How to Keep a Long Distance Relationship Exciting

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Last Updated: March 12, 2023 References Approved

A big part of being in a relationship is spending quality time with one another. This is one major challenge facing those in long-distance relationships—quality time is limited to phone calls or texts. If you are in a long-distance relationship, don’t for a minute think the flame has to fizzle out because you aren’t seeing your partner frequently. Learn how to keep the spark alive in your LDR.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Keeping the Romance Alive

1
Meet up as much as possible. A major part of keeping your relationship exciting when you’re apart is being able to look forward to when you will see one another again. Plus, having distance between the two of you makes every moment you do get to be together all the more special.
- Aim to see one another as much as you can. And, after each visit, you should set a date for when you will meet again.^{[1]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
  Marriage & Family Therapist
  Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} The time apart will be more exciting when you have a date in the future to get excited about.
- If the distance is too far, try to compromise. One person can visit the other the first time, and then vice versa for the next visit. You can also meet halfway in an interesting city for a mini-vacation. Doing this allows both of you to save on travel costs and times.^{[2]
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2
Plan virtual dates. The two of you can’t meet up on Fridays or Saturdays to see a movie or go to the park, but you can still have date night. Be sure to download a video call application such as Skype or Google Hangouts.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} These applications allow you to see your date in real-time, so you can pretty much do whatever you’d do on a regular date via a video call.^{[4]
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Research source}
- One suggestion might include ordering takeout meals or cooking a meal and then eating at the same time by candlelight. Do whatever you two would normally do on a date night over the call.
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3
Send dirty texts. Distance can make the heart grow fonder, especially when you spice things up every now and then. A great way to keep your LDR smoking hot is to tend to your intimacy needs. You can send flirty pictures of yourself blowing kisses in sexy poses or send a teasing message telling your date how you’ve been thinking about him or her all day. Do what feels comfortable to you and your partner.^{[5]
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4
Send each other surprise gifts. Imagine how it will brighten your special someone’s day to receive a package in the mail from you. Of course, shipping can be expensive on large items, so be creative and do something that fits your budget.^{[6]
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- Examples of nifty gifts can be a handwritten love letter, a funny card, a framed photograph of you, some home-baked cookies, or a new CD. Consider what your date really likes and send a little something that says “I’m thinking of you.”
- It may even be a sign of a commitment if each of you gifts a personal item for the other to keep for a time. This might include a special shirt or an inexpensive piece of jewelry.
5
Use social media to get mushy. Keeping the spark alive can also extend to your online profiles. Even if the two of you aren't together everyday, it can make things even more exciting to demonstrate your commitment to the world. You can set your statuses as "in a relationship" or share cute picture of your partner on your Facebook or Instagram pages.
- Be forewarned, social media can be a great way to express your affection for your long-distance love.^{[7]
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  Research source} Unfortunately, it can also be a source of tension. Set boundaries with your partner about what both of you expect on social media.
- Since each of you are likely to spend more time with friends than each other, your expectations need to be clear to minimize jealousy after your partner posts photos of him/herself at a wild party.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Maintaining Good Communication

1
Make contact every day. No matter which method you choose, strive to make contact with your love at least once a day. You can communicate in a ton of ways—via email, texts, video calls, social media, or traditional phone calls.
- Keep in mind, this doesn’t mean you have to stay connected all day, every day. Doing this can manifest into dependency and/or depression because no matter how often you talk you still can’t be there physically.^{[8]
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  Research source} Simply decide on an agreeable amount of contact that works with both your schedules.
2
Keep one another up-to-date on daily activities.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} Feeling like you are actually in a relationship comes down to keeping each other abreast to what’s going on in your separate lives. Don’t just tell your immediate family or close friends about your exciting new job or the funny thing that happened to you at the coffee shop, tell your long-distance partner, too.
- Be sure to keep the details you share reasonable. For example, it may be unnecessary and creepy to share what you eat at each meal or what you are doing every hour on the hour.^{[10]
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- No matter how often you talk to your partner, you will still miss out on certain things going on in his or her life. That's okay. This doesn't have to take away from the excitement. In fact, mystery can sometimes make things more exciting. Just be sure to keep one another abreast of the important things.
3
Have a daily ritual. Routine can be just as refreshing as spontaneity when it’s exercised on the things that count. Come up with some way to reach out to each other that works for you both and stick to it. This gives you both something to look forward to each day and also allows you to maintain some consistency in your otherwise nontraditional relationship.
- For instance, maybe you two send silly pictures every morning when you wake. Or, you might commit to talking to one another each night before you go to bed.
4
Tell your partner how much you miss him or her. Sharing how you would love to go to this restaurant or that event with your partner lets him or her know that you long for time together. This also emphasizes that you are interested in exploring the world with this person. Saying something like "I really miss you and can't wait until next weekend when I get to see you" is perfectly okay. However, be sure to avoid pitfalls that could cause your partner to feel guilty. ^{[11]
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- For example, it may not be a good idea to guilt-trip him or her by saying something like "I hate that you're always gone. We never get to do anything together." This comes off as complaining. Your partner likely wouldn't be long-distance if he or she had a choice, so refrain from throwing the situation in his or her face. This will likely ruin the excitement of your long-distance relationship.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Doing Shared Activities

1
Play games. Play is important for all romantic couples because it strengthens your bond and improves relationship satisfaction. You will certainly think fondly of your partner if, most of the time, when you are connecting it is while doing engaging things together.
- Games can come in all different varieties. You can play a questions game in which you both answer silly questions about yourselves. You can also both download games on your cell phones to play against one another. Another option is to play against one another on a gaming device, such as a Playstation.
2
Watch movies or TV shows.^{[12]
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Research source} Another way to increase your bond is to watch something together. Choose a time when both of you are free and plan to watch an interesting movie, TV show, or documentary. If you don’t have much time, you can even share funny YouTube videos with each other to watch for a laugh.
3
Dream together. At some point or another, being in a long-distance relationship may feel stressful if the two of you don’t know where you are going. Relationship experts often suggest coming up with a goal for when the two of you will be able to live closer together.^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source
Go Ask Alice
Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University
Go to source} In the meantime while you wait for this “someday”, you can discuss your dreams together.
- Talk about how you want to live in the future, describing what your homes will look like. Talk about an ideal vacation. Discuss how many kids you each want (if any) and your dream careers.

Expert Q&A

Question

What do LDR couples talk about?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

You an talk about what you did during the day, including any activities you did. You can also talk about your interests and goals.
Question

How do you go on a date on the Internet?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Pick a video call platform and make sure both you and your partner download it. Then, schedule a day and time for your virtual date. Pick an activity for your date, such as eating dinner or watching a movie.