How to Win Your Man Back

Last Updated: September 3, 2021 References Approved

Let's be honest --- winning back your man will be a lot harder than winning over a new man. But if you want to keep fighting for him, then he must be worth it. If you want to win your man back, you have to reflect on what went wrong, work on improving yourself, and then make a move at the right time. If you want to know how to win your man back and avoid further heartbreak, just follow these steps.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Reflect on the Relationship

1
Give yourself some space. If you're constantly around your former flame, you won't be able to step back and actually get some perspective on what went wrong. Though you don't have to ignore him, you shouldn't call him, go out of your way to talk to him, or even Facebook him right after your relationship ends. It's time to be alone for a while, even if that means not going to a party if you'll know he'll be there at first.^{[1]
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- Once you're away from the guy, you'll have a less biased perspective about how you really feel and what you loved so much about the relationship.
- If you're away from him, he'll start thinking about where you are. You'll already make him want you more just by pulling away.
2
Think about what went wrong. Before you can try to make things right, you need to be honest about what went wrong in the relationship.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.} Take some time to do some soul-searching and ask yourself what ended the relationship. Where you too moody, too distant, or too flirtatious with others? Think about what you can do to change the dynamic.^{[3]
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- You should only try to win him back if you think you can make things different next time. If you ultimately broke up because you were incompatible and just couldn't make things work, then it'll be harder to win your man back than if it was just because you didn't make enough time for him.
- Make a list of all the things that went wrong, and highlight the things you can control.
- Ask if you were just going through a difficult time in your life or dealing with a major change. You may be more ready for a relationship if you feel more stable and positive.
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3
Change your ways. Once you've figured out what you may have done wrong in the relationship, resist the urge to call the ex and show off your new found self-realization. Actions speak louder than words. Just be the new improved self, and word will spread.^{[4]
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- If the relationship ended because you were too clingy, work on not being so attached to him. Play it cool and he'll see that you're a new person.
- If the relationship ended because you didn't give him enough attention, start making him feel special. Tell him he looks nice and that you're happy to see him.
- If the relationship ended because you spent too much time flirting with other guys, don't let him see you with other guys too much or he'll be reminded of why things didn't work out.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Improve Yourself

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Look and feel your best. Get your nails and hair done. Take a nice warm bubble bath, and pick out a nice outfit. Once you look your best, you will begin to feel your best. You don't need to get a complete makeover if you want to change. You just need to pay extra attention to grooming and hygiene, and the rest will follow.^{[5]
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- Spend an extra 10-15 minutes getting ready in the morning, and you'll start to feel better. Maybe you were too busy or stressed out to care about your appearance before.
- Get a fun hair cut. Nothing makes you feel like getting a fresh start like a fresh cut.
2
Stop caring about what other people think. If you're so insecure that you spend all of your time thinking about how others perceive you, then you'll never be able to work on yourself enough to catch your former man's eye again. It doesn't matter if people think you're funny, cute, or charming -- it's all about thinking positive things about yourself.
- If you don't care what other people think about you, then you'll exude confidence and your former guy will be impressed that you finally know how to do your own thing.
- Don't worry about his friends. Maybe his friends didn't think you were right for your former man or just didn't get along with you. You should be nice and get in their good graces, but don't bend over backwards trying to charm them or you'll lose sight of your target.
3
Stay busy doing the things you love. If you're busy with schoolwork, friends, and pursuing your interests, you will be able to grow as a person and to continue improving yourself instead of pining after your guy.^{[6]
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Research source} Plus, if he sees that you're obviously occupied instead of sitting around staring up at the sky, then he'll see that you have a lot to contribute and that you're person with an active and engaging life.
- Let your former guy see you doing the things you love, whether it's immersing yourself in your studies or going out for a nice run.
- Spend lots of time with your friends. They'll be able to keep you positive and will lend you a fresh perspective.
- Don't use a rebound relationship as a means of staying busy. This will only distract and confuse you even more.
4
Develop and express your individuality. As you continue to pursue your interests and get some space away from the guy, you'll start getting a better sense of yourself as an individual, not just a hurt ex-girlfriend. Take this time to really be your true self and to let the world know who you are.
- Dress to impress. Wear clothes that really make you stand out as an individual. You don't have to wear anything garish to get attention -- just be brave and wear a "fun" outfit you were too timid to wear before.
- Express your individuality by being creative. Write a story, pick up an acting class, or sign a song at an open mic. Let your former man see you being comfortable with expressing your individuality.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Make Him Want You Again

