How to Ignore Your Boyfriend

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: July 26, 2021 References Approved

All relationships come with their ups and downs. Perhaps you and your boyfriend are fighting. Maybe he has become emotionally closed off. If talking is getting you nowhere, try a new tactic. At times you may need to distance yourself from your significant other, or even intentionally ignore him!

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Assessing the Situation

1
Examine the situation. Identify when your boyfriend’s behavior started to upset you. Consider how your actions may have impacted the situation.
- Does the shift in his mood coincide with a stressful week at school or work or has he been acting strange for months? His inattention may not be a reflection of his feelings for you, but his emotional response to a stressful or upsetting situation.
- Are you placing unreasonable expectations on your boyfriend? Do you flood his inbox with texts? Are you constantly checking up on him? Or, have you remained patient, calm, and trusting? Are you the only one putting any effort into the relationship?
2
Reflect on your feelings. Ask yourself why you desire to ignore your boyfriend. Are you fighting? Is he failing to communicate with you? Consider why his actions, or lack of actions, are upsetting you. Are you the only one putting any effort into the relationship? Remember, you are allowed to feel upset, hurt, angry, or neglected.^{[1]
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- Keep track of your thoughts in a journal.
- Talk through your feelings with someone you trust. Talk about your feelings over coffee with your best friend.
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3
Talk with your boyfriend. Have a conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings and concerns. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Allow him to respond. Don’t cut him off or interrupt him. If he remains emotionally evasive or brushes of your concerns, end the conversation and take action.^{[2]
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- Take responsibility for your feelings. Use "I" statements, such as "I feel ignored," "I am concerned about our relationship," "I feel hurt when you choose to hang out with your friends instead of spending time with me."
- Avoid "you" statements, which place the blame completely on the other person. Examples of "you" statements include "you are ignoring me," "You don't seem to care about our relationship," and "you never want to see me."^{[3]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Restructuring Your Time

1
Create some space. Don’t spend all of your spare time with your boyfriend! Intentionally spend time away from your significant other. Limit the amount of time you see your significant other. It may make him miss you!^{[4]
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- Occupy yourself. If you live together, do not let him be the center of your attention. Read a book, go for a run, cook something, clean something, do anything but do not try to get his attention just to entertain yourself.
- Do not spend every night at your boyfriend's house. Try to spend a few nights a week alone. This will give him time to realize that he may miss you when you are gone.
EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Our Expert Agrees: If you need some space from your boyfriend, go focus on your own life. Spend time with your friends, go to a movie, take a walk, or whatever you enjoy.
2
Rededicate yourself to your job or a hobby. Now that you have spare time, invest it in your career or a new hobby. Filling your time with new activities and setting new professional goals for yourself will make it easier to intentionally spend time away from your boyfriend.^{[5]
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- Refocus your energy on excelling at work. Take on a new project or assume additional responsibilities.
- Devote your free time to scrapbooking, a new club, or a sport. Finding activities that allow you to meet new people are a great way to fill your time!
- Get active! Join a local gym or explore a new trail.
- Spend time outside. Go to the beach or relax under a tree with a great book!
3
Spend time with friends and family members. Instead of sitting at home alone, go out with your friends and spend time with your family. Enjoy a night out on the town with your besties! Plan a trip to see your family. Fill your social calendar with fun hangouts, spontaneous adventures, and relaxing outing. Reconnecting with friends and family members will make it easier for you to ignore your boyfriend.^{[6]
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- Visit your local art museum with a friend.
- Invite a close family member over to your place for dinner.
- Host a themed party.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Altering Your Body Language

1
Give him the cheek. When you are out and about town with your boyfriend, abstain from PDA. Treat him as you would treat a friend. If he goes in for a kiss, give him the cheek. When he reaches for your hand, put it in your pocket.^{[7]
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- Don't toy with him by initiating PDA. Resist the urge to rub his back or rest your head on his shoulder.
2
Distance yourself. Increase the amount of physical space between you and your boyfriend. Don’t sit directly next to him on the couch, but sit a space away or opt to sit in a chair. Put distance between your bodies at night.
- Don’t spoon with him in bed!
- If you attend the same class, sit a different row.
- Separating yourself from him physically will make it easier to avoid his advances (and keep you from initiating contact too)!
3
Limit eye contact. When you happen to run into your boyfriend in public, avoid making eye contact with him. Avert your eyes to something in the distance. Look up. Look down. Look all around. Just don’t look at him!^{[8]
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- Don't turn your back to him, you won't be able to see his reaction? Keep him in your peripheral vision; watch him out of the corner of your eye.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Reducing Your Communications

1
Stop initiating communication. Don’t call your boyfriend or text him. Let him take the initiative to contact you for a change. When the urge to call him arises, call a friend instead. Make plans to see a movie or go out to eat with your friend.
- Only contact your boyfriend when it is absolutely necessary!
- Avoid him on social media too. If it is too tempting to chat with him online, take a brief hiatus from social media or block him.
2
Ignore his calls and texts. When your boyfriend contacts you, ignore him! Let his calls go to voice mail. Let his unanswered text messages fill your inbox. Force your boyfriend to wait around for your response!
- Resist the urge to constantly check your phone. Keep it in the next room, turn it off, or put it on silent.
- Give your phone to a friend or family member.
- Ignore his attempts to reach you on social media platforms too! Don't respond to his messages or reply to his comments. Block him for a short period of time if you must.
3
Shorten your responses. When you talk with your boyfriend, keep the conversation brief. Reply to his inquiries with short responses, don’t elaborate. Don’t ask him questions about his day or his plans for the weekend. Come off as aloof and uninterested.^{[9]
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- Reply with head nods and shrugs.
- Keep your responses brief. Use one-word answers: “Yes,” “No,” “Okay,” and “Fine.”

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it okay to ignore your boyfriend?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

If you feel like ignoring your boyfriend, chances are that you want to let him know that you're upset about something. However, if you want to have a healthy, mature relationship, eventually you're going to have to talk about what's bothering you. If you can communicate and work together, you might be able to resolve the problem. If you can't do that, ask yourself whether you really want to be in a toxic relationship where you have to give someone the silent treatment to get their attention. If you need some space from your boyfriend, go focus on your own life. Spend time with your friends, go to a movie, take a walk, or whatever you enjoy.