How to Win a Man's Heart

Last Updated: September 9, 2021 References Approved

Have you landed the perfect boyfriend but don't know how to show him that you're the girl (or boy) that he really wants? Do you want him to fall as hard for you as you have for him? If you want to help yourself look like the "forever" option, just get started with Step 1 below!

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Looking The Part

1
Respect yourself. Like everyone else, good men are attracted to someone who respects and takes pride in themselves. Show him that you think you're worthy by respecting yourself. Speak up for yourself, think for yourself, take control of situations when necessary, and take care of yourself.^{[1]
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2
Take care of your body. When we don't take good care of our bodies, it tells others that we don't think we're worth taking care of or loving (even when we actually feel really good about ourselves). To help show him that you think you're worthwhile, take good care of your body.^{[2]
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Research source} Practice good hygiene, eat a healthy diet, and exercise to keep your body strong and in good condition.^{[3]
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3
Dress to impress. Dressing poorly usually shows others that you don't think they're worth extra effort, that you don't want to impress them. But of course you want to impress him so dress to impress! Wear clothes that aren't horribly out of date, fit and flatter your body, and are clean and free of stains or holes.^{[4]
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4
Smell amazing. Smell is incredibly powerful when it comes to attraction. Not so much in terms of smelling good (though it can help a little), but smelling bad is a HUGE turn-off. Set a good foundation by showering regularly and using deodorant. If you really want to smell amazing, add in a little body spray or perfume.^{[5]
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- Choose a smell that you want him to associate with your personality (citrusy for playful, floral for feminine, musky for sensual, etc).
- Try not to go crazy with lots of different scents: work towards one "signature" smell that he can associate with you.
5
Act confident. Confidence is sexy to just about anyone. You don't have to actually be confident, but make him think that you are. Act confident by standing up straight, looking him (and everyone else!) in the eye, speaking up for yourself, and occasionally taking control in situations (deciding what to do on a date, etc).^{[6]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Acting the Part

1
Help him feel free. A lot of the time, guys are reluctant to date because they worry that they'll lose their freedom or their identity because this is something that our society tends to teach. Show him he doesn't have to worry about that with you by helping him to feel free. Encourage and help him to pursue his dreams, help him set up fun activities with his friends, don't hog his free time, etc.
2
Be fun! When we look for someone that we really want to get serious with, we're looking for someone who makes our life better, right? So of course your guy is looking for someone who makes his life (not necessarily exciting) but at least fun. Be the source of fun in his life. Go on fun dates, encourage him to try new things, and join in and encourage his passions in life.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Mary Church, PhD
Research & Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 20 August 2021.}^{[8]
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3
Stay away from drama.^{[9]
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Research source} One real turn off for guys is the drama queen. You know the girl who constantly gossips, starts arguments and fights with other people, and generally complains and looks for flaws in everything? Don't be that. Stay away from drama and definitely try to minimize the drama that he's exposed to.^{[10]
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- Having an actual problem that he can help with is one thing, picking a fight with him about something petty is another thing altogether.
4
Make him feel like a hero. Guys like to feel useful. They like to feel like they're your hero....so make them feel like they are! Let him help you with things from time to time. Ask for and take his advice with real or even just minor problems. He'll love the place that he has in your life because it will give him a sense of purpose that he might not feel anywhere or with anyone else.^{[11]
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Be passionate.^{[12]
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Research source} You should be passionate in your relationship of course, but you should also be passionate in your day-to-day life. Find enjoyment in what you do and pursue things that are important to you. Enthusiasm and joy in life are catching, and we tend to look for and stay with people who help us feel those feelings, so be that person for him by loving your own life.^{[13]
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Be you. Most importantly, you should be you.^{[14]
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Research source} Don't try to be the person you think he wants. When we try to pretend to be someone else, eventually the mask begins to crack and who we really are shines through. Even if he would have loved you for who you are, he may be hurt and resentful that you lied to him and you'll lose him anyway. Honesty is the best policy!

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Sweeping Him Off His Feet

1
Make him something. Sometimes a nice gesture can help secure his feelings for you. One good option is to make him something yourself, from scratch. Try to focus on things that he would actually like, not things that scream out "I'm only wearing this because a girl I like gave it to me". You can try making him an embossed leather cuff, a "beach boy" anklet, a sculpture he can put on his desk at home, or a keychain.
2
Get him a signed copy of his favorite book. Find out his favorite book and track down a signed copy. You may even be able to get one signed just for him, if the author is still alive. This can be an incredibly meaningful gift, if the book is very important to him.
3
Cook him a great meal. They say that the way to a man's heart is through is stomach and that is usually true. Cooking is a skill that's easy to acquire, even if you've never cooked before.^{[15]
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Research source} A little practice and you'll be making him happy and full before you know it.
4
Rub his back. Sometimes, a nice massage can really help melt away a stressful day. A lot of the time, this is what we're really looking for when we decide who we want to be with in our life, so help him see that you are a great way to relax.^{[16]
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Rent him some time with a classic car. Depending on what your guy is in to, you can get more specific with your gesture of affection. If he's old-fashioned or a bit of a car enthusiast, you can rent him some time riding around in a classic car. This is a very unique experience and shows him how much you stand out.
6
Take him to a con. If he's a bit of a nerd or generally really enjoys comic books or comic book movies, you could try going to a comics convention. Really, no matter what he's really passionate about there's probably a convention for it, so just find one that screams him and take him!

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Getting Extra Help

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Learn the art of the make out. A good kisser is a sign of a keeper, so improve your kissing skills if you really want to blow his mind.^{[17]
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Become more fun to talk to. Being someone that's just great to talk to is also important, so get comfortable with talking and making those conversations memorable and significant.^{[18]
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Mary Church, PhD
Research & Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 20 August 2021.}^{[19]
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3
Become the Great Date queen. This is an important part of dating and really sets you apart from the other people in his life. Don't be afraid to be the one planning dates: he'll be a little turned on that you're taking charge.
4
Turn him on like no one else can. If all he wanted was someone he could have fun with and talk to, you'd be his best friend and nothing more. Set yourself apart by giving him something that no one else can.^{[20]
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Step up your chef skills. If you've never cooked before in your life, don't panic! It's easier than it looks. Practice and effort and you'll be worthy of your own show before you know it.^{[21]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How can I win a guy over romantically?

Mary Church, PhD
Research & Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Mary Church is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Honolulu, Hawaii. With over a decade of clinical experience, she aims to integrate evolution, genetics, and neuroscience within the practice of psychotherapy. Dr. Church holds a BS in Psychology from Eckerd College and an MS and PhD in Experimental Psychology from The University of Memphis. She completed a Post-Doctorate in Clinical Psychology at The University of Hawaii at Manoa. In addition, Dr. Church is a member of the American Evaluation Association and Hawaii-Pacific Evaluation Association.

Mary Church, PhD

Research & Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Make sure you listen to him when he's talking so he knows that you really care and want to know more about him.

Warnings

Avoid fighting about things that don't matter. Learn to prioritize.

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Don't be too clingy.^{[22]
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