How to Treat Your Girlfriend

Co-authored by Jessica January Behr, PsyD

Last Updated: December 9, 2022 References Approved

Any guy can get a girlfriend, but it takes a real man (or woman) to treat his or her girlfriend right. Respect, honesty, and a pinch of playfulness are the names of the game when it comes to treating your girlfriend the way she deserves to be treated. See Step 1 below to start learning "wikiHow" to treat your girlfriend right!

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Respecting Your Girlfriend

1
Never lie to her. Honesty and communication are the cornerstones of any relationship.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

Jessica January Behr, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.} Sometimes, in a relationship, telling the truth can be hard, but you should never take the easy way out by lying to your girlfriend, even for minor, everyday things. Lying demonstrates to your girlfriend that you don't trust her with the truth. Getting caught in a lie within the context of a relationship can put tremendous stress on the relationship itself and may even lead to a breakup.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- It's also important to remember that, in the long run, telling the truth is easier than lying. Keeping a complex web of lies straight in your head can be incredibly stressful - just one slip of the tongue may ruin you. In the famous words of Mark Twain, "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
- Express your feelings as they come up in the relationship. For instance, if you're feeling super happy in the relationship, let her know! Likewise, if your need for quality time together isn't being met, let her know that, too.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Jessica January Behr, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.}
2
Respect her intelligence.^{[4]
X
Research source} Just as you are free to develop your own thoughts and opinions, so is your girlfriend. If your girlfriend and you develop different thoughts and opinions, this is generally OK. Just because your girlfriend has a different opinion than you doesn't necessarily mean that she arrived at that opinion with logic that was faultier than your own. If your girlfriend thinks differently than you in matters of art, politics, or recreation, for instance, the most you can generally do is to listen to her explanation for the way she feels and logically debate her. You may find that your difference of opinion stems from a difference in life experiences; you'll probably find that it's not something to take personally.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- There are, however, certain types of disagreements you should take seriously - namely, disagreements about the parameters of your relationship. For instance, if you see your relationship as an exclusive, long-term commitment but your girlfriend is looking for something much more low-key, this is something you'll need to seriously discuss before your relationship can progress. You should also consider how your actions would effect you in reverse, ex .if She went to a guys house at 2 or 3 AM, would you be jealous?
Advertisement
3
Listen to what she says (and remember it). One easy, surefire way to demonstrate to your girlfriend that you respect and value them is simply to make it obvious that you're listening when she's speaking. Do this by keeping engaged in the conversation - responding to the things she says with thoughts of your own - and by remembering what she says. Obviously, no one can remember 100% percent of what his or her girlfriend says, so, if you have a hard time remembering things, rather than trying to memorize everything that comes out of your partner's mouth, memorize the big, important things (place of birth, dietary restrictions, middle name, and so on) and make a point to repeat select minor things at later points.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- It may seem cynical to purposefully pick things that your girlfriend says to repeat later. Try to adopt a positive outlook when you do this - think of this as making an effort to show you value your partner's thoughts rather than scoring easy points down the road.
4
Give her your attention.^{[7]
X
Research source} Partners in a romantic relationship shouldn't have to compete for each others' attention. Show that you respect your girlfriend by paying attention to her (with few exceptions) when you're together. For instance, don't allow yourself to become distracted by a television behind her at the restaurant, a video game that you're midway-through when she shows up at your house, or, worst of all, another woman. Basically, spend the time that you're with your partner with your partner.
- Talk about the level of communication she'd like when you two aren't together. For instance, she might like you to check in on her often, or she might prefer that you don't text her super often.^{[8]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Jessica January Behr, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.}
5
Reach a mutual agreement about which types of things constitute gentlemanly behavior. Men and boys are taught to act like "gentlemen" around their girlfriend from a young age, but the messages they get telling them to do this can be confusing and even contradictory. For instance, a boy's father might chastise him for failing to pull his girlfriend's chair out when she sits down at a restaurant, while she, on the other hand, might find this type of behavior patronizing. The best remedy for these types of confusing situations is to talk frankly with your girlfriend early on in your relationship about which types of traditional "gentleman" behavior have a place in your lives and which do not.
- It's important to respect your girlfriend's independence by taking her wishes in this area to heart. Don't insist upon opening car doors for her, pulling out her chair, and so on, if she doesn't like it or it makes her uncomfortable. This can create tremendous awkwardness in the long term. A real gentleman knows that actual respect is far more important than archaic displays of etiquette.^{[9]
  X
  Research source}
6
Respect her boundaries in terms of displaying your affection. Having different ideas about the types of behaviors that are and aren't appropriate ways to express affection is a great way to run into conflict with your partner. For instance, if you love to make out with your girlfriend in semi-public places like movie theaters, but she's naturally shy about such things, you absolutely should not ignore her feelings. Respecting your partner sometimes means refraining from doing things that you want to do but she does not - basically, making small sacrifices.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Consider the reverse of the scenario above - would you want someone to kiss you if you knew that you didn't want him or her to? Of course not. Putting yourself in your partner's shoes like this can help you understand how actions that might seem minor to you can be very big deals to others.
7
Be fearless around your girlfriend. One way of showing how much you respect your girlfriend is to be unafraid about the things you can express to her. This isn't to say that you should make a point to reveal deeply personal information early on in your relationship. Rather, it means that you should be open to her. Don't be afraid to tell her how you feel - even if it's a bad feeling.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- Paradoxically, this can also mean being fearless about expressing your inner fears. You can (and should) occasionally talk to your girlfriend about deep-seated sources of worry - for instance, your performance at school or work, stressful relationships with your parents, and so on.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Showing that You Care for Your Girlfriend

