How to Win Him Back & Get Him Interested Again: 14 Expert Tips

Flirting your way back into his heart: a complete guide

Co-authored by Cher Gopman and Caroline Heiderscheit

Last Updated: November 11, 2022 References Approved

When He’s Acting Distant

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Winning Him Back

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Focusing On Yourself Instead

Whether your boyfriend is getting distant or an old crush seems less interested, sometimes you've just got to reignite the spark. And there are so many ways to win back his attention; whether you choose to play it cool, flirt a little, or put energy back into yourself, the power is in your hands. We're teaching you all of the best ways to get a guy's attention back. Let's get started!

Things You Should Know

Give your partner some space if he's acting distant. Chasing him might only push him further away, and this way, he'll have to lean in on his own.
Be friendly, fun, and flirty with a guy who used to like you, but who you never dated. Make sure you see him regularly, too.
If you're not sure what to do, focus on you! By working on your goals, you'll catch the eyes of everyone around you (and walk away new accomplishments, too!).

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

When He’s Acting Distant

1
Text and DM him less. Maybe you're still seeing this guy, but he's been pulling away. Sometimes, to reignite a guy’s attention, it pays to give him a little cyber-space. Why not spend a little more time waiting before sending your next message? Take some extra time, and you’ll also be able to craft the perfect response. This tip works best with new relationships, and probably won’t be effective if you’re already in a committed relationship.^{[1]
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- Imply that you’ve been doing something fun: “Sorry for the radio silence! I was out with a friend today.”
- Send shorter messages to leave him wanting more: “Nice! Anyway, what’ve you been up to?”
2
Carve out less time in your schedule for him each week. You’ve got an exciting, busy schedule to manage. Prioritizing your crush or partner takes work, and he should appreciate that. Focus more on things that make you happy—like your passions, friendships, and hobbies. Not only will you be enjoying yourself, but you’ll also help him realize that your time (and attention) is valuable.^{[2]
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- Try to spend a little less time with him in the next couple weeks. If you usually leave a few afternoons for him each week, go for just one instead.
- Throw yourself into a new project to keep yourself busy in a positive way. Have a skill you’ve always wanted to become great at? Go learn it!
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3
Explore new relationships if you’re not exclusive. Again, if you’re in a committed relationship, this tip isn’t a good idea. But if you’re both still dating around, play the field a little. Not only can this be a fun way to explore new connections, but it might also make you feel less singularly focused on this relationship, which might help you act more chill (and in turn, leave him wanting more).^{[3]
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- Try to see a couple new people on dating apps. Focus on having fun and enjoying your time with someone new.
- On the other hand, do pay attention to how you feel. Dating someone just to make someone else jealous (especially if it makes you feel bad) is never a good idea.
4
Change your perspective on the relationship. When you like someone, it makes sense that you’d want things to keep getting more serious—and one of the best ways to do that is to ask more of your partner or potential partner. If you sense that your guy is getting distant though, it might be best to cool off. For a few weeks, ask less of him. Try your best to change your perspective on the relationship, and see if he’s willing to lean in on his own.^{[4]
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- Hold off on asking him to text you or ask you out more often; instead, just try to enjoy the time you do spend together.
- At the end of the day, nobody wants a relationship where they have to ask the other person to treat them with respect and care.
- So this tactic is a win-win; either he puts in more effort when you pull away, or if he doesn't, then you can take that in stride and move on to someone who does.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Winning Him Back

