How to Know a Girl's Feelings

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta

Last Updated: March 22, 2023 References

Finding out a girl’s feelings is a complicated matter that is even more complicated by the fact that her feelings can change and may not be consistent. There are a multitude of indicators of feelings that are expressed in her eyes, in her facial expressions and vocal inflections, and in physical behaviors, but understanding the context is necessary to understanding what they mean. For example, the initial looks that are given by a girl when they meet a guy are not likely to be real indicators of how she is feeling romantically toward him.^{[1]
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Research source} Instead, you have to look at nonverbal signals over time to be able to determine romantic interest. The best way to find out her feelings for you is through watching patterns develop over time and asking her directly if she has feelings for you.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Noticing Her Eyes and Gaze

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Pay attention to her gaze. There are several things that eyes can tell you about the way she might feel romantically. If her eyes seem to gravitate toward your face and eyes often, during conversation and when you are not in conversation, she may be interested in you romantically.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.} Typically if a person is interested in someone else sexually, than her gaze will shift to parts of his body that she finds attractive. If a person is romantically interested in another person, her gaze will stay more focused on their face and eyes of the other person. ^{[3]
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- Be careful though, her eye shifting patterns could be a sign that she is an extrovert. Extroverts tend to be much more stimulated by social interactions and make more eye contact than introverts.
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Notice the size of her pupils. Constricting eye pupils are another indicator or interest or desire. If you notice that the black pupils of her eyes become smaller when she is looking at you, it could indicate that she is interested in you romantically or sexually. People's eyes will dilate when they are looking at something that they want. ^{[4]
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- This is particularly easy to spot in people with blue eyes because of the contrast between the darker black pupil and the lighter blue iris.
- Be careful, people’s pupils also constrict in response to increased light brightness, so be aware of any lighting changes if you notice her pupils constrict.
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3
Count how many times she blinks in a minute. If while you are talking she blinks more than 6-10 times in a minute, that could indicate that she has feelings for you. People who are looking at something or someone they like tend to blink more often than normal. Wear a watch with a second hand that you can easily watch while you are counting. Make sure that you two are interacting while you count. ^{[5]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Paying Attention to Expressions Behaviors

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Listen to the tone of her voice. If she is romantically interested in you, her voice will probably get lower, not higher, and it will sound huskier and more breathy. Researchers theorize that there is a cultural stereotype that women who are interested in a man speak in a way that is more low and seductive.^{[6]
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- There has been a misconception that women who are romantically interested in a man will make the tone of their voices higher and sweeter. However, if she is trying to send you signals that she likes you, she is probably talking in a deeper and huskier tone.
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Look for groupings of gestures. A group of gestures together could show that she feels connected to you. For example, if she is smiling, she has her head titled to the side, and she is holding or touching her face at the same time, this could indicate possible romantic interest in you. ^{[7]
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- If she is extroverted, she may be more expressive with her gestures and more likely to make these kinds displays with people whom she simply feels connected to.
3
Watch her body language when she laughs. Although laughter itself is not an indicator of romantic interest, what happens when she laughs could be. When men are interested in someone they tend to take up more space and lean forward toward that person while they are laughing. When women are interested, they will position their bodies so that their positive physical traits are being highlighted while they are laughing. Women will sit up straighter or take on postures that make them more attractive or seductive.^{[8]
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- She might also be sitting closer or placing her hand on you.^{[9]
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  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.}
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Don’t assume too much too fast. If you are interested in her, your interest in her could hurt your ability to read her signals correctly. Anticipating signals of attraction from her will make your perceptions more unreliable, so take your time and do not jump to conclusions too quickly. Take the span of a whole night or a few dates to gauge her feelings for you. ^{[10]
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Research source} When you are observing her try to be objective, and look at the situation how a person with an outside perspective might see it.
- Look at how she is acting with other people to check to see if you are assuming too much. For example, if she seems to be giving other people lots of eye contact and grouping her gestures often, she may be an extrovert, and you will need to take that into account when you read her body language.
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Notice signals that say she is not interested in you. Just like there is body language that shows interest, there is also body language that shows disinterest or anxiety. For example, if she is raising her eyebrows often, she might be uncomfortable. And this could mean that she does not want you to like her.^{[11]
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Research source} Additionally, crossed legs and arms may mean that she is trying to stay closed off to you. This could mean that she is anxious or resistant to your feelings. ^{[12]
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- You can ask her if she is worried about anything.^{[13]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.} If she tells you that something is going on with her that is causing her worry, her body language may not be in response to you.
- Also, her feelings for you could be causing her anxiety if she likes you and does not know how you feel. This anxiety could be coming across in her body language. If you notice conflicting signals of interest and than disinterest, you may want to talk to her about her feelings.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Communicating With Her

