How to Speed Date

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta

Last Updated: September 27, 2022 References

Speed dating is a process that allows single people the opportunity to meet many prospective romantic matches in one place at scheduled speed dating events. The format for such an event involves short, 3 to 10 minute face-to-face sessions with each available match, during which time both participants may discuss whatever they like. After the "dating" sessions conclude, participants take notes and score or rank each of the people they were paired up with. When two people express a shared interest in each other, they then have the opportunity to exchange contact information and further pursue the relationship on their own terms. To have a positive speed dating experience, you can prepare ahead of time, know what to expect, and present yourself well to your dates.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Preparing

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Approach speed dating with a positive attitude. Look at it as a fun, pressure-free event. Keep an open mind about who you will meet and be prepared that you may or may not find someone you like. There is no pressure and if this round of speed dates doesn't work for you, you can always try again.
2
Choose a speed dating event. Research your options by doing a Google search for speed dating and your location. See what events are available and contact the organizer if you have any questions. Select an event that is for your age range and keep in mind that some are for specific themes or groups of people. Find one where you are likely to have things in common with the people there.^{[1]
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- For example, there are some events for young professionals and others for older retired singles. Choose the event that is appropriate for you.
- You will likely need to register ahead of time. You can register on the website for the event or over the phone. You will pay in advance and it will likely cost around $40.
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3
Prepare what you will share about yourself. It is important that you make the most of the few minutes you have in front of your matches. Practice what you want to say and how you want to say it. You will need to prepare an introduction and basic biographical information that you wish to share so that your dates can get to know you.^{[2]
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- For your introduction, consider how you want to first present yourself to other speed daters. You could say something like, “Hi! My name is Mary. I'm a 31 year old single mom. I work in microbiology and in my free time I love to hike.”
- For your biographical information, you should have an idea of what you most want to say about yourself. Create a short biography that sums up what you feel are the qualities you want to communicate. You could make a list of important things to share, such as your hobbies (“I love to ski”), interests (“I enjoy foreign films”), personality traits (“I'm very outgoing and love to socialize”), values (“I'm a vegan who is an advocate for all animals”), and what you're looking for (“I'm looking to settle down and start a family”).
- Make sure to practice speaking clearly and to smile often. You could practice in a mirror to see how you appear.
- Keep it light and positive. Don't discuss your negative feelings about your job or your strained relationship with your ex.
4
Prepare questions to ask your dates.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.} Have a list of questions in your mind that you can ask your matches. Think about what you are most interested in finding out when assessing a potential partner and then formulate a set of questions that are tailored to getting that information. You may opt to have a sense of humor or to be deep and probing, but the important part is that you stay true to yourself.^{[4]
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- You could ask all different kinds of questions, from the basics like “What do you do for a living?” and “What do you like to do for fun?” to more probing questions like “Where do you see yourself in five years?” and “What are you most passionate about?” You could even ask goofy questions like “Do you have a favorite joke?” Just keep in mind that you have a very short amount of time to converse with this person, so choose the questions that matter most to you.^{[5]
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5
Compile a list of traits you find desirable. Remember that you may be nervous for your first speed dating event, so it will help to have an idea of what you are looking for before you get into the process. You should also list traits that are deal-breakers. Take some time to seriously consider what you want in a romantic interest so that you can accurately qualify and disqualify potential matches, even when your nerves might be clouding your thinking.
- For example, maybe you are looking for someone who is passionate about their job, is adventurous, and wants to have kids some day.
- For deal-breakers, perhaps you are unwilling to date a smoker or will only date someone of a specific religion.
6
Dress nicely.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.} Be sure to dress appropriately for the venue, and to wear an outfit that speaks for your style and personality. Your clothes should be clean and wrinkle-free. Wear something that makes you feel confident and attractive. When you feel great, it will show.^{[7]
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- Dress up a bit to look nice. Men can wear a dress shirt and tie and women can wear a nice blouse. This will help you to make a good first impression.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Arriving

