How to Make Your Girlfriend Fall For You Again (And Keep Her for Good!)

Tricks to steal your girlfriend's heart so she only has eyes for you

Co-authored by LeTisha Underwood and Madeleine Flamiano

Last Updated: November 6, 2022 References

Ready to get your girlfriend to swoon over you every day? Maybe you want a cure-all because you've made a slip-up or two, or you might just want the road map to be a picture perfect partner. If you want a how-to guide that'll practically work like a love potion, we know the trick. To keep the flame alive, ignite your SO's heart, and get her to love you more, take notes—here are your cheat codes to become your girl's hero.

Things You Should Know

Shower your girlfriend with lots of praise so she sees you as her biggest fan. Focus on inner qualities, like her work ethic or her upbeat attitude.
Stay curious about your SO and ask questions so she knows you're really engaged. Learn about her passions, her goals, and her background.
Respect your partner's independence and she'll appreciate that you let her thrive. When she’s out with her friends, give her space so she can fully enjoy herself.
Boost the spontaneity in your relationship to thrill your special lady. For example, instead of your Saturday brunch, go on a random road trip to the beach.

1

Give her lots of compliments.

Steal her heart by boosting her ego. If you really want to perk up your girlfriend, then make sure you butter her up with lots of praise. While it’s definitely nice to give her a shout out for looking great on the daily, a really meaningful way to compliment a woman is to focus on her inner qualities. Your sweet remarks about her unique and radiant personality will definitely make her beam.^{[1]
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Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
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- Tell her why she's so impressive. Say something like, "It's really awesome that you can strike up a conversation with almost anyone. How do you do that?" Or, "You're such a hard worker. I wish I could study for as long as you could."
- Show her that you catch every detail. For example, let her know you notice when she’s rocking a new outfit or haircut.
- Make a comment that'll boost her ego like, “I love that new sweater on you. It really brings out your eyes.”

2

Help her out and do favors for her.

Show her you care by finding a way to make her day brighter. This could mean bringing her lunch when she's had a busy day, giving her a ride when she needs it, or helping her clean up her place after a party. If you find out her love language is receiving an act of service, this sweet gesture will dazzle her.^{[2]
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- Even if she has a different love language, it’s a safe bet that your girlfriend will always appreciate you lightening her load.
- She might cutely protest and say something like, “Oh, you don’t have to do that!” If she does, reassure her that you’re happy to pitch in. For example, say, “I’d love to, though!”

3

Support all her goals and interests.

Embrace her passions so she knows she'll thrive with you. Be her best ally and biggest fan so she always knows who to turn to. Actively listen to her when she talks about her passions and ambitions and brainstorm ways to lift her up. For example, if she's trying to find a new job, help her by setting up a mock interview. If you help her live her best life, she'll be touched by how thoughtful you are.^{[3]
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- If she's upset or disappointed because she didn’t achieve what she wanted right away, comfort her and chat about it when she's ready to open up.
- Cheer her on if she has a big day coming up, like a presentation she’s responsible for. Wish her luck and tell her you'll be thinking of her.

4

Ask her questions about her life.

Remain curious so she sees herself as fascinating. Bring up romantic questions or dig a little deeper and pose personal questions. Start a discussion about her childhood, her upbringing, or her relationships with her friends and parents. Be sure sure to check in about what she’s working on or what she’s looking forward to. When you express interest in every facet of her life, she’ll know she’s got you transfixed.^{[4]
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- To show you’re genuinely interested in what she’s sharing, make strong eye contact and give her your full attention.
- Ask her about any details about her that you still don’t know a lot about. For example, say, “How’d you become a competitive gamer? Did you start when you were a kid?”

5

See how her day is going.

Reach out for updates and she'll depend on your little chats. Show her that you’re really consistent and that she can always look forward to a sweet check-in. Depending on what she likes, call or text and ask how she’s holding up. Bring up small details like whether she got enough sleep or big developments like how her exam went. When she knows she’s on your mind even when you’re miles apart, she’ll be touched.^{[5]
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- While there’s no need to touch base every hour, at least one daily check-in is great.
- If she’s out with friends, support her need for freedom and fun by giving her space to be herself. Wait until she’s done to ask if she had a good time.

