Here are a few conversation topics that can help in the beginning: passions, childhood, goals, personality, traveling, sense of humor, ups and downs in life, current affairs, interests, ambition, and favorite things. Watch the linked video for more details. 36 questions
• When you truly realize the essence of who you are, it becomes immensely easier to make a deep connection with people, because in subtle or apparent ways they will be naturally drawn to you, if they already have some depth in them. Also, only in this state can you relate to others on a level deeper than movement of thoughts.
  • "When you realize where you come from, you naturally become disinterested, kind hearted as a grandmother. Dignified as a King." Tao Te Ching.
• At the same time, be practical. Yes, most of the guys are result-oriented, which means that getting laid is a great motivator and end goal for them. So instead of 'trying' to make a deep genuine connection, which doesn't work anyway, simply be aware of this to naturally internalize it into your game, as you explore its benefits in the long run. Or try it as an experiment to see if it works for you or not and then adapt it into your game (as you will read in section 3).

Remember that honest communication of intentions is important. Even if you are making a deep connection with a woman, you may not necessarily want to commit to her, and this should be communicated through your intentions, so she doesn't feel led. In other words, sub-communication (body language, tone, vibe etc.) should be in alignment with your intentions. Or else it will come as in-genuine.

• In the long run, it's about your priorities. What are your intentions and what is more important to you? Is it physical looks, sex, showing off, relationship, meaningful connection or all of them and to what degree? Be very honest, as intentions are communicated far more than your words. Only knowing and accepting this will take you beyond the egoic states of desire and fear. This means that if you are into looks and/or your goal is to have sex, then be honest and act in alignment with your intentions rather than try to hide or suppress them. However, simply be aware that your actions are motivated from your desire to have sex with hot women. As mere awareness will eventually take you beyond this disproportionate attraction towards physical looks and your unrealistic expectations.
• Either way, no trying. Although, if you are trying then don't force yourself to not try. We will talk about this later.

Understand romantic connection. Romance has a very high value for women because of the fundamental idea it's based upon. In ancient times, men were the ones who used to provide for the family while women used to rear children and take care of the house. Even though people are slowly coming out of it, as many environments support "self-dependence", the majority of the people still have the same conditioning.^[11] Romantic connection implies to a woman that a man will be there for her when she needs him. That's what makes it so powerful and rare. This is something to become aware of. However, again, make sure you don't lead women, if your intentions are not romantic.

Make a habit of talking to “older” and/or "less attractive" girls or even guys when you go out. As you have better chances to stay longer in a conversation with them. Which makes it easier to practice having a normal fun and genuine conversation with people without wanting anything or any other thing you need to experiment or practice. Thus helping you to improve your social skills and develop non-neediness. This practice not only help you to perceive people beyond their looks but also has potential to change and dissolve your preconceived concepts, biases and paradigms that cause a lot of suffering and inertia. It also helps you to gain reference experience and lower your unrealistic expectations, if you want to see it that way.

• Plus, it's a practical way to get yourself in a social mood and sustain it, especially when you are out solo because sometimes, at the venue, you may not find enough women to talk.
• So when you approach that hot girl you find attractive, you are already in a more fun and confident state. Polarizing doesn't always mean to move on to other girls because you realize that you are not going to be compatible with them and/or they are hot enough for you.
• Keep in mind that seeing people through concepts or beliefs on the basis of their looks, age or background and other traits is not only limiting yourself and others but also missing "not so often" opportunities to meet some genuinely cool people and know their life experiences. By following this practice, you may have experiences and conversations that can change your current paradigms and mindset for good. Which can put you on a fast track and can cut down years of effort and frustration. This is one of the reasons why you should not reject the opportunities to interact or go on meetups or dates with girls who are taken and/or are less attractive and/or older than you.
• “When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly. When people see some things as good, other things become bad." Tao Te Ching.
• Again, at the same time, be practical about it. Yes, attraction towards good-looking girls/women is a great motivator.^[9] . So it's fine to use this motivation to approach and date hot girls, but at the same time, to go beyond it, be aware that the motivation, which is conditioned, is coming from attraction towards their fleeting physical looks. Else you will remain stuck at that level and won't be able to go beyond the disproportionate magnetic pull towards looks. Read last step of How to Become Mentally Flexible for more.

