How to Be Happy in One Sided Love

Co-authored by James M. Sama

Last Updated: August 23, 2022 References Approved

Finding yourself in a situation in which the love is one-sided can be difficult. Maybe your love interest is unaware of your feelings; perhaps you are in a relationship, but feel that your partner doesn’t love you as much as you love him or her (or even at all). You may find yourself wondering if you can ever be happy. Examine the relationship realistically and decide if it is a healthy situation for you. Then, with honesty, self-love, and effort you may be happy in one-sided love.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Handling a One-sided Relationship

1
Recognize what’s going on. Before you can handle or be happy in a one-sided relationship, you have to recognize that it is one-sided.^{[1]
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Research source} Think about the way you and your partner relate to and sacrifice for each other. If you are consistently doing more than your mate, you are probably in a one-sided relationship.
- Are you always the one to say “I love you” first?
- Do you generally have to be the one to suggest that the two of you spend time together?
- Are you usually the one doing sweet things for your significant other, while she rarely seems to think of you?
2
Change your relationship with yourself. Focusing on yourself will help you be more aware of how you honestly feel about your partner and the relationship. It will also make you happier with yourself^{[2]
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- Take care of your needs and wants. It can be easy to put your partner’s desires before your own. Take care of yourself like you take care of your mate.
- Spend time away from your partner developing your own interests.
- Make sure you are loving and respecting yourself.
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3
Set boundaries. Take some time to think seriously about what is and isn’t okay for your partner to do.^{[4]
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Research source} For example, you might be okay being the one to say “I love you” first, but may not think it’s okay for him to ignore your calls. Figuring out where you draw the line will help you be happier because you won’t feel like you are being taken advantage of.
- Talk to your partner about your relationship boundaries. Let them know where the line is before he crosses it.^{[5]
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- Consider what you will do if they ignore your boundaries. Think about how you will handle it.
4
Recognize celebrity crushes. If you are in love with a celebrity or someone famous who you have never met, keep in mind that this is okay and normal, but that this is infatuation and not love. Loving someone implies that you have a relationship with that person and know her personally. If you have an infatuation with a celebrity that you feel like borders on obsession and is making you unhappy, then check out How to Get over a Celebrity Obsession.
5
Ask yourself if this is a healthy relationship for you. For a relationship to work and be healthy, both partners need to be willing to put in the effort to address problems, help care for each other, and support each other. If your partner is not willing to put in the work, then it is not truly a partnership. Ask your partner if he would consider going to counseling to address your feelings that the relationship is one-sided and strategize about how to make things more balanced.
- If your partner is not willing to put forth the effort, ask yourself if this is what you really want from a relationship and if it's healthy for your own wellbeing. You may love your partner, but you deserve to be loved and supported too. You may need to end the relationship to find someone who will give you the love and attention you deserve.
- Sometimes, you might really like a person—but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're compatible together.^{[6]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Communicate Your Love

1
Be yourself. Don’t try to change yourself to make someone love you. The person will see through it and be mad at you for lying to her. Also, trying to impress her will stress you and you won’t feel good about yourself knowing that you are lying to her. You will be much happier knowing that you are being true to yourself and giving her the chance to love the real you.
- If you don’t normally like football, then don’t sit through a game just because your love interest mentions that she likes it.
- Don’t compromise your values or beliefs to get her to love you. Doing the things that you know and feel are right will make you feel good about yourself.
- Know that if someone loves you, she would never force you to do anything you don’t want to do.
2
Tell the person. If your love interest doesn't know how you feel, then let him know. For all you know he could love you also, but just be afraid to tell you or not know how to show it. You’ll feel happier once you let him know. At least then you won’t be wondering how he feels and you can decide what you need to do about the situation.^{[7]
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- If your love is a friend, you might try saying, “I really value our friendship and don’t want to lose it, but I also want you to know that I love you.”
- If you still love your ex, then try saying, “Even though we had problems, I still love you.”
3
Don’t be a stalker. A healthy love interest is someone who shares your values, is someone you can trust and rely upon, and is someone who is also interested in you. If your love interest doesn't know you at all, has never spoken to you or only once briefly, doesn't know your family, life details, middle name, etc., then this may be an unhealthy relationship bordering on obsession. Being in a one-sided love can sometimes cross into harassment, stalking, or obsession if you let it. You certainly won’t be happy if your love interest feels like you are bothering her. She can become afraid or mad at you, and you could also get into serious legal trouble.
- If you don't have a relationship with this person — this is someone you admire from afar and have never (or barely) interacted with her — then you are experiencing an infatuation, and not love.
- Do you really know this person, or do you just know about her? Have you talked with her, gotten to know what she likes, and really seen her personality? Or do you love your perception of her? You can't truly be in love with someone you don't actually know.
- If she asks you to leave her alone, then respect her wishes and leave her alone.
- Don’t contact her repeatedly. Stick to your normal level of contact.
- Don’t follow her around or give her unwanted gifts.
- Don’t troll her social media pages.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Being Honest With Yourself

