Having sex is a really big step in a relationship, and we know that there's a little bit of pressure to make your first time really memorable. While everyone has different experiences when they lose their virginity, there are some things you can do to make it a great experience for you and your partner. Keep reading to learn more about how to talk to your partner, set the mood, and stay safe for your first time.

1

Wait until you feel ready to have sex.

2

Talk about sex with your partner beforehand.

  1. Communicate openly so you know what your partner is comfortable with. Try to have a discussion before you even get intimate to make sure you’re both ready. Talk about what you expect from sex, what feels good for you, and if it’s something you want to do together. If your partner has had sex before, be sure to talk about their past partners and ask if they’ve been tested for sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) to ensure you stay safe.[2]
    • For example, you might ask something like, “What would you like to do when we’re feeling in the mood?” or “What can I do to make you feel the best when we have sex?”
    • If your partner avoids the subject, they might not be ready or comfortable with having sex yet. It's always important to respect boundaries![3]
6

Ask for consent.

  1. You should only have sex if your partner also wants to. Always ask your partner if they feel comfortable and want to have sex before you do anything physically. If your partner says yes, then you can keep going, but if they say no, then don’t pressure them anymore. Your partner cannot give consent if they’ve been drinking alcohol, have done drugs, or if you force them to have sex.[7] [8]
    • For example, you could ask something as simple as, “Do you want to have sex?” or “Are you comfortable if we have sex right now?”
    • If you want to let your partner decide, try asking something like “What would you like me to do to you right now?”
    • Keep in mind that the age of consent may vary depending on your location.
7

Start with some foreplay.

  1. It’s going to feel a lot more passionate if you take the time building up to it. Start with some cuddling, kissing, light touching, and whatever else you’re comfortable with. Ask your partner where they want to be touched and speak up and say how you want them to touch you too so you both have a good time.[9]
    • Some common areas that can help your partner get aroused are their genitals, breasts, neck, earlobes, or thighs.[10]
    • Talk through everything you’re doing with your partner to make sure they’re still comfortable with it. If your partner says they want to stop, then be respectful and stop.
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8

Wear a condom.

  1. Condoms can help prevent unwanted pregnancies and STIs. Choose condoms that are made of latex or polyurethane and have reservoir tips for the best protection. When you open the condom, pinch the tip with one hand and put it on your penis. Then, roll the condom down the entire length so it fits tightly.[11]
    • While condoms are some of the most effective forms of birth control, they don’t offer 100% protection, so you may want to ask if your partner is on another form of contraceptive.
    • If the condom doesn’t easily unroll, you may have it inside out. Throw the condom away and start with a new one just to be safe.
11

Accept that your first time might be a little awkward.

Warnings

  • Avoid having sex if you or your partner have any alcohol or drugs.[17]
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  • If your partner has had sex with other people before, ask them to get tested for STIs since they could still spread even if your partner doesn’t have symptoms.[18]
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  • Always use some form of contraceptive, like condoms or birth control, to help prevent any unwanted pregnancies.[19]
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About This Article

Lisa Shield
Co-authored by:
Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by Lisa Shield and by wikiHow staff writer, Hunter Rising. Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan. This article has been viewed 123,326 times.
58 votes - 81%
Co-authors: 3
Updated: September 12, 2022
Views: 123,326
Categories: Dating
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