Is He Waiting for Me to Text Him First? Learn When and How to Make the First Move

Co-authored by Suzanna Mathews and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: May 26, 2022 References

Staring at your phone waiting for a guy to text you is agonizing. Is he going to text you, or should you text him? Fortunately, you don’t have to wait any longer. It’s okay to make the first move! We’ve got answers to your most common questions about when to text a guy first.

Question 1 of 7:

Do guys wait for you to text first?

Yes, guys sometimes wait for you to text first. Remember that every guy is different. While some guys like to make the first move, others are a bit shy. Don’t be afraid to make the first move!^{[1]
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- Pay attention to how the guy acts around you. If he smiles and talks to you, he might like you back.^{[2]
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Question 2 of 7:

Why do guys wait for you to text first?

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He may not realize you like him. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment and ask yourself if he has a reason to think you like him.^{[3]
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Research source} Review your recent interactions to figure out if you’ve been flirting with him.^{[4]
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Research source} It’s possible he just doesn’t realize you’re into him.
- For instance, did you smile at him, touch him, or take an interest in his life? If you're always acting shy around him, he might not realize you're into him.
- Remember, he’s in exactly the same position as you. He could be looking at his phone wondering if he should text you first!
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He may be really busy with other priorities. Check how he acts on social media and watch his interactions with other people. Pay attention to his communication patterns to see how much he posts and if he responds to others. If he’s not super engaged, he’s probably just really busy.^{[5]
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- For instance, you might notice that he barely posts on social media, which could mean he doesn’t have time for it. On the other hand, you might see a bunch of posts about the different activities he’s doing, like work, sports, family events, and studying. These may be signs he's really busy.
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He might be shy. Pay attention to how he acts in real life. Ask yourself if he’s more quiet and introverted. If so, he might just prefer to let someone else make the first move.^{[6]
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- If you know he texts a lot, he’s probably not shy about it. However, there could be another reason that’s holding him back.

Question 3 of 7:

How do you tell if a guy is waiting for you to make the first move?

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He talks about being single or asks about your boyfriend. Listen for these tell-tale signs that a guy is into you. Text him immediately if he starts talking about relationships with you. He's probably into you!^{[7]
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- You could say, “Hey! I was thinking about our conversation earlier. How did your afternoon go?”
- Or, try sending a funny meme with a caption. You might write, “This dancing penguin reminds me of that story you told earlier.”
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He makes a lot of eye contact and smiles at you. Track how often he looks at you when you're around each other. Compare how he acts toward you to how he interacts with other people. If he seems more focused on you, he’s probably open to you texting him.^{[8]
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- For example, a guy who likes you might brighten up when you enter the room.
- Some people are just really flirty! If you notice your guy showering everyone with attention, he might just be outgoing.
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He goes out of his way to be nice to you. Review his behavior during your past few interactions. Pay attention to things like offering to help you, giving you a compliment, or bringing you something, like a drink. These are signs he might be into you.^{[9]
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- Keep in mind that some people are just really nice. If he acts like this with everyone, he might just be a really kind person.

Question 4 of 7:

Should I text him first or wait for him to text me?

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Text first to break the ice. Don’t wait around for him to make the first move!^{[10]
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Research source} Keep it casual by asking him a question or sharing a tidbit about a shared interest. Send just 1 text and see if he replies.^{[11]
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Research source} You could text:
- “I noticed your band tee today. What did you think of their last album?”
- “This English assignment is killing me! What topic did you pick?”
- “I just saw that Panic! At the Disco is releasing a surprise single. You like them, right?”
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Go ahead and text him if you’ve already gone out on a date. Don’t worry about how long you’re “supposed” to wait after a first date. Go ahead and send him a short, upbeat text letting him know you had a great time.^{[12]
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Research source} You could say:
- “Tonight was so fun! Thank you for an amazing evening.”
- “It’s been so long since I’ve had such a great time on a first date. Thanks!”
- “I really enjoyed getting to know you better. Tonight was great!”
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Wait for a response before texting him again. Limit yourself to 1 text at a time until you learn his texting habits. Focus on something else to take your mind off the waiting. Otherwise, he might feel overwhelmed.^{[13]
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- It's normal to feel hurt if a guy doesn't respond. You might be tempted to text him again, but that usually doesn’t work. Save your texts for someone who is excited to hear from you.

Question 5 of 7:

Is he waiting for me to text him first after a fight?

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He may need space to process his feelings. Give your guy time to process what happened during the argument. If he asked for space, make sure you give it to him. Wait for things to cool down before you reach out with a text.^{[14]
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- If you need to talk about what happened, talk to a trusted confidant, like your best friend or a family member.
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He may be waiting for an apology if you hurt him. Text him first if you’re more at fault for the fight. Tell him you understand where things went wrong, and make a genuine promise to do better in the future.^{[15]
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Research source} Text something like:
- “I’m so sorry I forgot about our plans. I know you must have felt so hurt. I promise I’ll keep better track of time in the future.”
- “I know keeping that secret from you really hurt you. I’m so sorry! Going forward, I’ll be open and honest about everything.”

Question 6 of 7:

What does it mean if a guy doesn’t text you first?

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He might not know what to say. Start the conversation and see if he’ll keep it going. Ask him questions about his day, his interests, and his plans. ^{[16]
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Research source} Additionally, show him you’re interested by sending a quick photo of what you’re doing or a comment about your own plans. Keep the conversation playful by sending memes or jokes.^{[17]
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Expert Source

Suzanna Mathews
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.}Text something like:
- “How was school today?”
- “What are you doing this weekend?”
- “What have you been binging on Netflix lately?”
- “Check out this painting I just finished!”
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He may not be interested in dating you. Don’t despair if he’s not texting you, but pay attention to his other behaviors. It’s possible he just isn’t interested.^{[18]
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- You could always test the waters by sending him a friendly text to see if he responds. Try sending him a meme or a question.
- You could text, “What’s the name of that book I saw you reading earlier?” “I heard you’re in a band. What kind of music do you play?” or “I saw you with your dog today. What’s its name?”

Question 7 of 7:

Should I stop texting if a guy always waits for me to text first?

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Not if he always responds and keeps the conversation going. Pay attention to the responses he gives. Look for timely responses and make sure he adds to the conversation. If both of these things are true, keep texting him!^{[19]
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- For instance, let’s say you texted, “Did you see the last Marvel movie yet?” If he responds later that day with something like, “Yeah! It was really awesome. Did you see it?” or “Yes, u?” then he probably likes talking to you.
- However, 1-word responses and delayed responses are usually a sign he doesn’t really want to keep the exchange going.
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Stop texting him for a few days if you’re worried he isn’t interested. Let him make the first move to see if he really wants to keep the conversation going.^{[20]
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Research source} Don’t send him any texts or social media messages for several days to see what happens. It’s possible he sees you more as a friend or is too polite to tell you he’s not really interested in you as a romantic partner.^{[21]
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- Don't spend this time staring at your phone. Text your friends or spend time working on your hobbies to take your mind off the wait.