How to Tell a Girl Your Feelings if You're Shy

Co-authored by Imad Jbara

Last Updated: December 1, 2022 References Approved

One of the hardest things to do when growing up is tell a girl your feelings. Unfortunately, it sometimes doesn't get any easier. While telling a girl your feelings is tough when you are shy, you should always remember that she can't read minds, and you'll have to make a move sooner or later.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Preparing to Talk to Her

1
Spend time thinking about your own feelings. What about this girl attracts you? Why do you feel the way you do? What are your feelings for this girl -- romantic, friendly, confused? Take some time to think about what you want out of your relationship so you can have a clearer idea of what to so.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- It can help to write down your feelings, potentially as a letter to her. You don't have to send it, but writing down your feelings can help you get a handle on them.
2
Take some time to get to know her. Find out some things you have in common, and things you don't. Things you agree about, and things you don't. You and her could end up liking the same thing, and not even have had the slightest clue because she's been hiding it so well.
- If you don't talk often, try and get her to initiate conversation. Hang out with her and her friends, sit next to her at class, and put yourself in a place to chat.
Advertisement
3
Prepare what you want to say. Think about your feelings and find a way to say them. You might write down a few lines, get together a quick "practice line," or rehearse the conversation in the mirror.
- "I think you're great, and would love a chance to get to know you more."
- "I really enjoy our friendship, and I was hoping we could go on a date or two to see where things go."
- "Let's go out on a date sometime."
4
Don't rely too much on canned lines. Preparation aside, you have to be ready to improvise when the actual conversation starts. This can be difficult if you are naturally shy, so don't try and overdo it. Say what you want to say quickly, then let her talk from there. Your response doesn't have to be planned, and it will come off more naturally if it is not.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Telling a Girl you Like Her

1
Pick a time and place you are comfortable in. Make this as easy on yourself as possible by making yourself feel good. Pick a spot that you know well to ease any nervousness or talkative. Good spots generally have few people, are quiet, and are easy to get to naturally. Don't make a big spectacle by asking her to follow you to a romantic spot. A quiet hallway or corner after school is just as good a spot to talk about your feelings as any other.^{[2]
X
Research source}
2
Find some humor in the situation. If you still feel shy around her, use a bit of humor to lighten the mood. Say something like, "Things were a lot less awkward between us before I inserted a size 12 foot in my mouth." Show that you don't take yourself too seriously and she will feel relaxed as well.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- If you aren't naturally funny, that is okay too. Finding humor in a situation is more about finding the best side of yourself, even when things get awkward.
3
Go ahead and say it. The great secret to getting over shyness is just coming out and saying what you feel. It is not easy, but it is the only way to do it. Keep it short and to the point. "I really like you, and I'd love to go out on a date sometime," is all you need to say. Some tricks to get it all out include:
- Count to 3 in your head-- when you get to zero, you have to say it.
- Avoid chit-chatting beforehand. Say hello, ask how she is doing, then launch right in.
4
Be honest. If she is going to ditch you because of a little initial awkwardness, is she really that worth being with? Quickly admitting that you feel nervous may be the best way to break the ice, and she will appreciate your honesty. What you are telling her is that you like her so much you feel shy saying it -- that kind of honesty and vulnerability is going to go a long way. Lines to try include:^{[4]
X
Research source}
- "I'm a bit nervous to say this, but..."
- "I know I seem kind of awkward, but I want you to know how I feel."
5
Prepare yourself for rejection. If she says she doesn't like you back, it's no big deal. Just ask if you can still be friends, and act cool. And don't be mean to her just because she rejects you. It's her choice, after all. And you may have just been chasing after the wrong girl.^{[5]
X
Research source}

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Gauging if She Likes You

1
Ask her on a "casual date" with other friends or a group of people. This is usually a good way to gauge your relationship without the pressure of an intimate date. If you're having a get together with friends or going out to a club, ask her along or have a friend invite her. This way you can see each other in a social setting.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- Does she spend time with you? Do you have fun together?
2
Be yourself, even if you are shy. Trying to fake someone into liking you is a sure-fire way to start a failing relationship. You have to have confidence in who you are. If she doesn't like that, then you would not have made a very happy couple anyway. Feel more confident by focusing less on yourself and more on her.^{[7]
X
Research source}

EXPERT TIP

Imad Jbara
Relationship Coach
Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.

Imad Jbara
Relationship Coach

Our Expert Agrees: Before you even get into a relationship, you need to be comfortable enough to tell each other who you are as a person. If you try to cover up things about yourself, it will seem like you're changing when you start to express yourself later in the relationship. It can also be really mentally draining because you're not able to be your true, genuine self.
3
Ask a mutual friend for advice. Someone on the outside can give you valuable perspective on her feelings for you, and give some advice on how to proceed. Find a friend you trust and confide in them to see how they see things. Do they think you would make a good couple? Do they think the feelings are mutual? How would they talk to her about your feelings?
- This can be a "practice round," helping you sort out your feelings.
4
Note her body language around you. Does she make eye contact, hug or touch you, lean in when you talk, or sit next to you whenever possible? These are all good signs that she may have similar feelings.
- Closing her body off by folding her arms, avoiding eye-contact, or making excuses not to talk are often signs that she is not interested.