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Ask her to do an activity where you can concentrate on her. Set up an activity like going out to dinner or going to a coffee shop for the purpose of talking. Make sure there is plenty of time for you to sit across from her and talk about things. The best way to understand a person’s feelings is to have a conversation with them where you are looking at them and actively listening.^{[14]
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- Men generally feel more intimacy from doing side by side activities, like watching sports or drinking, but doing side by side activities makes it is harder to read how a person else is feeling because you are not facing the person and actively listening during these activities.
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Listen actively to what she says to you. Sit face to face, and when she is talking, lean forward a little and maintain eye contact with her. This will allow you to understand her feelings because you will get access to all of the signals that she sends through their voice inflections, facial expressions, and body language. The more information that you get, the easier it is to understand how she is feeling. ^{[15]
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Research source} Use your body language and these conversational techniques to improve your listening skills:
- Show through your body posture that you are listening. This will encourage her to speak, and you will be able to understand her more the more she communicates. Nod your head to show your agreement or to encourage her to keep talking.
- Give her the right amount of distance. This will also encourage her to communicate with you because if you give her the right distance she will be more comfortable talking to you. If you stand too close, you may come off as overly interested while standing too far away will make you seem aloof. Give her space to talk but position yourself so that you can hear and see her well.
- Restate the main idea of what she is saying. This will help you know that you are understanding her feelings correctly. And she will be able to correct you if you have the wrong idea of what is going on with her. If she is talking about her frustrating day, for example, you can say “So you are saying that you didn’t understand why your sister was acting up until you saw what was going on with her at school.”
- Be empathetic to her feelings. If you can start to exercise this muscle in your interactions with her, you will become more adept at picking up on how she is feeling. Empathy means you can understand the feeling that she experienced even if you do not share a common feeling. For example, you can combine restating her main idea and being empathetic by saying “You must have felt so eager to get out of the house after sitting in a desk all day.”
3
Ask her how she feels about you or a situation where you are worried about her feelings. Often the best way to find out how someone feels is to ask them directly. This will take the guesswork out of your interactions and can free you from overthinking the situation. You should listen the most to what a person says, even if you think it contradicts what their body language says.
- Find a place where you aren’t distracted by other people or activities. This doesn’t have to be a long conversation. Look for a quiet table or a couple of chairs where you can sit for a couple of minutes and talk about how she feels.
- Ask her if she would mind talking to you for a minute. You don’t want the situation to put too much pressure on her, so tell her it will be short. You don’t need a lot of time to ask her how she is feeling. Say “Hey, do you mind talking for a minute?”
- Think about what you want to know specifically before you talk to her. Phrase your question in your mind before you ask it. If you seem confused or ambiguous when you ask her the question, she may not be able to understand how to answer your question, and she may give you an answer that doesn’t help you. First think about how you feel, for example, “I am starting to develop romantic feelings for you.” And then consider what you want to know, “I want to find out how you feel about me romantically.” Make sure you are specific. For example, “Do you feel romantically for me?” is a better question than “Do you like me?” because “like” could mean many different things to different people and is too ambiguous. She may not want to hurt your feelings and might avoid telling you how she feels directly unless you ask her directly.
- Ask her directly how she feels, and tell her how you feel. For example, you can say “I have been really enjoying our time together and have developed romantic feelings for you. Do you feel romantically about me?”
- Respect her feelings, and do not feel bad about how she feels. Recognize that you are brave for asking, and if you respect her feelings, then you can only feel good about your actions. Remember that your self worth and identity are not in how she feels about you even though you may care very much.