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Reopen communication with a subtle comment or quick message. If you're dealing with someone who used to like you (but who you don't see anymore), try saying something casual to put yourself back on his radar. Try to be friendly, fun, and super chill. You might offer him a simple compliment in passing, or message him about something he's interested in. Now, he'll be thinking of you all over again.^{[5]
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- Say you see him passing by at school or at work. You might say something like, "Wow, Greg, I like that shirt."
- Or, send him a quick, kind text, “Congrats on Carolina winning the National Championship. I know you’re probably so excited!”
2
Casually run into him in public. It's science: the more you see someone, the more they start to grow on you. This guy has had interest in you in the past, so if you manage to pop up on his radar again, those feelings might come flooding back. Show up somewhere you know he visits regularly, acting casual when you see him.^{[6]
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- Does he love the gym? Is he a regular at church? Swing by with a friend.
- Pro tip: avoid doing this super regularly so that you don't freak him out. And make sure you have an excuse ("I'm getting back into fitness!") when you do, too.
3
Use open, friendly body language when you two talk. When you run into him, greet him with a smile. As you’re talking, mimic his body language to show that you’re engaged in the conversation. This can be something as simple as putting your hand on your chin or tilting your head to one side, as long as he's doing it too. This can help send a subtle signal that you're happy to talk to him—which in turn, might make him happier to be talking with you, too.^{[7]
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- Though, as mentioned in the first method, acting distant is a great way to reel him back in when you're already dating, acting friendly, fun, and open works well with a guy who you're not seeing any more (or were never seeing).
4
Talk about fun memories you shared in the past. You two have probably had some good times together, especially if he was totally crushed out on you for a while. Why not remind him of those times? The more he reflects on that great trip to the beach or that amazing day at the museum, the more likely those old feelings are to come flooding back.^{[8]
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- Maybe you two saw the first Spiderman movie together: "Did you see the next Spiderman is coming out? Remember seeing the original way back when?"
- You could even clarify that for you, those were great memories: "Weather like this reminds me of our amazing weekend by the lake. I had so much fun."
EXPERT TIP

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach

Show genuine interest in him to put him at ease. If you told someone you weren't interested in them and then you start to like them, start up a conversation and ask questions about how he's been. That way, he'll feel like you really care, which may make him start thinking about you again.
5
Show up dressed to impress when you know you're going to see him. Most guys love a certain style, color, or scent. If you two got close in the past, you may know exactly what he likes to see on you. So wear it when you see him! In general, just make sure that you look and feel amazing whenever you two are bound to run into each other.^{[9]
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- When all else fails, wear red. Even if you're not sure about his specific preferences, red is scientifically proven to be attractive to guys.
- Or, just wear something that makes you feel amazing. Confidence is super attractive, too. If you wear something that lights you up, that'll work wonders.
6
Post great photos of yourself social media. You know the drill: cute selfies, hot beach pics, or fun, adventurous snapshots are all sure to get him thinking of you again. One of the easiest ways to remind him of how amazing you are is to literally pop up on his feed. So go take an amazing photo, and post it somewhere where he'll definitely see it.
- If you want to seem super casual, post something flattering but low-key on your story.
- Maybe you want him to think you've been living a super exciting life lately. Post about a trip or new activity, and use a mysterious caption: "Onto new things..."

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Focusing On Yourself Instead

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Value yourself, because your self-worth is a powerful tool. The truth is, playing games and flirting will probably work. But you know what else is likely to catch his eye? The site of a someone he's been into taking care of themselves, going after their goals, and just all in all, living their best life. Plus, let's face it—that's what's best for you, too!^{[10]
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- You can never go wrong investing in yourself. You're totally bound to grab his attention, but even things don't go according to plan, you're still walking away with a healthier, happier you!
2
Take extra care with your appearance. If you're looking to get back on a guy's radar, then a new look is a great start. Go out and get that haircut you've been considering for years or buy that sweater that you know would look amazing on you. Pamper yourself, and you'll shine even more than you already do—and yes, he's bound to notice!^{[11]
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- Spend a day unwinding at the spa. Get a massage, a facial, and a pedicure so you walk out glowing. Or, pro tip: have a spa day at home to save some cash!
- Take an extra 10 minutes on your look every morning. Get rid of those flyaways, match your jewelry to your tennis shoes...it's the details that matter most.
3
Put time and effort into your personal goals. Have a career title you'd love to have? Is there a home project you've been dying to accomplish? Now's the time. By putting extra elbow grease into things that'll make you feel fulfilled and empowered, you'll become totally appealing to the people around you. Everyone loves a strong, capable person—so go get it done!^{[12]
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- Maybe you're going for a fitness goal. You could train for a 5k, start lifting regularly, or aim to work out a certain number of times a week.
- Or, perhaps you'd like to get your finances in order. Set a savings goal and hop to it!
4
Move on if he's not interested in you. At the end of the day, even when we use all the best tips and tricks, sometimes, he just won't be interested. This is a part of life and love for absolutely everyone (even if it doesn't always feel that way). So, move on! By leaving him behind, you open yourself up to new, exciting possibilities.^{[13]
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