Use non-reaction to deal with tests. Girls are very good at testing your patience and you as a person overall. It's an inherent behavior so at times, they don't even know that they are testing you. They will do all kinds of shenanigans and play games just to get a rise or reaction out of you. It's like they are qualifying you to see if you deserve them or not. Especially “high value” women.

• For example, if a girl says something like "You are quite older than me; I am just a young sophomore girl", what would be your normal response? It may be something like "Yeah I know, but I am not that old," or "I have dated girls your age before." These are defensive and supplicating responses.
• Instead, turn the tables by looking deep into their eyes and say something like "Yeah, I am old. I don't think you can handle me", "I always wanted to be a sugar-daddy," or "Yeah, you better watch out. I am a pedophile." This way you can also qualify them.
• It's like using the opponent's energy against themselves without conflict or reacting or using force. As it's seen in non-reactive martial arts like Aikido or Tai-Chi. So play it cool. A non-reactive and non-needy mindset is extremely attractive to most girls.
• Second example: If they say something like, "I have a boyfriend," or "I am seeing someone," then instead of replying with generic answers like, "Okay, it was nice meeting you," remain non-reactive. You may reply with something like, "Oh yeah, me too," or "Amazing, let me give you a hug" (then go in for the hug)," or "Oh, that's fine. I don't mind a three-way." or "But I love you though" etc. It's like subconsciously telling the girl, "I don't care if you have a boyfriend or not. I'm going to have fun either way." Again Having fun and amusing yourself should be one of your primary motives. Else, fear and inertia may take you over and you will take rejections seriously, and most likely give up. Read Get a Girl to Go Home With You for more.
• Third example: When a girl is rude or meanly rejects you then instead of reacting, channel the reaction into something constructive or fun. Like bow down as you leave, or approach another girl immediately, etc. instead of dwelling on the reaction from rejection. You can also say something like "I am just going to tuck in my tail and go talk to that girl.". Or you can simply express what you are feeling in a fun way by saying something like, "Man, that hurts. You just broke my heart" or "You just bruised my Ego." or "I knew it. You are so tall and good looking girl." or "I will just leave. I don't want to handle your Ego" or "I can see your future. Old woman pushing a stroller at a grocery store with a bunch of cats in it". It's therapeutic and vulnerable when you truthfully express your mental-emotional state and/or channel your reactions in a fun, creative and constructive way.^[10] . Of course, with common sense.
  • Reactions are not you but conditioned mental-emotional patterns. Don't take them too seriously. Read Dissolve the Ego (According to Eckhart Tolle's Teachings) for more depth. When you realize that you are not your thoughts, reactions and emotions, you naturally become more non-reactive. More non-reaction practices are mentioned in section 4.
  • So don't react, as in the long run, you may realize that rejections or failures can be equally, if not more, valuable experiences than desired responses or results. Read Become Mentally Flexible for more. No experience goes to waste, as there's always something to learn.
• "Behind every seemingly bad situation lies concealed a deeper good and that deeper good reveals itself to you through inner acceptance to what is". Eckhart Tolle.
• Also, reactions drain you of energy and as a result you may not be able to practice for long. A practical pointer: if you reacted then, most likely, you will feel uncomfortable when you go about talking to other girls because you just reacted to a girl at the same venue. Also, in western society, women are more likely to be believed than men.
  • "She is good to people who are good. She is also good to people who aren't good. This is true goodness." Tao Te Ching.
  • Again, polarize subtly and slowly to quickly filter out those girls/women with whom you will not be compatible, so they don't get offended too much and you don't have to deal with symptoms like this. Especially, these days, when many people are looking for reason to feel offended or upset. It is also practical and helpful in the long run, especially when you game regularly at the same set of locations, because it helps you to keep a low profile and game under the radar.
• Since facts are empowering, here's a factual pointer: Doesn't matter how scarily beautiful they look, their physical body, just like yours, is subjected to the law of impermanence. Which means that within a few years, it will wrinkle, grow frail, die and then turn to dust. Just like your body will turn to dust. With this realization comes a playfulness and devaluation of forms and looks^[14] . This, of course, doesn't mean to not take care or honor your body and possessions. In fact, when you truly realize the transient nature of all forms, including your own, you honor, care and enjoy them even more.

