How Long Does It Take to Go from Exclusive Dating to a Relationship?

Written by Candice Mostisser | Edited by Madeleine Criglow

Last Updated: May 21, 2022

Dating can get a little complicated, especially when you're waiting on the right time to define your relationship. If you've been seeing someone exclusively but haven't had the "what are we" conversation, you might be even more confused. Thankfully, this article is here to help. We've got everything you need to know about going from exclusively dating to a committed relationship, including how long it might take, what stages you may go through first, and how to define the relationship when you're ready.

This article is based on an interview with our dating coach, Candice Mostisser. Check out the full interview here.

Section 1 of 5:

How long does it take to get into a committed relationship?

Every couple is different, but it usually takes 2-4 months to get into a committed relationship. This amount of time allows two people to get to know each other on a deeper level and see if they're compatible.^{[1]
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Research source} It's important to note, though, that the range of time can be anywhere from 6 weeks to a whole year.
- People usually start out by seeing each other casually. Then, they may agree to see each other exclusively without defining the relationship (though some relationships remain open).
- Once they realize they can trust each other and feel comfortable, they may decide to define their relationship and discuss their expectations in a committed relationship.

Section 2 of 5:

Casual Dating

Casually dating means you’re getting to know each other and may be seeing other people. During the casual dating phase (which typically lasts about 2-3 weeks), you may simply want to have fun. You might be going on semi-regular dates and hooking up, but commitment or monogamy isn't expected. Even if it might be a little awkward, it's still worth it to talk about your expectations for a casual arrangement to make sure that you're on the same page.
- It's important to let the person you're seeing know if you're sleeping with other people or want to wait a while before getting more serious.
- You might say, "I love spending time with you, but I should let you know that I'm seeing other people right now, too" or "I'm not really looking for anything serious at the moment, but I'm having a great time getting to know you."

Section 3 of 5:

Dating Exclusively

Dating exclusively means you're not seeing other people but haven't defined the relationship. This phase usually lasts a few months (though it may last up to a year, depending on what you're looking for). During this time, you may start to consider if the two of you are seriously compatible. You'll likely start to get to know each other on a deeper level and open up about your past experiences, your values, and your goals in life. Here are some other signs that you're exclusively dating, but not in a committed relationship:
- You see each other on a regular basis (once to a few times a week)
- You're both only seeing each other
- You've met each other's friends
- You haven't defined the relationship

Section 4 of 5:

Comitted Relationship

A committed relationship describes when you've communicated your expectations and agreed on what you want. Couples in committed relationships have talked about what they're looking for and established an arrangement that they both feel good about. They likely also envision a future together (whether that be remaining together for a long time, moving in together one day, or in some cases, starting a family). Before you commit to someone seriously, it's important to ask yourself these questions:^{[2]
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- Do I see a future with them?
- Do I trust them?
- Do I feel comfortable being myself around them?
- Do they make me feel respected and appreciated?

Section 5 of 5:

Defining the Relationship: Tips and Tricks

1
Bring up the subject in person and in private. To avoid putting the person you've been seeing on the spot, wait to have this discussion until you're alone together. It's also important that you do it in person, as you might struggle to communicate clearly over text. Choose a time when the two of you are free to have a longer discussion, like when you're having dinner together, taking a secluded walk, or even just spending time at your house.^{[3]
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- If you're in a long-distance arrangement, bring up the subject over a video call (or at least over a phone call).
2
Think about what you're going to say ahead of time. To determine what you want and express your feelings clearly, take some time to reflect before bringing up the subject. Think about what you're really looking for and how you might put your feelings into words. That way, you'll feel more confident and ready to bring up the subject with your partner when the time comes.
- If you're not sure how to put your feelings into words, try writing them down in a journal or talking over how you feel with a trusted friend.
3
Communicate your needs and be vulnerable. Though it might be scary to tell your partner what you want, it's a worthwhile step to move your relationship forward. Calmly tell the person what's been on your mind and ask how they feel about it. You might say:
- "I really like spending time with you, and I can see a future with you. How do you feel about that?"
- "I've enjoyed getting to know you and would love to take things to the next level. How would you feel about seeing each other more seriously?"
4
Keep an open mind. It's possible that once you bring this up, you'll realize that the person you've been seeing is actually looking for something different. This may sting, so it's best to go into the discussion without getting attached to a specific outcome. Instead, listen to what your partner has to say and remember that everyone moves at their own pace when it comes to relationships.
- If you're looking for different things, take some time to process before you decide what to do next. You might say, "Thanks for being honest with me. I totally understand, but I need some time to think things over."
- If you'd really like to be in a committed relationship and this person isn't ready, it might be best to walk away. It's understandable to be disappointed or hurt, but remember that there are others out there who are looking for a committed relationship just like you.