How to Have the Best Sex on the First Date

Co-authored by Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS and Madeleine Flamiano

Last Updated: September 30, 2022 References

First dates are full of fun possibilities, and you never know where they’ll take you. If you’d like to see where the night could go with a new person you’re into, there are many ways to set yourself up for success. We’ll share some tips on how to appear cool and confident to improve your chances of having sex on the first date. Try out these strategies to turn up the heat and build a connection quickly.

1

Choose the best location.

A popular public spot is a great choice to help your date relax. If you meet someone you’re interested in for the first time, stick to places that are well-lit, easy to find, and have other people nearby. The person you bring on a date will feel a lot more safe and be able to unwind. There are lots of options for you to choose from. As long as the atmosphere is interesting and you can hear each other talk, you’ll have a good time.^{[1]
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- You can go to a place you know well. That way, you can talk about all it offers, like the best appetizers, drinks, or performers.
- You can also try a spot you’ve never been to. Tell the person you’re dating it’s your first time and that you’re glad it’s with them.
- Decide if you’d prefer a romantic or casual atmosphere. You might feel more confident in different settings. For example, you might really know your way around wine, or you might know the best tacos in town.

2

Dress to impress.

Wear clothes that send the right message. Stick to a casual and cool look that shows off your personal style. Focus on simple cuts in your shirts and pants that give your date an idea of what your body looks like. Avoid outfits that are too dressy, like a suit and tie, since you want to look effortlessly cool and attractive.^{[2]
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- Be well-groomed to enhance the first impression. Shower, pop in a breath mint, and put on a signature scent.
- Use one statement piece to impress your date. It can be a shirt with a unique print, a swank watch, or a leather bracelet.
- Keep the rest of your look understated. For example, if you choose to style your hair, then you can wear a white v-neck and denim jeans.

3

Project confidence when you introduce yourself.

Start off the conversation with a cool one-liner. Casually mention an interest or hobby of yours. Your date will find your ambition refreshing and imagine all the interesting ways you spend your time. You can bring up that you just rinsed off after you hit the gym, or you can share that you finished a business class. Make a quick introduction, then ask about your date’s day. They’ll immediately see how self-assured you are and feel a spark with you.^{[3]
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- "Hey! Just cleaned myself up after I hit the gym. I’m excited to start my evening off with you. How was your day?"
- "Just wrapped up a business class for my program. Way more interesting than it sounds. But more importantly...how’re you?"
- "My friends and I finished a new podcast episode tonight. I made them cut it short because I wanted to meet up with you. What’ve you been up to?"

4

Ask them questions to get to know them better.

You want to try to make a genuine connection with your date. They’ll feel you’re on good terms with them and that they can open up to you. Create even more momentum and use a lot of conversation starters. You can ask about their hobbies or try out hypothetical questions. They’ll be attracted to your warmth and friendliness.^{[4]
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- "What does your ideal day look like?"
- "How do you love to spend your time?"
- "So, bam! You’ve just been made leader of a group on a stranded island. What do you do?"

5

Stay playful and entertain them.

Joke around with your date to liven up the mood. You can make fun of yourself, tell some of your favorite stories, or point out funny details about your surroundings. The more your date laughs, the more they’ll lose some inhibitions because it’s so easy to unwind around you. They’ll enjoy every second of your company and want to spend more time with you.
- "Oh! Spilled that drink. My bad. Today is not my day… I tell myself every single day."
- "Okay, you’ll never believe this, but I think my friend is actually a secret agent. Here’s how I connected the dots…"
- "This has got to be the priciest pasta I’ve ever seen. It’s all good, though. We deserve it, right? You definitely do!"

6

Break the touch barrier.

Begin with some quick affection to test the waters. Only initiate physical touch, like a hand on their shoulder, if they suggest they are okay with that kind of contact. They might start with a pat on your knee or they may lean in really close. Show that you’re intrigued by their attention and open to a lot more of it. You can rub their arm or sit close enough that your legs touch.^{[5]
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- You can also verbally encourage them. For example, you can say. “Oh! Hey, there. That feels nice.”
- Feel free to dote on them. If they say you’re cute and give you a hug, return the favor. Pull them into a warm embrace and tell them, “Thanks! I think you are, too.”
- You can also compliment your date’s physical features. For instance, you can admit, “I’m sorry, but I have to say… you have the most stunning legs. I got a little distracted there.” Their mind will start to wander, too.

7

Take your time on the date.

Rushing things could kill the mood. Engage your date with more questions, stories, flirting, and (if things are going well) touching. A great tactic is to tell them you aren’t in a rush and can spend all day or night with them.^{[6]
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- As the hours go by, the talk should get more and more honest. You’ll be more comfortable with each other.
- If you’re both giving each other a lot of eye contact throughout the whole date, it’s likely that the chemistry between you two is strong.
- If your date hugs you or becomes even more physical later in the date, they’re expressing attraction to you. You should still check in and see if they’d like the date to go on even longer.