6

Be super affectionate.

Dote on her so she knows she'll always have a cuddle buddy. Dial up the PDA in a tasteful but romantic way. For example, hold her hand when you’re out on a walk, put your arm around her at a party, or place your hand on her knee when you’re in a cafe. Just a bit of physical touch can go a long way and show her you really enjoy being around her. She may even start craving your warm presence when you’re apart.^{[6]
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- Instead of holding her hand all the time, surprise her. For example, if you’re at the movies, give her hand a squeeze. It’ll be a lot more unexpected and probably give her butterflies.
- If neither of you are fans of kissing in public, then make sure to dote on her once you’re away from everyone else.

7

Be there when she needs to vent.

Allow her to let off some steam and she'll really warm up to you. The next time she comes to you for some support and TLC, make yourself available. Get rid of any distractions, look into her eyes, and absorb everything she says. Make sure not to interrupt her or try to solve her problems right away. Simply pay attention and show you’re fully present. You’ll woo her with your willingness to hear her out.^{[7]
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- When she’s finished sharing, ask her more questions to see how she’s feeling.
- If she asks for advice, then try to get all the details so you can provide the best tips.
- If she establishes a boundary and says she doesn’t want a solution, ask how she’d like to be supported. For example, she might just want to binge-watch a show to get her mind off of everything.

8

Be polite and well-mannered.

Act courteously all the time and your thoughtfulness will make her melt. To become a better person in a relationship, work on sweeping your girlfriend off her feet by being extra thoughtful. All you have to do is pay attention and treat her with respect. Open doors for her, pull her chair out before she sits down, give her your jacket if she’s cold, and speak to her with respect. Your upstanding behavior will show you’re a one-of-a-kind SO.^{[8]
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- Get a sense of what your girlfriend likes. Maybe she’s really sentimental and loves random bouquets of flowers—on the flip side, she might not be super sappy. Instead, she may appreciate that you text her silly memes when she’s sick.

9

Communicate clearly and openly.

Focus on transparency to improve your bond with your girlfriend. If having a healthy relationship is your #1 priority, then make sure to express your feelings and embrace vulnerability. Kindly tell your girlfriend what your needs are and discuss compromises that work for both of you. When you collaborate as a couple and are on the same page, you'll tighten your bond.^{[9]
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American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
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- If you want to have a heavy talk with your girlfriend, then pick a time when she won’t be too tired or distracted. It’ll be easier for her to focus on your concerns.
- Let your partner know whether you’re happy or upset. For example, say, “I love how supportive you are of my social life,” or “I sometimes feel disappointed when I can’t spend time with you on the weekends.”
- Then, ask about her headspace with a comment like, “How are you holding up? Do you feel like you have enough independence in this relationship?”

10

Make sure she gets quality time with you.

Make room for her in your schedule so she feels like a priority. Let your girlfriend know you want to be as available as possible. Check in about her hopes and expectations when it comes to hanging out. For example, maybe she wants weekly date nights, evening phone calls, or morning coffee on Saturdays. If you follow through with these simple but important routines, she’ll know how much you value her.^{[10]
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- To make it feel more special when she gets your full attention, make sure to focus on yourself, too. When you pursue your own hobbies, interests, and passions, she’ll feel like a VIP when she scores some of your time.

11

Respect her independence.

Let her spread her wings so she feels like she'll soar as your SO. Strike the perfect balance in your relationship by giving your girlfriend her own time and space. Be understanding when she wants to hang out with her buddies and let her pursue personal passions on her own. Applaud her for all her autonomy and she’ll come running back to you once she’s done doing her own thing.^{[11]
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- Reassure your girlfriend that you trust her and have faith in your relationship. She and her friends will probably gush over how confident and comfortable you are no matter what she does.

12

Hang out with other people.

