How to Succeed on a First Date

Co-authored by Lisa Shield

Carrying yourself well on the first date is essential to scoring a second one. Once you’ve worked out the where and when and made yourself presentable, your goal is to make as good a first impression as possible. You can do this by putting your unique personality on display, stimulating conversation with engaging personal topics, keeping a sunny, positive attitude throughout it all. If things go well, follow up with a call or text to let your date know how much fun you had and leave the door open for another get-together in the future.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Getting Ready for Your Date

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Clean yourself up. Before you leave the house, take a hot shower or a long soak in the tub. Be sure to scrub yourself thoroughly from head to toe, and don’t forget to wash your hair. For best results, use products with pleasant natural scents to keep yourself smelling fresh for hours.^{[1]
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- No matter what the rest of your pre-date ritual consists of, bathing is non-negotiable!
- Personal hygiene plays a huge part in preparing for any date. The last thing you want is for any offensive odors to spoil the mood.
2
Dress to impress. Pick out some clean, comfortable clothes that fit well and accentuate your best features. If you can’t find anything you like, go shopping for a new outfit just for the occasion, or ask a friend to borrow something of theirs. When you look good, you’ll be more likely to feel good, too.^{[2]
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- Make sure your attire is appropriate for what you’ll be doing. You’ll look underdressed wearing a t-shirt and jeans to a nice restaurant, while a suit and tie may be a little much for a walk in the park.
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3
Make yourself smell good. Once you’ve got your look together, spritz yourself with cologne or perfume or dab on some essential oils to put the cherry on top. At the very least, apply a layer of deodorant. Smell is one of the most powerful senses, so it’s one of the first things your date is likely to notice.^{[3]
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- Try not to overdo it with the perfume or cologne. A little can make you more alluring, but too much can be overpowering.
4
Bring along a breath freshener. A pack of gum or some mints can be a lifesaver after you’ve just finished off a plate of linguine and clams with extra garlic. They’ll also help prepare you for a goodnight kiss if things go well. Stash your breath fresheners in your pocket so you’ll have them close at hand whenever the need arises.^{[4]
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- It’s a good idea to brush your teeth or pop a mint before you and your date get together, even if you’re not doing dinner.
- Bad breath is one of those things you don’t notice about yourself that can none-the-less be very unattractive.^{[5]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Planning First Date Activities

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Get together for drinks if it’s your first time meeting. Chat over a cup of coffee at your favorite neighborhood café, or have a beer at that new local brewery. Casual spots are a good choice for first dates. If things are going well, you can order another round and stay as long as you like. Otherwise, you can simply finish your drink and call it a night.^{[6]
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- Be careful not to have too many alcoholic beverages. You may find it harder to make a good first impression if you’re tipsy!^{[7]
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2
Go out to dinner to talk in a more intimate setting. Dinner is a time-honored first date. Swing down to a place you both like, or take advantage of the opportunity to explore a new type of cuisine. Sharing a meal has a way of bringing people together.^{[8]
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- If you’ve got a particular restaurant in mind, don’t forget to make reservations to ensure that you can get a table.
- Keep in mind that having dinner together forces you to interact with your date, so it may not be the best choice if you’re especially shy or nervous.
3
Take a walk to enjoy one another’s company in private. If you’d rather not deal with crowds or reservations, consider setting off on foot together somewhere outside. That way, you can take in the scenery together and focus on getting to know each other without being distracted by all the commotion going on around you.^{[9]
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- Make arrangements to rendezvous at a park, or go for a stroll through a quiet section of the city.
- Walking together can actually take some of the pressure off of making conversation, since you won’t be forced to interact closely across a table.^{[10]
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4
Go on a picnic to take advantage of nice weather. Pack up a few simple foods and set out for somewhere peaceful and secluded. There, the two of you can chit-chat privately while enjoying the great outdoors. Public parks are great places to picnic, as are the commons areas of college campuses.^{[11]
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- Be sure to plan your picnic for a day when it's warm, sunny, and clear. The last thing you want is to get rained out!
- To avoid any awkward moments, avoid bringing foods that are messy or hard to eat.^{[12]
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Go ice skating to enjoy being active when it's cold out. Ice skating is safe, inexpensive, and fun for all, and if you've got some moves, carving up the ice is sure to impress your date. When you start to get tired, head to a less crowded part of the rink where you can sip hot cocoa and watch the other skaters.^{[13]
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- Don't worry if you've never skated before. This can be the perfect opportunity to learn a new skill and get closer to your date at the same time.
6
Come up with some unconventional first date ideas. If you’re looking for a more adventurous alternative to coffee or dinner, get creative. You might sign up for an arts and crafts class, go see one of your favorite musicians in concert, or head down to the arcade with a pocket full of quarters.^{[14]
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- Games like bowling, pool, and darts are also a fun option. Some friendly competition can help you establish a playful, light-hearted dynamic.^{[15]
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- Going to the movies may seem like an obvious option, but it's not the best activity for a first date, since it doesn't give you a chance to talk and get to know one another.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Hitting it off with Your Date

