How to Make Your Boyfriend Chase You Again

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta

Last Updated: March 13, 2020 Approved

Your boyfriend isn't calling you like he used to when you first started to go out. In fact, he doesn't seem to care whether you get together at all. Unfortunately, a stalling romance is not uncommon once the luster wears off a new relationship. If you're facing this issue, it doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed. There are some things that you can do to bring back the spark of your early days.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Staying Independent

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Live your own life. Don't make him the center of your universe: no one wants to, or can be solely responsible for the other person's happiness. It's too much to ask of anyone, and it is ultimately a relationship-killer.^{[1]
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Research source} Spend time cultivating your own interests and allow him the time to do the same. When you make time for yourself, you'll be surprised at how much more frequent and enjoyable your time with your boyfriend will become.
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Spend time with your friends. Don't put your social life on hold for him. Make your own plans to hang out with your friends. This will let him see you as an independent person who has a social life apart from him. Over time, he'll realize that he needs to claim some of your time if he wants to be with you.

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Go away for a while. This is especially important if you live with your boyfriend. You need to give him the physical space to miss you a little. Take a two-week vacation somewhere you've always wanted to visit. Go home to your family for a little bit, or go and visit some friends you haven't seen in a long time.
- Important tip: resist the urge to call or text him, other than a short message to let him know you arrived safely at your destination.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Inspiring His Chase Instinct

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Give him the space to chase you. Simply put, if you're doing most of the chasing, you're not giving him the opportunity or the desire to chase you.^{[2]
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Research source} Don't take charge of your relationship. Let him come forward in his own way, and in his own time. For example, try the following:
- If he texts you or leaves you a message, don't return it right away. Make him wait a little.
- Let him plan your next date. Make him do the work. The date will be much more satisfying for the both of you.
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Play hard to get. As trite as this sounds, it is effective. It doesn't mean withholding sex, although that can be part of it. In modern practice it just means that you aren't always available when he asks you on a date or to hang out together. Even if you have no plans, don't agree to see him every time he calls you.
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Dress nicely. You don't have to forsake your comfortable sweats and old ratty t-shirt, but you should dress up nicely sometimes. Studies show that when you like what you're wearing, you radiate self-confidence, and self-confidence is very attractive.
- Choose outfits that you know compliment your body and that you feel confident in wearing. When you know you look good, it will show in the way you carry yourself, and nothing is more sexy to a man than a confident woman.
EXPERT TIP

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Our Expert Agrees: Don't get complacent in your relationship. At least once a month, get dressed up and go out together. In addition, communicate openly about sex and try new things, and be physically affectionate in non-sexual ways, like giving each other foot rubs or back massages.
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Show him your appreciation. Your boyfriend enjoys giving to you, and it's his goal to make you happy. So, when he succeeds, be sure to show him. Be specific, too: men respond best to compliments tied to a certain action rather than generalities.^{[3]
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Research source} You can say something like "Honey, I really enjoyed our date last night. You did a great job picking out that restaurant. Thank you for a wonderful night." Knowing that he has pleased you will swell his chest with pride in himself and love for you, the amazing woman that he's so lucky to have in his life.