How to Know if You Are in the Friend Zone

Last Updated: October 25, 2022

Ah, the Friend Zone. The place where you think you might be when your female crush starts talking about how hot the guy in her math class is. The place where that guy you're crushing on puts you when he starts belching loudly and scratching himself in front of you, and then pals around with you like you're one of the guys. Want to know if you're in the Friend Zone, or if the guy or girl you like also feels butterflies when you lock eyes? See Step 1 to be on your way to finding out the truth.

Things You Should Know

Evaluate your emotional relationship; do they tell you who they like, give friendly nicknames, or tell you their problems? These are signs of the friend zone.
Analyze the physical aspects of your relationship. Shy, playful, and frequent touches are signs of a crush, so if they don’t do this, it means you’re in the friend zone.
Think about what you do together. If they often invite other people out with you, try to set you up, or ask you for favors, you might be in the friend zone.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Seeing What You Talk About

1
See if you are the person your crush turns to you to talk about his or her problems. If you are your crush's go-to person whenever something goes wrong, then you may be in the Friend Zone. Think about it. If your crush likes you back, then there will be an element of mystery in your relationship, and also an element of excitement. If your crush tells you every little thing on his or her mind or every little problem he or she has, then your crush isn't trying to impress you or cover things up, and this is probably because he or she sees you as a friend.
- If your crush says something like, "I wanted to call you the second this happened," or "Your opinion means so much to me" or "I'm so glad I can count on you," these are all signs that he or she thinks of you as a really, really good friend.
2
See if your crush tells you about other people he or she likes. This is a dead giveaway that the person only sees you as a friend. If your crush goes on and on about how much he likes his cute coworker or how much she wants a new guy in school to ask her out, then you are definitely in the Friend Zone. If the person asks you for advice again and again and never once thinks that you might be interested, then you are definitely in the Friend Zone.
- If your crush talks to you about other romantic opportunities, then you are probably in the Friend Zone. However, if you hear him or her saying things like, "None of the guys in my class are as good as you..." Or, "I just feel like I'll never find the right person..." then this may be a hint that you're the one.
Advertisement
3
See if your crush has friendly nicknames for you. If your crush likes to pal around with you and gives you cute but corny nicknames, such as "Buddy," "Brother," "Sister," "Champ," "Slugger," or "Kiddo," then yeah, you won't be feeling the love any time soon. This doesn't mean that the person will never be able to see you romantically, but that, right now, you are firmly entrenched in the Friend Zone.^{[1]
X
Research source}
4
See if you end up consoling your crush through a break-up. This is another red flag that you are absolutely in the Friend Zone. If the girl or guy you like just got dumped and you're the one who is there consoling him or her with a tub of ice cream and a Love Actually DVD, then you are deeply entrenched in the Friend Zone. If you're the one saying things like, "You can do so much better..." and "How could anyone not want to be with you?" then you are definitely just a friend.
- If your crush really opens up to you and lets you see him or her during such a vulnerable time, then you are probably just a friend.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Seeing What You Do Together

