How to Be Sweet to Your Girlfriend

Co-authored by Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

Last Updated: June 24, 2022 References

You've finally asked the girl of your dreams out, and she said yes! After a few great dates, the relationship is official. You've got the girl, now all you must do is figure out a way to keep her. There are numerous sweet actions you can take that will impress your girlfriend and show that you care about her. As long as you put in a little effort, you will keep her around for a long time to come.

This article is based on an interview with our licensed marriage and family therapist, Allen Wagner. Check out the full interview here.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Doing Things Everyday for Your Girlfriend

1
Tell her that you love her. This is a fairly simple step, but it goes a long way. People that are in long-term relationships tend to forget, after the first month of dating, that they should say the simple words "I love you." Simple works best, rather than long drawn out speeches about your overwhelming love for her.^{[1]
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- Casually mention it to her when she is particularly stressed. This will lift her spirits, and show that you are there for her in her time of need.
- Try to say it when you leave her for the day, and when you first see her again. Saying "I love you" never gets old.
- Use variations of "I love you." You could say things like "You mean so much to me," or I don't know what I would do without you." Change it up every so often so that it doesn't become formulaic.
2
Share moments of intimacy. Hug her when she is feeling sad, or when she is elated over excited news. Before you leave her, and when you see her, always give her a kiss. Being there when she needs physical intimacy is also crucial.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.} When you date someone, part of a healthy relationship is to have physical contact. This could mean a deep kiss, or sex, depending on the moment/situation.^{[3]
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- It is also key to let her have space when she needs it. There is nothing sweet about a constantly horny guy always seeking sex. Make sure that she wants physical contact before you engage.
- Sometimes even simple things like a pat on the back, or a rub on the shoulder can comfort her in both good and bad times. Analyze the situation to pick the best means of physical contact.
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3
Listen to her. Find out what kind of person she is. Ask her questions about her childhood, likes, dislikes, hobbies, jobs, family, friends, and anything else that you can think of. Listen to her when she tells you these stories. If you both begin to talk at the same time, let her speak first. This shows that you respect what she has to say, and are there for her.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.}
- The key is to be interested in what she has to say, even if you aren't so interested in the topic. This means that you care about a particular topic, because she cares about it.
- Stay engaged when you are listening to her talk. Nod your head, and occasionally give input, or ask a follow up question. If she becomes teary eyed over a sad story, rub her shoulder, hug her, or wipe away her tears.
- Take note of what she has to say. By listening to her, you can pick up hints about certain things. She might talk about a diamond ring she saw, that you can later pick up as a birthday present. She might talk about how much she hates a certain music artist, so you can make sure to never have their songs playing in the house.
4
Be confident when you are around her. This doesn't mean that you have to be a tough guy. Rather, sit up straight when you are around her. Put your arm around her shoulder. Speak calmly and clearly when you want to say something. It is sweet when you can just talk to her without feeling worried about what she might think.^{[5]
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- In particular, being confident is about being open. This could mean that you tell her something that has been bothering you. It could be that your parents aren't doing well health wise, or you think that something needs to change in the relationship in order for it to work.
- Being confident also includes talking about your fantasies. This could mean sexual fantasies, or just your hopes for the future. Be imaginative in what you have to say. You and your girlfriend might also end up having a lot in common if you explore what is deep inside.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Making the Relationship Special

1
Look good for her. If you always look like you have just gotten out of bed, try cleaning yourself up a bit. You don't have to go overboard, but you can go out and get a fresh haircut. Shave off that stubble that always scratches her face. Wear a dress shirt and khakis rather than sweatpants and a t-shirt.
- Take a nice long bath, followed by deodorant and body spray.
- Make sure to brush your teeth at least twice a day. Your girlfriend will appreciate it when you go to kiss her.
- Not only is this about you taking care of your own personal hygiene and well-being, but also showing that you care about your girlfriend. She wants to be around someone who smells good, and takes care of himself.
2
Make her feel special. Don't just treat her as a friend. You want to show her you put her above everyone else in your life. This could mean that you don't hang out with your buddies one night watching football. Instead, you spend the evening cuddling with your girlfriend in bed. Don't always spend time complaining about what is happening in your life. Spend more time talking about her problems/successes and your goals as a couple.^{[6]
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3
Take your girlfriend on dates. Even if you are a committed couple, it is always nice to go out on dates. This shows your girlfriend that you care about her and want to always win her over. You can go out to a nice restaurant. Maybe go somewhere she has always wanted to go to, like New York, or a local play. Take her somewhere surprising, like an amusement park or a hiking trip. The possibilities are nearly endless.^{[7]
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- When you go on a date, it is always polite to volunteer to pay. If you already have decided to mutually share the cost, then go with your normal routine.
- This can be a great time to get to know your partner better as well as to become more intimate.
4
Be chivalrous. Open doors for her, pull out a seat for her, and pick up her things if she drops them. If you are on the train/bus, give her your seat if there are no others. Offer to carry her bag. When you walk on the sidewalk, you should walk on the side closest to the street to protect her from cars, and splashes in the rain.^{[9]
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- While some of these things are old-fashioned, they show her that you care about her.
- Never think you are less of a man because you are treating your girlfriend with respect. Not only will your girlfriend appreciate your chivalrous actions, but you will also feel great seeing that smile on her face.
5
Celebrate birthdays and/or special events. Do something special for Valentine's Day, and always remember her birthday. Buy a card from the nearest drug store, or you can even make your own. Buy her gifts, such as stuffed animals, chocolate, flowers, etc.
- For your anniversary, you should go all out. This means you should make reservations at a nice restaurant, or cook a nice meal at home for her. Dress up nicely when you go out, shave, and appear presentable. Decorate the house with rose pedals and/or anniversary streamers.
- You might want to run a warm bath for her on her birthday. Pour in a lot of bubble bath mix as the warm water pours out of the faucet. Lay down rose pedals into the bath so that she will follow them and be happily surprised.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Going the Extra Mile

