How to Keep Your Girlfriend Interested in You

Co-authored by Elvina Lui, MFT and Caroline Heiderscheit

Last Updated: September 3, 2022 References

You finally have a girlfriend and you think she's awesome—how exciting! But how can you be sure that she'll stay interested in you? Don't stress. With a little help, keeping your girlfriend satisfied is actually super easy. We'll walk you through tips to make her smile, ways to be more attractive to her, and ways to keep your spark alive down the line. To learn everything you need to know, read our complete guide below!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Making Your Girlfriend Happy

1
Be your honest and authentic self with her. Your girlfriend likes you just the way you are—so she doesn’t want you to pretend to be something you’re not. To make her smile, be silly when you feel silly, be honest about your feelings, and don’t change how you act around other people. If this sounds like a lot to manage, think about it in super simple terms: just be yourself!^{[1]
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- You know those quirky habits you tone down around others? Your girlfriend would love to see this side of you. Don’t be afraid to do a silly dance or snort when you laugh!
- People sometimes think sharing feelings is embarrassing. But that’s not true! When you’re sad or hurt, tell your girlfriend. She’ll love your authenticity!
- Avoid acting “cool” or “tough” when you’re around your friends. This could make your girlfriend wonder if you’re putting on an act with her too.
2
Compliment her. Throw your girlfriend a compliment, and she’ll be smiling all day. Flattery is one of the easiest ways to keep her happy, and it’s super effective, too. Tell her you love her look, her personality, or your relationship. Be genuine and specific, because that'll make your compliment feel more sincere. When it comes to flattery, you can't give too much. Don’t hold back!^{[2]
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- Compliment her on what makes her unique: “Your style is so fresh and so you. I absolutely love the way you dress!”
- Tell her you love her deepest qualities: “You care so much about the people in your life—it’s so amazing.”
- Let her know that she looks great: “My jaw is on the floor. I didn’t think you could get any more beautiful, but look at that dress!”
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3
Spend time with her. In relationships, quality time is a must. Make plans to see her regularly, and if you can, be thoughtful about those plans. Choose an activity you know she loves. When you dedicate your time to her, you show that she’s a priority—and that’ll keep her more satisfied in your relationship.^{[3]
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- If you have trouble setting time aside for her, set reminders on your phone. Aim to hang out at least once a week (depending on how busy your schedules are!).
- Be thoughtful about your plans. Ask her to teach you about something that she's great at (like dancing!). Or, ask her to give you a tour of one of her favorite spots.
- To make her extra excited, plan a fun event. Make her a scavenger hunt or plan a special hike with a picnic waiting at the end.
- When you’re together, focus on her. Instead of sitting on your phone, playing video games, or talking to another person, make sure your time together is true quality time.
4
Show her you care through sweet, gentle touches. Your girlfriend will probably love it if you give her hugs, hand holds, and forehead kisses regularly. Physical intimacy of all kinds can be a great way to show how you feel. But to really wow her, focus on forms of touch that are more affectionate than sexual.^{[4]
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- With her permission, show her love in public for bonus points. Throw your arm over her at a party or wrap your arms around her waist at the grocery store.
- If you two have sex, this can be another great way to show your love. Get consent, ask her what she likes, and focus on her pleasure, not just yours.
- Be mindful of her boundaries and desires. Maybe your girlfriend loves cuddling on the couch, but only when you ask permission first. Make sure you respect that!
5
Try to make her laugh. Everyone loves funny people; the same will be true for your girlfriend! Tell her jokes, do impressions, and try to be witty to get her to crack a smile. If you don’t know where to begin, pay attention to the things that have made her laugh in the past (does she always crack a smile at self-deprecating jokes? Keep making them!).^{[5]
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- Jokingly tease her. Say she’s always late, try saying: “Maybe I'll get you a watch for your birthday. It'd be like a gift for both of us!"
