How to Cheer up Your Girlfriend

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

When your girlfriend is upset or down in the dumps, you probably want to do anything in your power to make her feel better. Every girl is unique, so they each recover in different ways. You have to figure out what cheers your girlfriend up the most. With some careful thought and some time and attention, you can cheer up your girlfriend in no time!

1

Let her know you're there for her.

Spend time with her no matter how she's feeling. Whether your girlfriend is experiencing a bad day, has been hurt by someone, is stressed, or is angry, be there for her in her present mood. It can be easy in times when someone isn't really fun to be around to ignore them or spend your time elsewhere. However, no matter what mood your girlfriend is in, you can be the most supportive person by sticking by her side.^{[1]
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- If your girlfriend is looking down in the dumps, don't assume she doesn't want to be with you. Continue to try to spend time with her, inviting her to do things with her or just sitting with her while she mopes. You can ask her if she needs anything, but mainly you just want to show her that you aren't going to desert her in her time of need. Don't be too pushy though -- give her the space she needs. Feel out the situation and see if she wants your company or not.
- If your girlfriend comes to you with a problem, ask her what she needs instead of assuming it.^{[2]
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- For example, she may want you to listen to her or give feedback or advice.^{[3]
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- Do what she wants. You can use the technique of reflective listening. It involves listening to the person and repeating what they have said.^{[4]
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2

Be tender with her.

A little kindness can go a long way. Sometimes all your girlfriend may need is a sweet hug or tender touch from you. If you notice that your girlfriend looks upset or is feeling down, embrace her in a strong hug or hold her in your arms. She may not speak or open up much during this time, but just sitting next to you and being comforted by your physical touch may be enough to help lighten her mood.^{[5]
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- The most important thing to do when your girlfriend is upset is be patient with her. She may act a little more moody, or may be more prone to become irritated by things you do. Just give her time to recover and cheer up and don't try to force her into a cheery mood. Also, if it is taking longer than you anticipated for her to cheer up, don't ask her "When are you going to cheer up?" That's likely just going to make her more upset.^{[6]
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3

Ask her about how she's feeling.

Give her a chance to open up. Your girlfriend may be going through something difficult, or she may be just experiencing a gloomy day. Either way, some people just need to vent and talk about their feelings so that they can ease their mind a little. Ask her how she's feeling and if she wants to talk about it. If she does choose to open up, don't try to fix her problem or pity her. Just be understanding and try to encourage her.^{[7]
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- Some questions you can use to initiate this conversation are "How are you today?" "I notice you aren't acting like yourself... is something wrong?" "It seems like something is bothering you... do you want to talk about it?"
- If your girlfriend is hesitant or doesn't want to talk about something, don't pry. Give her the time she needs to think through things. She may just be having a bad day and doesn't really have much to say about it, so don't assume something is terribly wrong.
- If your girlfriend is upset or mad about something, you may just need to give her space. She may not be in the mood to talk about it or she may get angry if you probe her too much. If you are sensing this is the case with your girlfriend, don't ignore her, but try to allow her to come to you with whatever is bothering her before you ask her.

4

Be an active listener.

Listening is the best way to learn what she's going through. Sometimes in relationships you want to fix the other person's problems or you feel so burdened by them that you want to take them upon yourself. If your girlfriend is opening up to you, don't immediately try to fix her problems. Many times people don't want a solution to their problem -- they just want an ear to listen. Focus your energy on listening well and encouraging her by telling her things will be all right. Don't give her suggestions for how she can fix her problem.^{[8]
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- One way to show your girlfriend you are truly listening to her is by summarizing what she said, so that she knows you are paying attention. After your girlfriend has expressed something, pause, and then say something like "so you're saying you are feeling this way because..."^{[9]
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- Validate your girlfriend as she talks to you. Explain to her how you appreciate her opening up to you.

5

Build her up.

Point out the things you love about her. Your girlfriend may be in a situation where she is feeling insecure about herself or believing lies about herself that society or others have tried to push onto her. In those moments, remind your girlfriend of what is true.
- If she is really stressed about a test and doesn't feel she can handle it, remind her of all of the ways she has succeeded in school. If she was rejected from a job, remind her of all of her good qualities and that the job hunt just takes time. If she is feeling insecure about her looks, remind her how beautiful she is.
- If your girlfriend is experiencing personal loss, like someone in her family or one of her friends died, comfort her, be a listener, and express your sympathy. You might say something like, "I know your grandmother meant a lot to you. I see a lot of her kindness in your spirit."

