How to Date a Lawyer

Last Updated: May 28, 2020

Lawyers have their own way of doing things, and if you’re dating (or plan to date) one, you’ll need to make some adjustments in your life. It won’t always be easy, but if you’re flexible, open to spirited debate, and intent on maintaining your independence, you can have a long, happy relationship.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Being Flexible with Their Schedule

1
Show support when they cancel dates. Lawyers often have to work late into the evening, sometimes with no notice. Instead of getting angry when they have to cancel a dinner date, let them know you understand the difficult position they’re in.^{[1]
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- Say something like “I know it’s not up to you. Let’s reschedule for this weekend!”
2
Make a backup plan for when dates fall through. You'll be less likely to resent your lawyer after a canceled date if you have a backup plan for how to spend your evening. Call up a friend and see if they're available for a last-minute cocktail or offer to come over with pizza.
- If no one's available, go shopping for something for yourself, like new shoes or a book you've been wanting to read.
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3
Surprise them at work. If they cancel dinner plans because they have to work late, pick up food from their favorite restaurant and bring it to their office. Check to make sure their boss won’t mind if you stay and eat too. This will give you extra time together while still allowing them to stay on top of things at work.
4
Plan fun weekend outings. Lawyers spend so much of their time at work during the week that they like to go out and have a good time on the weekend. Rather than just staying in and watching TV, plan to visit street festivals, go to museums, have picnics in the park, see movies, and try new restaurants.^{[2]
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- Understand that if they have a heavy workload, weekend dates may get canceled as well. Avoid putting non-refundable deposits down on any activities.
5
Attend their formal parties. Lawyers have to go to lots of work events and parties that require formal dress. To show you’re supportive of their career, try to attend as many of these as possible. And don’t bug them to leave early, since they’re likely trying to make a good impression with their boss.^{[3]
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- Build out your wardrobe to feature lots of formal wear so that you don’t have to wear the same dress or suit to every event. Consider a clothing rental service like Rent the Runway if you can’t afford to pay for new dresses.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Having Healthy Conversations

1
Participate in debates with them. Lawyers are known for their arguing skills, and this isn’t just limited to the workplace. They enjoy having lively debates, so if they disagree with you on an issue, don’t take it personally. Stand firm and argue your side effectively.^{[4]
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- Cite reliable sources, offer statistics, and be as objective as possible, rather than letting your emotions take over.
- Don’t be intimidated by their law degree. Be confident in your own knowledge and intelligence and be comfortable discussing a wide range of topics.
2
Set boundaries for sensitive topics. Identify topics that are off-limits, such as politics, religion, or family issues. If you’re happy to debate anything and everything, then great! But be honest if you just want to avoid a subject altogether. Your date should respect your wishes if something makes you uncomfortable.
3
Create a rule about discussing work on dates. Decide whether you will discuss work while on dates or leave it behind. Some couples do better if work is kept out of the relationship, whereas others thrive on discussing what they did during their professional day. Have this conversation as early as possible so that you’re both on the same page about it by the first or second date.
- For example, you could say, "Work stresses me out too much. Can we just leave any work-talk behind when we go out?"
4
Learn some legal terms. Lawyers have their own language, often called “legalese,” and they may toss some of these terms into conversation when they talk about work. If you don’t want to constantly ask what they mean, learn some common legal terms and even some of the fundamentals of Latin.
- Visit the library and check out Merriam Webster's Dictionary of Law as well as a couple beginner’s Latin books.^{[5]
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- Some examples of legalese are affidavit, de facto, habeas corpus, fiduciary, corpus juris, and ex parte.
5
Define the relationship. Lawyers like clear facts. Rather than playing any mind games, come out and say how you feel about them and where you see the relationship going. They might not articulate their feelings in a romantic way, but they’ll appreciate your honesty, and will probably be straightforward with you as well.^{[6]
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- For example, after a first date, you could say, "I really enjoyed this. When are you free again?"
- After several dates, try saying, "I like what we have, and I'm not interested in seeing anybody else."
6
Speak up when you’re feeling hurt. Let go of disappointment as often as possible – missed dates, stress, and late nights are part of the job for them. But if you’re feeling truly hurt by something, let them know. Tell them what particular behavior or situation upset you, instead of starting sentences with “You always…” or “You never…”^{[7]
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- Try saying, "I was really hurt by that comment," or "That was a really important date to me, and I'm disappointed you missed it."
EXPERT TIP

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist

Share your feelings if you think your partner works too much, but be supportive. Love and relationship psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz says: "If your partner is spending a lot of time at work, try asking them what their end goal is, and when they think they'll accomplish that goal. You may find that they're very focused on building a future for the two of you together. If you support their career, you can reap the benefits of their work later, but if you make it difficult for them, you might not have a future together at all."

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Maintaining Your Independence

1
Embrace your own career or hobby. An attorney is going to be happier dating someone who is just as passionate about their career or activities. Instead of waiting for the phone to ring, figure out what you enjoy and devote more time to it. If you love your career, stay a little later at work. If you love painting or running, spend extra time after work doing these things.^{[8]
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2
Make them wait for you sometimes. Your date doesn’t dump work the minute you snap your fingers, so don’t do the same every time they have a free minute. Avoid canceling other plans just because your date is suddenly free. And don’t think you always have to keep your phone on you in case they call.^{[9]
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3
Invite them to your own events. They may not always be able to attend your work functions or family events, but extend the invitation as often as possible to show that you have a lot going on too. Invite them along to birthday parties, art shows you're in, work dinners, or volunteer projects.
4
Go out with friends who aren’t lawyers. Don’t fall into the trap of only hanging out with your significant other and their friends, who, in this case, are likely all lawyers too. You’ll find yourself alone a lot if you don’t have your own friends to hang out with after work. Maintain old friendships by keeping in regular contact and meeting up for dinner once or twice a month.

Warnings

Be sure you’re happy spending a lot of time apart. If you find yourself feeling lonely a lot in the relationship, a lawyer may not be a good fit for you.

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