How to Cheer Up Your Boyfriend

Last Updated: July 9, 2020 References Approved

Cheering up your boyfriend can be pretty hard, especially if you feel like you’ve tried everything and can’t even get him to smile. Though there are a variety of fun things you can plan and words you can use to make him feel better, at the end of the day, the most important thing is that you’re there for your boyfriend and that you show him how much you care.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Knowing What to Do

1
Spend some time with friends if you think it will help. If your boyfriend is the type of guy who just wants to be alone or to be with you when he’s upset, then you probably shouldn’t drag him out to a party or invite your fifty best friends over. But if he’s the kind of guy who gets his energy from other people and who is always laughing and feels engaged when other people are around, then setting up a low-pressure social outing can actually make him feel better.
- Try to make the event alcohol-free as much as you can. Even if drinking will temporarily make your boyfriend forget his problems, it will end up making him feel worse. Alcohol is a depressant, after all.^{[1]
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- If you and your boyfriend do end up hanging out with friends when he’s upset, be sensitive to his needs. If he wants to go home early, you should be respectful of that.
2
Play a board game. Who says you’re too old for Monopoly or Clue? Pick a game you both used to love when you were kids, or one that you still play sometimes, and spend a night together, or with another two or three friends, playing board games and having a fun, simple night. Make some popcorn or bring out a few snacks, like Cheez-Its or Fruit Roll-Ups, that remind you of your childhoods, and make a fun night of it.^{[2]
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- This will work best if your boyfriend isn’t really competitive when it comes to games. You don’t want to end up making him more upset because he keeps losing property in Monopoly.
- You can even go to Target or another store together and tell him to pick out any game he wants. This may seem corny, but it could cheer him up for sure!
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3
Do something he’s always wanted to do. Think about it: is there something your boyfriend has always wanted to do or try, whether it’s to check out the new deep dish pizza place in town or to watch Twin Peaks? As long as it’s fairly simple and doesn’t require a lot of emotional energy, you can surprise him with how thoughtful you are by setting up an evening to do something that he’s always wanted to do.
- Of course, don’t push it. You don’t want to make a reservation at an expensive restaurant he’s been wanting to try when he’s just not feeling it. But if there’s a simple or low-pressure activity you two can do together, then you should try it.
4
Get him out of the house. If your boyfriend needs to be cheered up over something that isn’t super serious, then one of the best things you can do is to get him out of the house. Just being around people, breathing some fresh air, and letting the sun hit his face can have a big impact on his mood and can make him feel less alone. If he’s been sitting in a dark room sulking all day, then of course he’s going to be upset. But if you make him come out, even if it’s just to take a quick walk, it can have a big impact on his mood.^{[3]
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- It may help to give him a short goal instead of just saying you want to go outside. Telling him you want to walk to get some coffee or to run a quick errand can make the trip outside have more of a purpose.
- If you’re both doing something inside you can easily do outside, such as reading, then try to get him to do the same thing in a park so it doesn’t feel like he’s exerting too much effort.
5
Be active together. Get your boyfriend out of the house to go hiking, running, walking, or to throw around a Frisbee or to kick around another soccer ball. It doesn’t really matter what you do, but it does matter that you get your boyfriend’s endorphins going and that you help him get out and about a bit more. Even hitting up the gym together for half an hour can have a major impact on his mood. If he’s bummed out but not so upset that he can’t leave the house, then making time for some exercise together can help cheer him up.
- When your boyfriend is upset, he’s much more likely to stay in one place, to eat unhealthy foods, and to pay less attention to his body. Being active together can help get him out of that rut.
- Of course, if he seems really weak and tired, than he may not be up for much more than a walk, and you shouldn’t try to force him to be too physical.
6
Be affectionate, but only if that’s what he wants. Sex or any form of intimacy may not always make your boyfriend feel better, and he may even feel worse if you act like the only way you can make him feel better is to get intimate. Still, giving him more affection can definitely cheer him up if you go about it the right way. Hug him, give him a kiss, and put your arms around him to make him feel less alone. Squeeze his hand, put a hand on his shoulder, run your fingers through his hair, or do whatever you know will make him feel better.^{[4]
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- If your boyfriend is really sad and wants some distance, then you shouldn’t force affection. Pay close attention to how he responds to your touch. If he responds positively and moves closer to you, then give him more of your loving. But if he seems to back away, then take it easy on the physical affection for now.
7
Make him his favorite treat. Another way to cheer your boyfriend up is to surprise him with his favorite treat. This could be as simple as picking up food from his favorite Thai place, baking him brownies or presenting him with an ice cream sundae or even inviting him over to make him his favorite pasta dish. This will not only make his taste buds feel better, but it will show him how much you love and care about him.
- If he’s alone at home, coming over with his favorite treat can also make him feel extra cheered up.
- Of course, if he’s seriously depressed, then he may not want to eat much. But if he’s just upset over a bad test grade or something that won’t last, then this can be the best remedy.
8
Have a picnic. Take your boyfriend out to the park, a nearby grassy location, or even your backyard and have a nice and simple picnic with him. Make him his favorite sandwiches, bring along some treats he likes, and prepare some soda, sparkling water, or another beverage of his choice. You don’t have to make it too elaborate as long as he sees you’ve made an effort to make him feel better. This can make for the perfect mid-day surprise when you know he’s feeling bummed.^{[5]
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- You don’t need to try extra hard to make it feel romantic; it’s more important that it’s fun and lighthearted and that he genuinely enjoys himself.
- Bring some comic books, sports magazines, or something else he might like to make the picnic even more fun, or to cheer him up if he doesn’t feel like talking.
9
Watch his favorite old school movie. Invite your boyfriend over, make some popcorn and get some other movie theatre treats, like Snow Caps or M&Ms, and have him pick his favorite movie from his childhood to watch. This could be The Goonies, a Rocky movie, The Sandlot, or really anything he used to love as a kid and hasn’t seen in a long time. It doesn’t matter how silly it is or if he worries it may not stand the test of time; this will make watching it even more fun.
- Making a cozy home theatre for him can be a better option than taking him out to the movies if he doesn’t feel like going on a big outing or being around too many people.
10
Understand when he just wants some space. Of course, if your boyfriend is upset, it makes sense that you want to do everything in your power to cheer him up and make him feel better. However, sometimes the best thing you can do is just to be understanding and to give him some alone time, knowing that he’ll feel better soon. You don’t want to force him to do too many things or to put pressure on him to be in a good mood, or that may actually make him feel worse.
- Though you may think that your boyfriend can only feel better if he’s around you, he may actually feel worse because he’ll feel like you’re trying so hard to cheer him up and he just can’t do it. He may just want some time alone to sort out his feelings and you have to be okay with that.
- Another possibility is that your boyfriend wants your company, but he doesn’t want to do too much. If that’s the case and he’s really too upset to do much more than eat or talk to you, then you shouldn’t try to force him to do more.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Knowing What to Say

