How to Know if a Girl Doesn't Like You Back

Co-authored by John Keegan

Have you ever been in a situation where you're not sure whether or not a girl likes you? Many guys subscribe to the three-strike philosophy. If you are into a girl, try looking for three pieces of indisputable evidence that she is into you. If you can’t find these pieces of evidence in a few days, she probably doesn’t like you. You can always ask her, but there are other ways to get an indication of what her feelings for your are.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Analyzing Non-Verbal Cues

1
Notice if she ever looks your way. Sometimes when you like someone all you want to do is stare at him or her. If you catch her looking over at you often, she might like you. If she never even looks your way, she may be trying to hide the fact that she likes you. Or she could just be focused on her work. If you often make eye contact across the room that is a very, very good sign. ^{[1]
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2
Pay attention to her body language around you. If you ever touch her, does she touch you back or does she avoid contact? When you talk, does she lean towards you? Does she open her shoulders up to you when you’re talking or does she keep her distance and remained reserved? These aren’t foolproof ways of knowing that she does or does not like you, but they can help you get an idea. Some girls might be more comfortable messing around with and touching guys even if they don’t like them.

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3
Watch for clues that she is trying to avoid you. If she avoids or finds excuses to get out of time that you would otherwise share together, she probably doesn’t like you. If she was thinking about how she liked you she would probably be making excuses to be around you more, not the other way around. Don’t take this as gospel – there is always the chance that she is really shy. However, if you find that she’s constantly scheduling her doctors appointments during the free period you have together that probably isn’t a good sign. ^{[2]
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EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Make sure the girl you're with wants to be with you and that she brings you into her life. If you're in a committed relationship and she avoids making future plans with you, she might not be as invested as you. Another red flag is if you try to set up dates throughout the week but she would rather be with her friends. If she's clearly avoiding you, you can always directly ask her how much she loves or likes you.
4
Observe if she flirts with other guys. She might not be interested in you if she flirts with other guys, but she might be trying to make you jealous so don’t immediately assume the worst. There’s also no way to know if she’s really flirting with the guy or just being friendly.
- It is a good idea to see how much attention she pays to other guys versus how much attention she pays to you. Again, if she’s really shy she may be more comfortable talking to guys that she doesn’t like versus someone she does – maybe you!
5
Pay attention to how her friends act while you’re around. Girls often tell their friends who they like. If her friends ever laugh at you or her, they might think it's funny that she likes you. They might act immaturely and tease you and her.
- Not all friends do this, but if you pay attention you might catch a friend winking at your crush or giving them an elbow nudge. Keep your eye out for these types of clues.
6
Look at her eyes. When the two of you talk she will probably make lots of eye contact if she is interested in you. She probably will smile often and pay attention to what you are saying too.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Looking for Verbal Cues

1
Listen to what tone she talks to you with. If you find that she’s on her best behavior when you are around that is a good sign. However, don’t take it to heart if she is brief with you sometimes. She might seem in a hurry or she might not want to be around you right at that moment. Sometimes she might just be grumpy or having a bad day. Pay attention the theme of your conversations, not one specific instance.
- For example, if she tries to engage you in interesting conversations then she probably thinks you are interesting.
2
Wait for her to strike up a conversation with you. If you're always the one to talk to her, she might assume she doesn’t have to put any work into the relationship. Talk to her a few times and then leave the door open for her to start a conversation with you. If she doesn’t then she probably doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. ^{[3]
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- For example, if she asks you how your soccer game went or your piano recital it means she is paying attention to your interests. That's a good sign.
3
Keep an eye out for verbal gestures. If she likes you, she might ask for help on a lot of things. She might ask you for help on the new homework in the hall, just so she can get closer to you.
- She might ask you a lot of questions about your interests. She might even just say something about how she’s excited you’ll be living in the same neighborhood next year, or something like that. Keep an eye out for these clues.
- If she is a straight A student, and she asks you for the history assignment, she probably already has it and she just wanted to talk to you. But be careful, she might really need help, so don't get your hopes up too high.
4
Keep track of how nice she is to you. This sounds simple, but honestly sometimes the simplest clues are the most important ones. If she is nice to you and asks questions, she probably likes you. There’s a myth that sometimes girls will act mean to you to get your attention. That’s not true. They might tease you flirtatiously, but they aren’t going to outright insult you. Take the teasing in stride because it’s probably a good sign. ^{[4]
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- For example, if she teases you for being late to school that day she might like you. If she tells you you're dumb because you failed a test, she probably doesn't.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Asking Directly

1
Ask the girl on a date. Even if it’s scary this will answer a lot of your questions. Stop snooping around trying to guess her every intention. Everyone will respect you if you go up and ask her on a date. They will admire your bravery and wish that they had the guts to do something like that.
- Even if it’s just a girl who works at the bookstore, go up to her and see if she wants to get lunch with you sometime. The worst that happens is that they say no and they will probably be really flattered. If they say anything mean then they weren’t worth your time to begin with.
- For example, just ask her what she's doing for lunch tomorrow. Ask her if she would be up to grab some tacos with you. It's as easy as that!
- It might be a good idea to find out if she has a boyfriend. If she does, she probably is more interested in him than you. If she has a boyfriend, the best thing to do is lay off of her. If she doesn't have one, she could be interested in anyone!
2
Ask your crush if she likes you. This is another way of being direct and finding out the answer to your question. However, the benefit of this method is that you don’t have to follow through on a date and neither do they! If you’re on the younger side a date is a difficult thing to accomplish, just asking if they like you is a good way to start. You can build from there after your question has been answered.
- You don't have to say "do you like me". Try telling her that you feel like you guys have a really good connection and you find yourself wondering if it might be something more than friendship. Then ask what she thinks.
3
Ask one of your crush’s friends if your crush likes you. This isn’t the bravest way to go about it, but it might work. Try to choose one of her friends who you are close to also. If the friend knows you are a good person they might be willing to help you out and tell you the truth. It might be hard to hear, but at least you won’t be constantly worrying about if she likes you or not. If they refuse to answer then that’s probably a good sign! However, the friend also might just say that they don’t know. ^{[5]
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Community Q&A

Question

I asked a girl if she wanted me or not, and she said no. I then asked her out and she said, "Yes, as friends". What does this mean?

Community Answer

It means she's not interested. She's fine with hanging out with you platonically, but she doesn't have romantic feelings for you and doesn't want to go on a date with you.