20+ Ways to Tell If Someone Sincerely Loves You (Whether or Not They Say It)

All the different ways to tell when a partner’s love is real and genuine in both recent and long-standing relationships

Written by Cher Gopman | Edited by Glenn Carreau

Last Updated: March 7, 2023 References Approved

Are things starting to get serious with your partner, and you’re wondering how they really feel about you? Love is wonderful but unpredictable, and sometimes it’s not immediately obvious what your partner is thinking. Luckily for you, studying your partner’s behavior and how they talk to you can help! Read on for a comprehensive list of positive signs that a person truly loves you and how to look for them, whether you’re starting to get serious or you’re already in an established relationship.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, Cher Gopman, founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

When someone is in love with you, they won’t be able to keep their eyes off you. They’ll make eye contact often and light up when you enter the room.
They’ll be empathetic, helpful, and consistently supportive. You’ll feel safe around them and feel like there’s a strong trust between you.
Communication comes easily when you talk to someone who loves you. They’ll allow you to be vulnerable and handle conflict respectfully.

1

They make you feel safe.

Safety and comfort are the backbones of a healthy, loving relationship. When your partner is truly in love with you, they’ll make you feel physically and emotionally safe when you’re with them. They won’t threaten you, put you down, try to control you, or cut off your social support system. In fact, they’ll encourage you to express yourself freely and accept you unconditionally.^{[1]
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- Being constructive and criticizing someone to put them down is not the same. A loving partner may offer help or constructive criticism if you make a mistake, but won’t try to shut you down or make you feel small.
- Everyone gets angry sometimes, and a partner who loves you will make an effort to express anger in healthy ways. They won’t use it to frighten or intimidate you.
- If your partner has anger issues and outbursts, agreeing to get help and fix this problem shows that they care for you and are willing to do the work so you’ll feel safe with them.

2

You can communicate meaningfully.

In a loving relationship, you can talk about anything with your partner. They’ll try to address and resolve issues rather than avoid difficult conversations, discuss relationship boundaries with you, and navigate conflicts respectfully. Outside of conflict, your partner might make an effort to share their feelings and build emotional intimacy with you; in short, they’ll open up to you and embrace vulnerability.^{[2]
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- In opening up to you, they may talk about their childhood, greatest regrets, most painful moments, or romantic dreams for the future. If they say, "I've never told anyone this before...", it’s a sign they love and trust you.
- Keep in mind that vulnerability and emotional intimacy doesn’t come naturally to everyone. They might not be comfortable with it, but if they love you, they’ll make an effort to learn and improve.

3

They listen actively and remember small details.

When someone loves you, they'll happily absorb anything you say. Even if they've heard it all before, they’ll listen and respond thoughtfully without interrupting you. More than that, they’ll try to remember the small details they learn from you.Active listening proves they love you and want know everything about you, from your likes, dislikes, and passions down to your favorite pizza toppings.^{[3]
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- You can tell someone is actively listening because they’ll make eye contact, lean in towards you, and nod along to show you that they’re paying attention.
- Someone who loves you will do their best not to change the subject to something they want to talk about. They’ll hear you out, no matter what you need to say.

4

They instinctively empathize with you.

Love can make a person feel your emotions as if they were their own. Whether you’re dealing with personal issues and a lot of emotional pain or you’re bummed because you have the flu, those emotions will rub off your partner. Similarly, when you’re bursting at the seams with joy, they will be too. Empathizing is a sign that they care about you and your well-being deeply!^{[4]
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- Study your partner the next time you have strong emotions, whether you’re upset and venting or delivering amazing news. When they love you, they may have a noticeable reaction that reflects your own feelings on the matter.
- Their reactions won’t always be as strong as yours, especially if the matter at hand is personal to you alone, but they’ll most likely echo your joy, sadness, and frustrations when you feel them.

5

They accept your differences.

Someone who truly loves you won’t force you to change. At the end of the day, you and your partner are two separate people. You probably won’t agree on everything, no matter how much you have in common. Your partner’s ability to accept and embrace those differences is a huge sign of their love for you; they’ll show interest in understanding your perspective and do their best to respect you.^{[5]
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- A loving partner will be happy to give you advice when you ask, but won’t force it on you or withhold affection until you agree with them.
- Don’t be afraid to engage in a respectful debate with your partner. Debate can be a useful tool to learn about one another’s perspectives, so long as neither of you tries to make the other admit they’re wrong.

6

You trust each other.

Trust and love go hand-in-hand for every healthy relationship. When a person truly loves you, they’ll trust you to make decisions for yourself that honor their trust. They’ll do their best not to act suspicious or jealous when you spend time with your friends, snoop through your phone, or throw accusations around without proof. They’ll trust you because they care for you so much!^{[6]
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- If there’s no reason to believe you’ve been dishonest, a loving partner will choose to trust you rather than let insecurities get the better of them.
- If your partner expresses discomfort about a friend of yours or tells you about an insecurity of theirs, that can also be a good sign! It likely means they want to communicate and get on the same page before trust becomes an issue.

