How to Get Your Boyfriend Back When He Broke Up with You

When your boyfriend breaks up with you, the first thing you may want to do is to call him, tell him how you feel, and hope that he's going to want you back. You may feel the need to inundate him with pleas to be in a relationship again, but first, consider if getting back together is in both of your best interests. If getting your boyfriend back is what you really want, then consider giving him some space, bettering yourself, and finally, making friendly contact with him.

Part 1
Part 1 of 4:

Considering Why He Broke Up with You

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    Try to understand why the relationship ended. Was it a fight, cheating, or did you feel that he slowly lost interest? Understanding why he broke up with you will help you understand if trying to get him back is the best thing to do.[1]
    • Think about his behavior in the weeks before the breakup. This will help you determine if the relationship can be saved.
    • If it was a sudden breakup resulting from a disagreement, then he just may need some cooling off time.
    • If the relationship had been going wrong for months, then consider if trying to get him back is worth the effort.
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    Evaluate the cause of the argument. If it was an argument that led to the breakup, understanding why the fight happened will help you fix it. Was it your first fight, or was the fighting consistent? People fight, break up, and make up all the time. But if it was a pattern, this indicates bigger problems in the relationship as a whole.[2]
    • If the fight was physical, understand that physical violence is never okay. It is not a good idea to get back into a relationship with someone who uses physical violence against you.
    • Alternatively, it is never okay to use violence against a partner. Seek help from friends, family, and possibly a doctor if you have or have had thoughts about harming your partner.
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    Consider if you could get past cheating. If the relationship ended due to cheating, think about if a healthy relationship will be possible. More often than not, a relationship that ended due to cheating should stay that way. [3]
    • If he cheated, consider if you could truly forgive him. You may be reacting emotionally if the breakup was recent.
    • If you cheated, consider if trying to get him back is fair to him. The betrayal of cheating is difficult for most people to get past.
    • There was probably a root cause for the cheating. It is possible that the one who did the cheating was not satisfied in the relationship.
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    Understand why he lost interest. If the relationship faded because of a loss in interest, then consider the reason. The timing could have been off, you may have been going through a hard time, or you may not be the right person for him.[4]
    • He could have lost interest because one of you changed. You may have gone through a temporary change due to difficult circumstances, or you may have changed for the better. Sometimes people grow apart.
    • If the relationship ended because one or both of you changed, then it might be best for both of you to move on.
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    Accept the mistake.[5] If you think that you did something wrong, you should accept it, and prepare yourself to admit your wrongdoing. Understand that if you caused him pain, he was probably hurt by your actions. [6]
    • Make sure that you will do your best to not make the mistake again. If he takes you back, then it is important to not repeat your mistakes.
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    Understand your intentions. Consider if you truly want him to take you back, or if you only want him back because he broke up with you. You may feel the need to prove to yourself that you can get him back if your confidence was hurt when you were broken up with. Alternatively, the breakup might have made you realize how much you care for him.
    • Do not try to get back together with him if you do not have honest intentions. This will only lead to heartbreak for both parties.
Part 2
Part 2 of 4:

Giving Him Space

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    Be patient. It might take a short period of time to get him back, or it may be a long process. Either way, you will need to give him some space.[7]
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    Decide on a length of time with no contact. You may want to cut off contact for a week, month, or even a few months. The amount of time without any contact depends on the circumstances of the relationship and your breakup.[8]
    • Try cutting off contact for a week if you think a short period of time without contact is best for you.
    • If the breakup was especially hard, avoid contact for at least a month.
    • During this period, do your best not to return his messages or calls if he contacts you. You may decide to make contact after a while, but cutting off contact completely will help renew his interest.
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    Stop calling and texting him. You need to stop making contact if you have been calling or texting your ex-boyfriend over and over again. By stopping contact, you are giving your boyfriend breathing space to cool down. This will also give him a chance to consider if he made a mistake.
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    Avoid contacting him through social media. You might want to consider unfriending him on social media, but that is not necessary. It is, however, important to avoid commenting on or liking anything he posts. Do not message him either.
    • Unfriend him only if you find it too difficult to avoid contacting him or looking at what he posts. Otherwise, it is best to leave that form of communication open for the future.
    • Don’t look at what he posts on social media. It will only hurt more to see him having a good time without you.
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    Try to avoid seeing him in person. Avoid going to his favorite hangouts, or going to outings with mutual friends for a while. Don’t alter your own life too much, but try to avoid interacting with him in person.[9]
    • Stay friendly and professional if you work or go to school with your ex-boyfriend, but don’t talk to him unless it’s necessary.
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    Sit back and relax. Don’t put too much effort into avoiding your ex-boyfriend. Try your best to focus on other things you enjoy. He may realize your value if you do not react to the breakup in a desperate or needy manner.
Part 3
Part 3 of 4:

Focusing on Yourself

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    Allow yourself time to feel sad. It is normal to feel emotional after a breakup. Don’t try to suppress your sadness. You will be able to approach getting back together with a clear mind once you release your emotions.[10]
    • Feeling sad as a result of your breakup is normal. You should seek help if the sadness reflects in all aspects of your life and does not improve over time.[11]
    • Seek help if your sleeping, eating, and concentration is affected for more than two weeks. Definitely seek help if you are having thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
    • Don’t get too weighed down by self-pity. Allow yourself time to feel sad, but don’t forget the positive aspects of yourself.
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    Release your emotions in a creative way. Try writing your thoughts down in a journal, painting, or even writing songs. Writing and art are therapeutic ways to handle your thoughts and feelings.[12]
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    Make time for friends and family. Sometimes a breakup can leave you feeling alone, and it is common to lose contact with a few friends during the course of a relationship. Spend the time apart from your ex-boyfriend connecting with friends and family. Being around the people you love is a positive way to build confidence and mend hurt feelings.[13]
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    Make a positive change in your appearance. There is nothing wrong with the way you look now, but often a change of appearance is a quick way to gain confidence. The change in appearance can be as small as getting your teeth cleaned, or as dramatic as a new hair color.
    • Buy a new outfit. New clothes can show off just how how fun, sexy, or edgy you are.[14]
    • Start working out. A healthy change in lifestyle is beneficial to you, and your ex-boyfriend may notice the change.
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    Try something new. Now is a great time to try something you’ve been wanting to do. Doing something new is a good way to take your mind off of the breakup and prevent you from contacting him too soon.
    • Take a yoga class.
    • Go on a trip to a new destination.
    • Take a cooking class.
    • Volunteer at a homeless shelter.
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    Remember who you are. Being broken up with doesn’t make you any less of a person. Take this time to remember what aspects of you made your ex-boyfriend fall for you in the first place.[15]
    • Consider your strengths, but also consider your weaknesses. Don’t dwell on your weaknesses. Instead, think of ways to improve them.
Part 4
Part 4 of 4:

Making Friendly Contact

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    Make contact when you are truly ready. Try to stick to the amount of time you decided on to avoid contacting him. Don’t convince yourself to contact him after a short amount of time because you feel the urge to do so. Contacting him with a clear and strong mind will benefit both you and your ex-boyfriend.[16]
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    Start small. Make your first attempt at contact by liking what he posts on social media. If you aren’t friends with him on social media, then send him a brief text.[17]
    • If you send a text, don’t initiate too long of a conversation. Tell him you hope he’s doing well, or that you saw something that made you think of him.[18]
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    Send him a text message. Start by sending him a basic greeting, or ask how he’s doing. Try to initiate a light conversation.
    • Do not tell him that you miss him, love him, or want him back yet.
    • Don’t text him repeatedly if he does not answer back. Wait at least a few days or a week before trying again. If he never answers back, do not continue contacting him.
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    Give him a call. Once he starts answering your texts, try calling him. Hearing your voice after time apart could remind him how much he misses having you in his life.[19]
    • Try not to talk about the relationship just yet. Update him on your life, and ask about what has been going on with him.
    • Don’t get emotional or angry if he does not react in the way you would like at first.
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    Ask him out. You don’t have to ask him on a date just yet. Try asking him to hang out or meet up for an activity.[20]
    • Ask him out for coffee.
    • Suggest going on a hike or walk together.
    • Ask him to go to a movie or event that would interest him.
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    Take it slow. Don’t expect to jump back into the relationship you once had with him. Understand that he might still be hurt or confused. Spend time together in a friendly manner, but don’t try to force anything.[21]
    • Tell him what new things you have tried during your time apart.
    • Utilize the confidence you gained during the breakup to remind him how fun and friendly you are.
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    Ease into the suggestion of getting back together. Tell him that you enjoy spending time with him, let him know that you would like to be in a romantic relationship again. Don’t beg him to take you back as soon as he starts to feel comfortable with you again.[22]
    • Do not ask to get back together at first. Tell him that you have getting back together in mind.
    • Let him know that you would like to get back together by telling him that you think you’ve spent enough time apart to start fresh.
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    Talk it through. You may want to start with a clean slate, but understand that it will be difficult to get back together without talking about the past. Listens to his feelings and concerns. Talk calmly with him about your side of the story.[23]
    • Talk through your differences and come to an agreement. Do not jump back into a relationship without resolving the problems that led to the breakup.
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    Respect his decision.[24] He may agree to get back together, but he may think it’s best to stay broken up. Don’t get angry with him if he doesn’t want you back. Understand that the situation is out of your control.[25]
    • Do not bring up the past if you do get back together. Talk about the past before you decide to begin a relationship.
    • Don’t react badly if he decides not to get back together. He might not be ready yet. Don’t sabotage future chances by reacting emotionally.
    • Ask if his decision to not get back together is final. Accept that you will not be in a relationship with him again.
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    Remember that another person does not define your worth. Regardless of the outcome, your worth is not determined by a romantic partner. Stay confident and independent regardless of the outcome of his decision.[26]