8

Ask them if they’d like to go to your place.

Invite them over and let them decide how to end the date. Even if they really enjoyed themselves and are into you, they might prefer a different pace. Maybe they’d rather meet up another time and test the chemistry again. Reassure them that you’re fine with whatever choice you make. Say that you really enjoy their company and would like to continue chatting.^{[7]
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- "This was really fun. How would you feel about coming back to my place?"
- "I’m not ready to call it a day. I’m enjoying myself way too much. I’ve got some great coffee at my apartment."
- "I know I’m great, but you haven’t lived until you’ve met my cats. Want to swing by my spot?"

9

Spend time kissing them to take things to the next level.

Kissing might lead to more. Ask if you can kiss them once you're back at your place. You’ll be able to see if they’re in the mood for intimacy or if they just want to hang out. If they do say yes, you’ll have a lot of opportunities to check the cues and body language they’re giving you. A heavy makeout session is a great way to let your date express themselves physically and give you lots of signs that they’re interested in sex. You can start it off and ask: ^{[8]
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- "How would you feel if I kissed you?"
- "I’ve wanted to kiss you for hours now. May I?"
- You can even just say: "I'd really like to kiss you right now."

10

Have a consent talk.

Confirm that they want any type of affection or sex. Anyone’s mood can change throughout a date. They might start off really excited but then want to cool off for a bit. The best choice you can make to respect your date is to ask about where their head is and what feels the best for them. Say what you’re interested in and reassure them that you understand if they have a different goal for the night.^{[9]
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- Make sure your date hasn’t had alcohol or isn’t extremely tired before going to your place. Their decision should be fully informed.
- Your date should know how they’re going home and that they can leave whenever they want.
- Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal consent. Verbal consent, like a “yes” or “I want this”, is more clear than non-verbal consent, like body language or a sigh.

11

Check in about what you’re both interested in.

Negotiate the type of sex you both want if you’ve agreed to go further. Maybe your date wants the evening to feel romantic and only likes certain kinds of positions. They might also want to play out specific fantasies and hope to stay the night. Before you jump into intimacy, start off with clear expectations.^{[10]
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- Let your date share their preferences with you and tell you the kind of sex they like the most.
- If you offer to give them a back rub before sex, let them enjoy the massage instead of using a “quid pro quo” arrangement. “Quid pro quo” means you get back exactly what you give.
- Be willing to re-negotiate sex throughout the night. Your date might decide they want to be less intimate, or they may be comfortable with a new option.

12

Be prepared and use protection.

Practice safe sex and offer products that make the experience enjoyable. Ask your date what their health boundaries are and if they’ve been tested for STIs. Share your recent results. Talk about what contraceptives you both use, like condoms and IUDs. Check in and see if you have all they need for a pleasurable, stress-free, and fun time. Maybe they’d like a personal lubricant, some towels, or even a specific toy. Make sure you have all the essentials for a memorable night.^{[11]
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- If you’re having casual sex, you and your date should use protection and get tested at least every six months.
- It’s best to have basic products like personal lubricants already stocked up. That way, you’ll have what you need for your date and the night will go more smoothly.
- You and your date might have needs for emotional safety. Maybe they want you to text the next day, or maybe you want to have breakfast in the morning.

13

Hold them afterwards and ask how they’re doing.

Cuddle your date and check in about their experience. First, say that you really appreciated their company. Even if you both agreed to some fun for one evening, it’s good to leave off on a high note. Ask how they’re feeling and what they need at the moment. Maybe they want to talk, or maybe they’re tired and would like to get some rest. Support your date so they can have the best night possible.^{[12]
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- Ask about how comfortable they are. Maybe they need a hot bath or some water.
- Encourage them to talk about their emotions. They might want extra affection or feel more secure staying over.
- Some studies suggest that your date will feel more satisfied with the sex they’ve had if you hug them afterward.

14

Discuss what you expect next.

Be upfront about how or if you’ll re-connect. You can bring these details up at any time. You might discuss whether you’ll go on another date right after sex, or you might chat about hanging out again over breakfast. Whenever you bring up the topic of seeing each other, make sure you’re honest with your date. Remind them of what a great night you’ve had, then tell them what you’re available for. They’ll appreciate your clear communication.^{[13]
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- "Last night was phenomenal. I’d love to take you out on another date."
- "This was really fun. I just wanted to let you know that I’m not looking for anything serious.”
- "I’m totally down to stay friends and catch up when we’re both free."