1
Be proactive. Like the vast majority of human beings, most girls won't want to ask to be treated well - they'll want you to spontaneously treat them well.^{[12]
X
Research source} If your girlfriend constantly has to ask for the things she likes in your relationship - like for you to hold her hand, listen when she talks, remember her birthday, and so on - these special things are robbed of the joy they might otherwise bring. This can even make her feel isolated or needy. So try to stay on the ball - make an effort to treat your girlfriend with respect without her having to ask you.^{[13]
X
Research source}
2
Keep in touch.^{[14]
X
Research source} It's hard to be a steady presence in your girlfriend's life (and vice versa) if you rarely talk to her. Though every couple will have a different natural "rhythm" of communication, generally, you should try to meet, call, or, at the very least, text your girlfriend once or twice a week, if not more. This should stem from a natural urge to want to know what she's been up to - what minor accomplishments she's made in the last few days, what challenges she's faced, and so on.
- Be sure to contact your girlfriend on your own - don't just respond to her calls and texts. Taking the initiative to make that crucial first contact with your girlfriend demonstrates that you want her as much as she wants you.
3
Don't be materialistic. Nothing is less romantic than a man who loses sight of what's really important in life in favor of his money or possessions. Your girlfriend should always take precedence over material pleasures. For instance, don't skip your anniversary dinner to wax your new car. Don't neglect your girlfriend for weeks to play an addictive video game. Don't devote your every waking hour to your work. Keep your life in perspective - genuine love is a longer-lasting source of joy than any material gains you can ever hope to make.
- This being said, a good girlfriend will never willingly ask you to do things that are bad for your financial health. Though the mythical "gold-digger" is much rarer in real life than popular culture may lead you to believe, beware of women that pressure you into buying expensive gifts.
4
Do things "just because". It's normal for a man to show he cares for his girlfriend by celebrating birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and so on with her. It's exceptional for him to show that he cares on the days between these big events. Take your girlfriend by surprise.^{[15]
X
Research source} Celebrate your relationship for no other reason than that you cherish it. This doesn't necessarily have to mean booking a fancy, expensive night out - a simple love note, a rose, a sweet text message, and other things like this can let her know that you are thinking of her and care for her.
5
Strive to be yourself around her. One of the goals of any good relationship should be for both partners to reach the point where neither has to put on a "nice" front for the other. Within the context of your relationship, you should be able to truly be "you" and not one of the characters you adopt for work, school, etc. This won't happen overnight, but it is something that has to happen for a great relationship to develop.^{[16]
X
Research source}
- Sometimes this may mean being truthful about negative emotions that, for whatever reason, you can't express during your daily life. Be honest and open about these emotions - they're part of the real you - but don't let them become the only topic of conversation in your relationship.
6
Let her know that she's valuable to you. This goes far beyond everyday compliments, which can become rote and dull if you repeat them too often. Instead, when you want to make your girlfriend feel amazing, be specific, drawing examples from your personal history and attempting to genuinely express your inner thoughts. Also, try to adjust the "sappiness" of your comments to a level that you know your girlfriend is comfortable with. Finally, choose especially poignant opportunities to make these types of comments - no matter how good you are with words, you can cheapen your thoughts by repeating them incessantly.^{[17]
X
Research source}
- For example, if you know your girlfriend is comfortable with a little sappiness in your expressions of verbal affection, rather than saying, "Hey, nice dress", you might say, "I like your dress. It reminds me of that dress you wore when we first met." This is much sweeter and has the added benefit of showing that you remember a small deal from early in your relationship.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Showing Your Girlfriend a Good Time

