How to Talk to Your Crush when You're Nervous

Co-authored by Cher Gopman

Last Updated: May 19, 2022

So there's a special someone at work or school who's been in your thoughts lately. If you want to spend time around this person, you'll eventually have to talk to them. Talking to your crush doesn't have to give you a panic attack. With a few common-sense tips, it's easy to keep your nervousness under control while you talk to your crush.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Keeping Your Cool

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Talk to your friends about your crush. Remember: nothing is easier if you don't talk about it. Your close friends should be your trusted advisers when it comes to dealing with crushes. Even if you don't take their advice, it'll feel great to get this major source of emotional stress off of your chest, so speak up!
- Another side benefit is that talking to your friends about your crush can force you to actually do something about it. Once your friends know about it, they'll subtly push you to take action. This can be a good thing if you'd lack confidence normally.
2
Don't hang out alone with your crush at first. To deal with a crush, you must crawl before you can walk. Try to limit your one-on-one time with your crush initially. Instead, try to hang out in groups. It's much easier to come across as charming when you have your friends around to do some of the "work" in the conversation for you. Being in the company of people you already know will also make you feel more at ease, so conversation will come more naturally.
- Gradually move on to one-on-one hangout sessions. Eventually, if you want your crush to develop into something more, you'll need to spend some alone time with that person.
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Always remember that your crush is a human being. Try not to think of your crush as "perfect" or unattainable — s/he is not. Your crush has flaws, fears, and things s/he is bad at. In other words, your crush is a human being just like you. Letting yourself believe that your crush is somehow "better" than other people will only make it harder to keep your cool when you're together.
- If you find yourself freaking out when you're around your crush, think back to some time that you remember them doing something wrong. This can be almost anything, like getting a fact wrong, making a bad play during a sports game, or accidentally doing something embarrassing. This is a good way to remind yourself that your crush is far from perfect, even if it may not always seem like it.
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Keep your self-esteem high. Staying calm about your crush isn't all about how you manage your thoughts and behavior. It's also about how you think about yourself. Remember that you are the most important one in your interactions with your crush. If you think to yourself, "My crush would be lucky to have me" and not the other way around, it will be much easier to talk to this person.^{[1]
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- This can also protect you if your crush turns out not to be such a great person. If you're devoted to your crush from the start, it may be easy for them to take advantage of your kindness. On the other hand, if you value yourself, you'll have no reason at all to take any disrespect.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

What to Avoid

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Don't pester your crush with constant attention. Once you can talk to your crush, this doesn't necessarily mean that you always should. Remember, your crush is like you — s/he most likely has responsibilities that take up a good portion of the day. Texting, talking, or calling this person 24/7 will make you an annoyance in your crush's eyes.^{[2]
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- A good general rule is to always try to end the conversation a little earlier than you think you need to. Not only will this prevent awkward, drawn-out exchanges, but also leave your crush wanting to talk to you again.
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Don't be afraid to make the occasional mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes — even you and your crush. Don't worry if you use the wrong word around your crush or have an embarrassing Freudian slip. These are things that happen naturally from time to time during normal conversations. Simply laugh at your mistake and move on. If you think your mistake has offended your partner, apologize, then change the subject. Stressing out will only call extra attention to any awkwardness.^{[3]
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Don't let yourself get overcome with anxiety. Whether or not it goes well, a conversation with a crush isn't the most important thing in the world. Luckily, there are a few things you can do to calm yourself in the event that you feel your nervousness become overwhelming. Try these easy steps to get yourself under control as soon as you feel extremely anxious:
- Remove yourself from the difficult situation. You can tell a white lie here. Something like, "Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom" usually works.
- Let your emotions out. If you're sad, cry somewhere private. If you're angry, try punching a pillow.
- Take deep breaths. This will slow your heart rate and help you get your emotions under control.^{[4]
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- When you're ready, go back to what you were doing with your head held high.
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Don't be too shy to ever express your true feelings. Having a crush is great, but keeping it a secret isn't. If you really feel strongly about someone, consider telling this person how you feel. Opening up about your feelings may lead to a relationship, but even if it doesn't, it's often satisfying to get your emotions off your chest. See How to Tell Your Crush You Like Them for more help here.
- However, remember that your crush may not feel the same way about you. If you get a response like, "I'm touched you feel this way about me, but can we be friends instead?", just say "Of course" and walk away.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I stop being scared of talking to my crush?

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Try a relaxation exercise before you meet up with your crush. Before you even walk in to meet that person, take a deep breath in. By doing that, you're going to lift up your shoulders and straighten your posture. That will give you a natural boost of energy and confidence.