How to Love a Man

Co-authored by Cherlyn Chong and Madeleine Criglow

Last Updated: August 26, 2021 References

When you really love someone, you want to make sure that they know just how much. It can be hard to know how to communicate those feelings sometimes, but thankfully, there are so many ways to display your love and affection. Whether he's your husband or a new boyfriend you're falling for, this article has some tips on how to love him and make the relationship last.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Cherlyn Chong
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 21 June 2019.}

1

Give him genuine compliments.

Make him feel good about himself. You can certainly say, "You're so hot" or "You've got the cutest smile" but you can also dig deeper and let him know what you really like about him. Say something unique that makes him see that you care. Don't ever take your love for granted and assume that your man knows exactly how you feel about him. He should always know that you love and appreciate him for who he is.^{[2]
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Research source} Try something like:
- "You're so good at making me feel better when I've had a bad day."
- "It's amazing that you're so dedicated to running when you're so busy with work. I wish I could get motivated like that!"
- "You know that you can make almost anyone on the planet laugh, don't you?"

2

Write him a love note.

Make it personal and unique to him to make him feel special. Before writing your note, think of all the reasons that you love your man. Pick specific things to include, like the way he surprises you with your favorite takeout or always knows how to cheer you up when you've had a bad day. Write out the note and stick it on his lunch or backpack before he leaves for work. Alternatively, you can leave it on his desk at home or somewhere where he'll find it.^{[3]
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- Address him in the note by name or a romantic pet name you call each other, like love or darling.

3

Surprise him to show you're thinking of him.

Show him how much you care with something unexpected. Cook his favorite meal when he's out of the house and have it ready by the time he returns. Grab his favorite candy at the checkout line and surprise him with it when you get home. You can even surprise him with a night out on the town by making a reservation at his favorite restaurant.
- Surprise him even when there's no special occasion. This will really make him feel special.

4

Show your love according to his love language.

People express and want to be loved in different ways. The five love languages can help you decide how to love your man. These include words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Talk to your partner about how he likes to express and receive love, or try out different ways to show your love and see how he responds.^{[4]
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- If your partner's love language is words of affirmation, make it a habit to tell him what you love about him often.
- As an act of service, try doing something to make your partner's busy day a little easier. Do the dishes or offer to clean up the apartment while he gets some rest.
- Gifts can be big or small, from flowers to a brand new sweater.
- Quality time can be as simple as making one-on-one plans together. Even if you're super busy, spend time together intentionally by scheduling a date night.

5

Build him up when he needs it.

Sometimes, your man may need you to pump him up a bit. He may be upset about a professional setback or a conflict with his friends and family. Step in to be his cheerleader and make him feel good about himself again. Tell him that he can accomplish whatever he wants to accomplish or that the setback he had can be easily overcome. He may not ask you to make him feel better, but try to recognize when he really needs your support.^{[5]
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Harvard Business Review
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- Say something like, "I know you may be disappointed because someone else got the promotion, but I know you can get through this. You're so talented and strong!"
- If he's unsure about achieving a future goal, try, "Don't ever doubt yourself. I know you'll be amazing at anything you put your mind to doing."

6

Treat him with respect.

Avoid demeaning him or making him feel bad about himself. Value his perspective, even if it differs from your own sometimes. Thank him when he goes out of his way to help you. Speak fondly of him in groups and avoid talking behind his back or making fun of him. Respect is a huge part of truly loving someone. ^{[6]
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- Treat him like you would want to be treated. It's important to remember that people can be really sensitive, and you don't want ever want to hurt your man's feelings.

7

Listen to him.

An important part of loving a man is really hearing what he has to say. If he's talking to you, then don't interrupt or wait for the time when you can say something. Hear him out, especially if he doesn't open up to you as often as you'd like. Once he's said his part, you'll have a sense of what he wants—either some advice or just a sympathetic ear.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Cherlyn Chong
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 21 June 2019.}
- Listening is a skill that can be developed. Work on latching on to the details of what he says and mentioning them later. He'll be impressed by how much you care.

8

Accept him for who he is.

Don't try to change him. Sure, you and your man can make each other better people in the long run, but you still have to be true to who you are. If you really love your man, then accept him for his true self. You can certainly help him improve a few qualities, but on the whole, you should love him for who he is, not who you hope he will be.
- If you're trying to change him, he'll catch on to it fast. It may make him feel hurt or like he's not good enough for you.

9

Show your gratitude.

Let him know that you're thankful for your awesome relationship. Don't just assume that he knows you're grateful for it because you've stuck around so long. Take the time to let him know how much you love being with him, and thank him for everything that he does for you. This will make him see that you really do love him and appreciate the time you spend together.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.} Here are some things you can say:
- "I just feel so lucky to have found someone as special as you. I can't imagine how hard it is for all of my single friends to try to find someone half as amazing as you are…"
- "I can't believe I found you. We're both so lucky to have each other, aren't we?"
- "No matter how bad my day at work is, I'm always comforted by the fact that I have you in my life. At the end of the day, I'm just thankful to have someone like you by my side."
- Of course, he should also show his gratitude towards you.

10

Encourage him to be independent.

Loving a man doesn't mean you have to do everything with him. In fact, a healthy relationship requires giving your partner some time to do their own thing. If he likes reading in his study or working on his carpentry skills in the garage, don't hover around him asking what he's up to. If he hasn't been keeping up with his hobbies lately, encourage him to get back into what makes him happy. Your respect and encouragement of his independence is a super loving act.^{[9]
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- It's important to spend time together, but you shouldn't make him feel guilty if he needs some alone time. Try not to take it personally.
- Make sure to keep up with your hobbies, too! It's important that you both maintain your independence and a life outside of your relationship.