Expert Q&A

  • Question
    What should you say to your boyfriend when he breaks up with you?
    Courtney Quinlan
    Courtney Quinlan
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Courtney Quinlan is a Matchmaker and Dating Coach and the Owner of Midwest Matchmaking. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in finding individuals a compatible partner, providing guidance throughout the dating process, and crafting events for singles in the Midwest. Courtney holds a BS in Broadcast Journalism from The University of Nebraska at Omaha.
    Courtney Quinlan
    Courtney Quinlan
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    It's actually best to give your boyfriend space after a break-up. Smothering him and calling him frequently won't fix things, but giving him the space and time to heal might.
  • Question
    How do you get back together after a break up?
    Courtney Quinlan
    Courtney Quinlan
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Courtney Quinlan is a Matchmaker and Dating Coach and the Owner of Midwest Matchmaking. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in finding individuals a compatible partner, providing guidance throughout the dating process, and crafting events for singles in the Midwest. Courtney holds a BS in Broadcast Journalism from The University of Nebraska at Omaha.
    Courtney Quinlan
    Courtney Quinlan
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Let him know that you still care about him and that you're going to work on the issues that originally put a strain on your relationship. Make it clear that you're willing to wait for him, but don't wait around forever, either—6 months is a good cut-off point.

Warnings

  • Do not threaten your ex-boyfriend with self-harm or violence.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
  • Respect his decision if he does not want to be in contact with you. Repeatedly contacting someone who does not want to be contacted is not healthy behavior.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
  • Don't contact your ex-boyfriend excessively. Although it may seem like you can't live without him, understand that too much contact is not healthy for you or your ex-boyfriend.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽

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References

  1. ↑ Courtney Quinlan. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.
  2. ↑ http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/698-how-to-get-him-back-after-an-argument-how-to-get-your-boyfriend-back-after-a-fight
  3. ↑ http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/#Contacting_Your_Ex
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/magnetic-partners/201202/winning-your-lover-back-after-breakup-most-difficult-ch
  5. ↑ Courtney Quinlan. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.
  6. ↑ http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/698-how-to-get-him-back-after-an-argument-how-to-get-your-boyfriend-back-after-a-fight
  7. ↑ Courtney Quinlan. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.
  8. ↑ http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/#Contacting_Your_Ex
  9. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/21/dealing-with-an-ex-at-work_n_1533723.html
  1. ↑ http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/#Why_do_no_contact
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201510/the-important-difference-between-sadness-and-depression
  3. ↑ http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/#Why_do_no_contact
  4. ↑ http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/#Why_do_no_contact
  5. ↑ http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/#Why_do_no_contact
  6. ↑ http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/#Why_do_no_contact
  7. ↑ http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/#Why_do_no_contact
  8. ↑ http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/#Why_do_no_contact
  9. ↑ http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/#Why_do_no_contact
  10. ↑ http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/#Why_do_no_contact
  11. ↑ http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/#Why_do_no_contact
  12. ↑ http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/#Why_do_no_contact
  13. ↑ http://slism.com/girlstalk/7-lucky-ways-to-get-your-ex-back-in-no-time-while-keeping-your-dignity.html
  14. ↑ http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/#Why_do_no_contact
  15. ↑ Courtney Quinlan. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.
  16. ↑ http://slism.com/girlstalk/7-lucky-ways-to-get-your-ex-back-in-no-time-while-keeping-your-dignity.html
  17. ↑ http://slism.com/girlstalk/7-lucky-ways-to-get-your-ex-back-in-no-time-while-keeping-your-dignity.html

About This Article

Courtney Quinlan
Co-authored by:
Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by Courtney Quinlan. Courtney Quinlan is a Matchmaker and Dating Coach and the Owner of Midwest Matchmaking. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in finding individuals a compatible partner, providing guidance throughout the dating process, and crafting events for singles in the Midwest. Courtney holds a BS in Broadcast Journalism from The University of Nebraska at Omaha. This article has been viewed 657,577 times.
16 votes - 75%
Co-authors: 78
Updated: November 6, 2022
Views: 657,577
Categories: Dating
Article SummaryX

To get your boyfriend back, give him some time to realize how much he misses you. During this time, avoid making any contact with him, including over the phone or through social media. When you feel ready to talk to him, start small by liking something of his online or sending a short text. You could say, “Thought of you. Hope you’re doing well.” If he answers your texts, try giving him a call. After all, hearing your voice again might remind him how much he misses you! Once you’ve talked for awhile, try asking him to hang out so you can see where things go from there. To learn how to focus on yourself while you’re single, read on!

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