7

They help and support you.

Someone who loves you will be there through every up and down. They’ll want to make sure that your needs are met, meaning that they offer you physical help when you need it as well as emotional support. They’ll have your back when you need a ride to work, cheer you on when you need a few words of encouragement, and they’ll be ready to listen and empathize with you.^{[7]
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- Check in with yourself: do you feel supported? Is your partner willing to step up to the plate and be there for you? If so, they absolutely love you.
- If they really love you, they’ll encourage you to achieve your goals or pursue your interests, even when they won’t gain anything from doing so.
- Love is about being there for someone no matter what, accepting their positive and negative qualities, and sticking around during the good times and the bad.

8

Quality time is important to them.

Part of being in love is wanting to be around your partner often. If they truly love you, they’ll want to spend meaningful quality time with you—even when it's impractical. This doesn't mean they’ll want to be attached at the hip, but they’ll try to take as many opportunities as possible to see you. The longer you’re together, the more time they’ll want to spend with you.^{[8]
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- Does your partner make plans with you as often (if not more often) than you do with them? That’s a surefire sign they’re falling for you!
- When you make plans with your partner, do they consistently follow through and show up on time? It means they’re eager to spend time with you.
- Even when your plans fall through—which happens from time to time—a lovestruck partner may quickly reschedule because they’ll want to see you as much as possible.

9

They do thoughtful things for you.

You’ll be able to spot your partner’s love in acts of everyday devotion. They may perform small but meaningful gestures if they truly love you. They might put gas in your car when you're busy, do your food shopping for you, or bring you chicken soup when you're sick. These favors may not be constant or over-the-top, but when someone loves you, they'll want to make your life easier.^{[9]
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- Keep track of the sentimental but subtle things your partner does for you over a few weeks or months. If you notice a sweet gesture here and there, they most likely love you.
- When they love you, your partner will be able to pick up on the hint that you might need a favor or help sometimes.
- Remember: true love isn't just about what you can take from the person, but what you can give as well!
EXPERT TIP

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Trick: If you want to be romantic back, surprise your partner with gifts they like, or try arranging a surprising romantic event for the two of you.

10

They want the best for you.

Love means accepting a partner’s needs, even if you don’t share them. When your partner loves you, they’ll understand that sometimes you have to do things that may not be best for them. Nonetheless, they’ll be accepting and encouraging because they know you need to do what is best for you—and that desire to see you do well no matter what means they truly adore you.^{[10]
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- For example: say you have plans to spend the night with your partner but realize that you really need to go home and study for a test. A loving partner would try to understand that need, even though they’d be happier seeing you.

11

They give you space.

Someone willing to give you personal space genuinely cares for you. Being around one another constantly, joined at the hip, and doing everything together, isn’t love; it’s infatuation. When someone truly loves you, they’ll understand that you both need to do separate things in order to maintain your identities. As such, they’ll know when to stay close and when to give you space.^{[11]
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- If they want to be around you every waking moment, it may be more of a sign of their insecurities than true love.
- Take note of their reaction when you tell them that you’re about to do something on your own, whether it’s spending time on one of your hobbies or hanging with a friend.
- If they love you, they usually won’t have a problem with seeing you head off on your own. They’ll likely even ask you how your day went and show interest in what you did while you were apart.

12

They miss you when you’re apart.

Being missed is a sign that they can’t imagine their life without you. Does your significant other often tell you they missed you after being apart? If you’re apart for even a few days, but they still text you, call you, or email you to let you know how much they miss you, chances are they love you. If you go on a three-week vacation and don't hear a word from them, it may not be love.^{[12]
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- Everyone’s communication style is different. They don’t have to call you constantly or blow up your inbox with texts; even a simple “Good morning!” or “Thinking of you” text each day shows that you’re often on their mind.

13

They discuss the future with you.

Mentioning future plans is a sign that you’re in their life to stay. If they really love you, then the idea of you being in their future is a given—not something they’d be undecided about. If your partner often talks to you about what you're going to do together in the future, about what your lives will look like 1, 2, or even 10 years in the future, then they’ve fallen in love with you.^{[13]
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- Look for mentions of things like where you might live together in the future, fun things you could do together, and trips you could go on.
- Even more significant things like what your kids will look like or where you could go for your honeymoon are surefire signs of love!
- Your partner might also like to talk about the past—specifically their memories of your relationship so far. They might bring up the day you met, your first date, and other memories they hold dear because they love you.

14

They introduce you to their loved ones.

When your partner loves you, they’ll want to shout it from the rooftops. Being in love is exciting and joyful; it’s natural to want to celebrate that feeling with other people you care about. After your partner falls in love, they may start asking you to meet their friends, parents, and family because they want everyone to see how incredible you are. If your partner didn’t care, they wouldn’t make the effort.^{[14]
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- If your partner suddenly starts dropping hints about how their parents would love to meet you or outright asks you to spend time with their friends and family, that’s a sign they love you!
- Your partner’s relationships may affect who they want you to meet. If they’re not on good terms with their parents or a particular family member, for example, they may only ask you to meet their friends.

