How to Make Your Ex Boyfriend Want You Back

Co-authored by Julia McCurley

Last Updated: October 7, 2021 References Approved

It's not easy to make your ex-boyfriend want you back. But, though it may be hard, it’s not impossible. To get started, focus on being patient and working on your differences, and hopefully the two of you will be able to come together once more.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Getting Some Distance

1
Take a break from your ex-boyfriend. You may be dying to be back with your ex-boyfriend, but the worst thing you can do is hang around him incessantly, call him, or wink at him in class until he gets the picture. If you're always around, he probably does get the picture, but it won't be one that he likes. Instead, you should take a breather and stop hanging around him, at least for a few weeks or longer.^{[1]
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- You can decide whether you want to cut off contact completely, or if that's impossible because of school.
- Stop calling or texting him. Even if you think of something funny that reminds you of him, it's better to hold off.^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  Julia McCurley
  Certified Professional Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.}
- Try to avoid seeing him at all, even when you're hanging out with mutual friends. If you do catch yourselves at the same party, you don't have to be rude to him, but you shouldn't spend too much time talking to him.
- You don't have to be rude to take a break from your ex. If you do run into him, you don't have to run away, but you don't have to linger and talk about nothing either.
2
Think about what went wrong. While you distance yourself from your boyfriend, you'll be in a good position to reflect on the problems in the relationship. If you want to get your man back, then you have to figure out what it was that went wrong, so you don't do it all over again. The problem could be simple, or it could take a bit longer to figure out. Here are some of the things that could have gone wrong:^{[3]
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- Maybe you were too jealous or controlling, and he couldn't handle it anymore.
- Maybe you didn't spend enough time together.
- Maybe he felt like you weren't caring or affectionate enough.
- Maybe he felt like you were too clingy and were always around.
- Maybe there was a situational change, like one of you having to move to a different town, or maybe he was leaving for college in just a few months and wanted to break it off.
- Maybe you were just always fighting and didn't get along.
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3
Make a game plan for addressing the problem. Once you figure out what went wrong in the relationship - which could be a combination of problems instead of just one - it's time to think about how you can make things different next time. You don't want to make your ex-boyfriend want you back if you'll just run into the same problems and drama all over again.^{[4]
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- You need to work on making some big changes, whether it's controlling an aspect of your personality that led to the downfall of the relationship, or to think about how you can change the dynamics of the relationship if it started again.
- If the problem was that you were jealous, you need to think about how you can be less jealous.
- If he thought you were too bossy or controlling, you need to tone down that aspect of your personality.
- If you fought all the time, you can think about how you can be less combative.
- If the problem had to do more with him, then you can think about how you can be together again without this issue -- maybe he'll be willing to change. But if he's not willing to change and you know this will be an issue long term, then you should consider whether or not it's worth it to get him back.
4
Work on yourself.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.} Take some time to work out whatever problem may have ended your relationship, and just spend time enjoying your own company or hanging out with friends. Make a list of three flaws that you'd like to change about yourself, and slowly start to address them. It takes a lifetime to grow as a person, but even taking small steps to become your ideal steps can help your relationship.^{[6]
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- If you have some quality "me time," your ex will start to wonder where you are. If you're busy focusing on yourself, that will make him think about you even more.
- Spend time with your girlfriends, working out, or pursuing your favorite hobbies.^{[7]
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  Expert Source
  
  Julia McCurley
  Certified Professional Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.}
- Take some time to work on yourself, but not too much time. If you spend months addressing your issues and completely fall out of the picture, your ex may have moved on.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Making Him Notice You Again

1
Let your ex see you having a great time without him.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.} After enough time has passed and you feel that you both got some perspective, you should start giving your ex the opportunity to see you having a great time. Starting going to the parties where he goes, or run into him with a friend at his favorite coffee shop or bar. Don't be too obvious about it, but let him see you with your other friends and remember how much fun it is to hang out with you.
- If you know you'll see him, look your best without being too obvious that you're dressing up for him.
- When you do run into him, greet him with a smile and a surprised look -- you were so busy having fun that you didn't even think about the possibility of him being around.
2
Make him jealous (optional). This doesn't work for everyone, but if you think that having your ex see you with another guy, or just flirting with a group of guys, will make him want to be around you even more than go for it. This doesn't mean you should get another boyfriend just to make him jealous. Just let him see you flirting, tossing your hair back, or even getting on the dance floor with another guy or two.^{[9]
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- Don't go too far with this one. If he thinks you're actually dating someone else, he may back off. Or who knows -- that might make him want you even more.
3
Make him jealous on social media. Without being too obvious, post some photos of you having a great time with your friends, you at the beach, or even you hanging out with a few guys. This will make your ex remember how great you look and feel sad that he doesn't hang out with you anymore. Don't post anything too often -- just once or twice a week to remind him of how amazing you are.
- Pick a time when you know he's likely to be online -- if you know his schedule, you'll have a sense of when he's most likely to look at your pics.
4
Start hanging out with him a bit. Start making your relationship a bit more friendly. Move on from the casual hello to a short conversation, and then even stick around and chat with him for ten or even twenty minutes. Make sure you always say goodbye first, though, and don't make him linger longer than he wants to. This will make him even more sad to see you go. Then, wait for him to ask you to grab a coffee, or be bold and ask him for a drink.
- Don't give him any sign that you want to date him again. Just be really amazing and friendly, and he'll want to be with you again.
5
Let him see how you've changed. As you start hanging out maybe once, or twice a week, let him see that whatever quality he didn't like about you or your relationship is no longer there. If he thought you never listened to him, give him a chance to talk more. If he thought you were too clingy, let him see how independent you've become.^{[10]
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- Don't be too obvious about it. Don't say, "Don't you see how I'm no longer jealous when you talk to other girls?" Instead, just don't look jealous when he talks to other girls, and he'll figure out the rest.
6
Read the signs. If your ex wants to get back with you, you'll know. How did you know that he wanted you the first time? It's likely that he'll be sending similar signals your way. If he flirts with you, tells you that you look nice, lightly touches you, or just always asks what you're up to or if you're seeing anyone else, then yeah, he probably wants you back.^{[11]
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- Look at his body language. Does he make eye contact, try to stand close to you, and does his face light up with you walk in the room? If so, then he may want you back.
- If he just wants to keep you in the Friend Zone, then he won't act affectionate or loving towards you.
- Check out his Facebook or try to find out if he's seeing someone from mutual friends without being too obvious about it. He may be seeing someone else and is just talking to you to be nice or because he wants to be friends.
7
Slowly start to date again. If your ex starts to flirt with you and picks up on the fact that you want him again, he may just ask you out again if he's feeling it too. Or if you think he's liking hanging out with you again, you can just be bold and tell him how you feel, and then start dating him again if he feels the same way.
- This time, take it easy. Don't see him more than a few times a week. Work on building a solid foundation instead of jumping right in where you left off.
- Unless one problem in the relationship was your independence; you should be more independent than last time. Don't build your social schedule around your boyfriend's, and spend more time with friends or just doing your own thing.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Keeping Him This Time