Practice being funny. A good sense of humor is on the top of list of qualities of an attractive person. As it not only sub-communicates that you don't take life too seriously but is also intelligent. Plus, its a magnetic quality. Why do good funny shows or stand ups or movies attract such a large audience? If you don't know how to be funny then watch standups, funny videos or shows, go through funny content etc.

• Use apps like iFunny, TikTok and YouTube. There is funny, interesting and informative content that is posted regularly on these apps that you can use in your own life situation. The content on these apps can also help you fix the problem of running out of interesting, funny and witty things to say and talk about.
• However, do not use your sense of humor as a mask to avoid rejection. Rejections are unavoidable.
• If you practice non-reaction, being funny, physical escalation and making deep genuine connections with women (or people in general), then the below conversation practices are no more than supplements to boost your conversation and seduction skills.

Use the "us" mentality. It's a quite persuasive conversation tool to keep the girl engaged and can make both of you feel comfortable pretty quickly. It means making the conversation about both of you, rather than you or the girl. For example: if she says she likes the video game series "Sims", you can reply with something like "You know, we should play "Sims" game at my place. I'll order pizza and you can bring the soda. We can build a home together with a garden full of lilies and sh*t. Also, what color of paint should we use to paint the room for our future baby?". It's like bringing her into your world or a mutual bubble. Don't be too serious as you could end up pushing her away. But again, act in alignment with your intentions.

• Use the "us" mentality in accordance with your personality and humor, or else it's not going to come out as genuine and will seem forced. Experiment to get a better understanding of your humor and personality. You could try using sexual, plain, lame or sarcastic humor in your conversations to see if you find it funny. If the girl finds it fun too, that's what helps make a good connection.
• Remember, it's about you and not the girls. You always have to put yourself first by talking and doing things that you like. It sounds selfish, but it's not. It's because when you are having fun, then in the long run, people in your company will also have fun, if they are compatible with your personality because they will feel your vibes which are communicated far more than your words.^[15]

Use roleplay. This means you both play roles in an imaginary scenario created by you to help the woman visualize how its going to be like to be with you. Read the conversation in the image to get a better idea.

Make it sexual. If your motive is to have sex with the girl, then sexual hints are quite essential. Some of these practices may come in handy to create sexual energy:

• Think about having sex while talking to girls/women. This charges the conversation with sexual energy. Be careful to avoid getting lost in fantasizing and/or getting an erection.
• Use sexual humor, with common sense, during conversations without forcing it. Let it come naturally as if you are having a normal conversation with a friend. Read Get a Girl to Go Home With You for more.
• Show intent with body language. While interacting with a girl, try leaning in a little closer, touch her, sub-communicate your intentions with facial gestures, etc. Don't force it though. Let it come naturally.
• Keep a gentle and focused eye contact. Interaction is quite effective when you keep a focused eye contact. Your eye contact should be piercing her soul, as the expression goes. Also, you can non-verbally convey your intentions through eye contact, which may prevent surprises in the long run.
• Physical escalation. This is gold if you know how to do it properly. It works best during the night time. Although, it’s fine to do it during daytime, in moderation. Read Make Out with a Random Girl and Pull a Girl Home for more details.
• Reduce or masturbating. Abstaining from masturbation, or at least reducing the frequency, helps naturally build sexual energy within you that surfaces during your interactions. Keep in mind that this may or may not work for you. Also, if and when you masturbate, think of your sexual experiences or fantasies, rather than masturbating to porn. This helps improve your imagination and doesn't let you to use porn as a crutch. Relying on pornography can be a destructive habit that can affect your sex and personal life.^[13]

Balance interest and disinterest. Be careful about overdoing disinterest (teasing, sarcasm, playfulness, etc.) and interest (compliments, praise, etc.). As keeping a balance helps to keep the girl on her toes and interested.

• Here are some verbal examples:
  • "You look cute (pull) but you don't seem to be my type (push)"
  • "Here, put your number in my phone (pull), but promise me you won't call me again and again (push)"
  • "Let's go to my place (pull), but promise you won't touch me below my waist (push)"
  • "You forgot my name? Go away I don't wanna talk to you (push). However, I forgot your name too (pull)."
• Here are some physical examples:
  • While making out, "push" at the right moment when her craving for you is the highest. This will make her want you even more.