Put effort into your friends so you want—instead of need—each other. In order to fully appreciate each other, remember the old saying— “absence makes the heart grow fonder”—and nurture your social lives separately. Hang out with a group of mutual friends, each other's friends, or family from time to time. Try to make an effort to make new friends together so you never run out of things to do. If you both branch out, you'll keep your relationship feeling fresh.^{[12]
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- Hanging out in groups helps you appreciate each other on a whole new level since you'll each see another side of your partner. Even going on double dates can add a fun new layer to your relationship.

13

Be nice to her friends and family.

Wow her inner circle and you'll level up in her eyes. If you really want the key to her heart, build connections with the people closest to her. Reach out whenever you can, like when you run into them at a party, and take the time to really get to know them. Ask them how they are, share something about yourself, and show that you really care about them. Your genuine interest will make a big difference, and they’ll probably sing your praises to your girlfriend.^{[13]
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- You might get extra points if you ask to hang out with her friends or add her family on social media and interact with them. You’ll send the message that you really value them as people.

14

Show the world you’re proud of her.

Celebrate her in public to make her feel like a star. When you’re around other people or at a party, tell everyone what you love about her. Chat about her accomplishments at work or a cool project she’s working on. When you’re on social media, post a pic, tag her, and give her a shout-out. She’ll realize that she’ll always feel like a million bucks when she’s with you.^{[14]
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- If she’s comfortable with it, give her some low-key affection when you’re out together. For example, put your hand on her back while she speaks.
- Smile and laugh when she’s upbeat and telling jokes. It’ll make her feel great about her sense of humor and boost her confidence.
- Put sincere effort in your posts. Say something like, “Katie got accepted into the top grad school for lawyers in New York! I know she’s going to conquer the courtrooms in the same way that she dominates me at Overwatch!"

15

Try out new activities together.

Get a little random so she's excited about what's in store for her. If you want your honeymoon phase to last forever, then you have to get really clever. This could be watching every Marvel movie ever made, taking tennis lessons, or getting into hiking. Whatever you decide on, your fun experiment will boost the novelty and fun in your relationship.^{[15]
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- Even though lots of people associate the first stages of a relationship as the most “new” and “exciting” ones, you can always recreate that magic by continuing to explore new possibilities together.

16

Mix up your dates.

Turn romantic outings into fresh experiences to enchant her. Though dinner and a movie is always nice, try to thrill your girlfriend with the unexpected. Rather than grabbing take-out, invite your SO over and cook for her. Instead of catching a new flick, take a hike and have a picnic while you watch the sunset. Have a date night on a random Tuesday instead of on the same old Friday night—any twist on your old routines will get your blood flowing.^{[16]
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- Try getting active. For example, sign up for rock climbing at a gym or take a kickboxing class together. Throwing yourselves into a form of exercise together can be very sexy and put you two in a primal mood.
- For a special occasion like Valentine's Day, arrange a spa trip, romantic dinner, or a surprise vacation for the two of you.^{[17]
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  Expert Source
  
  LeTisha Underwood
  Certified Professional Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 14 December 2021.}

17

Act like you did on your first dates.

Play up parts of your personality that she loved from day one. If you met on a dating app, then think about what made her swipe right. Was it your sparkling wit? Your hot rock climbing pics? Maybe your killer one-liner drove home how bold you were. If you met in person, you might've caught her attention by making the first move in a cafe. Take a page out of your own book and bring back the fun stranger she met before you two settled down.^{[18]
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- Think back to how you impressed her on your first date. For example, maybe she complimented you for speaking so passionately about your artistic goals.
- Consider whether you were a bit of a "fantasy" before. Maybe you played it cool by wearing edgy clothes and being a little sarcastic. You can totally still bring back that vibe.

18

Show her that you have your own life.

Maintain a sense of mystery so she wants to learn more. Improve yourself and focus on your needs to make her pursue you even harder. Brush up on new skills, work out, and socialize with your friends. Your girlfriend will start to notice that she's not always sure what you're up to. Not only will she find your independence attractive, but she'll try to get you to open up about yourself.^{[19]
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- Post some pics of you and your buddies on social media. She'll see that other people love your company.
- Reserve a few days that are just for yourself. Your partner may start to really miss you and daydream about you when she doesn't see you.
- Do a fun activity, like a fun game of soccer, right before you see her. When she picks up on how recharged you are, she'll be intrigued.

