How to Invite a Girl to Your Place

Co-authored by Stefanie Safran and Caroline Heiderscheit

Last Updated: April 22, 2022 References

So you like a girl, you’ve been on a few dates, and you've organized every outing to the last detail. But if you’re looking to get intimate with her, that won’t happen in the middle of a bar or restaurant—so you’ll need a plan for inviting her back to your place, too! The most important thing you can do is earn her trust and ensure she feels comfortable with you, but beyond that, it really is a pretty simple process. Read on for some easy strategies to help you invite a girl to your place.

1

Show her you’re trustworthy.

Her comfort level will be the most important factor. Even after ten dates, no girl wants to head back to someone’s apartment if she can’t trust them to keep her safe and show her respect.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.} You’ll need to set a good precedent from the get-go, so look for ways to prove that you’re a standup person. Take every opportunity to be thoughtful and kind to her.^{[2]
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- When you’re out together, be considerate. Hold doors, ask her if she’s comfortable with your date’s setting, and keep your attention on her all night.^{[3]
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  Stefanie Safran
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.}
- Be respectful of her. Genuinely listen when she speaks and make sure she knows that you want her to feel safe with you.
- Avoid behaviors that might throw her off or give her the wrong idea about you.^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  Stefanie Safran
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.}
- Don't get angry with her, pester her for intimacy, or jump straight into the physical stuff right away.

2

Lay the groundwork with casual touching.

To get her excited about you, keep things just a little physical. It’s all about making sure that when you finally ask her to come home with you, it’s totally natural to her and a welcomed invite. One great way to achieve this is by making sure your intentions are clear and that you seduce her through casual, natural touches throughout the night. Try to make your touches nonsexual and low key, like these ideas listed below.^{[5]
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- Put your hand on her back to guide her to your seat at a restaurant or bar.
- If you’re trying to direct her attention towards something, touch her hand lightly to gain her eye contact.
- With her permission, you could even go for a classic. If she has a loose eyelash on her face, gently remove it for her!

3

Make sure your apartment is date-worthy.

Girls want to come back to a spotless, safe, and private environment. Some things you can’t help, like if you have a roommate. But you should never invite a girl back to yours if safety is an issue, and you can always make sure that your apartment is clean. It’s probably most important that the bedroom looks nice, but you’ll earn extra points for a shiny bathroom, too!^{[6]
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- If you do have a roommate, give them a heads up. This way, they can stay in their room or at least be friendly (and fully dressed!) when your date comes.
- A clean room means clean sheets, clothes off the floor, and a nice smell.

4

Make logistics easy for her.

By making her plans simpler, you're helping your own chances. If she has any issues that make it difficult to commit to a hangout at your apartment, try to help her resolve them. This could mean making sure that she has a ride to yours, or, if you’re out with her friends too, making sure they each have rides home. Not only will your help make it easier for her to eventually come over, but it’ll also make you look considerate and kind (two things girls love!).^{[7]
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- If she needs to stop back at hers to let her dog out, definitely make that a priority.
- If she wants to come over but has something early in the morning, promise to get her back in time and stick to your word.

5

Pick a date spot close to your apartment.

The evening should feel natural, and long travel times make that harder. Spending an hour taxiing from your date's location to your apartment could put a damper on things. Once you feel you've established a strong connection with her, choosing a date that's near to your place could totally elevate the evening!^{[8]
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- You could also use your knowledge of the local area to make the date more exciting.
- Choose a bar or restaurant that you know well. Greet the dining staff you know personally, recommend the best stuff on the menu, and you could even give her the venue’s history if you know it.
- Another advantage is that you won't accidentally choose a spot that's too loud, dirty, or not super tasty.

6

Make your invite about something else.

To keep things flowing, give her a specific reason to come to yours. She'll probably understand that your invitation is more about having privacy together, but she'll still want the offer to come up naturally in conversation and she might not want you to ask her outright to hookup just yet. There are so many great segues to help the two of you head back to your place organically:^{[9]
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- "If you love dogs, you'll be totally obsessed with my golden retriever, Sassy. Actually, we could head to mine and meet her now if you want."
- "I never thought I'd meet someone who loves Monopoly as much as me! Should we head back to my apartment for a game after we finish these drinks?"
- "I have a bottle of my favorite Malbec at home. I think you'd really like it. We could swing by and have a glass, if you're interested."

