Is Sex on the First Date a Relationship Killer? Pros and Cons

Co-authored by Stefanie Safran and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: June 6, 2022 References

Ever heard the rule, “Never have sex on the first date”? A lot of people assume that a romp in the bedroom first thing can kill your chances at a relationship, but is that actually true? In this article, we’ll tell you what the experts say about having sex on the first date and whether or not it's a bad idea for a budding relationship.

Section 1 of 4:

Sex on the First Date: What the Experts Say

1
Sex on the first date can actually help you figure out if you’re a good match. The old stigma of never having sex on the first date isn’t super relevant anymore. In fact, having sex on the first date can show you if you two are compatible sexually. Since sex can be such a large part of a romantic relationship, learning this early on can help you figure out if you want to continue the relationship or not.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Ultimately, the choice is yours (and your date’s). Some people don’t mind having sex on the first date, while others prefer to wait.^{[2]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Pew Research Center
  Nonpartisan thinktank conducting research and providing information on public opinion, demographic trends, and social trends
  Go to source} Both options are valid.
2
However, having sex on the first date can cloud your judgement. Once you’ve become intimate with someone, you might be more tempted to look past red flags or deal breakers. Having sex right away can speed up the relationship a bit, and it takes away the initial “get to know you” portion of dating. Sex on the first date definitely isn’t a bad thing, but if you’re trying to take things slow, it might not be the way to go.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- You might also want to wait a little bit if you have a history of one-night stands that you’re trying to avoid. Keeping sex off the table for a while can help you take things slow, and it might strengthen your romantic relationship before things get physical.^{[4]
  X
  Research source}

Section 2 of 4:

Does sex on the first date kill your chances at a relationship?

No, but it’s important to talk about what you’re looking for ahead of time. Having sex on the first date can set the precedent that a hookup is all you’re looking for. If you don’t just want a one-night stand, make sure your date knows that. Tell them ahead of time that you’re looking for something serious, and that even if you two have sex, you still want to see them again.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- “I’m definitely looking for something serious. Even if we hook up tonight, I’d still like to take you out again on more dates.”
- “Last night was really fun. Want to go out to dinner next week? I’d love to see you again.”

Section 3 of 4:

Is sex on the first date dangerous?

It’s not dangerous, but it’s important to discuss having safe sex with your partner. When you have sex with someone that you just met, you don’t know a lot about their sexual health. Make sure that you’re practicing safe sex and talking about birth control with your partner. If things get more serious, you might even request that you both get STD tested before continuing.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- If you two have been drinking, be extra cautious about going home with a date you just met. Tell a friend where you’re going and keep your phone on you in case of emergencies.

Section 4 of 4:

Sex on the First Date: Pros and Cons

1
Pros: You can figure out if you and your date have chemistry. No more guessing about what’s going to happen in the bedroom—when things get hot and heavy on the first date, you’ll know right away whether or not you two are a good match.^{[7]
X
Research source}
2
Cons: It might not be the best sex you’ve ever had. Think about having sex with a new partner. Remember how awkward it can be? There’s a chance that you and your date won’t rock each other’s worlds, and that’s okay! Just keep in mind that you might need a second round until you figure out what works for the both of you.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- There’s also a chance that having sex could cloud your judgement and make you look past red flags. If you do have sex on the first date, be sure that you still look at your date with an objective eye, and figure out if you two are a good match before moving forward with the relationship.
- Statistically speaking, less than 10% of couples who have sex within the first 3 dates will make it through a year.