6

Go on a walk together.

A walk can be good for stress-relief and reflection. Being out in open air can often refresh people and it gives them exercise which can create endorphins (which help boost your mood). If your girlfriend is feeling down, go on a walk with her and allow her to vent if she needs to, or talk about things that will help distract her.^{[10]
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7

Make her laugh.

Nothing can lighten a heavy mood more than laughter. Crack some jokes around your girlfriend that you know she would laugh at. If she's feeling especially down, she may have a hard time laughing, so just keep on trying until you get her to crack a smile. Don't make light of whatever she is experiencing, but throw in some humor that is completely unrelated to her circumstances.^{[11]
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- Sometimes the bad jokes are the best jokes to make someone cheer up. Tell your girlfriend a "dad joke" or something really corny. She may laugh out of the fact that he joke is so bad or pitiful.

8

Go out dancing.

A fun night out could be just the ticket to cheer her up. This is a great way to distract your girlfriend from any hurt or pain she may be feeling, and it will give her a fun night. Take her to her favorite dance place, whether that's country western dancing, salsa dancing, swing dancing, or dancing in a club. Spend a few hours there and help her let go and just enjoy her night.^{[12]
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- Even if you're not a very good dancer, your girlfriend will appreciate your effort and will be able to take her mind off things for a little while. If you don't want the sole responsibility of dancing with her, consider inviting some of your mutual friends so that she has a group to dance with.

9

Try something new together.

Help her break out of her comfort zone. This may seem like a strange time to take on a new task, but if you girlfriend has been upset about something for a long time, it could be good to introduce something new into her life. Choose a hobby or skill that you both are interested in, and begin learning and perfecting it. Learning something new will be a good way to distract her and provide something fun in her life.
- Maybe your girlfriend has always wanted to learn how to play a certain instrument, wants to take up cycling, or is interested in gardening. Be by her side as you two learn this new hobby and support her in it. If she seems uninterested in learning something new, encourage her slowly. Don't force her to pick up a hobby, but slowly show her how good it can be for her. Start learning the new skill or hobby on your own and share your experience with her. This may motivate her to join you.

10

Offer to give her a massage.

A neck or back rub can help her let go of tension. If your girlfriend is feeling especially stressed about something, or something that has upset her has made her body tense, a massage is a great way to ease her mood. By helping her to relax her body, you may be helping her to relax her mind as well. Ask her first if she wants a massage and then work out any tension in her muscles.
- As you do this you might consider playing some soft music so that she can fully rest and relax. She may just need to keep her mind off things for a while, so a comforting massage and peaceful music may just be the trick.

11

Take her to her favorite restaurant.

Her favorite dish might make her feel better. Food is always a great way to distract someone or cheer them up. Very few people can resist their favorite dish or dessert, so try taking your girlfriend on a night out to her favorite restaurant. Let her order and eat whatever she wants. She may just need a night to indulge and veg, so be by her side and veg with her.
- Some people lose their appetite when they are upset about something. If your girlfriend seems really upset about something, ask her first if she is up for going out. She may just need a night in or time to herself, so do whatever will suit her best.

12

Make her dinner.

Cooking for your girlfriend is romantic and considerate. If your girlfriend doesn't seem up for going out and just needs a night in, prepare her favorite dinner -- and dessert! Surprise her with a delicious meal when she comes home from work or school. If your girlfriend enjoys cooking, ask her if she wants to cook along with you. It may be a good distraction for her.^{[13]
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13

Take her to a puppy store.

Nobody can be sad while they're holding puppies. Find your local pet or puppy store and take her there for an hour or so, so that she can love on some puppies and they can love on her back.^{[14]
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14

Buy her a special gift.

Try to choose something she'll find meaningful. Think about the things in your girlfriend's life that she enjoys or mean a lot to her. Maybe she really likes a certain band, or has been wanting a specific piece of jewelry or clothing for a while. Surprise her with a special gift on a day when she's feeling especially gloomy.
- You can also take her shopping, so that she can pick out some things herself. Spending a few hours with her at her favorite stores can go a long way, and it will likely help cheer her up, especially if she finds something she likes.

15

Plan a special day together.

Go on a day trip or be a tourist in your own town. Instead of just going on a short date, plan an entire day with your girlfriend. Try to incorporate some of her favorite things and also some things that will refresh her. Plan a picnic or spend some time at the beach. Go to an amusement park for some exciting rides. Visit some touristy areas in your town.