1
Keep in touch with her. You can send your girlfriend a sweet text message, simply saying "I love you," or asking her how her day is going. Call her to ask if she wants anything from the grocery store, or if she is having an emergency. If you are far away from her for a while, you can always send an email. This way you can lay out a larger amount of information, rather than a single, short text message.^{[11]
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- Another great option is a letter. It is an antiquated, yet timeless way to show your partner you care. Because it takes more time to write a letter out and send it, your girlfriend will be even more impressed and thankful.
2
Visit your girlfriend's parents. This can be a sweet gesture, and allow you to familiarize yourself with your girlfriend's family. You can do this on any day, but particularly around holidays. Bring a gift for them, such as chocolate or flowers. This will make a good impression with your girlfriend, as well as keep you in good standing with her parents.^{[12]
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- Make sure to compliment them on their house when you visit. Check with your girlfriend ahead of time to find out what they are interested in. This way you will always have something to talk about (don't want to argue politics, especially during the first meeting).
- Tell them how much you like being with their daughter, and what an amazing person she is. However, this can quickly go into the creepy realm. Try and stay away from overdoing it, kissing your girlfriend intensely in front of them, etc.
3
Join an activity she is in. This can be a sweet thing to do, especially if you are not good or fond of the activity. You might join a book club she is in, or you might join her tennis team. She might like hiking, biking, or simply taking a run every morning. As long as you put forth effort, she will take notice. The objective is to try your best, and show that you care about what she cares about.
- Make sure to not intrude on her space. While most activities couples can do together, there is some healthy separation time needed in every relationship. If she would rather do an activity on her own, respect her wishes.
- This is also a great time to get to know your partner better. When you are running, or climbing a mountain, you have time alone with her that you can ask her questions. Get more intimately engaged as time goes on.
4
Surprise her. Bring her roses simply because you want to do so. Maybe bake her a special treat for lunch. Go out a buy her some chocolate when she is having a bad day. The key thing is to always be "seeking" your girlfriend, trying to win her over.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.} You never want to become too complacent when you date someone, so doing little surprises will let her know she is constantly on your mind.^{[14]
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- Go to her job and bring her something special. This not only shows that you care, but will also impress her coworkers, and show them that she has picked a great guy to be with.
- Leave little notes on her pillow, the kitchen counter, or on the fridge. These notes could read something sweet like "I love you" or "I hope you have a great day at work." Something simple and sweet goes a long way to showing how much you think about her.

Community Q&A

Question

How can I make her happier?

Community Answer

You could ask her what you can do to make her day better or get her something she desperately wants. Listen to her. Show an interest in her interests. try to make an effort to like her friends.
Question

What could be the problem if my girlfriend isn't texting me frequently?

Community Answer

It could mean many things. She may not be interested in you or she could simply be busy or she doesn't like texting. The only way to really know is to calmly talk to her.
Question

What if I'm busy with work?

Community Answer

Find ways to let her know that she is still your main priority. Make an effort to spend time with her, watch a movie, make a home cooked meal, etc. at least once or twice a week. If you're stuck at work, make sure to email or text her just to tell her that you're thinking of her.

Warnings

If this is your first time trying these steps, it may be the case that your relationship is already strained. Try, try, and try again. Your girlfriend should take notice that you are at least trying to change and be a better man.

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Every girl is different. Some might need more physical contact, while others might need you to listen more. You need to adjust according to the signals you pick up from your girlfriend.

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Nothing is ever fool proof. You might take all of the above steps into consideration and still lose your girlfriend down the road. Be prepared for a break-up and rejection.

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