How to Flirt if You Are a Shy Girl

Last Updated: September 13, 2022 References

Flirting is a challenge for everyone, but it can be especially tricky if you identify as being a shy person. Thankfully, there are unlimited ways to show interest in your crush, and there are many methods that work particularly well for people who struggle with social awkwardness.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Using Technology

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Text your crush. If you already have your crush's number, texting is a great resource for flirting. Since you're not having an in-person conversation, there's no pressure to respond immediately, which gives you time to brainstorm the next witty comment you're going to make.
- Don't just text "Hi." This puts all the pressure on them to move the conversation forward, which often leads to the conversation going nowhere.^{[1]
  X
  Research source} Instead, try asking what they're up to or reminding them of something funny that happened in school.
- Be available but not too available. Responding to texts right away shows a certain amount of over-eagerness that your crush may find unattractive. By letting a little time go by between texts, you show your crush that you're a busy person with a lot going on, which makes you more appealing.
- Don't wait longer than 24-hours to text back, as this indicates a lack of interest on your part.^{[2]
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2
Comment on social media. If you and your crush are friends on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or SnapChat, use those platforms to flirt. Leave a comment on a post or favorite one of their Tweets. Showing interest in them online gives them a heads up that you might be interested in them in person. Also, knowing what they're up to on social media gives you something to talk about when you finally speak face-to-face.
- Don't go overboard when it comes to showing interest on social media platforms. You don't want to scare them off. Avoid liking very old pictures or Tweets, as this indicates stalking.^{[3]
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- Try commenting with compliments. Everyone wants to hear nice things about themselves, so try complimenting him on anything from the shirt he's wearing in his Facebook profile picture to a move you saw them post on SnapChat.
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Post fun updates. Use your own social media platforms to show how much fun you are. Post pictures of you and your friends, post funny status updates, anything you think showcases your point of view and interests. Showing your crush how much fun you are to hang out with will make them want to spend time with you more.
- Make sure your profile picture is a good representation of you. This is the first image your crush will see of you online, so make sure it's flattering and portrays the best version of yourself.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Making Yourself Comfortable

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Bring a friend. If you feel awkward talking to your crush by yourself, bring a friend along to serve as your buffer. Your friend can help by moving the conversation forward, helping you and your crush find common interests and by telling your crush things about you that maybe you're too shy to tell them yourself.^{[4]
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- Give your friend a heads-up that you're interested in your crush. If they don't know, they can't help you, and they may accidentally end up flirting with them themselves.
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Create a flirting alter ego. If you're concerned that you might be too shy to flirt, creating an alter ego is a great option. Creating a character version of yourself gives you the freedom to be bigger and braver than you might be in real life.^{[5]
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- Pick a character that has characteristics that are completely different than your own. There's no point in creating an alter ego if she's going to be a very similar version of who you are in real life.
- Give your character a name and backstory. Shop for clothes for her that are different than the ones you would normally wear as yourself.
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Ask questions. Asking questions is a great way to take the pressure off you, while still demonstrating interest.^{[6]
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Research source} Asking your crush specific questions about his life shows that you're interested in learning more about him as a person and the more questions you ask, the fewer you have to answer.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
- If you're worried about running out of questions to ask, take some time before hanging out and create a list. There are many lists of great first date questions available online, so try referencing those for some fun ideas.
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Be a good listener. Just asking the question isn't enough. You also have to listen to and care about the answer. If you're spending the whole conversation thinking about what your next question will be, you're not truly listening to what your crush is saying.^{[8]
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Research source} Be present during the conversation and occasionally rephrase what your crush is telling you, just to show that you're listening and you care about the message.
- Put your phone down. It's impossible to be a good listener if you're fooling around on the Internet, so stash the distractions and focus on the conversation.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Engaging in Person

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Make eye contact. It takes most people a while to realize you're interested in them, and making eye contact is one clear way to cut down on the confusion. Make eye contact with your crush and hold their gaze for up to three seconds (if you look away sooner, they may think you're not interested, as most non-romantic eye contact lasts approximately 1.18 seconds).^{[9]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
- Don't stare at your crush, it may make them uncomfortable. Count to three, slowly, in your head, and then break eye contact. Eye contact lasting longer than three seconds may be off-putting.
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Wear something red. On the whole, women who wear red are found more attractive.^{[10]
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Research source} Red is the color of romance and attraction, so by wearing something red, especially close to your face, you'll be able to flirt without saying a word.
- If you don’t want to wear red, go for brown, black, or purple. People tend to respond well to these colors as well.^{[11]
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  Expert Source
  
  Maria Avgitidis
  Matchmaker & Dating Expert
  Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
3
Smile. A smile can light up your face and be a clear indicator of friendliness. Try making eye contact with your crush, smiling, and then after holding their glance for a little longer than is comfortable, looking away. This will leave your crush wanting more, but also clearly conveys your interest and attraction to them.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
4
Be obvious. Only 36% of men and 18% of women are accurately able to identify when they're being hit on. ^{[13]
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Research source} The clearer you are with your intentions and affections, the higher the chance that your crush will realize what is happening and start flirting back.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How do you tell if a shy girl is flirting with you?

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.

Maria Avgitidis

Matchmaker & Dating Expert

Expert Answer

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If she's asking you a ton of questions, goes out of her way to talk to you, or smiles a lot, those are all pretty obvious signs that she's interested in you.
Question

How do you tell if a girl is shy?

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.

Maria Avgitidis

Matchmaker & Dating Expert

Expert Answer

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A shy girl is going to be less likely to speak up, make eye contact, or face you while you talk. Just trust your gut on this; it should be pretty obvious.
Question

How can I make sure a shy girl opens up on a first date?

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.

Maria Avgitidis

Matchmaker & Dating Expert

Expert Answer

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You're never going to to be able to control another person's behavior, but you can ask a few questions and try to give her space to talk. Don't spend a lot of time talking about yourself or oversharing.

Warnings

Try not to flirt with too many people at once. You don't want to run the risk of breaking someone's heart.

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If you repeatedly flirt with your crush and they aren't responding, move on. There are so many people in this world who want to see what you're putting out there. Don't restrict yourself to just one.

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