1
Develop confidence. Assertiveness and self-confidence are naturally attractive to most people. Showing your guy you're capable of being happy is appealing and brings a natural desire. If he sees that you're happy with who you are and what you do, he'll want you even more. Here's how to develop confidence:^{[7]
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- Become a more positive thinker.If you learn to see the good in the world instead of the bad, you'll give off an irresistible positive energy, and your guy will want to be around you again.
- Be happy with your appearance. Think of at least three things you love about yourself, and dress to show off your best assets. Make sure to get regular exercise to stay mentally and physically strong.
- Be assertive. Speak in a clear and effective manner instead of mumbling or talking softly. Command attention with your voice, and everyone will see that you're confident about what you have to say.
2
Be more classy. It's fun to be in a party and dance a lot, but that's not always classy behavior. If you're at a party, the classy behavior is to socialize, but speak calmly, not monopolizing all the attention. You can still get a little crazy as long as you don't get sloppy and he'll like you even more for it. No one wants a girl who is falling down drunk or fighting for all of the attention in the room.
- Being classy is a form of being mature. Every guy wants a girl who is mature and in control of her emotions instead of a hot mess in public.
- Dress elegantly. You have to look classy as well as be classy. You can show some cleavage, but don't wear anything so scandalous or tight that it looks like you're desperate or just trashy. If you look cute but classy, your former flame will naturally notice you.
3
Let him see you having a great time. Have a big smile on your face and let him see you really enjoying yourself and bringing pleasure to the world and the people around you. You shouldn't have to fake it. If you really want him to want you, then you should actually be having a great time, and be comfortable enough to be happy without him.
- Laugh -- a lot. Let him see you laughing and giggling with friends and really having the time of your life.
- Be engaged. Be fully engaged in whatever conversation you're having. Let him see you being animated, gesturing, and making great points.
- Let him see you engaging in fun activities. If he sees you laughing it up at trivia night, having a great time running with a girlfriend, or hitting up the dance floor, he'll want to spend more time with you.
4
Avoid desperate behavior like the plague. If you're desperate to get his attention, make him see how much fun you're having, or to look so hot that he falls over, then he'll be able to tell right away. Just work on being your best self and hope he catches you in the process. Don't overdo it, or you'll only make things worse.
- Don't try too hard to look like you're having fun when you're around him. Let it be natural.
- Don't try too hard to look good around him, either. Dress appropriately for the occasion and don't wear much more makeup than usual or incredibly high heels just to catch his eye. He will notice you this way -- but not in a good way.
- Don't cling to him. Let him come to you. If you're at a party, let him come up to say hi first.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Make a Move

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Tell him how you feel. Once you've reflected on what went wrong, improved yourself, and caught his attention, there's nothing left to do but to tell him how you feel. This part will be hard, but you'll have to swallow your pride and get over the nervousness in your gut if you want results. Opening up and letting him know that you want to try again won't be easy, but it will be worth it.^{[8]
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Research source} Here's how to do it:
- Pick the right place and time. Try to get him alone at a time when he's in a good mood and when there isn't a chance his friends will be lurking in the background.
- Swallow your pride. If you've made any mistakes, apologize for the past, and be as specific as possible to show that you're self-aware.
- Be honest. Tell him that you really miss having him in your life, and that you made a big mistake and want him back.
- Say that you want to make it up to him and to show him how much you've changed.
2
Keep him this time. If your former guy is receptive, then you'll start spending more time with him, whether he asks you out on a date or just spends more time with you in the company of others. You have to make the most of the time you have with him to make sure that you don't lose him again. Here's what you should do:
- Don't repeat your mistakes. Remind yourself of what went wrong and vow not to do the same thing this time. Remember how hard you've tried to improve yourself.
- Don't put too much pressure on yourself. If you're constantly worried about not messing up again, you won't be able to focus on the present.
- Start fresh. Think of this as starting a brand-new relationship while having a bank of information to work with. Don't dwell on the past or rehash old arguments.
- Be yourself. Though you're an improved version of yourself, you're still you at the end of the day, so remember to be the girl he fell for in the beginning. If you try too hard to prove how different you've become, you'll lose sight of who you are.
3
Know when to walk away.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.} If you've tried everything and then some, but your former man still won't give you the time of day, then too much damage has been done for you to pursue the relationship further. If he's ignoring you, resisting your advances, or just downright being mean to you, then it's time to walk away before you get even more hurt.
- Remember that not very relationship can be salvaged. You've done your best and can applaud yourself for trying.
- Walk away with your head high. Don't be embarrassed about opening up and sharing your true feelings.

Expert Q&A

Question

When should you not take someone back?

Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Courtney Quinlan is a Matchmaker and Dating Coach and the Owner of Midwest Matchmaking. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in finding individuals a compatible partner, providing guidance throughout the dating process, and crafting events for singles in the Midwest. Courtney holds a BS in Broadcast Journalism from The University of Nebraska at Omaha.

Courtney Quinlan

Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

You shouldn't take your ex back if the relationship wasn't healthy. As sad as it is, some relationships are broken and unable to be fixed.
Question

Does getting back together ever work?

Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Courtney Quinlan is a Matchmaker and Dating Coach and the Owner of Midwest Matchmaking. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in finding individuals a compatible partner, providing guidance throughout the dating process, and crafting events for singles in the Midwest. Courtney holds a BS in Broadcast Journalism from The University of Nebraska at Omaha.

Courtney Quinlan

Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Possibly, but you should evaluate your relationship before trying to patch things up. Try talking with therapist and seeing if it's worth getting back together. During your sessions, you can decide if you really want to be with your ex, or if you just like the idea of being in a relationship.

Warnings

Don't get revenge by cheating yourself.

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Never tell your friends that you are having problems with your man because they'll just end up interfering!

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Don't respond to the content of their remarks. The less you say, the less likely you are to get drawn into an argument.

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