15

They correct your mistakes.

Correcting mistakes shows they love you but don’t idealize you. Idealizing someone means seeing all the amazing things about them but overlooking their flaws—and nobody is perfect. If they truly love you, they won’t idealize you. They’ll be comfortable telling you when you’ve made a mistake or done something to hurt their feelings. This means they accept your mistakes as well as your best qualities.^{[15]
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- Your partner shouldn't criticize you all the time! Giving you a healthy amount of criticism just means that they know you inside and out and want to help you grow as a person.
- If they never argue with you or criticize you, then be on the lookout and ensure they truly love you instead of an ideal version of yourself.
- A certain amount of idealization is normal and even healthy. If your partner emphasizes your abilities over your inabilities, it could still be love! It's only when idealization becomes unrealistic that problems arise.

16

They value your opinion.

Someone who loves you will value your thoughts and advice. Whether it's about their new pair of shoes or the political situation in your country, your partner will likely ask for your opinion on matters big and small. They’ll also ask for advice when they make decisions and consider your input. They may feel self-conscious while doing it, but they’ll try because they love you.^{[16]
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- Even when they truly love you, it doesn’t mean they’ll ask your opinion on everything. However, they’ll try to consult you on the things that matter.

17

They give you meaningful compliments.

Compliments show they appreciate the important parts of your personality. There's a difference between saying, "I like your new haircut," and "You have the ability to make me feel better no matter what." If the person gives you meaningful compliments, it means they know and care for you on a deeper level—and there's a good chance they really love you.^{[17]
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- Your loved one doesn't have to shower you with compliments all the time. It's the quality, not the quantity, that makes a difference!

18

They mean it when they say, “I love you.”

There’s a big difference between "Love ya!" and "I love you." When a person truly loves you, they might say it seemingly out of the blue for no reason at all—not just because they need a favor or feel like they need to. If your special someone loves you and tells you so while looking into your eyes, sounding earnest, and not asking anything else from you, then it's likely they really mean it.^{[18]
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- Think about the times your partner says that they love you. Do they say it even when you haven’t said it first? Do they ask you for anything or say it for the simple pleasure of making you smile? If so, all signs point to love.

19

They give you tons of physical affection.

Physical affection builds emotional intimacy, which is a sign of love. Sex isn’t the only component in physical affection between couples—although it can certainly be a part if it’s something both of you want. Other kinds of affection and physical closeness are just as important because they allow your partner to express love in different ways.
- For example, a partner in love may go out of their way to be physically close to you when you’re together. They might rest a hand on your shoulder, put an arm around you, or hold your hand.
- Consider how often your partner shows affection. If they tend to gravitate towards you and touch you more often than not, it proves that they feel a connection to you.

20

They can act naturally around you.

Part of being in love is being completely open to the other person. If you find yourself seeing a whole different side to your partner that they person don’t show the public, it could be love. For instance, if your partner is pretty serious or polite in public but becomes more goofy and silly when you're alone, they’re opening up to you and showing you how comfortable you make them feel.^{[19]
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- If the person shares their deepest emotions with you and is comfortable with it, that could be love.
- If they’re comfortable not looking perfect, tripping, or having food stuck in their teeth around you, that means they’re okay with letting you see every side of them.

21

They look at you often.

Adoration can make a person instinctively look at you while talking. Interactions with them may feel more intense and meaningful because they’ll make eye contact with you for the majority of the time. Not only that, but their eyes will gravitate toward you even when you’re talking in a group or spending time together in peaceful silence.^{[20]
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- Study them to see where their eyes go when you’re with them or when you walk into a room. If it’s love, you’ll notice quickly that you’re the center of their attention!
- You may also notice they look at you with adoring “googly” eyes—essentially a wide-eyed, slightly dreamy look that says they’re definitely thinking about how much they love you.

22

They light up when you’re around.

Seeing you will feel like a breath of fresh air when someone loves you. If your partner has a bad day and yet still noticeably becomes happier when they see you, that's a sign they truly love you. No matter what happens throughout their day, the sight of you or the sound of your voice is guaranteed to make them feel better—if only a little bit.
- The next time they're grumpy or have a bad day, see how they react in your presence. You might notice their eyes light up or soften, and they may start smiling if they were frowning before.
- They'll be positively giddy around you when they’re in a good mood! Your partner might seem hyper, excited, and on the verge of laughing for no reason whenever they’re around you.

23

Having fun is easy when you’re together.

What you do doesn’t matter; it’s about the person you’re with. When someone loves you (and you love them), mundane chores and activities are way less likely to feel annoying or boring. They’re with the person they love, which can make something ordinary feel fun. Regardless of what you’re doing, you’ll be able to laugh together, talk, and get in some quality time.^{[21]
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- Test your partner’s reaction when you ask them for help with a mundane project or errand. If they love you, they may at the chance to help and go the extra mile because they know that any time with you is well-spent.