Know the difference between persistence and supplication. Persistence is when you continue to persuade or pull the girl into a conversation when the girl/woman seems interested but is bound by social conditioning ("yes" and "maybe" girls). Signs could be laughing at your average jokes, trying to walk away but still not leaving, smiling, keeping a longer eye contact than usual, playing with her hair, giving vague answers when you ask for her number or invite her for a beverage etc. Use common sense while looking for these signs though. If she is serious, move on. There are plenty of other women. Read Get a Girl to Go Home With You for more tips on this.

• One of the ways to persist and fix the problem of running out of things to say is to "plow" or have a good verbal game. Which, in this case, means that you talk continuously about what you like to talk about to hook the women. Experiment to see if this works for you or not.
• Keep it simple. If a girl is not properly replying to you or your texts or calling back, then take the hint that she's not interested or has other priorities. There may be no need to continuously persist. Move on. Yes, some girls do like to play games, but in the long run, you may realize how irrational and futile they are. Although keep in mind, some girls may be genuinely busy. So, as a guideline, its ok to contact them, once or twice, a few days after your last text/call

Experiment with your approach. Pickup is very subjective, as you meet many different people who all have vastly different personalities, mental interpretations to things, conditioning, humor and list goes on. For example: suppose telling a joke to a girl, Martha, makes her laugh and telling the same joke to another girl, Anna, creeps her out. Does this mean that Martha is cooler than Anna? Perhaps. There could be many reasons for their different reactions. A few of them could be:

• Your personality and sense of humor resonates better with Martha, as the joke was polarizing. Martha is more open to meeting new people and cracking jokes with them.
• Anna could be in a bad mood, didn't like you or the joke, didn't like your physical appearance, likes taller guys, likes guys her own race, thought you smell bad, doesn't like to crack jokes with random people, is insecure, or has irrational beliefs, is biased, thought you were not confident enough for her, didn't like your grooming, clothes and style, is a "no" girl etc.
• You have no control over other people's conditioned reactions, actions, personality, and mood, and if you worried about it, you will just suffer. Even your own thoughts and emotions are not in your control. That is to say, they are automatic and conditioned. Read How to Become Mentally Flexible and How to Surrender to the Present Moment for more depth. So work only on the key practices or habits, as mentioned in the article and related articles, that are in your "direct" control. Read Become Mentally Flexible for more. For example: Dress well, groom and smell good, work out, speak with confidence and assertiveness, learn from your audio recordings, keep focused eye-contact, stop girls properly, keep a pickup journal, be nonreactive, meditate, monitor your mental-emotional patterns, keep some attention with in inner body and/or breath, make a deep connection, correct your body posture, have fun etc.

Try new things. Practicing pickup as an experiment means you can try new things as test cases and just observe their outcome without any emotional or mental interpretation, like a good scientist. Let the true unconditioned interpretation come naturally, and you will clearly see what works and doesn't work for you. Tao Te Ching says, "A good scientist has freed himself of concepts and keeps his mind open to what is."

• For example: if you learned that maintaining good eye contact during interactions helps build attraction, then don't just reject or accept it right away. Use it as a test case. Practice maintaining a gentle and focused eye contact in all of your approaches and observe the outcome. Like a good scientist, don't get identified with the outcome. This may go on for some days or will be over after a few approaches. It will depend on your personality, openness to try new things, humility, spiritual depth and learning curve. Like a successful scientific discovery is adopted by people on a larger scale, similarly integrate what you discover into your game.

Make the deep seated mental-emotional patterns conscious. Dating and attraction challenges, for most people, are not because they don't know what to say or do but because of their deep seated conditioned thoughts and patterns^[17] . These conditioned thoughts and patterns could be from bad experiences or rejections in the past, taunts or belittlement from the people close to them, misinterpretation of the experiences or people, collective cultural interpretations, unrealistic standards set by them, society and media and so on. This usually leads to lack of entitlement, fear of rejection or failure, unrealistic and high expectations, inadequacy, etc.