- Send her hilarious memes, especially the kinds she loves most. If you’re not sure where to start, ask her: “Hey, what kinds of memes make you laugh the most?”
- Do something totally unpredictable to make her smile. When you two are shopping around at the grocery store, suddenly pretend to fall down in a dramatic fashion.
6
Listen to her. Your girlfriend wants to feel respected and supported—and listening is a huge part of that. When she’s feeling down, be there for her. When she's sharing something simple about her day, ask her follow-up questions. In general, make she that when she speaks, she feels heard. This will definitely help her to stay interested in your relationship.^{[6]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- Practice active listening when your girlfriend talks. Maintain eye contact, nod your head along with her, and ask thoughtful questions to prompt her to keep speaking.
- All listening is important, but when something serious happens, be especially considerate: “I’m coming over with ice cream. Let’s talk about this!”
- Focus on being empathetic to her situation. Try to actively imagine how you’d feel in her shoes because this will make her feel more supported.
7
Give her thoughtful, sweet gifts. Presents show your girlfriend that you’ve been thinking of her—and they’re sure to make her crack a smile. Think hard about what she might be able to use or what she might really enjoy having. This is a great way to say you care, and even better, it can show her that you understand her, too!^{[7]
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- Use your creative skills to make her something heartfelt. Write her a sweet song, pen a nice poem, or paint a portrait of her.
- Buy her something she’s talked about. When your girlfriend mentions needing something (like a new organizer!) write it down. Gift it to her later, and she’ll swoon.
- Look for gifts that could improve her life. Does she always get lost? By her a GPS! Show that you actively brainstorm ways to make her happy; she’ll be thrilled.
- Go big on birthdays and anniversaries. Save your best gifts for moments like these, and you can make special occasions feel even more memorable.
8
Be her biggest supporter. Show your girlfriend that you’re proud of her, and she’ll feel truly appreciated. Don’t ignore her successes and passions—instead, actively celebrate them. Brag about her in front of friends, show up when she has a big night, and get involved while she’s chasing her goals.^{[8]
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- Talk her up in public: “Has Tara told you about her new short story? It’s so incredible, you wouldn’t believe it."
- When she has a big night—like a ceremony, showcase, or competition—be there and be enthusiastic: "I'm so excited to cheer you on tonight!"
- Help her go after her goals. Is your girlfriend training for a triathlon? Offer to time her while she practices.
9
Perform grand, romantic gestures. Your girlfriend probably dreams of a fairytale romance. To keep her interested in you, make her dreams a reality. Plan gorgeous, extravagant dates, surprise her regularly and go all out in your relationship. Your girlfriend wants a partner who proves that they care—you have the power to do that through your actions.^{[9]
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- To create major romance, plan an exciting date. Take her for a boat ride under the stars, light some candles, and scatter some rose petals.
- Surprise her with sweet gestures and gifts. Bring flowers and chocolate home, show up for a spontaneous lunch date, or take her on a surprise road trip.
10
When she has a problem, help her fix it. Show your girlfriend that her stresses are your stresses. This can show her that you genuinely care about her happiness. When she mentions an issue, ask how you can help. Look for ways you can make her life better—and take action. Then, don't make a big deal out of it; that way, she knows you're not helping for a "thank you."^{[10]
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- Is her trash can full? Take it out for her without being asked.
- If she mentions a big issue at school or with work, ask how you can help. “I wish I could make this easier for you. Is there anything I can do?”
- Then, take action. Maybe her car is in the shop indefinitely. Offer to give her rides when you can. This will make her feel totally loved and supported!
11
Be patient with her. When you lose your cool with your girlfriend, it could make her feel less comfortable around you. Nobody’s perfect, so in relationships, it’s important to have a partner who sees the best in you. Try to show your girlfriend that you’re willing to do that for her—because this will make her feel super cherished and satisfied in your relationship.^{[11]
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- If she starts to get on your nerves, communicate that in a gentle voice: “Hey, could you actually stop poking me? I love you, but I have to get this work done.”
