Should You Bring Flowers on a First Date?

Co-authored by Lisa Shield and Caroline Heiderscheit

Last Updated: April 12, 2022 References

You've got a first date coming up, and the reservations are all set—but when the two of you finally meet, should you have flowers in hand? Though you definitely want your date to feel special, you don't want to overwhelm them on accident. Luckily, there's no need to stress. Not only will we answer your question, but we've included tons of helpful tips to help you knock your date out of the park. For absolutely everything you need to know about whether or not you should give flowers on a first date, read on.

Section 1 of 2:

Should you give flowers on the first date?

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No, bringing flowers on a first date isn't in style anymore. This might’ve been the move twenty years ago, but these days, offering flowers could make you look more traditional than you'd like. To avoid coming across as stuffy, leave the flowers at home.^{[1]
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Bringing flowers on a first date can come across as overeager. Show up with a gift that isn’t particularly thoughtful (like flowers), and it could send an unintended message: I didn’t know what to get you, but I really wanted you to like me. Of course, you probably do want that—and that makes sense! But there are way more effective ways to charm your date, so again, leave the flowers at home.^{[2]
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Bringing flowers may make your date feel like you’re forcing romance. On a first date, focus on building rapport and establishing a connection. Turn up with flowers and you may unintentionally make your date feel pressured, like you’re already expecting something from them. To give you two the best shot at finding a great spark, leave the flowers at home.^{[3]
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Bringing flowers on a first date may feel like too much too soon. If the romance moves too quickly, your date may feel overwhelmed. Offer over-the-top gestures before you two know each other well and you could make your date feel disoriented, even turned off. To keep your date interested in getting to know you, skip the flowers.^{[4]
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Bringing flowers could cause your date to feel self-conscious. When you walk up to the restaurant with daisies in hand, your date might feel anxious. They may think: Oh, no. Is everyone here staring? Do they know we’re on a first date? You want your date to be focused on getting to know you, so avoid the awkwardness and leave the flowers at home.^{[5]
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Bringing flowers on a date can be inconvenient and limiting. Having to lug around a bouquet of peonies can significantly alter the course of your date. Leave your options open by leaving the flowers at home. Follow up on drinks with dancing, race each other to the park, or enjoy a crowded bar with limited table space. With flowers in tow, these activities are harder to enjoy together.^{[6]
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Section 2 of 2:

Instead, try this on your first date:

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Bring a quirky, thoughtful, and inexpensive gift. You can still make your date feel special with a gift—just make sure it’s the right gift. Bring your date a present that will make them laugh and show them that you really listen to them.^{[7]
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Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.} Impress your date with your forethought and creativity without making them feel alienated by an outdated or overly expensive present.^{[8]
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- When you and your date have a similar interest, write it down. Use that for inspiration. You may both love Spongebob, so bring along a silly Spongebob trinket.
- Or, use an inside joke for inspiration. Maybe you two have texted about always having bad hair on first dates. Bring along a comb to make your date laugh.
- If you're feeling lost, bring a gift that's thoughtful but less specific. For instance, gift a bookmark for a big reader or a small chocolate for a dessert enthusiast.
- Avoid overly sexual or expensive gifts, like lingerie or jewelry.
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Project confidence on your first date. To accomplish this, focus on your clothes, body language, and verbal cues. On first dates especially, people are often attracted to self-assured personalities.^{[9]
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- Show up in an outfit that makes you feel amazing. Remember, it’s better to be overdressed than underdressed.
- Hold direct eye contact with your date.^{[10]
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  Lisa Shield
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.} Stand up straight. Avoid fidgeting if you can and use hand gestures while you speak.
- Speak slowly and clearly. If the conversation lags—don’t stress. It happens. When there's a gap, offer your date a thoughtful question.
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Build a genuine connection with your date. Bringing flowers may make your date feel like you’re forcing a connection too quickly, so instead, focus on really getting to know them.^{[11]
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Research source} Ask thoughtful questions, be an active listener, and try to stay in the moment with your date.^{[12]
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Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.}
- Ask a question that can help you two connect: “Is there anything that you really want to learn this year? Or something you want to improve on?”
- Show signs of active listening to encourage your date to open up. Nod your head when they speak, ask clarifying questions, and validate their feelings.
- Try to be present. You’re just two people enjoying getting to know each other. If you’re facing stressful thoughts, take a breath and try to refocus.
- Prioritize making your date feel comfortable. This gives you the best shot at creating an amazing connection.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can you have an engaging conversation on a date?

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

To have an engaging conversation, do not skip from subject to subject. Do not turn the conversation into an interview. Instead, go deeper into a single topic. For example, you may ask where you grew up then explore more about that place.
Question

How can you have a successful first date?

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

It is better to go out and do an activity together on a first date instead of sitting at a table and talking. It helps to have a more natural conversation and is more fun.