How to Befriend a Girl You Like

Co-authored by Salina Shelton, LPC, MA

Last Updated: June 14, 2019 References

Some of the best relationships start out as friendships. Get to know the girl you like as a friend first before making your relationship romantic. Learn how to turn your crush into a close friend by spending time with her and communicating. Hopefully, she’ll start to see you as more than a friend before long.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Talking to Her

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Build up your self-confidence. Talking to a girl you like can be a scary experience and requires a lot of bravery and belief in yourself. Before you go and talk to her, create a list of your best attributes. It can be hard to get a list started, so try asking yourself something like, “What would my best friend say is my best quality?” Then, you can change “best friend” to other people, such as your mom, dad, siblings, boss, teacher, etc. Once you read over your list, you'll discover that you have a lot to be confident about. ^{[1]
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- If you stand up straight you’ll automatically feel more confident. Keep your arms uncrossed to signal with your body language that you are open and friendly.
- Remember to try and look your best. Put on an outfit that you feel comfortable in and makes you look good.
2
Practice in the mirror. If you’re very nervous about talking to the girl you like, practice what you want to say in front of the mirror. Be careful not to practice too much or you may sound robotic when speaking to her in real life.

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3
Find a way to run into her. Look for the perfect opportunity to run into the girl you like. If you go to the same school, you could hang out where you know she has lunch or if you work at the same job, you could take your break at the same time she does.
- Be sure to pick a place that is casual and comfortable for both of you. For example, you wouldn’t want to run into her outside of her house if you’ve never been there as that may seem creepy and scare her.
- Pick a time to run into her when it’s a good time to talk. For example, if she is running late to an after school activity, waiting for her after class lets out would not be a good idea as she would be rushing to leave.
- Try to find a time when she won't be surrounded by a big group of friends. It can be hard to approach a girl if she is with a big group of people.
4
Start with a compliment. The easiest opening line is a genuine compliment. Your compliment should show that you pay attention and should be specific to the girl you like. A good compliment can easily lead into a conversation.^{[2]
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- For example, if the girl you like scored a goal at her last soccer game you could say, “Congratulations on that goal! You’re an awesome soccer player. How long have you been playing for?” This compliment shows that you noticed her soccer skills, paid attention to the last game and are interested in learning more about her.
- Avoid generic compliments like “You’re pretty” or “You’re nice” as these can sound insincere and impersonal.
5
Ask her for help. A great way to start a conversation is to ask her for help on something she has expertise in. People like to feel useful and share their knowledge.
- For example, if you run into the girl you like at the library you could ask her for a book recommendation. If you both enjoy reading, this could lead to a great conversation on the latest things you’ve read or your favorite books.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Spending Time with Her

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Figure out her interests. Do a little detective work and discover some things your crush likes or dislikes. You may find you have some interests in common or at least something to talk about.^{[3]
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- To help figure out her interests, you can talk to some mutual friends to learn more about her. You can also check out her social media pages to see what sorts of things she likes to do.
- Most people love to talk about the things that they are interested in. Once you find out one of her interests you can ask her about it to learn more. For example, if you know she is interested in basketball, you can ask her how long she has been playing. This can also lead into the two of you going to play basketball together.
2
Join something she is a part of. In order to spend more time with the girl you like, it is helpful to join something she is part of like an after school club, a team or a volunteer organization.^{[4]
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- For example, if the girl you like volunteers at a retirement home on the weekends, you could also sign up to volunteer at the retirement home. If she is part of the debate club at school and you’re interested in debate, you could join that club and spend more time with her there.
3
Hang out in person. It may be tempting to hide behind a screen but you need to spend time with the girl you like in real life. Your relationship will develop when you have connections in the real world and not only over the phone or computer. This is because spending time with someone in person can help to build your relationship and make it more intimate.^{[5]
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4
Be yourself. Don’t ever try to be someone you’re not. You want the girl you like to like you, not a persona you’ve invented.^{[6]
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- For example, if she is part of the school band but you don’t play an instrument, you shouldn’t join the band just to spend time with her. You could attend the band’s concerts to support her while finding another activity or interest you have in common.
- Remember to keep up your own interests as well. If you're spending time doing an activity that she likes, still make time to do activities that you like. Girls like when you have your own interests and hobbies, and having your own interests is an important part of having a healthy relationship.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Taking Your Friendship to the Next Level

