How to Woo a Girl Long Distance

Co-authored by John Keegan and Megaera Lorenz, PhD

Last Updated: March 27, 2022 References

Wooing a girl long-distance can be a challenge, especially if you’ve never met in person. But the good news is, you can totally make it work! In this article, we’ll talk about some of the best ways to spark a real romance with your long-distance crush.

1

Share a romantic song.

Let her know that it made you think of her. Sharing a love song is a great way to pique your crush’s romantic interest.^{[1]
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Research source} You might not be able to slow-dance with her in person, but you can still romance her with your favorite music.^{[2]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.} Send her a sweet music video from YouTube, put together a playlist for her on Spotify, or make her an old-fashioned mixtape and send it in the mail!
- If you’re the musical type, you could even record yourself singing or playing a song for her.

2

Send her an old-fashioned love letter.

A love letter is a classic romantic gesture. Write your feelings out on paper and send it in the mail. If you want, enclose a little something special, like a pressed flower or a photograph. Or, if you’re traveling somewhere, send her a postcard.^{[3]
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- To make it extra special, you could even handmake a card for her.

3

Surprise her with a care package.

Care packages are a great way to show affection long-distance. Put a little thought into it—include things that you know she likes or can use. It’ll feel extra special if you don't tell her it’s coming beforehand!^{[4]
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- For instance, you might include a selection of her favorite snacks, some pictures or mementos from time you’ve spent together (if you’ve ever met in person), or bath products with a scent she likes.

4

Send her flowers or a candygram.

Light up her day with a cute surprise. You could also order a singing telegram, an Edible Arrangement, or a bottle of her favorite wine. Include a note to let her know that you’re thinking of her.^{[5]
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- Before you pull out all the stops, consider her personality. For instance, if you think she’d be embarrassed by something like a singing telegram at work, go a little more low-key and stick to sending flowers to her home.

5

Celebrate special occasions with her.

Make a point of remembering birthdays and holidays. If possible, plan out something special in advance. For instance, in addition to sending her a card or a gift, you might plan a virtual party or a special online date night.^{[6]
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- Look for other reasons to celebrate with her, too. For example, you might arrange a little party for her if she just graduated from college or got a promotion at work.

6

Tell her how you feel about her.

When you can’t see her in person, being direct is crucial. You won’t be able to rely on all those subtle forms of non-verbal communication, like lingering glances or gentle touches.^{[7]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.} Instead, just come out and tell her what’s on your mind.^{[8]
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Research source} Let her know exactly how you feel about her and what she means to you.
- You could say something like, “I just wanted to say that even though we’ve never met, you’ve become really special to me.” Or, “Anytime I think about you, I start smiling. You’re so awesome, and I’m grateful that you’re a part of my life.”

7

Joke around with her.

Most women find a sense of humor attractive. Want to win her heart? Tell her your favorite joke, share a funny story, or send her a hilarious video or meme.^{[9]
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Research source} The more you laugh together, the more likely it is that a romance will blossom.
- Try sending a corny dad joke, e.g., “Doing math homework again, huh? Honestly, you should just tell math to grow up and solve its own problems.”
- You could also go for something a little flirtier, like, “Too bad we can’t meet up for coffee, because I like you a whole latte!”
- Unless you know she enjoys dark humor, stick to good-natured jokes instead of mean-spirited ones.

8

Strike up a deep conversation.

Don’t be scared to get vulnerable. People who are able to share their deepest thoughts and feelings tend to have closer, more intimate relationships.^{[10]
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Research source} If she asks how you’re doing, give her a real answer. Share your hopes, dreams, and fears with her. You could even open up to her about something you’ve never shared with anyone else. Encourage her to share with you, too—and if she does confide in you, be supportive and listen without judgment.
- If you’re not sure what to talk about, try breaking the ice with a thought-provoking question. For example, you might ask something like, “What’s your most treasured memory?” or “If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?”^{[11]
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  Trustworthy Source
  Greater Good in Action
  An initiative by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center promoting science-based practices for a meaningful life
  Go to source}
- Show a genuine interest in the things that are important to her.^{[12]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.} For instance, if she’s passionate about her work, make sure to ask her about it often.

9

Ask her out on a virtual date.

Try to make it as much like a real date as you can. You could share a virtual candlelight dinner, have drinks together over Zoom, or co-watch a romantic movie online.^{[13]
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Research source} Put on a date-night outfit, just like you would if you were meeting in person. Do your best to make it feel special!^{[14]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}
- If you know her address, you could even surprise her by having flowers or a bottle of wine delivered to her home just in time for your date.

10

Create some memorable experiences with her.

Powerful moments create powerful emotions. Even if you can’t do anything exciting in person, look for ways to make your time together impactful. Something as simple as watching a thrilling movie together may be enough to boost her romantic feelings for you.^{[15]
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Research source} You can also try sharing other fun or exciting experiences with her virtually, such as:
- Going on a virtual roller coaster together (you can find lots of immersive 360° rides on YouTube)
- Sharing an online tour of a stunning location, like the Grand Canyon
- Taking an online class together about a subject you both enjoy
- Using Facetime or Skype to take her on a virtual walk with you in one of your favorite places

11

Talk to her often.

Keeping in touch helps nourish romantic feelings. Being far apart can make it hard to get a relationship started. People who see each other a lot are more likely to fall in love. Try to make up for the distance by communicating often.^{[16]
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Research source} Just make sure she’s also interested in chatting—you don’t want to pester her so much that she gets annoyed!
- How often you should talk depends on things like your schedules and personalities. For example, if you’re both really busy, or if she’s a bit introverted, then once or twice a week might be reasonable. If you both can’t get enough of chatting with each other, you might aim for once a day.
- It can help to have a regularly scheduled time when you chat or do things together online. For instance, talk to her about getting together once a week to play games online, or get into a routine of checking in every evening after work.

12

Use video chat as much as you can.

Don’t rely on just text and voice chat. It’s a lot easier to connect romantically when you can see each other! Ask her if she’d be cool with talking over an app like Facetime, Zoom, or Google Duo. That way, it’ll almost feel like you’re together in person.^{[17]
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- If she’s up for it, try to make it a regular thing. For instance, you might get caught up over video chat once a week.
- When you connect over video, make an effort to look nice. Dress neatly, style your hair, and clean up your background so she’s not looking at a mess. Don’t forget to set up some flattering lighting, too!

13

Try to meet her in person.

Meeting face to face helps reinforce online romances. Even if you can’t get together right away, make plans with her to do it in the future. That way, you’ll both have something to look forward to—which can also bring you closer together!^{[18]
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- If you live really far apart, consider meeting halfway at an interesting location. For instance, if she lives in Oregon and you live in Indiana, you could meet in South Dakota for a romantic hike in the Black Hills.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you express love in a long-distance relationship?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

You can send text messages or share songs with her. Ask simple questions to engage her and get a response from her. Send positive energy without asking too much.
Question

How do you keep a girl interested while texting?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Try to find something about her interests. Then share your ideas about that topic. For example, there may be a show on Netflix that you both like. You can text her about it or share a funny or inspirational Instagram post with her.
Question

How can I make my long-distance relationship successful?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Make her feel that you are fulfilling her needs despite the distance between you. But do not smother her by expecting her to answer your calls all the time. Do things that make her feel you are building something together and there is something in the future for both of you.