1
Be honest about the situation. Accepting it for what it is can help you decide if you want to keep on loving this person and waiting for him to love you, or if you want to move on. Being honest with yourself about the situation will help you be happy with whatever you decide.^{[8]
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- For example, If your love interest is in a long-term relationship and has told you he doesn't love you, then don’t pretend he just needs to get to know you better. It will just hurt you in the long-run.
- If your crush doesn’t know that you love him, then be honest with yourself that this isn’t one-sided love. It could simply be a lack of communication between you two.
- If you love your ex, be honest with yourself that there might be good reasons why aren’t together. Think about why you broke up and if this is really the right person for you.
2
Be honest about who you love.^{[9]
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Research source} Sometimes we love the idea of someone without really getting to know her. Be honest with yourself about what you know about your love interest and if this is the type of person that is worthy of your love. Knowing that the person is worth your love will make you happier in your decision to love her.
- Are there big warning signs that you are overlooking? Is this person mean to you or others? Does she cheat on her current love?
- Is this someone that you know well, like a friend, and accept both the good and bad about her?
3
Be honest about why you won’t move on. There are lots of different reasons why people end up in one-sided love. Figuring out why you are will help you know what to do about it to be happy.
- For example, is this a pattern for you?^{[10]
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  Research source} Do you fall in love easily or just love being in love, regardless of whether it could really work out or not?
- Is the person sending you signs that he might love you also? Is he keeping you hanging?
- Is this your ex and you still want to be together?
4
Be honest about the future. Sometimes we can be overly optimistic about how things will turn out in the future. We think that magically things will work out like they do in the movies. Being honest about whether or not the person will ever love you is a big step in being happy with the situation.^{[11]
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- Think honestly about how you will handle it if your love interests tell you she loves you, too.
- Consider how you will take it if she tells you that she will never love you.
- Think about how long you can honestly be happy while you wait for her to love you.
5
Consider your options. Decide if this is what you really want.^{[12]
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Research source} Once you are honest with yourself about the possible outcomes for this situation, you can make a decision about what you want to do. Thinking about your options in this situation can help you figure out what is really going to make you happy right now and in the future.
- Consider whether you want to keep loving this person even though he doesn't love you. If this will make you happy, then accept that it won’t be easy but that you will make the best of it.
- Think about whether you will be happier if you move on and allow yourself the opportunity to love someone else and be loved in return.
- Don’t limit yourself by thinking this is the only person you will ever love. Someone else will come along for you to love and to love you in return.^{[13]
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Being Happy with Yourself

1
Boost your self-esteem. You may feel a sense of rejection because your love is not returned. Don’t let the fact that your love is one-sided make you feel bad about yourself. Everyone, at some time, has loved someone who didn’t love them back.^{[14]
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Research source} Remember that you are an amazing person and that there are lots of things to love about yourself.
- Keep a journal or list of reasons why you are lovable. Update it or read it at least daily.
- Especially if your love doesn’t know you, remind yourself that you’ve given her no reason not to love you.
- Remember that loving yourself is the first and most important step in getting anyone else to love you.
2
Do things you like. One-sided love can sometimes cause you to feel anxious, stressed, and depressed, so make sure you take the time to do things that keep your attitude positive.^{[15]
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Research source} Doing things you like will make you happier in general, which will include being happy in one-sided love.
- Your interests and hobbies are also what could make you interesting to your love. You could end up doing something that makes your love look at you in a positive new light.
- For example, if you play tennis, then keep practicing to get better and better.
- Develop new interests. Some research suggests that the same areas of the brain that control your feelings of love control creativity.^{[17]
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  Research source} So put this extra creativity to good use and learn some new skills or talents.
3
Rely on your friends. Not only can they help you keep a good perspective on the situation, they can also support you. They can remind you of how lovable you are, which makes talking to and spending time with your friends is a good way to be happy when you’re in a one-sided love.^{[18]
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- Talk to them about your feelings and get their opinion on the situation.
- Talk about things other than your love interest. Your friends want to hear about the rest of your amazing life, too.
- Trust them to let you know if your feelings are getting out of hand.

Warnings

If they love someone else, then don’t start problems with that person. It will only make your love mad at you, not love you.

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