- If she needs time to process something, give that to her: “I know you’re working on being more communicative. Just let me know when you're ready to talk."
12
Be loyal. Security and trust are the keys to a healthy relationship. If your girlfriend knows she can count on you not to lie to, cheat, or manipulate her, it will definitely make her happier in your relationship. Breaking her trust may not seem like a huge deal, but it can make or break your relationship. So focus on being totally faithful to her, even when she's not around.^{[12]
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- Even if your girlfriend forgives you for a mistake, she may trust you less overall, and this could leave her feeling less satisfied.
- Stay honest with her. It can be tough to tell the truth, but even if it leads to a difficult conversation, your relationship will benefit overall.
- If you make a mistake, own up to it. Nobody’s perfect, and even though it may be tough, your girlfriend would rather you apologize than hide the truth.
13
Make an effort with her friends and family. Your girlfriend probably wants you to be a part of her life—her whole life. To show you care, connect with the people she’s closest to. But don't stress! It's less about schmoozing them to make a great impression and more about showing that you care about getting to know them. Try these tips:^{[13]
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- Ask if you can meet her friends or family: "We’ve been dating for a few months. I’d love to meet the people who are important to you. What do you think?”
- When you do meet them, try to really bond. Ask them thoughtful questions about their life and actively listen when they talk to you.
- Be respectful when you meet her parents. Show up well dressed, shake their hands, speak politely, and consider bringing a gift, too.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Becoming Even More Attractive to Your Girlfriend

1
Show your sensitive side. Lots of women are attracted to emotional intelligence, sweet gestures, and kindness. When you two watch a sad movie, don’t be afraid to cry—or, open up about how the film made you feel. Ask her questions to inspire deep, meaningful conversation. Work on becoming more emotionally aware, and talk about your feelings with her.^{[14]
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- To become better at identifying your own emotions, try journaling and start meditating.
- Ask intuitive questions: “Why do you think you struggle with avoidance in relationships? Where do you think that came from?”
- Make insightful comments about your own emotional state: “I’ve been feeling really scattered lately. I think it's because of what's happening with my sister.”
2
Chase after long-term, serious goals. Everyone is different, but a lot of girls are attracted to passionate, ambitious people. Show her that you have things you want to achieve and prove to her that you’re every day, you're working toward your goals. She’ll love your take-charge attitude; she'll also probably love that your energy could inspire her to chase her dreams, too!^{[15]
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- Show her what you’re passionate about. Have goals to open a woodworking studio? Talk to her about your most recent project.
- Tell her about your plans. She’ll love hearing about how you’ve thought everything through; if you have a 5-year plan, walk her through it.
- Goals aren’t just about your career. If your goal is to travel or have a family, make sure she knows it!
3
Take your style seriously. Your girlfriend might be after a partner who takes ownership over the way they dress—so show her that that’s you. There is no perfect way to look; it’s more about putting in effort. Before you leave the house, spend an extra 10 minutes looking over your outfit. Make sure you’re dressed properly for every occasion (that means no athletic clothes at family dinner!).^{[16]
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- Develop a personal style. Whether you love classic, sporty, or edgy looks, show her that you care about the way you present yourself to the world.
- If you’re not sure where to start, try researching fashion sites that cover dressing well and highlight recent trends.
- Pro tip: if all else fails, wear red around your girlfriend. Studies show that this color can make you appear more attractive, so it's a great place to start!
4
Prioritize your hygiene and health. The truth is, most girls aren't after one particular size or shape—but they might still appreciate it if you take care of yourself. Cover all the basics in your hygiene regimen: shower regularly, brush your teeth, wash your face, etc. Then, try to keep yourself healthy, too. There are tons of personal benefits (like boosts in mood!) to working out regularly, so it’s a win-win!^{[17]
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- Stubble makes you appear more attractive. Ask your girlfriend what she likes best, but if you’re unsure, go with a little midnight shadow!