1
Talk to him about it. If your boyfriend is upset, then the best thing you can do is to have a conversation with him about his feelings. This can help him feel better by getting his feelings out there and having someone who cares about him understand what he’s going through. You don’t have to put the pressure on and make him talk too much in a high-pressure setting, but you should casually let him see that you’re there if he wants to talk. This will help cheer him up and will help him deal with his emotions.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}
- Of course, if he gets too angry or emotional when he talks to you about it, then you can stop or take a break. He doesn’t have to tell you everything all at once.
- When he talks to you, practice reflective listening. Hear what he really wants to say and then repeat it back to him in his own words, showing that you really care for him and understand the situation. Make sure he’s done talking before you say anything and don’t interrupt him or give him advice if he doesn’t ask for it.^{[7]
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- Make eye contact, put away your distractions, and let him see that he has your full attention.
2
Say you’re there for him. Make it clear that you’re there to listen to what he has to say or just to provide support even if he doesn’t feel like saying much. Your presence is more important than anything, so let him see that you care and that you’ll be there when he needs you. Just making it clear that you care for him can cheer him up and make him see that you really do want him to feel better. This doesn’t mean you have to do a million activities together, but just that you want to spend the time together.
- Let him know you’re there for him and make this clear when you’re with him in person while also telling him the same thing over the phone when you’re not together.
- Remember that he may be feeling self-conscious about the fact that he’s upset, so it’s important that he knows you’ll be there no matter what.
3
Know when he doesn’t want to talk. Though talking to him and hearing what his problems are can make him feel better, sometimes he may be feeling so overwhelmed or so sad that he can barely get a word out. If this is the case, then don’t force him to talk about it, ask him a million questions, or try to reassure him over and over again. Maybe he’s not ready to talk about what’s happened or maybe he’s just grumpy about something minor and it will only make him feel worse to rehash it; whatever the case may be, you should look out for signs that he really doesn’t want to talk and be understanding of that.
- Of course, if your boyfriend has been upset about something serious for weeks, then it’s important to talk to him about opening up. You don’t want him to feel worse or to let those feelings keep bottling up inside him.
4
Don’t say everything will be okay if it won’t. If your boyfriend is upset because of his last soccer match or a botched interview, then chances are that he’ll be able to recover from it pretty smoothly. But if something more serious has happened, such as a death in the family, then you should be sensitive of the fact that things really won’t be better any time soon. Try to avoid any cliches like, “Your grandmother is in a better place” or “Things happen for a reason,” because this may just make your boyfriend feel more frustrated and upset.^{[8]
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- Though it’s not easy to help your boyfriend when he’s going through something truly challenging, the best thing you can do is to be understanding of how hard it is, even if you can’t feel what he’s feeling.
5
Let him know how much you care about him.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Sometimes, the best thing you can do when your boyfriend is upset is to let him know how much he means to you. Just taking the time to give him real compliments, to remind him of all of the things you love about him and all of the great qualities he possesses can help him feel that he’s an amazing person who can recover from whatever has happened; praising him can be especially helpful if he’s upset because of something that made him doubt himself, such as some negative comments from his boss or a failed test grade.
- Make sure that this comes off as sincere, and not like you’re just saying nice things to cheer him up. Take some time to think about your favorite qualities of your boyfriend and to let him know how special he is and how much he means to you.
- You can also remind him of all the times he has been there for you and has helped you out. Show him that it’s okay to be the one who needs the help, and that he’s done plenty for you.
6
Write him a letter about why you love him. Though telling your boyfriend how much you care about him through your words can make a huge impact on him, you can also write him a letter about all of the things you love about him. This can cheer him up and can make him see, in writing, how much he means to you. Having all of the things you love about him written down can also give him something he can pick up and read when he’s down.
- You can hand him the letter, read it to him, or even mail it to him for a nice touch. You can also sneak it into his bag or one of his books.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Cheering Him Up Long Term