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Get there early. Arrive at the venue at least 30 minutes early. This will give you time to register, meet people, and get settled before the speed dating begins.^{[8]
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Sign in. When you arrive, you will need to sign in and will be given a match card. You might also get a name tag. There should be a host that can walk you through the registration process.
- The match card is what you will fill out after each speed date. You will hand it in at the end of the night and if you both checked “yes,” then that is a match and you will be given each other's contact information.^{[9]
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3
Introduce yourself to as many people in the room as possible. Depending on the event, you may not get to meet everyone. It is a good idea to get started ahead of time and begin introducing yourself so that you meet as many potential matches as possible. Make use of all available time because speed dating will go very quickly.^{[10]
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- To introduce yourself to someone, you could say, “Hi, I'm Fred.” And then you could strike up a conversation by saying something like, “Is this your first time speed dating?”

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Dating

1
Smile and make eye contact. This will show confidence. Even if you don't feel confident, making an effort to appear confident is important in making a good first impression.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.}
2
Break the ice. You can start by exchanging names and give an open-ended prompt like, “So tell me about yourself.” This will get the conversation started so that you can quickly get to know each other.^{[12]
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Ask questions to get to know your date. After your date tells you a bit about themselves, you can ask further questions. Keep in mind the questions that you prepared ahead of time, or come up with a new question based on the information your date told you. For example, if your date told you that he has a son, you could ask “How old is your son?” Of if your date told you that she is an actor, you could ask, “What's a typical day in the life of an actor?”^{[13]
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- Don't ask too many questions. If it starts to feel like an interview, there probably isn't good chemistry between you. The goal is to have a natural, albeit hurried, conversation.^{[14]
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- Be sure to ask the most important questions. Since time is limited, find out what really matters to you.
4
Give honest answers. The purpose of a speed date is to form an opinion based on not much more than a first impression. The only way to attract people who are genuinely interested in the real you is to present your real self to your dates. Otherwise, you are just wasting your own and your matches' time. Therefore, it is important to avoid saying things simply to impress the other person if it isn't true, like saying “I love mountain climbing too!” when you are terrified of heights.
- Disagree when necessary. It's ok if it doesn't work out with this person. The point of speed dating is simply to find a couple of people who might be potential matches for you. For example, if the other person says, “I love dogs and having pets is very important to me,” it is perfectly acceptable to admit that you're not a pet person.
5
Give positive feedback. This is one of the most important ways to form a connection in a short amount of time. This will make the other person feel understood. It can be something very simple, such as, “That's awesome!” or “Congratulations!”^{[15]
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- Showing sympathy is another good way to connect. For example, you could say, “I'm sorry to hear that,” if the person has recently lost their job.
- You can even interrupt the other person to give positive feedback as a way of showing that you understand what they are saying, for example, “I know! That restaurant is the best in town!” This shows that you are excited about the conversation. But don't interrupt to change the direction of the conversation.
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Respect the event's time constraints. When you get the signal that one date is over and it is time to move onto the next, move promptly to allow the next match to move in. Be sure to mark your match card for whether you think that date was a potential match. Remember, if you both like each other, you will be able to continue the conversation on your own time and go out for a real date!
7
Close speed dating sessions appropriately. Be sure to acknowledge the other speed dater by saying something like, "It was nice meeting you." If you are genuinely interested in the other match, it is okay to express an interest in talking to that person again. Be sure to take note of any potential matches.^{[16]
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- Do not request contact information or ask the person out. The event is low pressure because whether you are a match will be determined at the end based on whether you both said you liked each other on your match card.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I be successful with speed dating?

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.

Laura Bilotta

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

It's best to go into a speed dating event with a positive mindset. You can prepare some questions and conversations points ahead of the time in case you get nervous, but it's best to just go with the flow and enjoy yourself. If you listen to your partners and try to be yourself, you'll have a great time.

Warnings

Avoid taking notes during a speed date, as it may make your date uncomfortable. Event organizers allow time after each dating session to take whatever notes are necessary.

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