How to Catch Someone Who Is Cheating Online

Co-authored by Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC

Last Updated: February 8, 2023 References

Today’s technology allows people to connect and hide their activities more easily than ever before. Checking up on a partner’s activities almost always involves surveillance of some sort, ranging from carefully observing their actions and behaviors to monitoring their activities online. Your partner may be accessing the internet from a computer, tablet or mobile device, which can make it more difficult for you to monitor what they’re doing. It's always best to talk with your significant other rather than spying on them, however. If you're looking for information on catching students who are cheating online, see WikiHow's article, How to Detect Plagiarism.

Method 1

Method 1 of 6:

Observing your Partner’s Behavior

1
See how they’re acting differently. A cheating spouse might be acting differently in a number of ways, including being physically distant or uninterested in sex; politely distant; hostile, critical or mean; or absent entirely. Pay close attention to their online activity, which might also indicate attempts at hiding something: they close internet browser windows as soon as you enter the room; they demand privacy when using the computer; they spend lots of time online after you go to bed; and they start new email accounts, among other activities.^{[1]
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2
Confirm that they aren’t doing something else. Someone who is acting distant or strange may not be cheating; they may be preoccupied with work or a family issue. They also might be engaging in other damaging activities, such as buying or selling drugs or gambling online. These are serious issues that can dramatically affect a relationship and they should be addressed by you with the help of a professional and your support network.

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3
Keep a journal of your partner’s activity. Keep track of their movements as much as possible, including internet activity, travel, late nights at work, ATM withdrawals, phone calls, emails, and so on. This will help you keep track of details, which will become important if your spouse is trying to cover up something.
4
Prepare yourself for what you might find. Have a plan for what you will do in the event that you discover your partner is cheating. Finding out this information can ruin relationships – not just the relationship between you and your partner, but between other family members, children, and friends. It can have financial impact on you as well. Figure out where you stand regarding infidelity and where you draw the line. What level of physical involvement counts as cheating for you?
- Have a confidante. Choose a close friend or family member who will be a good sounding board for you. If possible, choose someone who will not be misconstrued as a romantic partner of yours; your own relationships may undergo close scrutiny in the process.
- Secure a support network of family or friends who can help you through the situation. In a situation where one person is cheating, families and friends often find themselves torn. To whom should they remain loyal? Think about who will be the most supportive people in your life.
- Consult a family or matrimonial lawyer. You will also likely need the advice of a family lawyer if you are married or if you share resources or finances with your partner.
- Visit a counselor or therapist. If your suspicions are correct, you might find yourself being faced needing to make life-changing decisions. This is also very emotionally traumatic and a professional can help you through. Get referrals from trusted friends to find a counselor who suits you. It may take visits with a few different counselors before you find the right fit.

Method 2

Method 2 of 6:

Monitoring Your Partner’s Online Activity

1
Check their internet history. This will help you figure out what websites they frequently visit. Every web browser has a history function. If your partner is really concerned about being found out, they may erase the browser history, which makes it more difficult to ascertain what websites they’ve been visiting.
2
Check their email. If you have your partner’s email address and password, you can check their messages. Alternately, you can try to log into their email account if their password has saved into the browser. Be familiar with your state’s laws on electronic privacy, since states interpret this activity differently.
- Enable cookies on their computer. If your partner’s email password is not saved in their browser, they might not have cookies enabled on their computer. Go into the web browser settings to enable cookies, which may store information and passwords. The computer will then be ready for your spouse’s next internet session, and passwords and other information will be stored.
3
Try to engage online with your partner using an alias. If you think your partner frequents certain chat rooms or other discussion forums online, you can also go into those forums using an alias. Talking and flirting with your partner or otherwise engaging in an online conversation may draw out hints about recent activities and lure them into infidelity.
- Some people have created fake Facebook accounts to spy on their partners, although you should proceed with caution on this approach, as it can be extremely damaging to the relationship and any trust you have for each other.
4
Install a keylogger program on your partner’s computer. Keylogger programs are used to track all keystroke activity on a computer. They can be used to track your own computer usage and also to track others’ use of the computer. This will also likely tell you what login IDs and passwords are, which can help you access your partner’s email or other accounts. These types of programs range in quality; some are available for free download, such as Free Keylogger Pro, while others are pay services, such as All in One Keylogger, The Best Keylogger, or Total Spy, which range in price from $35 to $80 or more.
5
Use surveillance software on your partner’s computer or mobile phone. There are numerous software programs, all varying in degrees of repute, cost and effectiveness, that can be purchased and installed on a computer or mobile phone. These programs, such as WebWatcher, Stealth Genie or Spector Pro, can track all usage activities as well as exact locations (in the case of a mobile phone). Many programs have social media monitoring, email recording, chat recording and other functionalities, and they can range in price, with many starting around $90 to $100.
- Be sure to fully understand how your state treats electronic surveillance and privacy before embarking on this type of activity.^{[2]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 6:

Checking on Your Partner’s Mobile Phone Activities

1
Find out where unknown phone numbers are coming from. If your partner has a phone number on their phone that you don’t recognize, you can do a reverse phone number search. You can also do an online reverse email search.
2
Check out your partner’s texts. If there are suggestive texts that aren’t between you and your partner, it may be that they’re cheating with someone else. Examine the history of texts to determine how long this has been going on. It’s possible, however, that your partner erases texts which will eliminate the texting history.
- When there is an element of secrecy and emotional connection and secrecy with another person, it is cheating.^{[3]
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- For example, if your partner has a co-worker, and that person knows about the inner workings of your relationship, but you don't know that they know, it is almost an emotional affair.
- So texting that entails emotional intimacy and secrecy can be considered an affair.^{[4]
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3
Install GPS tracking software on your partner’s phone. A lot of new technology and software tracks the physical location of a phone through GPS. You can track your partner’s travel route and precise current location if they have their phone with them. Compare their movements with what they tell you they’re doing. If there are discrepancies, you may have caught them in a lie.
4
Use surveillance technology that activates a remote microphone on the phone. Some technology and software can turn on a microphone on the phone so that you can hear and record audio from the phone. The phone, in essence, works like a mini microphone and will record a conversation or other sounds that happen in close proximity to the phone.
5
Determine if your partner is using more than one SIM card. Different SIM cards will hold different information, including different lists of contacts, but will enable a person to continue using the same phone and thus will not rouse suspicion.
6
Check your partner’s browsing history. If your partner has a smart phone, they will have an internet browsing history. This will help you figure out what websites they frequently visit. Every web browser has a history function. If your partner is really concerned about being found out, they may erase the browser history, which makes it more difficult to ascertain what websites they’ve been visiting.

Method 4

Method 4 of 6:

Researching Unknown People Online

1
Find out where unknown emails are coming from. If your partner has an email from someone you don’t recognize, you can do a reverse email search. You can also do an online reverse phone search.
2
Search for names in online search engines to learn more about them. If you suspect that your spouse is cheating on you with someone in particular, or you have come across the name of someone, you can often locate more information about that person by searching online. This is also useful to try to establish what interests the other person may have, what their job is, what their family situation is, and how much money they may have.
3
Pay for an online background check. When a simple internet search doesn’t turn up much information, you can pay to have a more extensive background check. These can be very affordable, ranging from $15 to $40 or more. Some of these services are more reputable than others, so do a bit of research about the service to see what feedback it’s received.

Method 5

Method 5 of 6:

Hiring a Private Investigator

1
Determine if you are the type of person who should hire a private investigator. Certain personality types are better off leaving this type of work to a professional. You might think about letting someone else check on your partner if you have some of the following qualities: you are emotionally insecure; you are a naturally jealous person; you are paranoid; you have an overactive imagination; or you tend to overreact in certain situations.
2
Hire a professional service to observe your spouse online and in person. Make sure you hire a licensed private investigator who practices within the bounds of the law. If you need to go to court with evidence gathered by this investigator, the evidence needs to be admissible in court. This may be particularly important if evidence is gathered from online surveillance; laws around electronic privacy can be convoluted, and a private investigator may have more experience with and understanding of these laws. A professional will also provide impartial observations, which can help you make an educated decision about your next steps.
3
Be ready to pay. Private investigators are not cheap and charge hourly fees of $75 to $200. Be clear about how much time you’d like them to spend on your case. Also consider how you want to pay for this service. Do you need to keep it a secret? Keeping such a large fee secret from your partner may be difficult if you have a joint bank account.
4
Lower your expenses by doing some of the investigation yourself. Gather some of the information about your partner's activities online, such as monitoring internet history or checking email first. Give the investigator basic facts and background information, which will enable them to spend less time figuring this out and more time getting to the root of the problem.

Method 6

Method 6 of 6:

Confronting your Partner

1
Confront your spouse to see if they are cheating on you. One of the most straightforward ways to determine if someone is cheating is to ask them directly. Not everyone will come clean, however, and they may continue telling lies. Spying on them online may contribute to hostile feelings between the two of you and may further weaken any trust that still exists.
2
Choose a good time to have a conversation. Try to choose a time when you can both be available and able to devote time to the conversation. You may want to ambush your partner in the act, but this might not be the most productive route.
3
Do not be aggressive or accusatory with your questions. Approaching the conversation in a serious yet calm manner may result in a more honest conversation than if you are aggressive, demanding where your partner has been or who they have been with.
4
Suggest to your partner that you see a marriage counselor together. Get referrals from trusted friends or from the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy. Not every marriage counselor will be the most appropriate or the best fit for you and your partner, and it may take visiting with more than one counselor to find the right one. Be patient with your partner through this process, particularly if they have admitted cheating on you. If you are committed to making the relationship work, you will need to both be open to forgiveness and compromise.

Warnings

Accessing and reading a partner’s emails is potentially illegal, depending on the nature of your activity and the laws in your state. Be sure to fully understand how your state treats electronic surveillance and wiretapping (listening in on conversations, recorded in person or over the phone) before embarking on this type of activity.^{[5]
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Research source} Courts differ in their interpretation about a spouse’s “reasonable expectation of privacy,” so some jurisdictions might be stricter about protecting against spousal spying than others.^{[6]
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If you spy on your spouse or partner, you risk losing their trust, especially if you don’t discover anything amiss.^{[7]
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Be careful about downloading spying or other surveillance software onto your computer or onto your partner’s computer. Many of these programs carry viruses and can damage or ruin your computer’s hard drive.

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