How to Confess You've Got a Crush on Someone when You're Really Shy

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: December 12, 2022

Being shy is not rare and it's nothing to embarrassed about. Even outgoing people may feel shy when it comes to their crush, so it's normal to be nervous. If you would like to confess your feelings, but feel a little apprehensive, there are many ways you can overcome this will take a little work. Get to know your crush and gradually push yourself out of your comfort zone. Eventually, you will feel ready to confess. With a little confidence, you can definitely tell your crush how you feel.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Overcoming Your Anxiety

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Ease your shyness by engaging with others. If you're already shy, talking to your crush right away can be scary. Luckily, you can try to ease some of your social anxiety by reaching out to others first. Socializing more in general will help you feel comfortable eventually approaching your crush.^{[1]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
- Start small. Try to make small talk whenever possible. For example, talk to classmates between classes or chat up a barista at a coffee shop.
- Think about joining clubs or doing volunteer work. This is a great way to meet people and push yourself out of your comfort zone by making yourself engage more.
- Relax if it feels stressful at first. Eventually, talking to other will be easy.
- For instance, you might ask a random person for restaurant recommendations, or ask a customer for their opinion in a department store.^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
2
Talk to someone you trust. It can be hard to deal with the anxiety associated with having a crush. A great way to sort through your feelings is reaching out to others. Talk to a trusted friend or adult about the feelings you're having and ask them for advice on how to deal. Sometimes, just venting about how you feel can make you feel more confident. Another person can also help you figure whether you want to tell your crush how you feel and the best means to do so.^{[3]
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- Be careful who you tell, however. Pick someone who's good at keeping secrets and who you trust not to tell anyone. It can be embarrassing to have your crush revealed by someone other than yourself.
- Try talking with a trusted friend or loved one right before you go out and meet new people.^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
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3
Take steps to get to know your crush better. If you already like this person, getting to know them should be fun. The better you know your crush, the more confident you'll feel. Take small steps to get to know your crush better over time.
- Make conversation with your crush whenever you can. For example, if you are on the school newspaper together, talk to them before and after meetings. You can even use your observations as conversation starters, like commenting on an outfit they're wearing.^{[5]
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  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
- Try to get to know your crush as a friend. Invite them out with your group of friends for a group activity, like seeing a movie.
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Dress to feel confident. It may seem like a small thing, but confidence can actually help a lot with shyness. If you're feeling shy, try changing the way you dress. Splurge on some new clothes that make you feel great about yourself. Wear them to places where you know you'll encounter your crush. If you're dressed up in a way you enjoy, this may make you feel a little bolder around your crush.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Confessing Your Feelings Indirectly

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Write a note. If you're very shy, you may feel better confessing your feelings in writing. Many shy people feel like they're better at expressing themselves in writing. Think about writing your crush a note letting them know how you feel about them and leaving it somewhere like their locker or desk. You can also try composing an e-mail for your crush.
- For example, write something like, "Hey, I'm too shy to say it in words, but I wanted you to know I have feelings for you."
- Say somewhere in the letter that you're shy, however, and this is why you're confessing in writing. People sometimes get offended that people do not talk over romantic feelings face to face.
- Do not send an anonymous e-mail or letter. This could easily backfire if your crush assumes the letter is from someone else or is put off by you being so indirect.^{[6]
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2
Make hints through actions and casual chatting. When chatting with your crush, try to drop hints that you like them. Use things like social media and text to send them messages like, "Hi!" and use emojis like smiley faces and hearts. Exclamation marks work to make your message more expressive.
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Get a very close friend and tell them how you feel. This can work if you're very shy and the friend you choose is someone you greatly trust. Make sure they'll convey the message you want in the fashion you want. You do not want to pick a friend who's likely to skew your words or intentions.^{[7]
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- Keep in mind, this is usually not the best method to confess indirectly as it puts your friend in a difficult position. Only use this method if you're really struggling to overcome your shyness and have been crushing on the person for a long time.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Confessing Your Feelings Directly

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Make sure confessing is the right idea. Keep in mind, you don't always have to confess a crush, especially if confessing will only cause you anxiety. If confessing doesn't feel like a good idea, give yourself a pass and simply don't do it. Think about what you want out of the situation. If you're hoping confessing will lead to a relationship, it's probably a good idea to confess. However, crushes do not have to go anywhere. If you would rather not pursue a relationship with this person for any reason, it may be best to keep your crush to yourself.^{[8]
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- If you decide not to confess, you can talk over your feelings with a close friend or family member instead. They can help you manage your emotions surrounding the crush so you can cope on your end without having to confess.
2
Take small steps at first. There is no need to confess all at once, especially if you're feeling nervous. You can work your way up to confessing by taking baby steps. Start by getting a little more flirtatious with your crush to make your feelings more apparent.
- For example, ask your crush to hang out one on one. It won't be a date, but it's a chance for you to spend time with them alone. This can help you get more comfortable with them, making confessing easier.
- Try to pay your crush some compliments. Let them know what you like about them. This can make it easier to eventually tell them you like them romantically.
3
Find the right moment. Ideally, you should confess your feelings when you and your crush have some privacy. Once you feel comfortable with the idea of confessing your feelings, invite your crush somewhere like a quiet coffee shop or out for a walk. Then, when you're out together, confess how you feel.
4
Don't assume rejection. You can't know how someone else feels without asking them first. Going into the situation assuming you will be rejected will only make you more nervous. Acknowledge that you do not know how your crush is going to react and try not to imagine possible scenarios. Simply approach the situation from a neutral perspective.
- Remind yourself that, no matter the outcome, at least you'll know. Having a crush, especially one you've been nurturing for a long time, can be exhausting. Sometimes, it's a relief to know the outcome either way.
5
Be upfront and honest. Do not beat around the bush. Tell the other person how you feel directly and let them know why you're confessing. This can be difficult if you're really shy, but if you've spent time building up confidence, you should feel a little better about confessing.^{[9]
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- Say something like, "I wanted to tell you something. It's a little hard for me to say, but I think you should know that I have feelings for you."
- Let them know what you want from them. For example, "I'd just like to know if the feelings are returned at all."
6
Be kind to yourself if you get rejected. Rejection happens. Almost everyone will be romantically rejected at some point in life. Be kind to yourself if your crush rejects you. Do something nice for yourself, like taking yourself shopping or watching a movie, and find close friends and family members to vent to.^{[10]
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- It can help to have others share stories of their own heartbreaks. This can be a reminder that you're not alone.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I stop being scared of putting myself out there?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Stop comparing yourself to other people, like your extroverted friends. Instead, remind yourself that you're an interesting person with your own unique personality.
Question

How do you start off a conversation with your crush?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Make observational comments! You could comment on how stylish a person's outfit is, or mention that they have beautiful eyes.
Question

How can I be more confident when talking to people?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Try practicing in your day-to-day life! You might ask someone for a recommendation to a healthy restaurant, or ask a fellow shopper for clothing suggestions.