How to Flirt in High School

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: October 24, 2022 References

One of the most exciting parts of high school is meeting new people. When you meet these new people, you might want to flirt with them to show that you’re a little interested in them (and see if they might be interested in you, too). There are many different ways to flirt, but there are also universally helpful tips that will help you become a more savvy flirter.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Flirting with Body Language

1
Touch them lightly. If you’re comfortable with the person, feel free to touch their arm or give them a friendly hug.^{[1]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Touching someone frequently while you talk to them will let them know that you’re maybe interested in being more than friends.
- You could try touching the person’s shoulder if they say something funny or playful.
- You could also try touching their arm or hand to get their attention if you’re talking to each other in a crowd.^{[2]
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- Be careful of touching the other person too much, especially if you’re at school. Everyone has different boundaries for personal space, and you should be cautious, especially if you don’t know the person well.
2
Make good eye contact frequently. You do not have to stare for a long time into one another’s eyes. Instead, you should make an effort to make frequent eye contact with the person for however long is comfortable for both of you. This will make sure that you are looking at the person’s face, too.
- Look at the person’s face when you’re listening.
- When you’re talking, feel free to look around the room a little bit more.
- Keep making short bursts of eye contact with the person, rather than one long continuous bout of eye contact.^{[3]
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3
Listen in an active and responsive way.^{[4]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} When the person talks to you, you should be giving them constant positive feedback through your body language. Here are some easy ways to let the person know you’re interested in what they’re saying.
- Face your body in an open way towards the person.
- Nod (or say things like “mm-hmm”) when they speak, especially when they want reassurance.
- Smile, or give the appropriate facial cue (shock, surprise, laughter) for the situation.
- Lean towards the person.^{[5]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Talking in a Flirty Way

1
Tease them a little bit.^{[6]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Don’t be mean or cutting, but you can definitely tease the person a little bit to flirt. It lets the person know that you’re comfortable joking around with them and that you’re paying special attention to them.^{[7]
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- For example, you could give your crush an endearing or dorky nickname. You could say, “Oh, you horseback ride? I think I’ll call you Saddle Club!”
- You can also challenge your crush to a contest, like a race or arm wrestling. Some type of competition gives you the opportunity for flirty “trash talk.”
- You could also pretend to be angry or annoyed with them. If your crush loves football, say, in a clearly joking manner, something like, “Ugh, another football fan? I’m not sure I can talk to you anymore!”^{[8]
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2
Give them a compliment.^{[9]
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Research source} Giving sincere, meaningful compliments can be hard, but try to get beyond something like, “I like your shirt” or “Cool sunglasses!” Instead, you should say something you like about the person that sparks a conversation between the two of you.^{[10]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- For example, say, “I love your jersey. Are you a soccer player, or just a fan?”
- Or you could try, “I liked your article in the school newspaper! Have you always been interested in organic food?”
- Or say, “I love your outfit today. Who’s your style inspiration?”
3
Ask them an “unnecessary” question. Ask them a question just to show that you’re interested in them. Something like, “What was the math homework?” does not count as an unnecessary question. Instead, try asking some of these questions:^{[11]
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- “How was your day today?” This one shows that you care about how the person is feeling.
- “How did you feel about that movie?” This question demonstrates your interest in the other person’s opinion.
4
Practice “reciprocal disclosure.” You and the person you’re flirting with should try to disclose about the same amount of personal information. This helps to build more comfort and intimacy with the other person.
- For example, if the person you’re flirting with starts talking about how moving in the sixth grade was really hard, you can talk about how switching from middle school to high school was a tough transition, too.
- However, if the person you’re flirting with is talking about the weather, don’t go into the details of your parents’ divorce.^{[12]
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5
Keep it positive. Negative things certainly happen (and will happen) in your life, but, for the purposes of getting to know someone, make an effort to keep your complaints to yourself. Consistent negativity is unattractive to other people.^{[13]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Flirting Over Text Message

