How to Ignore a Cheating Husband

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: May 28, 2022

Finding out that you’ve been cheated on can be devastating. Although many people’s instinct might be to end the marriage, there are various reasons why you’d want to stay with your cheating husband, including societal pressures, staying together for the kids, or just not being ready to leave the relationship. Read through these tips to learn how you can ignore your cheating husband while taking care of your own wellbeing.

This article is based on an interview with our relationship expert, Kelli Miller, licensed pyschotherapist and award-winning author. Check out the full interview here.

1

Try not to take it personally.

His cheating isn’t about you, even though it might feel like it. When a husband cheats on their spouse, they do it because of their own feelings and emotions, and it usually has nothing to do with you. Try not to take his cheating to heart, and it will make it much easier to ignore him.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- Usually, partners cheat because they need something and they aren’t able to communicate with you about it.

2

Take the time to process your feelings.

You’re going to feel a lot of things, and that’s okay. You might be angry, sad, scared, hurt, or even in mourning over your relationship. Whatever you’re feeling, don’t try to bottle it up, and let your emotions out when you can.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- It might help to write your feelings down in a journal so you can express them without saying them out loud.

3

Focus on yourself.

Indulge in activities that make you feel good. Eat your favorite foods, watch your favorite TV shows, or do your favorite hobby. The more you can focus on your own wellbeing, the faster you’ll heal.^{[3]
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- The most important thing is to not beat yourself up. You’re probably already feeling a little sad or hurt, so there’s no reason to add to that.

4

Do things to boost your self-esteem.

You could volunteer, exercise, or practice self-care. When you’re being cheated on, it’s normal for your self-esteem to take a bit of a hit. Try not to let it get you down, and instead focus on doing things that make you feel good.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- You don’t need to rely on your partner to increase your self-worth. If you really focus on it, you can do that all on your own.

5

Go to therapy if you need to.

Dealing with a cheating husband can be really difficult. If you want a safe place to let your emotions out, consider seeing a mental health professional. They can help you cope with all of your feelings and discuss what you should do next. If you’d like to work on your relationship with your husband, they can probably recommend a couple’s counselor, too.^{[5]
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- If you decide to leave your husband, your therapist can help you come up with an action plan.

6

Lean on friends and family.

They can support you emotionally through this tough time. You don’t have to open up to them about your cheating husband if you don’t want to, but it might be nice to have a few shoulders to lean on. At the very least, you can use their company as a distraction when you all hang out together.^{[6]
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Research source}
- Your friends and family might also be able to offer you some advice on your specific situation.

7

Confront your husband if you can’t ignore him anymore.

Sitting down with him might feel cathartic. If it’s been a little bit and you still haven’t talked to your husband about his cheating, it might be a good idea. Even if you’d like to stay together or you don’t mind him stepping outside of the relationship, you can let him know that you’re aware of what’s going on. As you two talk, try to communicate openly and honestly, and tamp down your emotions until you get through the conversation.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- You could say something like, “Hey, I’ve been getting the sense lately that you might be seeing someone outside of our relationship. Could we talk about this openly and honestly?”
- You could also talk about what led your husband to cheat and what he might feel is lacking in your relationship.
- If you’d like to stay together but see other people, consider talking to your husband about an open relationship.

8

Ask him how committed he is to the relationship.

Get a read on whether or not he wants to end things. Sometimes, when people cheat, they’re doing it as a segway toward ending the relationship. If you decide to confront your husband, ask him if his cheating means that he doesn't want to be married anymore. If he does, you two can work on your issues together and move past it. If he doesn’t, it may be time to end the relationship.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- You can bring it up by saying something like, “Are you still committed to this relationship, or would you like to try a separation?”

9

Move past it by forgiving him.

If you want to fully accept your husband’s cheating, try this. Forgiving him probably won’t happen right away, and honestly, it might not happen at all. However, if you’re dead set on staying with your husband even though he is cheating, it might be worth it to try forgiving and forgetting. You can do this by accepting your situation for what it is and not taking it personally.^{[9]
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- Forgiving your husband while he is still actively cheating on you is pretty tough to do. Forgiveness comes much easier when the negative action is in the past.

10

Go to couple’s counseling if you want to make things work.

Cheating can be a hard obstacle to get over. If you and your husband continue to have issues or you can’t ignore his cheating any longer, make an appointment with a licensed couple’s counselor. They can help you two talk openly and honestly about your relationship and what you can do moving forward.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- A couple’s counselor can also help you figure out the logistics of maintaining your relationship even though your husband may continue to cheat.