How to Approach a Girl Working at a Store

Written by Cher Gopman | Edited by Christopher M. Osborne, PhD

Last Updated: May 26, 2022 References

That girl working at the store has such a cute smile and seems so bubbly and kind—but is she dropping hints that she’s into you or just doing her job by being nice to you, the customer? Approaching a girl in this scenario is more awkward than usual—she is working, after all—but that doesn’t mean you can’t succeed! Read the article below for a thorough list of helpful advice.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, Cher Gopman, founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC. Check out the full interview here.

1

Watch how she interacts with others for comparison.

Keep this info in mind for when you approach her. Coolly browse the store for a few minutes and observe her casually, like any typical customer might. Does she treat every customer with a friendly, bubbly, maybe-even-flirty attitude? Is she the same with her co-workers? Does she seem to be in the same good mood even when she’s not interacting with anyone?^{[1]
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- If she maintains the same positive energy the whole time, there’s a much better chance that it’s her genuine personality. If, however, it seems to come and go at the flip of a switch, it’s probably just a workplace affectation.
- If it’s clear she’s in a bad mood because she’s had her fill of rude customers or a lousy boss, wait for a better time to make your move. Don’t make your job harder than it has to be!^{[2]
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2

Make eye contact and check for any genuine interest.

Watch—hopefully—for a reaction that’s a little extra positive. Casually put yourself in a position to make quick eye contact with her from part of the way across the store. Give a quick smile and focus on how she responds.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} Use the info you’re able to gather to help plan your next move:^{[4]
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- If she seems put off, creeped out, bored, disinterested, or just plain blah about making eye contact with you, don’t bother approaching her.
- If you notice a bigger glint in her eye or smile on her face than you’ve noticed with other customers, take it as a good sign that you should try to approach.
- If the results are somewhere in between, trust your gut about what to do next—abort the mission or press ahead.

3

Wait for a time when she’s not super busy working.

Keep browsing casually or come back at a better time. Getting this girl reprimanded or even fired, or just putting her further behind in her work, isn’t going to make a good impression. If she’s obviously swamped with stocking shelves or running the cash register, hang out for a few minutes or come back when you anticipate the store being less busy.^{[5]
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- Come back when the store is slower, but preferably not when it’s completely dead—like right at opening or closing. This might give off a creepy vibe, like you’re waiting until she’s all alone.

4

Remind yourself you can’t succeed if you don’t try!

If you think you have a chance, go ahead and take it. True enough, it’s unlikely you’ll “cold approach” a girl working in a store and score a date, make a new friend, etc. But is it really all that bad if you don’t succeed? As long as you’re polite and respectful, there’s no harm done—except maybe a little dent in your pride that won’t last long.^{[6]
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- Think of it this way: if you’ve determined that you won’t bother her or make a bad day worse for her, what’s the harm in walking up to her and flirting a little?

5

Approach within her view and with friendly body language.

Make sure she can see that you’re calm, cool, and friendly. Take a deep breath, relax your body and mind, and then make your approach. Instead of walking straight up to her (or, even worse, approaching from behind), come from an angle that puts you clearly within her view.^{[7]
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Research source} Make pleasant eye contact again as you finish walking up to her.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
- Try to keep your arms to your sides and your hands visible. This is a non-threatening posture that tends to put people at greater ease.
- Walking straight up to someone can feel threatening, while coming from an angle—that’s well within their field of vision—is less so.

6

Ask a work-relevant question to open the conversation.

Ease into flirting instead of going right to it. This is a definite advantage here—you have a natural conversation-starter! Ask a relevant question about a product or service that you know she can answer—but try to make it one that requires more than a “yes” or “no.” For instance:^{[9]
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- “Excuse me, do you have this shoe in a size 10, or maybe a similar style in a 10? I really like this kind of design.”
- “Hi there. I’m looking to buy a puzzle book for my nephew. Do you have any recommendations?”
- “Hello. I’ve never been here before, but I hear you guys make the best milkshakes in town. What are your most popular flavors?”

7

Watch and listen carefully for her response.

Compare it to how she’s been with other people. If she answers with a bored, hurried, or dismissive tone, it’s easy—she’s not interested in chatting with you. If you get some friendliness and enthusiasm, though, you have to figure out if she’s being “work nice” or “actual nice” to you. Signs like the following may indicate that she’s genuinely interested in talking to you:^{[10]
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- She’s more friendly and positive than she’s been with other customers you’ve observed.
- She displays positive body language—things like making good eye contact, facing towards you, keeping her arms uncrossed or out of her pockets, and leaning or stepping forward to close the distance between you.
- She goes well beyond just answering your question and starts building the conversation herself, possibly by asking a non-work-related question.

8

Try another day if she doesn’t seem interested.

Unless you were flat-out rejected, it’s okay to try again. In this case, end the interaction in a natural, friendly way and pick things up again on another day when you see her in the store. You may have to commit to playing a “long game” here—slowly building up a rapport with her over multiple interactions.^{[11]
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- How frequently should you come back to the store? Let’s put it this way: don’t come so frequently that it’s blatantly obvious you’re there for her, but do come often enough that the thought will cross her mind!

9

Transition to non-work stuff if she seems interested.

If you’re getting positive signals, start working your magic! This is your opportunity to switch up from approaching someone who’s working to doing more traditional flirting. Aim to smoothly transition from work-related stuff to more personal questions and compliments.^{[12]
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Research source} (But keep in mind here that “personal” doesn’t mean getting too personal—keep the conversation light and fun.)^{[13]
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Christina Jay, NLP
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}
- For example, shift from asking about a book you’re looking for to asking about her favorite book, or about what book(s) she’s reading currently. Questions like these can help you find common interests that you’ll both be eager to chat about.^{[14]
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  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
- Or, find a way to give her subtle compliments that indicate you find her intriguing and attractive: “Yeah, I have a hard time finding jeans that fit just right. By the way, those jeans you’re wearing look great. You really have a cool sense of style.”^{[15]
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  Expert Source
  
  Christina Jay, NLP
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}

10

Follow her lead in continuing the conversation.

This shows that you’re thoughtful and a good listener. Even if things get off to a good start and she’s enjoying herself, she may not be able to talk for long—she is, after all, supposed to be working. If she’s eager to chat away, by all means keep on going. But if she says “I gotta get back to work,” do one of the following:^{[16]
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- Let her know you really enjoyed talking to her and say you hope to chat some more next time you’re in the store. If she’s just as eager to talk to you next time around, you can continue to build off of your success so far.
- If you’re sure she’d really like to keep chatting if she wasn’t stuck at work, consider “making your move” right now and giving her a way to get in touch with you when she isn’t working (see the next step below).

11

Let her decide whether to contact you.

Avoid putting her on the spot by asking for her number. Instead, offer her your number so she can decide whether or not to get in touch. This shows that you’re both confident and respectful—which is a nice combination when you’re trying to impress a girl!^{[17]
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- Be friendly with some cool confidence when the time comes: “Yeah, too bad you gotta get back to work—do you mind if I give you my number? No pressure or anything, but I’d love to talk more about books and whatever else comes up sometime.”