1
Don’t wait for them to text you first. If you want to text first, go ahead! If the person wants to flirt with you, too, then they will be happy that you texted them first. Don’t worry about seeming needy or making the first move. Texting them first will show that you’re confident and interested.
- If you need something to say, try talking about something you have in common, like a class you have together. Try, “This physics lab is taking me forever...how’s yours going?”
- Or text, “I saw you guys had a game this afternoon! How did it go?”
- You could also write something like, “Are you watching Grey’s Anatomy tonight? I can’t wait until 9…”
2
Respond within the day, but don’t text back immediately. Don’t text them back right when you get their text, especially if you’re doing something else. Wait a little while (anywhere between five minutes and a couple hours) to respond. Sometimes it’s better to space out your conversation so that you don’t run out of things to talk about before you see each other next.^{[14]
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Research source} You shouldn’t let texting interrupt your life! But, if you wait longer than a day, your crush might think that you’ve lost interest or are flaky.^{[15]
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- If you take a few hours to respond, tell your crush what you were doing. Say, “Just got back from an awesome water skiing session!” or “Have you ever gone to that new restaurant in town? My parents just took me there, and it was SO yummy!”
3
Leave some information to be desired. Don’t feel like you need to respond to every single question they ask you. Leave some questions unanswered on purpose, so they have to ask you again if they really want to know. You don’t need to respond with an essay when they ask you a question.^{[16]
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- For example, if your crush asks you what you’re doing this weekend, don’t give them your entire itinerary. Instead, say something like, “Dinner with my family, seeing some friends on Saturday, but no plans on Sunday. You?” This way, you leave your crush some room to make plans with you if they want to.
- Or, if your crush asks how your lacrosse game went, say “We won, but you really have to be there to get the full experience. :)”
4
Text randomly to make spontaneous plans. Rather than having a long, drawn-out conversation that might lead to hanging out, send them a text asking them to hang out. Think about what the person likes, as well as your past conversations, when you’re thinking about what to do. Pick something that’s easy and fun, like having dinner or going mini golfing.
- For example, try texting, “Loved talking about baseball with you earlier! I have two tickets to a Sox game this Saturday. Want to go? :)”
- Or, you could write, “Our convo about pasta earlier made me so hungry. Want to grab some Italian food tonight?”^{[17]
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- If the person says no, make one of your friends go with you instead! You’ll still have something fun to do, regardless of whether or not your crush wants to go with you.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Making Moves Beyond Flirting

1
Ask the person to hang out with you and your friends. If you want a more low pressure situation to hang out with your crush, you could ask them to hang out with you and your friends that weekend. It’s a low key way to get to know them more without the added pressure of a date. You’ll also get a feel for whether or not this person gets along well with your friends, which can be important if you want to date them!
- You could say, “So my friends and I usually hang out on Sunday nights and watch the game. Would you be down for that?”
- Or, “Bobby, Jackie, and I were thinking about going to lazer tag on Saturday afternoon. Do you want to come?”
2
Ask the person to a dance or school event. If there’s a school event coming up, like a dance or a carnival, ask the person to go with you. It still has less pressure than a date (because the person would probably go anyway), but it’s still special for you two to go together. Here are some ways you can ask your crush to go with you:
- You could say, “Hey! I don’t know if you’ve heard about the dance on Friday, but I was planning on going and was hoping that you would go with me. Would you like to do that?”
- Or try, “Do you want to go to the home football game with me on Saturday afternoon? We could get ice cream afterwards, if you want to!”
3
Ask the person out on a date. If you are interested in the person and they seem interested in you, too, you might want to ask them out. You should ask them out in person, rather than over a text message, because it seems more sincere. Here are some tips for asking someone out:
- Have a specific date and time in mind. Don’t just ask, “Want to go out with me?” Instead, ask, “Would you like to go see the new James Bond movie with me on Saturday night?”
- However, you should also be willing to move around the date and time. People can have really busy schedules, and you should think of a couple dates and times that would be convenient for you. The person might say, “I would love to, but I have plans on Saturday!” If that happens, you should have a couple of other times lined up.
- Don’t take a “maybe” as a “no.” Sometimes, people have to check their schedules or check with their parents about whether or not they can go out on a date. Don’t get discouraged yet!
- If the person says no, don’t sweat it! There are so many people in high school (and beyond!) that will make you happy. It also might have nothing to do with you personally.
4
Make a move. If you want to take things to the next level with your crush, you could also try to do something physical, like put your arm around them or hold their hand. If you want to do this, you should be getting clear body language signals that your crush wants to do this, too.
- If the person has positive body language around you, such as smiling at you, standing or sitting close to you, or makes a lot of eye contact with you, they might be ready for physical affection.^{[18]
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- It’s always better to ask, “Can I hold your hand?” or “Can I kiss you?” than to not do so. This will make sure that you don’t make your crush uncomfortable and that any advance you make on your crush will be well-received.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I flirt when I'm in school?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

You can try starting off with giving the person a compliment so they notice you. When they talk to you, actively listen to them to show that you're interested.

Warnings

Do not be too pushy. If someone seems uninterested, back off. Don’t try to continue flirting with an uninterested person.

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Don’t continue flirting with someone who doesn't appreciate your personality and individuality.

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If the person you’re flirting with seems rude or disrespectful, get out of the situation immediately.

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