1
Be yourself. Carrying yourself in a natural, organic way is the best thing you can do to have a great first date. Not only will you be more comfortable, you can also rest assured that you’re presenting the real you rather than trying to act like something you’re not. No matter how your date plays out, if you’re true to yourself, it’s a success.^{[16]
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- Being yourself can be tough, since it’s normal to want to make yourself attractive to others. Just remind yourself that if they like you, it’s for the right reasons, and if not, you don’t want to be with them anyway.
2
Stay off your phone as much as possible. Try to resist the urge to check your phone every time you get a text or reach a lull in the conversation. Ideally, you and your date should give one another your undivided attention in the time that you’re together. That really isn’t asking too much, since first dates usually only last a couple of hours.^{[17]
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- Make sure your phone is set to silent or vibrate so the ringer won’t be an interruption.
- If you’re expecting an important call or text, let your date know in advance so they won’t be caught off guard when it comes.^{[18]
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- Spending too much time staring at your phone could make your date feel like you’re not interested in them.
3
Make the conversation more engaging by getting personal. Steer clear of the same old cliché first date chit-chat and instead ask thoughtful questions that encourage your date to open up. You might ask them what they’re most passionate about in life, or what they would do if they had a million dollars. They’ll have a chance to share their innermost thoughts, feelings, and values, and you’ll find out more about them in the process.^{[19]
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- A question as simple as “How are you?” or “How has your day been?” will help you connect with your date on a deeper level than the usual kind of small talk.
- Basic introductory topics like where you’re from, what you do for a living, and what you like to do for fun can be a great way to break the ice, but try not to make them all you talk about.^{[20]
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4
Keep a positive attitude. Resist the urge to gripe about the traffic downtown or the pressures you’re dealing with at work. Instead, do your best to showcase a cheerful demeanor. Positivity is infectious—the more upbeat you are, the more your date will enjoy being around you.^{[21]
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- Look for ways to turn negatives into positives. For instance, instead of being annoyed that your food is taking so long to arrive, you might remark on how well the timing worked out since it gave you a chance to talk.
- Complaining can be offputting, especially when you’re first getting to know someone. If that person never has anything nice to say, chances are you’re not going to want to see them again.
5
Save some conversation for the second date. Sometimes when you have chemistry with someone, it can be easy to sit and talk all night. However, it’s a good idea to keep a few subjects untapped. If you pour your heart out during your initial introduction, you may find that you don’t have much to talk about the next time you get together.^{[22]
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- When the talk turns to something juicy, respond with, “That’s really more of a second date conversation” or “I can’t give away all of my secrets” to pique your date’s interest and keep them guessing.
- Not exhausting your supply of topics also helps you maintain an element of mystery, which is sure to leave your date wanting more.^{[23]
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6
Follow up with a call or text to set the stage for a second date. Reach out to your date later that night or sometime the next day to let them know you enjoyed your time together. This can also be a good opportunity to drop hints that you’d like to see them again in the near future. If they paid for dinner or drinks, for instance, thank them and offer to buy next time.^{[24]
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- It can be hard to interpret tone and feelings through text. For this reason, a simple message like “I had a really great time tonight. We’ll have to do it again soon!” is your safest bet.
- Try not to come across as desperate, clingy, or controlling. It’s one thing to ask your date, “Did you make it home okay?”, but telling them, “Text me when you get home” could make them feel like you’re bossing them around.^{[25]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How can I make my first date interesting?

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Be creative with your first date ideas! While getting a coffee or meeting up for drinks is a tried-and-true method, it's also fun to do something else that can show the other person a little more about your personality and interests. You could, for example, walk around an interesting neighborhood in your city, or go to a museum, or try a cooking class.
Question

How do I manage to make plans for a second date?

CurtM

Community Answer

Planning the second date is the easy part. Follow up with your date after a day or two to let them know how much you enjoyed yourself. Since you'll be somewhat comfortable with one another at this point, you can talk it out and plan your second outing together.

Warnings

Avoid sensitive topics like politics, religion, or hot-button social issues. These are best left for later interactions.

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Don’t lead your date on if you have no intention of seeing them again. If you don’t think you’re a good match, tell them you’re glad you got together, but that you’re looking for something else.

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