• Here are some examples of how these mental-emotional patterns come up when it comes to attracting women: "She's too good for me.", "What can I ever do to make her like me?", "What if she rejected me?", "I have been rejected so many times by women like these.", "These kind are women think that they are too good and entitled.", "She's not good looking or hot enough.", "Her butt's too small", "Too tall or short", “she’s so out of my league” and so on.
• Inquire deeply to recognize that these are conditioned thoughts generated by your conditioned mind to strengthen its illusory self and to get a false sense of 'I know', superiority or inferiority. In other words, the mind thinks through concepts and conditioned thoughts it can know the reality. This is highly delusional because these concepts and conditioned patterns limit yourself and prevent you from seeing the whole picture; the truth. It’s because reality is a unified whole and can only be realized when you step out of your mind. A high degree of alertness is required to catch and accept these conditioned thoughts, emotions and patterns to dissolve them. It’s because they can be extremely subtle and quick but that's how it is.
• Once these patterns dissolve or weaken, you naturally become non-reactive and attracting women becomes natural and easy, without you having to do the hard work of learning concepts, reading a bunch of books, memorizing jokes or techniques etc. As the right action or words will come naturally from infinitely intelligent unconditioned consciousness.

Be aware of the mental constructs. A construct like, "When I keep a strong eye contact, girls seem to be pretty attracted to me. So if I keep doing that, I will get same or similar results all the time," would be another mind-made concept made in a futile attempt to understand the world through limited mind. It's fine to use concepts in the beginning or from time to time, but as you go along, you shouldn't cling to concepts, as they fragment reality. So a truly intelligent action is not possible.^[18] . Mind is not the most intelligent faculty in human beings but formless 'Awareness' or consciousness is. Read How to Stay Rooted in Being for more depth on this.

• This is the feeling of 'Awareness' that Einstein pointed to when he said "The scientist's religious feeling takes the form of a rapturous amazement at the harmony of natural laws, which reveals an intelligence of such superiority that in comparison with it, all systematic thinking of human being is an utterly insignificant reflection. This feeling is the guiding principle of my work."

See that world is just a reflection of your inner state. Most people may have different self-limiting core beliefs that have a vast impact on their actions, words and personality. These beliefs are also reflected from the people around you, as the world is just a reflection of your state of consciousness.^[19] Suppose you have beliefs or conditioned thoughts that say "If I approach them, they would feel threatened by me." or "What if I do something out of the norm?", "She's going to walk away or end the conversation" etc. Be alert to realize that these beliefs or thoughts in head, would, most likely, be reflected in the people around you. As these thoughts and emotions, which are fundamentally energy or vibe, are sensed by others unconsciously or subconsciously. As a result, your thoughts may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Even though, in reality, you may be a nice person and don't mean any harm. Yes, there is a possibility that they may find you threatening and reject you because of their irrational beliefs or stereotypes. This may make you perceive yourself the same way; like a mirror. Although deeply you realize that the primary reality is within. So you need to make these conditioned patterns conscious and realize them as false in you, to go beyond this loop. We spoke about this earlier. Read Become Mentally Flexible for more depth.

• Again, most of these irrational, self-limiting and negative beliefs exist because of identification with personal and cultural conditioning, misinterpretations of past experiences etc. Which is ultimately identification with mind.^[20] . Again, a high degree of alertness is required to detect, accept and let go of these thoughts to dissolve them. Or else they will continue to hypnotize you and run your life like a puppeteer in the background.

Test the validity of your self limiting beliefs. A pragmatic practice to change irrational beliefs is to test their validity by collecting evidence, to see whether they are accurate or not. Suppose you have a belief or thought that comes before approaching girls that says "What's the point? she's going to reject me anyway." or "She's going to frown at me". Then test the validity of these beliefs via experimentation. This means when you approach and talk to women, simply observe to see if it's really the case. When the evidence suggests otherwise, that's what helps change these self-limiting beliefs. Don't just stop after a few approaches. As mentioned above, it depends on your personality, openness, and degree of awareness.

