How to Find a Woman You Want to Marry

Co-authored by Lisa Shield and Amber Crain

Last Updated: October 3, 2022 References Approved

If you decide to get married, it'll be one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make. Ideally, this will be the woman you'll spend the rest of your life with. To find the right woman, you'll need to satisfy your own needs, show her the same respect you expect from her, and take practical matters of marriage into account.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Satisfying Your Needs

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Make sure you can trust her. Ask yourself if you'd be comfortable with her going on vacation with her friends. Imagine leaving her alone with your money. If you're certain she wouldn't cheat or steal in these situations, she might be the one.^{[1]
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- You should also feel like you can safely share your secrets with her.
2
Look for a woman who you find attractive on multiple levels. Physical attraction might be important at first, but don't let it stop there. Marriage is about more than just sex. Consider her emotional and intellectual attractiveness, too.^{[2]
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- If you're using dating websites to find a match, don't just rely on her profile photo to gauge her attractiveness. Check out her interests and passions.
- Send her a private message to introduce yourself. Try to get a feel for her personality from your exchanges.
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3
Choose someone you can be yourself around. Pretending to be someone else is exhausting! Now, imagine having to do that for the rest of your life. Before you pop the question, make sure she accepts you for who you really are.^{[3]
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- Look for single ladies that participate in the same (or similar) activities you're interested in. It's easy to be yourself around someone who understands your passions!
- If you're using a dating website, look for someone who shares some of the same hobbies.
4
Find a woman who supports you. Marriage is about sticking together for better or for worse. Make sure she'll support you if you decide to take a risk and start your own business. If your plan fails, ask yourself if she'll stick with you and continue to love you no matter what.^{[4]
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- Someone who has a similar career would be a good match if being supportive is high on your list of ideal qualities. She'll understand and share your frustrations and your enthusiasm for the work.
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Make sure she shares your values. Opposites might attract, but too much opposition can ruin a relationship. If you want to spend the rest of your life with a woman, look for someone who you can agree with on the big things.^{[5]
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Research source} Choose someone who wants to live in the same geographic area, wants the same number of children, and can accept what you do for a living.^{[6]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Giving Back to Her

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Make sure you can accept her flaws. Don't expect her to start immediately washing the dishes after putting them in the sink once you're married. Acknowledge that she lets them sit for a while. If you don't want her to try to change you, show her the same respect.^{[7]
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2
Marry a woman you can take an interest in. Imagine asking your accountant wife how her day was. Would you be interested in or curious to hear her response? Think about listening to her frustrations with the latest class she's taking for her master's degree. Is this something you'd be interested in discussing with her frequently?
3
Choose a woman who you genuinely miss when you're apart. Ask yourself if your apartment feels empty after she goes home. Imagine how you'd feel if you moved to the other side of the country or the world. The woman who truly completes you is the one you should marry.^{[8]
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4
Give her some space. Just because you miss her when you're apart, it doesn't mean you need to be attached at the hip. If you really can trust her, you'll be cool with letting her have a life outside your relationship and future marriage. Respect her desire to go out with the girls. Don't intrude on her when she asks for some “me” time.^{[9]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Assessing Practical Matters

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Find someone who gets along with your loved ones. She doesn't have to totally adore everyone in your circle, but she shouldn't have a reason to despise any of them, either. Make sure she can have a civil conversation with your parents or have a laugh with your friends. If you already have one or more children, choose a woman who'll be a good stepmother.^{[10]
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2
Look for a woman who doesn't pick fights with you. Of course, you're going to argue at times, but it shouldn't be a regular thing. Imagine your parents dropping in on what should have been your romantic weekend alone. If she can make it through the situation without biting your head off, she might be marriage material.^{[11]
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3
Choose someone who you can see yourself growing old with. Think about what kind of a life you might have in 30 to 50 years. Feel free to fantasize about spending your golden years cuddling on the beach. However, you should also plan for the real possibility of long-term illnesses and taking care of each other, too.^{[12]
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Assess how she relates to money. Of course, you need money to survive, but your income shouldn't be the only thing that matters to her. At the same time, she should be able to handle her finances responsibly. Make sure she saves a portion of her paycheck for emergencies and pays her bills on time. If you decide to marry her, her credit rating will become yours—for better or worse.^{[13]
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