How to Make a Girl Happy

Co-authored by Christina Jay, NLP and Christopher M. Osborne, PhD

Last Updated: June 5, 2022 References

Let’s get this out of the way first: you can’t make a girl be happy, but you can make it easier for her to be happy. This article lists many ways to help the girl of your dreams be happy and stay happy. Read on to learn how to treat her like the unique, wonderful individual she is so that her happiness shines through!

1

Ask what she needs.

Invite her to tell you directly what will make her happy. Let’s face it—you won’t always know just what to do to make her happy. Instead of playing games and trying to figure out what's wrong, just ask her what she needs and what she wants. If something's wrong or could be better, she'll tell you. Listen carefully and do your best to meet that want or need.^{[1]
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- You might say something like this: “I’d like to do something special for you. What would make you happy right now?”
- Or: “I can tell you’re having a difficult time today. What can I do to help?”

2

Be a good listener.

Pay attention to what she has to say and respond thoughtfully. Your girl wants to feel like she’s being listened to—it’s a validation that you truly care about her. When she has something to say, put down your phone and give her your attention. Let her know she’s your priority.^{[2]
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- Don't interrupt her. Interrupting tells her that what you have to say is more important than what she has to say. Let her finish talking before you speak.
- Show you’re listening actively, not passively, by quickly summarizing what she’s said and then asking your question or adding your comment: “So what you’re saying is you want to change your major. Have you decided what you’d like to switch to?”

3

Show your enthusiasm.

Make it clear how genuinely glad you are to be with her. Enthusiasm is contagious. If you show her how truly excited and happy you are with her, she’ll feel happier about herself and her relationship with you. By the same token, when she’s excited and happy, join in on her enthusiasm!^{[3]
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- Show how happy you are each time you see her. Offer a big smile and a hug, kiss, or other little physical sign of affection.
- If you’re having a bad day and don’t feel all that enthusiastic, manage at least a grin and make a little comment about how your lousy day just got a lot better now that she’s part of it.

4

Open up to her.

Share things about yourself that define you. Self-disclosure—sharing things about yourself that others don’t know—is essential to bonding and has been shown to promote happy relationships. Make yourself vulnerable by opening up to her—let her in just like you want her to let you in.^{[4]
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PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
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- Talk about your hopes, dreams, and fears. Don't be an open book right from the start, but don't be afraid of showing her some vulnerability.
- Talk about your favorite songs, movies, books, and memories. These seemingly little things play a big role in forming an emotional connection.

5

Earn her trust.

Show her that you’re dedicated, honest, and reliable. Earning your girl’s trust is really important if you want the relationship to go anywhere. She won't truly let you in until you prove you can be trusted. As you spend more time with her, she'll start to see who you really are and trust that she can open up to you.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}
- Unless you’ve clearly agreed to a level of openness in your relationship, don’t show romantic interest in anyone else—especially any of her friends!
- Tell the truth, even when it’s really hard to do so. Getting caught in a lie is much worse than fessing up to something unpleasant.
- Be as good as your word. If you say you're going to do something, follow through with it.
- Be there for her when she needs you most. Prove to her that you're there for the long-haul. Send her a note saying how much she means to you; give her flowers; remind her of all the things she does that make her special to you.

6

Give her space without jealousy.

Don’t get jealous because she wants to be her own person. No matter how much she likes you, she’ll want to do things without you sometimes. Show the maturity and trust to let her go hang out with her friends. Give her the space and freedom she deserves instead of getting all jealous because she doesn’t want to spend every last second with you and only you.^{[6]
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- Show trust in her when she’s not with you and she’ll be all the happier when she is with you.
- Have a life of your own as well. If your girl doesn’t appreciate you being a confident, independent person, you may need to reconsider the relationship.

7

Make her laugh.

Be funny in your own unique way and laugh along with her. When you ask someone what they find attractive in a potential romantic partner, a good sense of humor is nearly always at the top of the list. That doesn’t mean you have to do a comedy routine every time your girl is around, though—show off your own distinctive sense of humor and encourage her to share hers. And have a good laugh together!^{[7]
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- Maybe you’re good at doing silly faces, telling jokes about stuff in the news, or making funny comments while watching a movie together. Self-deprecating humor—gently poking fun at yourself—can also work well, if that’s part of your sense of humor.
- Gently teasing your girl can be funny, but always be careful about crossing the line. Make sure she’s genuinely laughing with you. If she doesn’t find that kind of stuff funny, drop it.

8

Give her compliments.

Show her verbal affection that comes from the heart. Tell her how much she means to you, what she's good at, and what you like most about her. A timely and genuine compliment or endearment can make her heart melt. But don’t overdo it—make sure each show of verbal affection is meaningful and heartfelt. A nice, honest "I love you" goes a long way, but can lose some of its impact if you blithely say it all the time.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}
- While reminiscing with her, or just randomly while watching TV together, you might say something like this: "Remember the first time we met? I fell head over heels for you when I saw you standing there. It's like everything else seemed to disappear, kind of like tunnel-vision. You still do that to me."

9

Show her physical affection.

Show you care with simple contact like holding hands. Physical affection is just as important as verbal affection—it's just a different breed. While being careful to give your girl enough space and not appear clingy, it's important to physically show her how much you care for her. Here are some things that you can do:^{[9]
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- Put your hand on hers while you’re talking, or your hand on her shoulder when she’s upset. Hold hands when you’re taking a walk together.
- Come up and slowly kiss the back of her neck while hugging her from behind. This soft, sensuous kiss is sure to get her excited and remind her of the sweet things you do.
- Nothing says "I love you" quite like a good foot massage or back massage after she’s had a long day at work or school!

10

Look good for her.

Make a reasonable effort at grooming, hygiene, and exercise. Sure, she should like you for more than your looks, but let’s not pretend that they don’t play a role. You shouldn’t feel like you have to be on display for her, but do at least show that you want to look good for her. Taking care of yourself also makes you feel happier, which will make her feel happier.^{[10]
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- Basic hygiene like bathing, using deodorant, and brushing your teeth is always in order. You want her to get close to you, and smelling good is sure to help.
- Accommodate her preferences without completely ignoring yours. If she prefers you clean-shaved but you love having a beard, for example, see if keeping your beard neatly trimmed and groomed will do the trick.
- Exercise regularly, primarily for your own health and wellbeing. But consider it an added bonus that you’ll look and feel better!

11

Resolve conflicts when they arise.

Don’t let inevitable disputes fester into resentment and hostility. No matter how well the two of you get along, disagreements and disputes will happen. When they do, communicate openly and honestly about the problem until you find some sort of common ground. If the dispute gets heated and turns into an argument, take a little time to cool off and then resolve the problem once you’ve both calmed down.^{[11]
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- For instance, a silly disagreement over what movie to watch can sometimes blow up into a major source of friction. To prevent this, talk over your individual points of view and come to an arrangement—in this case, perhaps you can take turns picking the movie.

12

Don’t pressure her for sex.

Physical romance should always be a mutual decision. There’s nothing sexy about reluctant sex, and it’s definitely not the way to make your girl happy. Always consider her wants and needs instead of just trying to satisfy yours. Talk openly and honestly about where your relationship is and what you’re both ready for. And always—always—take no for an answer.^{[12]
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- Pay attention to her physical cues. If she seems hesitant when you’re getting romantic, back off—even if she doesn't say anything. She may need more time to feel comfortable.
- Don’t put out the wrong vibes. If she senses that you’re impatient, she may grow distant—or worse yet, do something she regrets.
- Remember that no always means no. Even if you’ve been together for years, it’s her body and she’s under no obligation to share it with you.