1
Don't make the same mistakes. Remember that reflection period after your break up? Well, it should come in handy now. When you're with your boyfriend again, remind yourself of what went wrong and try to prevent it from happening. If the problem was that you fought too much, then remind yourself to calm down when you have the urge to pick a fight. If your problem was that you were mean to his friends, try to be nicer, this time -- your man should be worth it.
- If your ex is the one making the mistakes, gently remind him that whatever he's doing caused the same problem last time.
2
Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Though you should avoid making the same mistakes, if you're constantly obsessing over not making them, you won't be able to enjoy the relationship. Just have fun and try not to think about it too much unless you're having a conflict. If you're so worried that you'll lose him again every step you take, you won't be able to live in the moment.
- If you're insecure about the relationship ending again, your ex will be able to tell, and that will make him feel more uncertain, too.
3
Start fresh. Don't think of this as Part Two of your relationship saga -- think of it as two people starting completely over while being better equipped to deal with any challenges that come their way. Though you can't completely forget the past, there's no need to dwell on it or rehash it. Of course, if any fond memory of the past comes up, you should talk about it, but think of everything as starting anew.
- You're starting over, and this time, you're just going about it with more foresight.
4
Don't forget to be yourself.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.} It's important to work on yourself to improve your relationship as long as both people are doing the work. But you shouldn't change yourself completely just to fit some image of what your ex wanted from you. You should only change if you want to change, not just for him. Remember that he liked you for a reason originally, so if you change too much, he may not be able to recognize the girl he fell for.
- There's a difference between addressing your flaws and being a new person entirely. It's okay to address your flaws, but not to completely transform for the sake of a relationship.
5
Know when it's not working. If you'd been back with your ex for a while and something just isn't right, then it may be true that you did break up for a good reason, after all. Some couples thrive on the drama of breaking up and getting back together, but there's usually a reason why two people can't stay together, and it's that they just aren't right for each other. If the same problems are creeping up again, or you or your ex just aren't happy, then it may be time to take the relationship off life support.
- Be honest with yourself. If you've tried everything and it just isn't working, then it may be time to let go for good.
- Be proud of yourself for working hard to get your ex back. At least now you know that it wasn't worth it after all -- it's better to know the truth than to wonder what could have happened if you fought for his heart again.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you get your ex-boyfriend to chase you and appreciate you more?

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Julia McCurley is a Certified Professional Matchmaker, Relationship Coach, and the CEO of Something More, Austin's premier matchmaking service. She has been creating happy couples in Austin for over 12 years and has helped hundreds of singles on their journey to finding love. Her blogs have been published on the Huffington Post, Good Men Project, SheKnows, Emlovz, and The Dating Truth. She also just published her first book, Game Set Match: A Professional Matchmaker's Advice on How to Win At the Game Of Love. Julia holds a BA in Business and Communications from The University of Puget Sound and received her Master Executive Matchmaker Certification from The Matchmaking Institute.

Julia McCurley

Certified Professional Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Make positive changes in your appearance. Become the person you were when you first met. Do things you enjoyed doing when you were single and that make you feel good or confident.
Question

How do I make him miss me using psychology?

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Julia McCurley is a Certified Professional Matchmaker, Relationship Coach, and the CEO of Something More, Austin's premier matchmaking service. She has been creating happy couples in Austin for over 12 years and has helped hundreds of singles on their journey to finding love. Her blogs have been published on the Huffington Post, Good Men Project, SheKnows, Emlovz, and The Dating Truth. She also just published her first book, Game Set Match: A Professional Matchmaker's Advice on How to Win At the Game Of Love. Julia holds a BA in Business and Communications from The University of Puget Sound and received her Master Executive Matchmaker Certification from The Matchmaking Institute.

Julia McCurley

Certified Professional Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Using reverse psychology is a great way to evaluate interest in a relationship. For example, don't return their calls or texts in a timely manner.

Warnings

Make sure you don't make yourself look stupid trying to impress him, flicking your hair, making him laugh, etc.

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Don't take trying to make him jealous too far because eventually as time goes on you'll be the one hurting and wondering if he's really getting jealous.

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