• To add more evidence, think of any experiences when girls have been receptive and interested in you. This practice resembles cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).^[18] Read How to Eradicate and Stop Negative Thoughts for more.
• Be aware of the unconscious expectation before testing the beliefs or you may end up in a state of scotoma.^[19] Scotoma is a psychological state when your mind sees what it wants to see and ignores any evidence that contradicts the belief. For example: if a girl rejects you and you say "See, I knew she will reject me,". This implies that your mind is more open to evidence that would support the belief rather than seeing the subtle truth of the situation. Again, like a good scientist, be very honest, open to what-is and just observe without any attachment or expectation. In other words, be there as the background awareness without adding any interpretation to anything. These unconscious beliefs, however slight or subtle or deep seated, can survive in you for decades and continue to reflect in your reality, if not made conscious and recognized as not who you are. Therefore a high degree of alertness and honesty are needed to detect and dissolve them. As a hint, see if you can detect mental patterns (thoughts and reactions), physical reactions and sensations arising in the left side of head, when you face a challenging or undesirable condition, thoughts or situation. Read How to Stay Rooted in Being for more depth.
• Use affirmations. For some people, it can be pragmatic practice to replace negative beliefs with affirmations. Whenever negative, presumptive or demoralizing thoughts arise, like "she's too hot for me", "She's so out of my league", "She will walk away.", “They will be mean. What’s the point?” etc. then replace it immediately with something like "I deserve it," or "You are worthy."^[23] As a practical measure, it helps to have a balance between relationships, health, and wealth to back these affirmations (as you will read in the second step of section 6). You can also immediately feel your inner-body or become aware of your breath or sense perceptions. That is to say become present. This is one the most effective practices to dissolve self limiting and negative beliefs, along with watching your thoughts and emotions. In fact, feeling your inner body is essential to be the watcher of your thoughts and emotions.
  • This also implies to deeply realize that you are not your mind (thoughts, emotions and reactions) but the One who sees them. That's when your true power shines through you.

Get another opinion. While perceiving your recordings, an unbiased third person wouldn't care whether you do good or bad; he/she would just observe. There is a strong identification in the word "I" and its forms. In the sentences "I failed the test," or "She failed the test," which would incite a bigger emotional response? And yet they are no more than thoughts or concepts in your head.

• Alternatively, you can simply ask the girls if they find anything about you that could be improved. You will be surprised how many of them tell you. However, just because they have a vagina doesn't automatically make them DE-facto expert about dating and pickup. Also, girls usually are not a good authority to tell why they like or don't like certain things.^[24] . Here's an analogy: You don't ask fishes about how to catch a fish. You ask the fisherman.

Keep a journal. After practicing pickup, jot down the good things and things you need to improve in a journal. You cannot always record yourself, so keeping a journal can be quite yielding to become more aware of the mistakes and good things you have been doing, during your interactions. You can also make voice recordings of your mental notes. Read the notes in the image to get a better idea.

Practice acceptance. Like anything in life, pickup has ups and downs. There will be times when you will have tons of successful interactions and times when you will fail a lot. Also amid these ups and downs, there may be micro-periods of ups and downs.

• Realizing deeply that this is a part of life is acceptance. Acceptance comes into action when life is in down movement. For example: sickness, weakness, loss, injury, failure, bad phase in life, etc. In the greater scheme of events, these phases of 'down' are absolutely necessary for spiritual depth and can be great teachers to help you be more compassionate, forgiving and cope when life hits rock bottom. So hang in there and trust the universe. A down cycle may last for a couple of days to couple of years.

Practice non-reaction. Non-reaction is much more effective and attractive than most other pickup techniques or practices. In general terms, people who are non-reactive are the ones who are considered as cool. It's because they don't react to 'what is' and take life too seriously. Below are few pointers that can help you be more non-reactive:

• Feel your body from within as much as you can. Especially while interacting with someone. Then monitor the quality of the interaction as compared to when you are not aware of it. Keeping some attention within your body while doing anything, not only brings immense joy and peace from deep within you and but also liberates you, to some extent, from the enslavement of compulsive thinking. Your body is infinitely more intelligent than mind, as through it you are one with radiant and vast peace of Being or One consciousness. It is highly recommended that you read How to Stay Rooted in Being for more information on this.
• Be aware of your breath and sense perceptions. Awareness of breath and/or sense perceptions shifts attention from mind to the Now. Which lessens suffering because there's no suffering in the Now.
• Here's a practice: keep some attention on your sense perceptions, and/or breathing, while doing anything. As you practice this, you may observe how it naturally increases your joy and peace, and quality of your actions.
• Accept what is. It means to offer inner acceptance to whatever arises in the Now. This is the most effective practice to dissolve suffering and self-limiting beliefs.