1
Communicate often. Good communication is the key to any relationship, romantic or not. You should try and communicate every day, whether in person, over the phone or through social media.^{[7]
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- Remember not to overdo it with your communication. If the girl you like is pulling back or cutting your conversations short or giving one word responses, then take a break from communicating. She may be busy or simply uninterested.
2
Pay attention. Make sure you are listening attentively when she talks. Keep comfortable eye contact and nod while she speaks so she knows you’re listening. Follow up with relevant questions to really show that you’re paying attention and care about what she has to say.
3
Remember the important details. If she is sharing something with you, try to commit it to memory. This shows her that you care about what she is saying and that you're interested in her.
- For example, if she says, “My brother, Carson, really loves basketball. He has a game this weekend,” you should remember her brother’s name. That way, after the weekend, you can say something like, “Hey! How was your weekend? How did Carson do at his game?”
4
Make her laugh. Girls love when people make them laugh. Embrace your natural sense of humor and ensure you are both having a good time whenever you hang out.^{[8]
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- You don’t have to be a stand-up comedian to make the girl you like laugh. You can share a funny story you’ve heard or a silly pun one of your friends came up with.
- If you’re shy or don’t think you’re funny, don’t force yourself to tell jokes. Focus on making the girl you like smile while you learn what sort of things make her laugh. For example, you could watch a comedy special together or go to an improv show and laugh together.
5
Drop hints that you like her as more than a friend. Drop small hints, like compliments or hanging out one on one, that show this girl you like her as more than just a friend.
- For example, if you notice she is wearing a new sweater you could say, “Wow, that sweater looks great on you. You look really beautiful today.” This type of compliment is sincere, shows you notice small details and sounds romantic, which may help her to see you in a romantic way.
- You could also ask her to hang out one on one. For example, you could suggest a study date by saying, “Do you want to go to a cafe and study for our Spanish test tonight? Just the two of us. I’ll treat you to a cup of hot chocolate.”
- A great hint that you like her is giving her a gift. You want to make sure the gift is a small and thoughtful token and not something expensive and impersonal. The gift should be something you bought because it made you think of her and shows that you care.
6
Look for signs that she likes you. If the girl you like is interested in you as well, she may begin to drop some hints that she wants to be more than friends. Look for moments when she is acting flirty, touching you or making plans to spend alone time with you.
- She may also be dropping hints that she is not interested. If she invites other people to hang out with you or talks about other people she has feelings for, she may not be interested in anything more than friendship with you.
- Everyone has a slightly different way of showing that they’re interested. Just because she is showing lots of signs that she likes you doesn’t mean that she does for sure. And if she isn’t showing any signs, it doesn’t mean she’s not interested.
7
Tell her how you feel. It’s important to be honest with the girl that you like as you’re building up your friendship. Be direct and tell her how you feel. If you think she might be feeling the same way, you could follow up by asking her on a date.^{[9]
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- For example, you could say, “I’ve enjoyed all this time we’ve been spending together lately and I really like you. Would you want to go out with me?” Make it obvious that you are inviting her on a romantic date because you have feelings for her and not just a hang out as friends.
- Give the girl you like time to answer. Whatever her answer, be respectful of her decision and accept how she feels.

Expert Q&A

Question

What if she does not seem to respond well when I am communicating with her?

Salina Shelton, LPC, MA
Licensed Professional Counselor
Salina Shelton is a Licensed Professional Counselor, specializing in Art Therapy in San Antonio, Texas. She received her MA in Counseling from The University of Texas at San Antonio in 2013 and her Certificate in Expressive Arts Therapy from Prescott College in 2015

Salina Shelton, LPC, MA

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

If communication is slow coming from her, then try reading her body language when you are talking to her in person. Is she shy, unsure, or uninterested? If she is shy or unsure, a sincere compliment can be a great ice breaker, and help her feel more at ease
Question

I asked her out, and she said she was not in the mood. What can I do?

Salina Shelton, LPC, MA
Licensed Professional Counselor
Salina Shelton is a Licensed Professional Counselor, specializing in Art Therapy in San Antonio, Texas. She received her MA in Counseling from The University of Texas at San Antonio in 2013 and her Certificate in Expressive Arts Therapy from Prescott College in 2015

Salina Shelton, LPC, MA

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

She may want to remain friends. If you are not sure, try asking for clarification. For example "I heard you say you are not in the mood, can you help me understand what you mean by that?"

Warnings

If the girl you like is in a relationship, don’t try to take your friendship to the next level. Respect her current relationship and wait to build on your friendship until she is available. If she likes another person and has made that clear to you, you should also be respectful of her feelings.

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Accept that the girl you like may not like you back. Unfortunately, befriending the girl you like doesn’t guarantee that she will return your romantic feelings. She may just want to be friends. Accept that this is a possibility when you first pursue your friendship and know that if things don’t work out romantically, you will still have made a new friend.

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Don’t overdo it when you’re strengthening your friendship. You don’t want to be too aggressive when getting to know the girl you like. Look to her for signs that she is enjoying herself. If it looks like she is uncomfortable or unhappy, take a break and pull back from whatever you are doing.

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