- If you struggle to keep your breath smelling fresh, carry around gum, mouthwash, or breath mints.
- Try strength training exercises if you’re interested in putting on more muscle mass.
- If you’re more about cardio and endurance, incorporate running, swimming, or biking into your routine.
- Maybe you’d like fitness benefits and mental health benefits—try a mindful, relaxing exercise, like yoga.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Maintaining Your Connection Over Time

1
Show your appreciation regularly. A simple “thank you” can mean the world for your connection and attraction over time. Showing gratitude can help you two feel appreciated and it can decrease resentment. Give your girlfriend a shoutout when she helps you with something. Or, let her know that you’re grateful she is who she is. ^{[18]
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Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
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- Leave her notes around the house as a thank you. “Saw you did the dishwasher—thanks so much!”
- Tell her that you’re so grateful she’s with you: “You know, you’re the best. I’m so glad that you are who you are and that I get to be with you.”
2
Keep the adventure and spontaneity in your relationship. This one is crucial—falling into a rut can leave you feeling bored or unsatisfied in a relationship that used to totally excite you. Keep things fresh to keep your attraction strong. Plan surprise trips, learn new things together, and break up your routines whenever you can.^{[19]
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- Do you and your girlfriend have a vacation coming up? Tell her that you’ll handle the plans, and come up with something super exciting, like a trip abroad.
- Take new classes (like dance, cooking, or improv) together. Seeing each other in a new scene can help you break out of your typical routines.
- Change things up constantly. Cook your partner breakfast or send them a random, risque text. Anything that shakes up the daily grind can help.
3
Make major moves together. Couples who take on massive challenges together will keep their spark longer. Not only can this deepen your trust and your connection, but a change of routine or scenery can make you two see each other with brand new eyes as well.^{[20]
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- When you have the opportunity, don’t shy away from taking on a move, a career change, or even a long-distance relationship.
- When you overcome challenges together, you’ll end up closer!
4
Work together to keep your sexual attraction alive. Communication, open-mindedness, and teamwork can help you and your girlfriend keep things exciting. Talk about your deepest fantasies and things you're curious about—and don’t judge each other. Try to get on the same page about your sexual goals and don’t sacrifice your alone time, even when schedules get busy.^{[21]
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- Have a conversation about your desires. A change of scenery (like a hotel), sex toys, or a visit to a sex therapist can be a big help here!
- Schedule time for intimacy every week. This way, it never falls through the cracks. Take that time seriously, and do your best not to skip or reschedule it.
- Sleep naked next to each other. Even though it definitely won’t always lead to sex, it can create more intimate, exciting moments within your go-to routine.
5
Balance independence and quality time. As you and your partner get more serious, developing a healthy routine will be huge. Carve out enough time to keep your connection—but also, hold on to your individual time, too. As you two start to create norms in your relationship, look out for both important elements: the health of your relationship and your personal identities.^{[22]
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- Set time aside each week to connect. A date night, a Facetime, or a certain time each day (like breakfast) can help you two make intimacy part of your routine.
- Keep investing in your own personal interests, too. Your passions, hobbies, and goals shouldn’t be put on hold when you’re investing in a relationship.
6
Choose your love and relationship every day. At the end of the day, maintaining your attraction and connection will be an active choice. Natural chemistry might fade over time, but you two can work to maintain your spark. Instead of looking for love "hacks" to automatically keep romance alive, remind yourself every day that you chose this person for a reason.^{[23]
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- Actively look for your relationship's positives. Did your girlfriend just make you a cup of coffee? Take a second to reflect on how much you appreciate her love.
- The truth is, most relationships change over time. Maybe wild emotions have calmed, but new levels of closeness and familiarity can take their place. Enjoy it!
- When things get tough, remind yourself of all the great parts about your partner and your relationship. You chose this person for a reason!