19

Keep seducing her.

Show her that she can always expect passion when she's with you. Instead of acting like she’s already “yours,” try to take her breath away whenever you can. Make sure you’re always well groomed and dressed to impress each time you see her. Turn up the heat and flirt with her one day, then keep her on her toes and play hard to get. When you’re a mystery to her, you’ll turn into her favorite fantasy.^{[20]
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- Work her up with some fun messages too. For example, make her laugh by being cocky funny over text.
- Get poetic every now and then. To impress her with words and make a sweet comment like, “I swear, you get more radiant every day.”

20

Be spontaneous.

Wing things and she'll know that dating you is a whirlwind adventure. Though it's great to have fun little traditions, there's something to be said for being spontaneous, too. If you're driving by a new restaurant that sparks your interest, stop by and see if it has an open table. If you're a little restless on a Saturday afternoon, go on a road trip or drive to the beach and see where the winds take you. Just having the option to up and run and do something completely unexpected can keep your relationship exciting.
- Goof off with each other so your relationship is always a grab bag of surprises. Act silly with your girlfriend, crack her up over text, and just generally make her laugh as often as you can.
- Is there something that you and your girlfriend have always said you've wanted to do, but you haven't had the chance to try yet? For example, maybe you two want to pick up axe throwing. What’s a better time than now.^{[21]
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Ways to Show Kindness, Express Love, and Improve Your Communication

Acts of Kindness for Your Girlfriend

Expressing Your Love for Your Girlfriend

Improving Communication with Your Girlfriend

Expert Q&A

Question

In the beginning of our relationship, my girlfriend had so much time available, but now she doesn't. What should I do?

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Expert Answer

It's completely understandable that you crave more of your girlfriend's company, especially if you used to enjoy tons of quality time in the first stages of your relationship! First, check in and see what's going on in her life—she may have new responsibilities or she may be in a tough spot emotionally. If she needs any support, offer it to her and encourage her to lean on her community. Then, reassure her that you love her and that you'd like to share quality time with each other. Collaborate to find activities that fit into her schedule and match her energy level. For example, she might just want to cuddle and watch movies on the weekends. Try to make future plans to improve your bond when time frees up for her. You might be able to go on a quick getaway at some point and really recharge!
Question

Hey there. So, I'm a girl, and I have a girlfriend who is polyamorous. Right now, she is dating 3 other people without my consent. I feel like she just ignores me and goes straight to them, What do I do?

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Our goal at wikiHow is to deliver trustworthy articles that engage our readers and meet their informational and emotional needs. For 15 years, we've committed to our step-by-step teaching model, and we continue to refine our content to create the best how-to experience on the Internet. We’ve helped millions of people solve problems, learn new skills, and feel supported in the ordinary and complex moments of life.

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Expert Answer

It's very important for you and your girlfriend to sit down so you can talk about boundaries. Discuss the relationship styles you both have and assess if they're compatible with each other. She may be polyamorous while you are monogamous. If that's the case, ask yourself if you're willing to date someone with different romantic needs. Should you decide that you're cool with that, then tell your girlfriend your expectations. Let her know if you need to know about additional partners in advance and voice what you need to make a dynamic sustainable. Be transparent and express that you need TLC and ongoing support to feel valued. If she can't follow through with what you ask for, consider searching for a partner whose views on relationships match up with yours. Remember—you deserve to be happy!
Question

What if I don't have one?

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Expert Answer

If you don't have a girlfriend but you're interested in dating, then focus on self-love and self-development. Once you feel really confident and energized, search for like-minded people on apps or out in public. You might want to join a group of people with the same hobbies. Start off slow and develop rapport with anyone you're attracted to. Over time, you might experience great chemistry with someone that evolves into a relationship.