7

Share your passions and interests.

Turn your authenticity into yet another reason for her to visit your place. On every date with a girl, it’s great to foster a connection between the two of you through shared knowledge of each other, by having fun, and by being mutually respectful. But when you're hoping the date will end at your apartment, you can also share personal facts that might give you an extra reason to head towards your place.^{[10]
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- Mention that you’re a trained pianist. Later in the evening, you can ask if she wants to hear you play her favorite song.
- Explain that your parents are Scottish, and you have tons of photos from a trip to the highlands. If that seems to interest her, ask if she wants to see them.
- Share with her that you have a green thumb. Your garden could've just sprouted sunflowers. Offer to go back to yours to pick her one!

8

Avoid getting too antsy.

If there’s one thing that could derail the date, it’s not playing it cool. Your strategy should be all about sending subtle hints throughout the evening, not rushing through your date to get to the end goal. Have fun with her and enjoy the night out; she should never wonder whether the evening was just about physical intimacy to you.^{[11]
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- Don’t rush through dinner just so you can ask her back to yours ASAP.
- Instead, try to think of both events (the night out and the apartment hangout) as two separate dates. Let this one end naturally before you move on.
- If she wants to, let the evening take place at a few different locations. This will show her you've got self-control and good intentions.
- You could’ve asked her to come over after the first location change, but you waited because you enjoy her company!

9

Give her space in your apartment.

You want her to feel comfortable at all times, especially at your place. Trying to jump straight into physical intimacy the second you get through the door is a classic mistake that could totally undo all of your efforts and really turn off your date. Remember, you probably came to your apartment for a specific reason (to get a glass of wine, to play a board game, etc.). Even if you both know that it might get physical later on, she’ll probably still want to do what you had initially planned to do!^{[12]
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- Let her know that you’re so glad she came over, but if she wants to go home at any point, you can find her a ride.
- Don’t crowd her on the couch or bed right away. Let her have her own space until the time comes to make a move.
- Take things slow. Consent is an absolute must, and you'll be on the right track if you don't rush things and stay communicative.

10

Keep communicating.

When the two of you are alone, make sure you discuss your intentions. It's so important for your mutual safety and satisfaction that you both talk through anything you decide to do physically, and luckily, this can also be a great way to make a move, too. If you feel like you're connecting well and you might be ready for things to heat up, go ahead and ask her if you can take things to the next level.^{[13]
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- "I think you're really beautiful. Can I kiss you?"
- "I really enjoy hanging out with you. Do you want to head to the bedroom?"
- Consent is an absolute must, and it's important to get from her any time the two of you move forward in terms of physical intimacy.
- Make sure that as you proceed through the night, you're continuing to ask for and give consent. You've got this!

11

Text her to come over.

If you know her well, you could actually just start the date at your place. Once you’ve impressed her on a few outings already, you could invite her over to watch a movie, cook dinner for her, or even listen to an album together. Read below for some texts that might help you get your crush over to your place.^{[14]
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- “I don’t think I can go another day knowing you haven’t seen Dune yet. Want to come watch it at mine this Friday? 🤠🎑”
- “Can I cook for you at my place this Saturday? There’s a mushroom risotto recipe burning a hole in my pocket (plus, I’d really love to see you 😇).”
- “You free Sunday? I was thinking about how you said you hadn’t listened to Electric Light Orchestra’s last album. I have a pretty nice speaker system—we could listen to it together if that sounds fun to you! 🥰”

12

Don’t be offended if she turns you down.

If your crush declines, getting upset will hurt you in the long run. For one, it’s totally her call whether or not she wants to hang out at your apartment, and even though it can be super disappointing, she still deserves your respect and kindness if she's too busy to hang out. But also, sometimes it’s just genuinely a bad night; she may be totally interested in coming back another time, but if you act annoyed because she turned you down, you may not get the chance.^{[15]
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- Let her know that her choice is totally okay with you.
- Explain that you love hanging out with her and that you hope to see her out again, but that you want it to work well for both of you.
- For extra points, you could offer to find her a ride home or offer to drop her back at her apartment yourself!

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it bad to hook up with someone on the first date?

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Stefanie Safran

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

It's definitely not a great idea. From a statistical standpoint, less then 10% of couples who have sex on the first three dates will make it through a year. Plus, you should really wait until you feel safe and comfortable with the other person before hooking up.