Who Should Initiate the Third Date?

Written by Lauren Sanders | Edited by Caroline Heiderscheit

Last Updated: September 27, 2022 References

You've had two great dates, and you know you want to see them again—but who is supposed to initiate? It may seem like there are a million factors to consider: who asked who out first, who's texted more, etc. There's no need to stress. We're going to help you sort through all of those burning questions and even offer some extra third-date tips, too. By the end of this article, you'll know exactly what to do to get your dream third date!

Section 1 of 4:

Who should ask who out for a third date?

1
Either of you can take the reins. As long as you’re both interested and excited, you both should feel totally empowered to set a third date in motion. Rigid gender norms are a thing of the past when it comes to dating. At the end of the day, trying to follow these "rules" cause more miscommunication and lost opportunities than anything else. So, be brave! Ask your crush out.^{[1]
X
Research source
[v160969_b01]. 11 April 2019.}
- If you’re a girl who’s nervous to ask out a boy, don't be. You can make choices in your dating life instead of waiting for others to make them for you.^{[2]
  X
  Research source}
- If you’ve initiated the first two dates and feel that it’s “their turn,” remember that the other person may not see things the same way you do.^{[3]
  X
  Research source
  [v160969_b01]. 11 April 2019.}
- By following unspoken “rules,” you risk missing out on someone great just because they follow different “rules” than you do.^{[4]
  X
  Research source
  [v160969_b01]. 11 April 2019.}
2
So, if you want to see them again, ask them out. Your brain could probably think of a million reasons not to take a little risk in romance, but the truth is, you won’t know until you try. A lot of us think the worst when it comes to love, but you should always challenge those negative thoughts. Instead, when dating, focus on being honest, straightforward, and brave.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Lots of times, people read into their date's texting habits like they hold all of the answers. When in reality, we all naturally message a little differently!
- If you feel like you’ve been a more enthusiastic texter than they have, don't let that stop you from asking them out.
- Even if they aren't interested, that's okay. We're all different, rejection is natural, and there's no need to take it personally.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Crista Beck
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 26 August 2021.}
- Accept their answer and move on knowing that you didn't let fear keep you from potential happiness. You should be proud of yourself for that!

Section 2 of 4:

When should I ask for the third date?

There’s no wrong time to ask them out—but typically, sooner is better. If you really like this person and feel like things are going in a fun direction, ask them out in next couple of days, or even the same night that you two went out.^{[7]
X
Research source} If you know what you want (and what you want is to see your date again) then letting them know sooner rather than later shows that you’re serious and interested.^{[8]
X
Expert Source

Lauren Sanders
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2022.}^{[9]
X
Research source}

Section 3 of 4:

How to Ask for a Third Date

1
Offer a thoughtful idea inspired by something you’ve already discussed. This will show that you’ve been listening to your date and that you care enough to put your best foot forward. Brainstorm things you’ve spoken about, joked about, or done together that could be material for a great third date.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- “Hey, I know you said you wanted to try Nigerian food. I found this amazing place near me. Wanna go on Thurs?”
- “So after joking about how bad I am with fashion, I’ve decided I may actually need an expert’s help. Wanna go thrifting with me this weekend?”
- “It was so much fun ice-skating with you, I feel like we should stick to the theme. What do you think—rollerskating on Sunday?”
2
Be straightforward and honest about your feelings.^{[11]
X
Expert Source

Louie Felix
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.} When you ask them out on a third date, feel free to let them know that you’ve enjoyed getting to know them so far. Just make sure to steer clear of over-the-top, overwhelming praise ("You're the perfect girl," for example). Instead, keep it short, focus on being sincere, and let them know how they make you feel.^{[12]
X
Expert Source

Lauren Sanders
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2022.}^{[13]
X
Research source}
- “Hey, I’ve had a lot of fun getting to know you so far. Would you want to meet up again for dinner? Maybe Friday?”
- “Hi! I just want to say that I think you’re a really cool person. I’d like to grab drinks this week if you’re free.”
- “Hey :) I really enjoy hanging out with you. Would you want to see each other again this week?"
3
Ask your date out in a funny, lighthearted way to attract them even more. Jokes can make you seem confident, entertaining, fun, and likable—AKA, all things you’ll definitely want your date to see you as. Use an inside or self-deprecating joke to make them laugh while you make your move.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- “Hey, remember when I tripped leaving the restaurant? If you join me for a third date, there’s more where that came from :)”
- "I know how much you love music, so I got us tickets to see this cool, underground band. They're called The Wiggles. Let me know what you think!"

Section 4 of 4:

Why is the third date so exciting?

1
You two already have a foundation, so you can focus on having fun. Two dates in, and you two probably already have jokes, common knowledge, and nice memories to reflect on. The first and second date are still all about getting the basics down and searching for a spark. But now, you can enjoy each other’s company. Use your rapport to your advantage. Make sure to remember details, ask follow-up questions, and return to old jokes.^{[15]
X
Research source}
- Show them you care by remembering personal details: "Oh, right. You mentioned this. Your sister is living in Dallas, right?"
- Prove that you're invested in your date's life: "Hey, I meant to ask. How did that presentation at work end up going?"
- Build your connection by calling back old jokes: "Well, if the ravioli here is as hot as it was at the last place, we may need to hit the fire station after dinner."
2
This is when the relationship's potential could become clear to you both. On a third date, you may start feeling like you could actually be with this person long-term—how exciting! Keep focusing on getting to know them and pay attention to how you feel around them. Now that you’re more comfortable, not all of your energy needs to go towards continuing the convo. Ask yourself:^{[16]
X
Research source}
- How do I feel when I'm around this person?
- What qualities do they have that I absolutely love?
- What else do I really want to learn about them?
3
You two may end up getting intimate later in the evening. First, know that there’s no timeline you need to follow when it comes to the physical side of dating. That being said, the third date is sometimes when people choose to take things to the next level. If that’s your goal, make sure your room is clean before you leave. On top of that, focus on:^{[17]
X
Research source}
- Making your date feel comfortable
- Making your date feel special (have eyes only for them, bring them a little gift, etc.)
- Offering sweet compliments and physical affection (go in for a hug or say, “Wow, your eyes really sparkle.”)
- When the time comes, getting consent (this is an absolute must!)