How to Stop Staring at a Woman’s Breasts: Expert Advice

Your guide to directing your gaze elsewhere while chatting with girls

Co-authored by Christina Jay, NLP

Last Updated: January 13, 2023 References

Shifting Your Gaze

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Refocusing Your Thoughts

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Q&A

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Tips

Do you struggle to keep your eyes off of a girl’s chest when you’re talking to her? Or, maybe every time a woman catches your eye, you automatically glance downward. Staring at a girl’s boobs like this can make her feel uncomfortable and objectified, which won’t lead to many long-lasting relationships with women. Fortunately, by keeping a girl’s feelings in mind and practicing a few helpful tricks, you can have an engaging and respectful conversation with her while keeping your eyes elsewhere.

Things You Should Know

Recognize your impulse to stare, and try to correct it in the moment.
Count slowly to 10 while looking away, or try to distract yourself with something in the distance.
Angle your body away from the girl you’re talking to so you aren’t tempted.
Focus on the conversation you’re having, and try to maintain eye contact while you two chat.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Shifting Your Gaze

1
Focus on making eye contact. Not only will making eye contact keep your eyes off of a girl’s chest, it’s also a sign that you’re confident and engaged. To keep your eyes focused on hers, try noticing the color of her eyes or what shape they are. If you’re having trouble maintaining eye contact, try looking at the space in between her eyes instead.^{[1]
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- Remember to look away every so often and don't stare at them in a creepy way. Constant eye contact can also make people feel uncomfortable. Try using the 50/70 rule: maintain eye contact 50% of the time while speaking and 70% of the time while listening.
2
Stare off to the side when you’re talking to a girl. Smile and nod along while she’s speaking so she knows you’re still engaged. Make eye contact and smile with her every so often so she doesn’t think you’re uninterested. Also do this when you’re speaking. It will look like you’re searching your brain for the right thing to say.
- Try picking out something in the distance to focus on. A cool tree or a pretty framed picture can be enough to distract you from staring.
3
Point out something interesting you can both look at. If there’s a pretty view outside, point it out to the girl you’re talking to so you both shift your bodies and gazes toward it. If you’re inside, point to a photograph or something else on the wall and say “I’ve never noticed how interesting that is before.” By directing both of your attention elsewhere, it will be easier to not stare at her chest.
4
Adjust your seat so you’re both looking in the same direction. If you feel yourself getting distracted and wanting to stare at a girl’s chest, turn your seat so it’s facing the same direction as hers. If you’re facing each other, move your chair so it’s next to hers and continue the conversation while you’re both looking in the same direction.
5
Substitute staring with a different behavior. Try looking up at the ceiling, checking your phone, tapping a finger against your palm, or rolling up the sleeves of your shirt. The behavior itself isn’t important; you just want to have a go-to habit that you can do instead of staring whenever you get the urge.^{[2]
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- Make sure it’s a behavior you can do anywhere at any time. That way, you can use it as a distraction when you’re out in public.
6
Walk away from the situation if you can’t control yourself. If you or the girl are distressed by your staring, and you can't stop, take a break. Politely end the conversation you’re having and leave. In some cases, it’s better to acknowledge your impulse in your head and remove yourself from the situation than it is to stare.^{[3]
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- For example, you could excuse yourself to go use the restroom.
- Return when you feel calm enough to control your behavior.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Refocusing Your Thoughts

1
Recognize your impulse to stare. Being mindful of your impulses can help you correct them. Whenever you feel the urge to stare, make a mental note about it. Over time, you’ll start to recognize triggers that make you want to stare, and you can work on ignoring them.^{[4]
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- For example, let’s say you’re at the grocery store, feeling bored. You let your eyes wander and they land on a beautiful woman—but on her chest, not on her face. Immediately tell yourself, “I’m staring at her boobs,” then work on averting your gaze.
- Compulsive staring can actually be a form of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).^{[5]
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  Research source} If you find that you have very little control over your staring, even when it makes people uncomfortable, talk to a mental health professional.
2
Count slowly to 10 in your head if you get the urge to stare. Let the impulse you’re feeling disappear by distracting yourself with counting. If you count to 10 and you still want to stare, keep counting higher until the urge is gone.^{[6]
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- Keeping your mind occupied will help stop you from automatically staring at a girl’s boobs. When you’re actively thinking about something else, you can focus your attention elsewhere.
3
Focus your mind on the conversation you’re having. Listen intently to what she’s saying to you and come up with meaningful responses and questions to ask her. Let the conversation distract you from wanting to look at her body.^{[7]
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- Try to plan out what you’re going to say next. Think of an engaging question to ask her, or tell her an anecdote that relates to the subject at hand.
4
Think about the consequences if she catches you staring. Girls generally don't appreciate it when people stare at their boobs, because it makes them feel uncomfortable.^{[8]
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Research source} Try putting yourself in her shoes: would you like it if someone couldn’t pay attention to what you were saying because they were distracted by your body? Keep these things in mind so you can focus your attention on her, not her chest.
- If she repeatedly catches you staring, you might lose out on an awesome friendship or a budding relationship. Remind yourself that your bad habit isn’t worth it.
5
Tell yourself that the girl you’re talking to is a person, not an object. Think about how she is an individual with complex feelings. If you’re having trouble viewing her as a person, try thinking about what her friends and family are like, or what kind of things she might like to do for fun. This will help you relate to her as a person rather than something to stare at.
- Are you having trouble viewing women as people? This can sometimes be related to pornography addiction. If you believe you’re addicted to porn, you can treat a porn addiction by engaging in healthy habits and talking to a mental health professional.^{[9]
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Community Q&A

Question

Why do girls where low-cut shirts if they don't want people to notice their chests?

Community Answer

Girls who wear low-cut shirts do it for different reasons. They might wear a low cut shirt because it's comfortable or because it's hot outside, or because they like the way they look in it. Also, "notice" and "stare" are very different--a girl may not mind if you "notice" her chest, but she will certainly feel uncomfortable if you stare at it.
Question

How do I stop people from staring at my chest?

Community Answer

If someone is staring at your chest and making you feel uncomfortable, tell them to stop staring. If you don't feel comfortable confronting them, end the conversation you're having with them and walk away.
Question

What if the girl is far away and you're not talking to her?

Community Answer

Whether you're talking to the girl or not, staring is disrespectful. She could still notice you staring at her from a distance and feel uncomfortable or offended.