How to Be Good at Conversations With Your Crush

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: February 2, 2022 References

Talking to your crush can be a nerve-wracking experience. You not only want to avoid awkward silences, but you want to have fun conversation to show him your best self. By doing a little prep work before a conversation with your crush, you can ensure that it goes smoothly. With just a little bit of forethought into your opener, a couple great conversation ideas, and a bit of summoned courage, you'll be chatting up a storm with your crush in no time.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Starting the Conversation

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Pick a good time. Since they’re your crush, you probably have a general idea of their schedule. Think about when you’ll see them in class, in the hall, or during free periods. Figure out a time when you know you’ll be around them and will have time to strike up a conversation.
- Use common sense and change your plans if you need to. If you planned to talk to them at recess but see them cramming for a test or having a heated discussion with a friend, postpone your chat. You don’t want to force them into a conversation when they’re busy.
2
Greet them casually. A nice, "Hey! What's up?" works as a conversation starter in almost any situation. It’s an informal way to start the conversation, rather than launching into a pre-planned spiel. Additionally, your crush might let you know if it is a good time to talk or not. If they say, “I’m just in a hurry to meet someone at the library!” then you know it might not be a great time.
- It may sound silly, but using your crush's name can induce some warm fuzzy feelings right off the bat. Saying, "Hey, Brad!" sounds much more personal than "Hey!"
- If you can't make "What's up?" flow off the tongue naturally, open with anything that feels natural to you. You can say something like, "Are you excited for class today?", "Did you watch the new episode last night?", or anything else that can smoothly start a conversation.
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Compliment them on something. It doesn’t have to be anything major, but it’s an easy way to get in their good graces right from the start and hopefully launch into a full-fledged conversation. You can tell them that you like their new haircut, a piece of clothing, or any other appearance-related thing. Noticing something and complimenting it shows your crush that you pay attention, and provides them with the opportunity to tell you about it.^{[1]
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- If applicable, you could also mention a recent accomplishment or noteworthy achievement of your crush. You can say anything from, "Congrats on winning that football game last Saturday! I heard you played great," to, “I liked what you said in class today and I totally agreed.”
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Note their body language. If they engage in conversation with you but continuously look at their phones, glance over their shoulder, or angle their body towards the closest exit, wrap it up.^{[2]
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Go to source} They might be saying friendly things but their focus is not in the conversation, for whatever reason. If they are facing you, listening to what you’re saying, and making eye contact, proceed.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Making a Connection

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Find common ground. This could be anything, from the crazy history teacher you both have Monday morning to how your little brothers are best friends. Finding common ground is a great way to not only find something to talk about, but to forge a real connection.
- If you can't think of common ground, create some! If you don’t have any of the same classes or social circles, find something to connect over. If you know he absolutely loves a certain genre of music, tell him you started listening to it and want some recommendations. If you know he is passionate about a cause, ask him how you can learn more and get involved. It doesn’t matter if you are total opposites– find something that you can bring up to relate to him and bond over something.^{[3]
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- Not only will you show your crush that you’ve taken note of what he is interested in, you can also truly learn something new about both him and about whatever subject matter you discuss.
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Find a reason to continue the conversation. If you’re shy and this is your first time speaking to your crush, conquering your fear and talking to them is a victory in itself. If you want to take it a step further, try to find a “to be continued…” moment. For example, if you discuss a television show you both enjoy, say something along the lines of, “Well, we will have to discuss again after next week’s episode!” This ensures that you will talk to them again.
- If you’re bold, you can ask for their phone number, social media info, or email address. Then, you can continue chatting outside of school.
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Offer an invitation. This is the next step if you're feeling particularly bold. Even if it’s something simple like studying for the exam you both have, it will guarantee that you’ll get more face time with your crush. This doesn’t have to be a date - it can still just be two people getting to know each other better. The romantic part may come later.
- No matter how eager you are to talk to them more and spend time with them, it is best to let things evolve naturally. Don’t hit them up for their phone number three minutes after meeting them.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Appearing Confident

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Set yourself up to feel good. Sometimes, it helps to get your confidence up before approaching your crush at all. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel good– wear a new t-shirt, spend a little extra time doing your hair, or pump yourself up with your favorite song. Embrace those days when you just feel great about yourself, and strike up a conversation then. If you feel good, you’ll exude that confidence.^{[4]
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- Wearing a lucky shirt, standing up straight, and visualizing a great conversation in your head are all additional ways to give yourself that boost of confidence you need.
- If doesn’t matter what you do to feel good, just do it!
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Remember they’re just like you. No matter how cute, smart, funny, or cool your crush seems, they are a person just like you. They feel awkward sometimes, they want to be liked, and they want to make friends just like you do. Try not to put them on a pedestal, because it will only make talking to them even more intimidating.
- For all you know, they’ve been admiring you from afar this whole time. You owe it to both of you to try.^{[5]
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Smile and make eye contact. No matter how anxious or shy you may feel on the inside, it’s important to look like you’re calm, cool, and collected. Flash them a big smile and try to look at them when you speak. Show them that you’re sure of yourself, and they will automatically be impressed.^{[6]
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- When you speak to your crush, make sure that you're facing them, speak loud enough to be understood, and use a friendly tone. You can also lean towards them to better hear what they're saying.
- If you look terrified, they’ll most likely feel a bit awkward. Camouflage your nervousness and summon up all of your confidence.
4
Give yourself a pep talk. You are a smart, capable, and charming person. Think of your best qualities, and all the wonderful things you have to offer the people around you. Love and appreciate your strengths, and that's all that matters. Your crush will either see that and be grateful to speak with you, or they will be silly and it's their loss. Go forth and conquer!
- Also, try to calm yourself down right before you talk to your crush. Whether you listen to some calming music, go on a walk, have a quick chat with a good friend, or watch a funny video, calming yourself down will help you get rid of the jitters that can come with talking to your crush.

Expert Advice

Respect the other person's space. When you're approaching someone to talk to them, don't just jump into their bubble, because that can make people uncomfortable. Everyone has a different comfort zone, but if you can reach your arm straight out without touching them, it's probably a decent place to start.
Make good eye contact. Gaze into the person's eyes confidently, although you don't want to just stare at them. Making strong eye contact shows confidence, and it also enhances attraction.
Speak in a strong, clear voice. When people become insecure, they often lower their voice and get quiet. Besides being hard to hear, it also signals to the other person that you're not authoritative or confident.
Be a good listener. Ask questions to get to know the other person, and don't just try to get your own word in. If you can get someone to open up and share something with you, that's a really big connection builder. For instance, if they tell you what they do for work, you might ask a question like, "What led you to go into that?" to learn more about them.

From Eddy Baller

Dating Coach

Community Q&A

Question

How do I keep up a conversation going with someone I like on social media, even after we meet up?

Community Answer

If you've met in person but you still want to talk on social media, just reach out and start talking! Post a funny video on their wall or message them. Just do whatever you were doing before, so that they know you still want to use that forum to chat.
Question

Should you try again if you get turned down by your crush e.g. asking her out?

Community Answer

If your crush has said that she isn't interested, give her some time. Don't pursue her aggressively after she has turned you down, because it might make her uncomfortable. If she is flirty with you and still wants to talk regularly, it wouldn't hurt to try again after a bit of time has passed.