1
Understand that it’s not your fault. If your boyfriend is suffering from depression or has been really upset about a certain event for a long time, then the important thing is that you don’t blame yourself. You may think that, if your boyfriend can’t seem to cheer up, it’s your fault, somehow, but you need to know that sometimes, there’s nothing you can do to make someone feel better, no matter how hard you try.^{[10]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- If your boyfriend feels like you’re blaming yourself for not being able to cheer him up, then this will make him feel even worse, like he’s failing not only because he can’t cheer up but because he’s also disappointing you in some way. Try not to let your disappointment show.
- Sometimes a problem is so serious that only time or professional help can make it better. Don’t put that on yourself.
2
Talk to him about seeing a therapist. If your boyfriend is really going through emotional trouble and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better, then you can talk to him about potentially going to therapy. Talking to a professional can help him get a better sense of his situation and to understand which steps should be taken. He may be reluctant about therapy and it may not be for everyone, but you should at least suggest this as an option so he knows what is available to him.^{[11]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- This may not be an easy conversation to have. However, if he’s been upset, sad, or disengaged for a long time and there seems to be no way out of the woods for him, then it’s time to take action.
3
Don’t be frustrated with yourself for getting annoyed. If your boyfriend is depressed or going through a really hard time, then you may think that you’re perfectly capable of being loving and supportive all the time. However, everyone’s patience has a limit and nobody is perfect, so you shouldn’t be mad at yourself if you find that you can’t be in the supportive role 24/7. You may even feel actively annoyed with your boyfriend after a while, wondering why he can’t just “cheer up” as if it’s no big deal; it’s perfectly natural to feel this way and you shouldn’t be down on yourself because of it.^{[12]
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- It’s normal that you may want your boyfriend to just be like everyone else, especially if he’s been down for a while. It’s important to be honest with yourself about your feelings and to give yourself space when you need it.
- If you’re really frustrated with him for being in a bad mood, especially if it’s not about anything serious, then you can talk to him about it. But if he’s grieving over his father’s death, then you shouldn’t tell him you’re annoyed with him for being so sad all the time; instead, explain that you love him but that you need some time to yourself, too.
4
Don’t force him to do too much. If your boyfriend really is depressed, then you shouldn’t try to get him to go on a weekend trip, take five yoga classes a week with you, and to meet your three best friends from college. He may be barely able to take care of himself and to talk to you, let alone to try to do a million different activities to get him out of a slump. Telling him to smile, put himself out there, or to move on won’t really help unless you show a sincere interest in his problems, so you shouldn’t try to get him moving out and about too much if his real problem is a deep sadness and depression that a walk in the park won’t fix.^{[13]
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Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
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- Of course, if he really is depressed or deeply upset, some activity, especially some of the ones in the first section, really can make his day better. However, you have to understand that, if he’s deeply sad, it’ll be a struggle for him to complete even the most basic tasks, so you shouldn’t ask too much of him.
5
If he’s going through grief or depression, be patient. Though this may not be the easiest thing to hear, if your boyfriend is seriously struggling, then the best thing you can do is to offer your support and to be patient with him while he goes through what may be the most difficult time of his life. You have to be there for him, not expect him to do too much, and help him get through this difficult time. If you really love and care about him and see him in your long term future, then you have to be willing to be patient for him.^{[14]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- Of course, everyone’s patience has its limits. If you feel that you’ve been holding him up for months, or even years, and he’s shown no sign of improving or wanting to improve, then you shouldn’t feel obligated to be in that role forever.
6
Know that the best thing you can do is to be there for him.^{[15]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} If he’s struggling through a life crisis, then you may think that taking him on picnics or making him dessert can really help break him out of his funk, but the reality is that the best thing you can do is to reassure him with your loving presence. Let him see that you’re there for him and that you don’t want him to go dancing, to laugh more, or to do eighty million things with you—that you love him and simply want him to feel better.^{[16]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- You should know that your presence enough is what he needs. You don’t need to jump through a million hoops to cheer him up. Give him your love and support and the rest will follow.

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Question

What should I do when my boyfriend is upset?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Let your boyfriend know that you're there if he needs to talk about anything. Be sure to tell them something you appreciate about them to help cheer them up.

Warnings

He may get mad at you for getting in his "personal bubble". If he sends you signs that reflect this, back off.

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