1
Be imaginative with your date ideas. While most girls (like most guys) will appreciate a classic dinner/movie night out, there's no need to pigeonhole yourselves as a couple by sticking to traditional date possibilities. Be creative - take your girlfriend to do things she'd never thought she'd do before. Going outside of your comfort zone can be a great opportunity to bond as a couple. As an added bonus, non-traditional date ideas can be a great way to save money if you're young.^{[18]
X
Research source}
- One great date idea is to surprise your girlfriend by taking her to do an activity that she's casually expressed an interest in during conversation. For instance, if she's previously talked about how cool she thinks aquatic animals are, you might consider taking her to a SCUBA diving class. Similarly, if she loves art, you might want take her on a hike into some scenic woods with an easel and paint to make your own together.
2
Make the night about her. Your big night out is no time to be distracted by other people or commitments. Put everything else aside for a few hours. Clear your mind of any upcoming projects that will require your attention and tune in your girlfriend and the relationship you share with her.
- Be sure to turn off your phone, pager, laptop, and/or any other distracting devices. Nothing ruins a great moment like having to take a business call in the middle of your candlelit dinner.
3
Pay for her (respectfully). That age-old question - whether a man should or shouldn't pay for his girlfriend on their night out - is more relevant today than ever before, as it's become accepted (and even expected) that a woman may pay instead. There's no right answer to this question - the specifics of who pays for what in your relationship are up to you and your girlfriend to discuss. Generally, if you're responsible for planning the night, it's recommended that you at least make a genuine effort to pay. Do so to demonstrate how important your girlfriend is to you, not out of an old-fashioned conception of gender norms.
- If your girlfriend insists that she should pay or that you should split the bill, you may want to put up a token resistance to show that you're genuine, but don't seriously fight her on the issue. Some women can feel patronized if their man constantly pays for them while they're out together, so show that you value her as an equal partner in your relationship by allowing her to pay.
4
Praise her without objectifying her.^{[19]
X
Research source} Your special night is a great opportunity for expressing the sorts of naked, passionate emotions that don't ordinarily get voiced. Feel free to be as sappy and passionate as you like, but keep your compliments focused on things like your girlfriend's personality, her sense of humor, the way she makes you feel, and her aesthetic beauty, rather than her sexiness or her figure. There will eventually be time for these things, too, but don't cheapen your special moment by bringing them up in a "serious" romantic context.
5
Make her feel like she's special.^{[20]
X
Research source} Your girlfriend is undoubtedly important to you, so let her know that this the case. If you do nothing else on your night out, tell (and show) your girlfriend that she really, really means a lot to you. Everything else - the fun you have, the adventures you go on, the time you spend together - is just a way of expressing this truth.
- The best, sweetest way to tell your girlfriend that she's important to you is almost always to just be completely frank about it. Flowery, elegant language is no substitute for genuine emotion - almost all girlfriends will be able to tell when you're being yourself and when you're not.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I build a strong relationship with my girlfriend?

Jessica January Behr, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Jessica January Behr is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Founder and Director of Behr Psychology. She specializes in couples and sex therapy. Additionally, Dr. Behr treats those experiencing anxiety, stress, relationship problems, and depression. She holds a BA in Psychology from Hunter College. Dr. Behr also holds a Masters of Science of Education (MsED) in School Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) in Clinical Psychology from Pace University.

Jessica January Behr, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Communication is key when entering a new relationship. Try to do it with as much awareness as possible, keeping the balance between your needs and hers. Don't hold back what you're feeling and remember that what you don't communicate is usually as important as what you communicate verbally. If you're not compatible in terms of communication, you're going to have to bridge that gap if you want to have a healthy relationship.
Question

How do I fix a rushed relationship?

Jessica January Behr, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Jessica January Behr is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Founder and Director of Behr Psychology. She specializes in couples and sex therapy. Additionally, Dr. Behr treats those experiencing anxiety, stress, relationship problems, and depression. She holds a BA in Psychology from Hunter College. Dr. Behr also holds a Masters of Science of Education (MsED) in School Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) in Clinical Psychology from Pace University.

Jessica January Behr, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Try to be aware of the urgency in your needs and to recognize if you're leaning in towards wanting to spend all your time with that person. It is extremely important to keep a balance of independence in every relationship. Don't forget that you have a life outside of your dating life.

Warnings

Some girlfriends may have friends in your office. Never talk about your sexual prowess in the workplace.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 212 Not Helpful 23