How to Get a Kiss on the First Date

Co-authored by Maya Diamond, MA

First dates can be nerve wracking, especially if you think you might get a kiss. Kissing is fun, especially if you and your date have great chemistry. By setting up the kiss, establishing intimacy, and putting your best foot forward, you can create a perfect kissing opportunity. So don’t be shy, get kissing!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Setting up the Kiss

1
Linger at the end of the date. At the end of your outing, linger with your date before parting. Even if you’re nervous, try not to fill every moment with words. Draw out natural pauses, which allows a moment of anticipation to build.^{[1]
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- Remember, you don't have to talk all the time in order to create a special moment. Sometimes, the most memorable moments are those without words.
2
Get physically close. Minimize the physical distance between you and your date. You can sweep their hair out of their eyes or touch their arm. Touch indicates that you’re ready for a more intimate moment. Remember to look for signs that your touch is welcome.
- If your date strokes your face or touches you back, that is a positive sign.
- If your date leans or turns away from you, that is a negative sign. Give them some space.
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3
Pay your date a compliment. Say something sincere to make your date feel close to you. Even though you don’t know each other well, try to pay them a genuine compliment about the nice time you’ve had. You’ll be physically close, and your words will create emotional intimacy.^{[2]
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- For example, making eye contact, you could say, “I had a really wonderful time tonight.”
4
Shoot a glance at your date’s lips. Draw out the moment after your compliment and glance at your date’s lips. Hold your gaze there only for a second or two, then make eye contact again. Keep your mouth gently parted, ready to kiss.^{[3]
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- If your date looks at your lips too, that is a great sign. They may even make the first move.
- If your date looks away from your lips, fidgets, looks around, or appears otherwise uncomfortable, that is not a great sign.
5
Ask your date if you can kiss them. If you’re not sure about kissing your date, just ask them. This step might prevent you from getting rejected, if you’re worried about that.^{[4]
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- You might say, “I’d really like to kiss you right now. Is that okay?”
- They may say "sure!" or they may even reply with a kiss. They may also say "no," in which case, you should respect that and not pressure them for a kiss.
6
Lean in for the kiss, gently pressing your lips against theirs. Your date may take the lead with the kiss, or they may turn away. If they kiss you back, kiss slowly, reading your date’s level of enthusiasm before doing anything more intense.^{[5]
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- If you’re unsure if they want to kiss, lean in slowly. This gives them time to stop the kiss if they don’t want to.
- Pay attention to their body language. If they start to pull away, stop; don't continue going for the kiss.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Establishing Intimacy

1
Break the touch barrier. Whenever it feels appropriate during the outing, gently touch your date. You can put your hand on theirs at the dinner table or guide them through a doorway with your hand on their back. Find opportunities to get comfortable touching one another, which will remove the pressure of touching intimately for the first time when kissing.^{[6]
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- Try to touch more than once before the kiss. Establishing comfort through touch will make a kiss more likely.
- If your date pulls away from your touch, that may mean they’re not ready for physical contact.
2
Build intimacy with your date by smiling as you hang out together. A kind smile or laugh lets your date know that you’re interested in what they have to say and find them engaging. It also lets them know you’re having a good time and enjoying their company.^{[7]
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- Keep your smile genuine, however. You don't have to keep a big, fake smile plastered over your face like a Barbie doll.
3
Look at your date to let them know you’re paying attention to them. Eye contact can also build trust and foster affection. It shows your date that you’re not afraid to be vulnerable.^{[8]
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- You don't have to maintain eye contact for the entire date; it's perfectly to look away. You should definitely keep eye contact while both of you are speaking, however.
4
Pay attention while they are talking. Give your date your full attention while they are talking by putting away your phone and looking at them. You can also ask follow up questions to what they’re talking about to express your interest.
- If your date is talking about her rescue dog, you might say, “I love pets, too. What made you decide to adopt?”
- You can also show you’re listening through your body language. Lean forward and put your hand under your chin, for example, to show that they really have your focus.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Putting Your Best Foot Forward

1
Be on time. Start the date out on the right foot by showing up 5 minutes early. Showing up on time shows your date that you respect their time and that being with them is important to you.^{[9]
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- If your rendezvous is in an unfamiliar part of town, leave yourself a little extra time in case there is traffic, difficult parking, or another unforeseen problem.
- If you are running late, let them know. Give them a call or a text explaining the situation and giving a rough estimate of when they should expect you to arrive.
2
Dress nicely. Put on clean, unwrinkled clothes for your date. Even if the date is casual, nix athletic wear, such as gym shorts, and dress in a polished way. Putting effort into your appearance lets your date know that you respect them and that this date is important to you.^{[10]
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- For a feminine look, wear a nice dress and some pumps for a fancier date, or a nice blouse and a dark pair of jeans for something a little more casual.
- For a masculine look, try chinos and a collared shirt. Leather accessories, such as a nice belt, can dress up untorn jeans, too.
3
Practice good oral and personal hygiene. If you want to make yourself as kissable as possible for your date, be sure your breath is fresh and that you don’t have any body odor. It’s also helpful to apply an unflavored lip balm for soft lips.
- Brush your teeth and tongue twice a day to keep your mouth ready for kissing.
- Always wear deodorant. This is especially important if you sweat when you’re nervous on first date.
4
Respect your date’s boundaries. If your date says that they do not want to kiss or pulls away from you, don’t force them to kiss. It may be that they like you but are not ready for physical intimacy yet.
- If someone turns you down for a kiss, you might say, “No problem. I respect that.”

Expert Q&A

Question

Should you kiss on the first date if you met online?

Maya Diamond, MA
Relationship Coach
Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach in Berkeley, CA. She has 13 years of experience helping singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships. She received her Master's in Somatic Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in 2009.

Maya Diamond, MA

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Some people are less likely to kiss on the first date if it's someone they met online, rather than someone they already know.
Question

What if we are in public? Is that an awkward place for a first kiss?

Community Answer

People often kiss in public, but your date may be more comfortable with somewhere more private. Until you know someone's comfort level with public displays of affection, you may want to kiss somewhere privately first.
Question

How do you react if your partner backs out on the kiss?

Community Answer

If your date stops the kiss, the best thing to do is give them the space they're asking for in the moment. Don't get caught up with what it means about you. Even if you feel hurt, just take a deep breath and say, "No problem. I understand." At a less sensitive moment, you can discuss if the relationship is going to move forward or not.