How to Appreciate Your Boyfriend

Last Updated: November 27, 2022

Being in a relationship can have many rewards, but can also be challenging. Unfortunately, it can be easy to take your boyfriend for granted, especially if you have been together for many months or years. Failing to show appreciation can lead to many problems, and may even end the relationship. You can improve your relationship by taking steps to show your boyfriend you appreciate him.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Feeling Appreciative

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Write down the different ways you appreciate your boyfriend. It doesn’t matter where you write it, and it doesn’t have to be something you share with your boyfriend. Simply write down all of the positive things you can think of when you think of your boyfriend. You can also add to the list over time. When you find yourself feeling less appreciative of your boyfriend, you can refer back to this list.
- Think about the ways your life is better because of your boyfriend. For example, you have someone who likes to do lots of things with you, or makes you dinner, or helps you with difficult tasks.
- Think about the ways you are a better person because of your boyfriend. Maybe your boyfriend inspires you to be more kind and patient, or maybe he encourages you to accept yourself as you are. There are a multitude of ways you might be improving yourself as a result of your boyfriend’s words and actions.
2
Think positively. Try your best to stop thinking only about the things your boyfriend did that annoyed you. There is research that suggests that, when you simply recognize what you are thankful for, you will be more likely to demonstrate it, and that demonstrating your thankfulness creates a cycle where you and your partner are more likely to be generous.^{[1]
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Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
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3
Avoid negative talk. When you’re with other people (e.g. girlfriends, family, etc.) avoid getting dragged into conversations where you complain about your boyfriend. Especially when others are complaining about their own significant others, it can be tempting to join in. However, you should avoid doing this, as your friends will likely validate your complaints leaving you with lots of negative thoughts.
- Furthermore, it is really unfair to trash talk your boyfriend behind his back because he isn’t there to defend his words or actions.
4
Look at the big picture of your relationship. Remember the bad times that you have managed to work through, but also remember the best memories you have together. Having a relationship can be challenging, but also something most people strive for. It is not easy to find someone you can maintain a relationship with. Thinking about the history of your relationship can make you feel grateful for you and your boyfriend’s commitment to each other.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Showing Appreciation Through Words

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Tell him why you appreciate him. This may seem obvious, and you may think it is obvious to your partner, but it certainly won’t hurt to explain the reasons why you appreciate him.^{[2]
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Research source} It may seem silly, but the little things can make all the difference in a relationship.
- For example, maybe many of your past boyfriends were always late for dates with you, but your current boyfriend is always on time. Explain to him how good it makes you feel when he shows up on time, and how much you appreciate it.
2
Give him compliments. Find something that you really enjoy in your partner. It can be something physical, something about his personality, or some other talent he may have. Tell him how nice you find that quality.^{[3]
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Research source}
- For example, if you find his eyes to be very handsome, tell him that. Tell him what it is that you like about them.
- You can also do this with something he is wearing. For example, if there is a shirt that he looks particularly handsome in, tell him!
- When giving compliments, be sincere! This means not over-doing too! While it’s nice to compliment often receiving the same compliment from the same person over and over is tiresome and can even seem insincere. Try to find different aspects of your boyfriend to compliment.
3
Become aware of the little things your boyfriend does for you. It’s easy to take for granted the smaller things your partner does. For example, maybe he always takes out the trash before it overflows. Acknowledge this by saying how much you appreciate that he always takes care of this so you don’t have to.^{[4]
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Research source}
4
Ask him about his day/week. When you see your boyfriend (either when he comes home or when you see him), ask him to tell you about his day/week. Listen to what he says. Ask questions about the things he says. If he complains about a problem he is having, ask him if you can help him resolve it.
- Try not to give unsolicited advice in these conversations. If your boyfriend is complaining about how he dislikes something or doesn’t know what to do about something, sympathize with him first. If you feel that you have something to say about it, ask if he would like your opinion.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Showing Appreciation Through Actions

1
Listen to your partner. This may seem common sensical, but when your boyfriend is telling you about his day, about something that is bothering him, or even something that recently made him happy, listen to what he is telling you.^{[5]
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Research source} Stop what you’re doing, put away any distractions (such as a cell phone) and be involved in the conversation. Ask him follow-up questions, sympathize with his fears and worries, and provide physical comfort when needed. By being a good listener, he will see that he is important enough to you that you listen to what he has to say.
- Believe it or not, listening is a skill that you must work to improve!
- Be compassionate. If your boyfriend opens up to you about something that he is afraid of or upset about, don’t belittle him. Due to social rules, men often have a difficult time feeling vulnerable. If you belittle him when he has made himself vulnerable, it is unlikely that he will do it again.
2
Do something unexpected. Make him a romantic dinner, or take him out to his favorite restaurant for no reason. Give him a massage. Plan a movie night where you watch his favorite movie. The possibilities are endless, just think of something you know he would enjoy.
- The key here is to do it without needing an occasion. For example, while taking him out to dinner on his birthday is very nice, it is best to do this on a regular day. When he asks what the reason is, just explain that you wanted to do something special because he is important to you, and because you appreciate him.
3
Support him in his hobbies and passions.^{[6]
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Research source} There are likely things that your boyfriend feels passionate about. Do your best to support him in these activities, even if you don’t necessarily enjoy them or understand them.
- For example, if he loves watching football, you can support him by finding out what days/times his favorite team is playing, and having the game ready for him on TV. Whatever you decide to do, don’t make him feel guilty or stupid for enjoying it.
- If your boyfriend has confided in you that he wants to run a marathon, encourage him! Do some of his training with him, find out what is involved in a marathon, and discuss it with him. Attend the races he signs up for.
4
Go on dates.^{[7]
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Research source} When you first met your boyfriend, you likely went out on at least a few dates to get to know each other. However, as you spend more and more time with each other (particularly if you live together), it is likely that you will go on fewer and fewer dates. Suggest going on a date together where you can spend time reconnecting with each other.
- For example, you might go to the restaurant or coffee shop where you had your first date. You can reminisce with him about how you were feeling on the first date, and your first impression of him on that date.
5
Look nice for your boyfriend. If you have been with your boyfriend for a long time, you likely feel comfortable hanging out in lounge clothes, with your hair undone, and/or without makeup. This is not a bad thing, but it is also nice to make the effort to look nice for your partner too. If you are going on a date, style your hair, put on a nicer outfit, and do your makeup (if you wear it). He will notice the effort you’ve made for him.
- Be practical here. If you’re going out for burgers at his favorite restaurant, you shouldn’t wear a ball gown with heavy makeup. Instead, you can wear a nice pair of jeans with a nice blouse. It is important that you style yourself according to the occasion.
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Be affectionate. When it is appropriate, show your affection for him. Hold his hand, give him a hug, or a gentle kiss.^{[8]
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Research source} Typically, men enjoy being affectionate just as much as women do.
- If you’re in public, don’t go over the top. While what is appropriate depends on where you live, how old you are, who you’re with, etc., there are limits to what is appropriate and what he will feel comfortable with. If you want to show your affection in public, holding his hand or a quick kiss on the cheek are likely to be OK.

Warnings

Avoid becoming to clingy. It is good to demonstrate your appreciation, but don’t do it in such a way that it makes you appear possessive. He needs his own space too!

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