11

Be happy for him when he hangs out with his friends.

If he's going out with his friends, then let him do his thing. Every once in a while, people just need to unwind with their buddies. There's nothing wrong with that, just like there's nothing wrong with the fact that you want time with your friends. The next time he makes plans with his buddies, don't be suspicious. If you're cool with letting him hang out with his friends sometimes, then he'll appreciate you even more when he comes back to you.^{[10]
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- Avoid calling him a million times while he's out or resenting him for spending time away from you.
- Obviously, this doesn't mean he should go hang out without you every chance he gets. If this is the case, then you can talk with him about that.

12

Address conflict respectfully.

Work through disagreements honestly and directly. If he's doing something that upsets you, pick a time when you're both available to talk and respectfully bring it up. Use I-statements to communicate your point of view without placing blame. This will help him hear your perspective without getting defensive. If he comes to you with something that's bothering him, really listen to his perspective before defending yourself or excusing your behavior.^{[11]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- No one is perfect when it comes to relationships. If you make a mistake, own up to it and apologize. He'll appreciate your honesty and will feel like you respect him more for it.^{[12]
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- If things get heated, take a break from the conversation so you can both cool off. Wait until you both can work through the conflict from a calm, compassionate place.^{[13]
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  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}
- Don't expect him to read your mind. It's best to address your feelings directly. He may be happy to change something he's been doing or accommodate your feelings, but he won't know to do that unless you tell him how you feel.

13

Wow him with your confidence.

One great way to love a man is to be happy and secure with who you are.^{[14]
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Expert Source

Cherlyn Chong
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 21 June 2019.} This will make him appreciate you more and feel like your relationship is good for both of you, not like he has to spend all of his time building you up. Work on loving yourself, your body, what you do, and who you surround yourself with, and all of your relationships will benefit from this. The sooner you can accept who you are, the better you and everyone in your orbit will feel.^{[15]
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- Show him that you don't need him to feel good about yourself. You should be happy pursuing your own hobbies, hanging out with your friends, and having a great time without him.
- Nobody's perfect. It's important that you're aware of your flaws so that you can address them, but you can still love yourself at the same time.

14

Touch him to show your love.

Give your man an intimate touch from time to time. Whether you're putting your hand on his arm or kissing him on the cheek, it's important to touch your man every single day to develop your bond. Even if you've come home from work feeling tired, just a little bit of touch will make you two feel more connected. Try cuddling in the morning or just playfully touching each other as much as you can. This will definitely show him that you love him.^{[16]
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- Maybe your guy isn't into super PDA. You can still give him a brief kiss on the cheek or cuddle once you get home.

15

Make time for sexy time.

Sex is super important in many relationships. Make time for some fun in the bedroom (when you're in the mood, of course). It's easy to put off sex because you're tired or have too much work to do, but making time for sex at least once or twice a week will make both of you feel more intimate with each other. It also makes you happier! Don't just do it for him, do it for yourself, too. It'll bring you both closer.^{[17]
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- A lot of couples who have been together for a while get into the same boring lovemaking routine. Try mixing it up and having sex at a new time or a new place, whenever you feel like it.

16

Keep the spark alive.

Make things feel fresh no matter how long you've dated. Wear something nice on your date nights. Write him romantic notes before you leave for work. Send him cute text messages. Buy him a small gift just because you're thinking of him. If you really want to love your man, you always have to work for it (and he's got to work for it, too).
- Though you don't have to play too hard to get if you're really happy together, never get complacent in your relationship. Always keep things exciting, new, and special.
- Keep your relationship fresh by doing new things together, from traveling to new locations to trying new hobbies. It's important to keep things feeling new if you want to really love your man!

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you show a man you love him completely?

Cherlyn Chong
Relationship Coach
Cherlyn Chong is a breakup recovery and dating coach. With 6 years of experience, she specializes in working with high-achieving professional women who want to get over their exes and find love again. She has experience as an official coach for The League dating app, and has been featured on AskMen, Business Insider, Reuters and HuffPost.

Cherlyn Chong

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

If you really want to love a man, then you have to be able to tell when he really wants to be left alone. Leaving him alone when he just wants some peace is a way to show him your real love.
Question

How do I win a man's heart?

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Allen Wagner is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles, California. He received his Master's in Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individuals and couples on ways they can improve their relationships. Along with his wife, Talia Wagner, he's the author of Married Roommates.

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Let him know when you're thinking about him. Even if you just see something that reminds you of him, shoot him a quick message.
Question

How can I avoid being clingy?

Cherlyn Chong
Relationship Coach
Cherlyn Chong is a breakup recovery and dating coach. With 6 years of experience, she specializes in working with high-achieving professional women who want to get over their exes and find love again. She has experience as an official coach for The League dating app, and has been featured on AskMen, Business Insider, Reuters and HuffPost.

Cherlyn Chong

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

You need to pinpoint the exact reason why you think you may be clinging to your partner. For example, some people are very clingy to their partners because they don't want them to leave, and they think that they are going to leave all the time. Other people may be clingy because they need to feel loved by their partner constantly. Regardless, the solution will be to engage in self-work that can help you find the reason you may feel this way. The answer is often deep inside, so working with a therapist or counselor can help.