Practice humility. It means not playing roles while interacting with anyone. Do you talk to your boss the same way you talk to a cashier at the supermarket? If not, you are playing roles, and subsequently, you will play different roles while talking to different people in your life. That's what makes people look gamey and ingenious.

• People who practice humility are approachable, easier to talk to and are much more friendly and real. It's because they don't suppress their true (negative or positive traits) personality with fleeting confidence derived from identification with form, such as good looks, wealth, skills, title, job, nationality etc. Its because through becoming "vulnerable" can you discover your true and essential invulnerability.^[26] .
• "Humility means trusting the Tao, thus never needing to be defensive." Tao Te Ching. Read How to Practice Humility for more insight.
• This doesn't mean to force yourself to 'not play roles'. Instead, just be aware of the role-playing patterns, as mere awareness will take you beyond them. Awareness is Intelligence itself. Greatest agent of inner transformation.
• Tao Te Ching pointed to this truth simply "If you want to get rid of something, allow it to flourish." In this context, it means that even if you notice that you are being gamey, allow it to be. The 'flourishing of gaminess' will eventually force you to accept and take you beyond it.
• When you are aware and allow it to be, a new dimension of consciousness emerges through you, far more intelligent than the human mind.^[27]
• However, be aware that ego is very clever. You may be thinking that you are allowing it to be, but in reality that "allowing" could be the ego's hidden desire to dissolve it as quickly as possible. Which implies that Ego is treating the now as a means to an end. Read Surrender to the Present Moment for more on this.

Live an interesting life. People who live an interesting life, follow their passions, hobbies, and desires are considered very attractive. For example: musicians, tech entrepreneurs, world travelers, actors, adventurists etc. Living an interesting life also gives you a lot of interesting stuff to talk about and deepens your confidence. Most people are boring and lead a quite straightforward life. They might go to work or school, then come back and play video games, talk and hang with friends or family, watch TV or movies, etc. Life pretty much revolves around these things and that is what they usually talk about.

• What is the most interesting, adventurous, spontaneous thing you did in the last 100 days? What are your passions? Make a habit of doing something interesting and new that you find fun from time to time. Like hiking, skydiving, visiting new places or exploring your city, visiting animal shelters, volunteering, and pursuing your passions or hobbies etc.

Work on the balance between health, wealth, and relationships. Having a good balance between these three aspects is important to get good at pickup. As all these aspects are interconnected and back each other up. People who keep a balance between these aspects have a better potential to quickly get good at pickup. As they will easily be able to connect the dots between these areas and subareas. For example: People who have a good social life are more likely to be confident and successful.

• While lack in one of the aspects would, most likely, affect the other two in the long run. For instance: if you are investing too much time in making money (wealth) and on your health, there is a good possibility that your social life (relationships) will suffer. Which may affect your wealth and health (emotional and physical) in the long run. Similarly, if you have wealth but don't have good social life or health, then it may eventually affect your wealth.
  • However, there's a paradox to it. If you completely accept the 'lack' in one or more of these aspects, then that could work for you too.
• This can also work like a priming effect.^[25] Which means if you are spending a lot of time just doing pickup, then eventually it may force you to realize the importance of relationships, health, and wealth in the long run to get good at it. There's a possibility that you may burn yourself out in this process before realizing it. Since everyone is different, experiment to see which approach/approaches work best for you.

Understand that looks, height, status, race and wealth matter. Yes, they matter, and if someone says otherwise, they are lying or don't know.

• In some cases, they matter more, and in others, not as much. For example: In western and eastern countries, girls generally find white guys to be more attractive as compared to other races. Yes, its harder for non-white(minorities) guys in western world, but at the same time if you simply accept it without any reservations then it can also work to your advantage and can potentially help you access inner timeless beauty within. In other words, you become less dependent on external appearances and don't get phased out by them. Also when you approach and talk to girls, you are already coming out as polarizing. If you keep your composure in the midst of difficult situations, and embrace or accept challenges, you naturally go deeper. As challenges drive you deeper.
• However, overall, the above external factors don't matter as much as men think they do.^[29] . In a way, men are lucky that women are not into physical looks as much as them.^[27] .