1
See if your crush is comfortable dressing around you. If he or she dresses in front of you without any romantic undertones, he or she is probably not attracted to you and may assume you are not at all attracted to them. If you're heading to the pool together, at the beach together, or just hanging out, and your crush does this without thinking twice, then you may be in the Friend Zone.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- If your crush changes around you or even wears less clothes around you, like if you're at the beach, pay attention to how he or she acts when this happens. Does the guy you like look down at his chest when he takes his shirt off? Does the girl you like nervously adjust her bikini when you're at the beach together? If so, then he or she may be feeling a bit self-conscious in your presence.
2
Consider whether you've ever shared a bed without taking part in any cuddling or holding hands. This is friend, or even sibling, behavior. If you find yourself in the same bed with your crush and you're on opposite ends, or perfectly comfortable splaying out on the bed, then you are in the Friend Zone. Though this may not happen too often, it's an opportunity to see where your relationship really stands.
- If your crush wears dorky pajamas or his or her retainer, then it's even more likely that you're in the Friend Zone. If your crush seems to have no incentive to look sexy around you, then it's because he or she only sees you as a friend.
3
Consider whether he or she has told his or her entire family about you. If the family asks why you two haven't started a relationship, you are probably in the Friend Zone, because you are a couple in every way except romantically and sexually. If your crush's family always putting the pressure on for you to date, and you already know everyone there pretty well, then there's a pretty good chance you're in the Friend Zone. If your crush had special feelings for you, then having you meet his or her family would be considered a big deal.
- Of course, you should keep in mind that feelings do change. Maybe you met your crush's family a long time ago, and only now he or she is starting to have feelings.
4
See if your crush is perfectly comfortable around you. This is another sign that you are in the Friend Zone. If your relationship is romantic, then your crush will be nervous around you, at least to an extent. He or she will fidget occasionally, laugh when nothing is funny, or go out of his or her way to impress you. If your crush only sees you as a friend, then he or she won't care about his or her appearance or about how he or she comes off.
- If you never detect any nervousness, preening, or worry whatsoever when you're together, then you are probably just a friend.
- If your crush says anything without censoring him or herself, backtracking, or wondering how he or she comes off, then you are most likely just friends.
- Check out how your crush dresses when you hang out. If you get the sense that he or she hasn't tried to look nice, wear makeup, or put on cute clothes around you, then it's probably because he or she thinks of you as just being friends.
5
See if your crush tries to set you up with other people. This is another dead giveaway that you're in the Friend Zone. If the girl you like is always telling you about the cute girl in her math class or her cute second cousin that you'd be perfect for, then this is a big red flag. It's even worse if you show up to hang out with her and she brings along a random girlfriend, clearly with the intention of setting the two of you up together.
- Think about it: if the girl liked you, why would she be trying to set you up with someone else?
- This may even be the person's way of hinting that you should direct your romantic feelings elsewhere.
6
See if you always end up doing what your crush wants to do. If the girl you like really likes you, then she'll go out of her way to do the things you want to do, whether it's going hiking or watching a baseball game. But if you always get roped in to going shopping, getting ice cream, or doing other things that she wants to do, then it may be because because she doesn't care about impressing you. Ask yourself when the last time was that you got your crush to do something that you actually wanted to do.
- This is especially true if you always end up shopping with the girl you like. If she's asking your what she should wear or how she looks in a certain outfit, then it's probably because she doesn't think of you as dating material.
7
See if you and your crush make physical contact a lot. If the guy or girl you like returns your romantic feelings, then you'll probably be touching each other a fair amount, whether you're playfully hitting each other or finding other excuses to graze arms or fingers. If you never end up touching each other, even when it's easy to do so, such as when you're sharing the same menu, then it may be because your crush just doesn't think of you that way.
- However, if you like a guy who treats you like one of the bros, then there may be a fair amount of touching. Try to see if it's just friendly or something more.
- You can even test this out by finding an excuse to lightly graze your crush's arm or to playfully shove her just to see if she responds.
8
See if you do favors for your crush. If you find yourself walking your crush's dog, picking up lunch for her when she's having a busy day, or giving her a ride to school, then your relationship is probably not romantic. If you're already an errand boy (or girl) for this person, then you are definitely not on your way to dating. If your crush really had romantic feelings for you, then she wouldn't ask you to help her out in non-romantic ways all the time.
9
See if your crush always ends up inviting other people out when you're together.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.} If you're always trying to get your crush alone so you can turn your relationship into something more, while she always ends up inviting the whole gang, her three siblings, her random neighbors, and anyone else in the same city, then it's a sign that your crush does not see you taking your relationship to a romantic level. This doesn't mean that it will never happen, but it does mean that, for now, your relationship is not in a romantic place.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- If your crush sees you as a romantic prospect, then he or she would be looking for excuses to be alone with you, not trying to make it so you're never alone together.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Christina Jay, NLP
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}

Expert Q&A
Did you know you can get expert answers for this article? Unlock expert answers by supporting wikiHow

Question

How can I get my crush to see me as more than a friend?

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Christina Jay is a Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match (preferredmatch.ca), her matchmaking service that finds love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) certification through NLP Canada Training, and has a BA in Business Administration from Brock University.

Christina Jay, NLP

Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

I recommend asking them out on a friendly date. Try asking them if they'd like to grab a bite to eat with you. If it's just the two of you, it may evolve into something more.